CHAPTER FOUR
By Vivianne De Silva and Heather lawson
A/N This was our insanely long chapter that took around three weeks to write.. hey its tough coming up with new material!
"Ohhh I gave my love a chickeennnn, it had no boooneees..." Sang Darien, banging a mug on the bars.
Well actually he didn't do that, because Darien is boring and he'd never do something like that. Instead, he made friends with the toilet. Okay fine, he didn't do that either.
Actually he was sitting there in the cell thinking, "Oh Serena, I wish you could be with me."
Because, despite the fact he really wanted to get with Rini, he really did love Serena.
But…then, suddenly and silently, a thought occurred to him.
Serena.
Serena and her stupid ice cream were the reason he was in jail.
In fact, now that he thought about it, Serena was the cause of all his problems. Not to mention the fact she was stupid, and well …disturbing.
"Serena is the force behind all the destruction in my life!" Darien cried, while wiping his bottom, thinking about how Serena had soiled it. Metaphorically soiled it of course, because well…hmm…never mind.
A plan occurred to Darien, he liked his life allot better when he was a hot, bad ass evil guy.
"I know, I shall become evil!" he cried.
So…now all he needed to figure out how to break out of jail...
So he turned into evil prince Darien, used the sword to break out and kick everyone's ass while he was at it.
The cop just sighed sadly and looked up from where he had been playing GinRummy with the showgirl.
"Looks like we're on the job again!" he said.
The showgirl started crying because she was confused about being taken for being a prostitute and being in jail and the cop and everything, but she decided to go along with it because she was pretty bored, and the cop sometimes looked as hot as Will Smith.
*
Meanwhile, at the Kinky Monsters R us parking lot….....
Molly and Melvin were prancing around in their kinky leather to James Bond music, which was playing loudly from their car stereo. They were celebrating of course, because they just knew they were going to beat Sailor moon once and for all.
Suddenly there was a loud record scratch as Molly said, "Wait a minute..."
"What is it my darling?" Said Melvin.
"...er...Where are we going to beat Sailor Moon?"
"We need somewhere completely weird, which would never exist in real life especially on Earth," Garbage man said sulking from where he had been eating his fish head necklace.
"I know!" Melvin cried, punching his hands into the air.
"What is it my treasure?" Molly cried, nearly splitting her pants as she jumped into his arms.
"Villians of the world shall unite! No more shall Sailor moon dominate our lives! We shall take over Disney world!" he cried.
No one had expected that.
*
Amara and Michelle were two of the people who just happened to be at the airport.
"The wicked sister shall eat a turnip," Michelle said wisely.
"Hey nonny nonny and a big bull's dick," Amara responded.
They nodded. It wasn't sure if they had just spoken a bizzare prophecy or if they were still high on opiom.
"NOOOOOO!" Yelled one of the authors, going on a killing spree, because Amara and Michelle are her least favourite characters.
And everybody died.
Using their super lesbian strengh (yes they are lesbians, do not be so naive) they ran to the front desk. At the desk there was a lady with a boy that had a 'trainee' badge on it.
"Go on, ask them…" She whispered.
"Um... hello! How are you today!" Trainee said, very rehearsed. "Welcome to air Tokyo, home of the best planes in Japan! Would you like to buy a ticket?"
"Yes thankyou," Said Michelle.
The trainee typed down something slowly, the professional-looking lady next to him, helping him find the right keys. The Professional-looking lady whispered something in his ear, and he looked up with an oh-right look on his face and said: "Where would you be flying today sirs or madams?"
"To wherever evil is lurking!"
"We will be there to stop it!" Said Amara and Michelle.
"Uh...I'm sorry, i think that's against Air Tokyo's policy..." Said the Trainee.
"Although we are very open to sexuality, after all were letting all those drag queens on our plane," the proffesional woman said, glancing at Amara."Just a question. Are you male or female? Because I'm extremally attracted to you." She whispered to Amara, after all every one is attracted to Amara.
Rose petals flew through the air, and disembodied voices sang ooooohhhhhoooooooohhhhhh for no apparant reason.
"We really should get that air conditioner fixed," the trainee said nervously.
"Yes, its making noises and blowing the flowers everywhere," The professional lady said, gesturing to the vase of half-dead roses on her desk.
"So anyway, can we have our ticket now?" Said Michelle.
"Um...which flight will you be leaving...er...boarding…" Said Trainee slowly and rehearsed.
"The one leaving in about ten minutes, please let us go now…" Said Amara.
"Very well!" Said the Trainee cheerfully, for he had just made his first sale.
"First do me! Do me on this desk!" The proffesional woman screcched, jumping onto the table.
Before handing over the ticket the trainee looked at them, who were ignoring the professional woman and said: "Are you interested in long distance saving?" In a very rehearsed voice.
And then he kept stalling them for a long time just like the trainee in the movie 'rat race' which was hillariously funny. So basically Amara and Michelle Missed their flight, which was allright because it was already filled with sexually open villians, and they did not need the lesbian scouts joining the barrel.
"I guess we better tell the moon princess," Michelle said sadly.
"Alright but let's make out first," Amara replied loosening her stupid tie. They ran off to the toilets giggling and the proffesional lady sighed with dissapointment. She ended up marrying to trainee so it was all good.
*
Like a sleek multicoloured bird, the plane sped through the night sky. It was multicoloured because the villians who had the ability to fly had been doing some decorating when things grew too quiet inside the aircraft the stewardesses had all locked themselves in the cockpit with the pilots. They were too terrified about the wild obnoxious party going on in the main part of the plane. Loud obnoxious Britney Spears music blared through every one of the plane's personal stereos, and hundreds of sequin clad slutty villians found themselves dancing amongst the aisles aka the Brady Bunch.
"Oops we did it again!" They sang, wiggling there groove thangs.
"We let Sailor Moon nearly defeat us! Oh baby baby!" They cried.
"Oops we dont know the words! We're too drunk! On our own arrogance! Oh yeah… er baby…" They faltered.
Amara and Michelle had finished making out and were in the airport waiting room.
Michelle was sitting there quietly, looking at the cherry blossoms outside, and Amara was swearing at the vending machine for not giving her any Chicken flavoured Potato Chips which she paid two bucks for. They had given her salt and vinegar flavour by mistake.
After beating up the vending machine, she sat down next to Michelle and said "Stupid Vending machine... It had junkfood in it anyway."
"Yes, junkfood is bad for you."
"I hate you, just so you know." Amara told Michelle.
"Yes I know" was Michelle's reply.
There was a silence.
"There are turbulances in the waters." Said Michelle quietly.
"How the hell can you think that there are turbulances in the waters if there aren't any rivers or anything near here?" Said Amara, still annoyed at the potato chip incident.
"The toilet was blocked." Said Michelle, getting up to go to the coffee machine.
"Oh…" Amara mused, thinking about a certain toilet she had blocked with toilet paper.
"Excuse me? Miss lesbians?" The trainee who had been working for seven hours straight inquired.
They both looked up and he sweated profusely.
"We have to spare seats on the next flight to California, of course you'll have to pretend to be a pair of elderly Dutch tourists." He said tentively
"Oh, that's easy." Amara scoffed.
"Yes, we pretend to be eldery Dutch tourists all the time." Michelle added, Airily.
"Oh wait a second, we forgot about the fact that one us is pregnant!" Michelle stated.
"Pregnant?" Amara cried with outrage.
"I meant to tell you Amara, I had sex with the trainee." Michelle said with a slow deliberat wink, as to give a hint.
"WHAT!?!" Then her eyes became very round. "OH!"
"Oh well then if your pregnant you'll have to fly first class due to air turbulance." The trainee said, forgetting the fact he might be a possible father.
"Why thankyou, my hot baby," Said Michelle trying to sound sexy but just failing completely.
"Oh, and I'll send you a bear or something when the baby's born." The trainee added as they left for the terminal. "But wait a minute, you didn't have sex with me...er..."
"I did when you were asleep" Michelle called over her shoulder.
But then he realised that if he had done it with some hot babe like Michelle, his friends would think he was cool, so he just went along with it. He turned to his friend, a pet turtle and grinned.
"Guess who I just had sex with?" he asked, excitedly.
Amara and Michelle walked through the terminal as the bodiless voices started singing "Oooohh" again, until they saw the "NO SINGING" sign on the wall and stopped… and they chanted instead!
"I really am getting sick of that orgasm song, Michelle. It makes us sound like a pair of sluts!" Said Amara as they boarded the plane.
So they got on and sat there for about ten minutes talking about boring turbulances in the water and how Amara could feel Uranus burning.
"I said shut up!" Michelle cried, most uncharacteristically.
When the plane took off, the flight attendant asked them whether they'd like any orange juice.
"No," Said Michelle. "We're alright."
"Oh you're being awfully butch!" Amara replied.
"I'm the brains of this outfit!" sulked Michelle.
"Yes which means you shouldn't rely heavilly on the dykeadelic stuff." Amara replied.
"Oh you!" Michelle giggled.
Then they passionately made out, turning on every male reader we have while making everyone else vomit.
The flight attendant returned, asking them if they wanted Chicken or Fish.
"Can't you see we're making out here!?" Yelled Amara in her stupid voice.
"Yes sir..." Said the flight attendant, walking off with the tray.
****
Serena's friends were up at the temple studying because all they bloody do is study. When suddenly...... doom befell them all… Amy's calculator broke!
"Oh no, it's the end of the universe! My calculater has broken!" Amy cried.
"What, again? It must be Tuesday…" Raye said tiredly.
"If I had a dollar for every time the universe ended I'd have..." Lita began. "Three dollars, no wait four.. Oh damn i can't do anything anymore."
Amy cried, for without her Sailor Mercury calculator thingy, the world sucked. She jumped out the window feeling suicidal, unfortunately it was the first floor. So, rather embarrassed but still very much alive, she landed in a nice rose bush. Darien came out of nowhere and laughed.
"I put the roses there teehehehe" Then he ran away.
"Say, is'nt he in Jail?" Raye asked.
"Oh screw him, actually yes let's screw him. He's hot and Serena's dumped him!" Said Mina.
Suddenly and for no particular reason, Prince Saphire came back from the dead. (Because Heather thinks he's very hot, and she wants him in this story) Anyway, he burst into the room, still wearing the tuxedo he was buried in.
"Pee Yuu! Something smells like dead skunk!" Exclaimed Raye.
"AAAAAGH IT'S ZOMBIE PRINCE SAPHIRE!" Yelled Mina.
"He's still pretty hot," Whispered Lita.
"He's not a zombie, he's just mysteriously back from the dead!" Said Amy, whose calculator was working again.
"Scouts, I have the most terrible news!" Said Prince saphire with exasperation. "I need your help! Two new arch villains have gone to Disney land with MY wallet!"
They all gasped with horror, for suddeenly they all knew that Saphire's wallet had the ability to turn the world into a very nasty place.
"I feel as if I should speak with Sailor Moon, but I'm so evil… Oh my god I'm a villain in love, and when I did I was good... this is so complicated!" Saphire cried in that angsty growl which makes him so very sexy.
"Well actually, you can't talk to Serena, at the moment she's having intercourse with a flamboyant homosexual in an undisclosed location." Said Amy.
"A Homosexual? What is that?" Asked Saphire, for he is an alien.
"It's a man who has sex with other men," Said Raye with a dreamy look on her face as she thought of Draco and Harry slash.
"Really? Wow… I never knew sailor moon was a man…actually it explains a lot." Said Saphire.
"Serena's not a man!" Said Raye in her stupid constipated/gritted teeth voice.
"I should know," Said Jupiter. "Once we had too much 'hot chocolate' and went down on each other and promised never to speak of it again."
There was a silence.
"I...said that outloud, didn't I?" Said Lita in a tiny mouse voice.
"Umm.." Said Mina, going red.
"Er...let's change the subject!" Said Amy. "So what's it like being dead?"
"It's bad, very bad," Said Saphire, looking at the TV screen. "NEVER DIE, KIDDIES!"
They all looked at each other and felt sad.
"Its all so dark, and you tend to think about worms…it drives you crazy…" He said, staring into space, sadly.
"Crazy!?" Yelled Mina. "Crazy!? I went crazy once! They put me in a padded room, it was cold. Cold like the dark dark ground. Worms are in the ground....WORMS MAKE ME CRAZY..." She sang, running around in a circle. She stopped and sipped her hot chocolate.
"Of course… I really wasn't crazy…I…I was just trying to get everyone's attention," She said with shifty eyes, trying not to look crazy.
Prince Saphire sighed. "I know that I have next to nothing to do with any of you, but do you guys mind if I…er… pass wind? You tend to build up gass when you're dead." he said, looking embarrassed.
"You can pass wind hours after you are dead," Said Amy knowlegably.
"If you want to pass wind then please get outside the temple." Said Raye who was sick of the room smelling like crap.
"I'm also kinda hungry, maybe I should drink blood or eat brains… that's what the undead do, right?"
They all looked shifty eyed at Saphire.
"I was joking.."
"You joke? Sorry but all through the series you've never been a joking type.." Said Amy.
"I was only in like six episodes!" Saphire pointed out. "The authors feels like giving me some character depth cos they're both such sexy bitches, they made me say that by the way…" said Saphire, slave of the might of Viv and Heather.
Shameless self-insertion. Sorry folks!
*
After getting to know her at the hair salon, Gay dude was starting to really like Serena. He liked a lot of the things she liked, and her new blood-red hair was so beautiful, he couldn't help staring. But why did he like her? He was Gay after all. They were walking down a street, giggling and talking about stuffed animals, when Serena started to cry loudly.
"What's wrong?" He asked.
"Oh nothing! I just haven't burst into tears for at least two chapters, and if I dont cry soon my head will explode!"
"Oh, perfectly understandable." Said Gay dude, because nobody really notices that Serena's yelling is EXTREMELY EMBARRASSING
"Yes it's a form of torrette syndrome," said Serena, sadly.
Gay dude smirked and looked out onto the rainy streets.
Serena stopped crying and stood there blushing. "Sooo...are we going to go somewhere or not?"
"Dinner Perhaps? OOooohh by CANDLELIGHT!!" She squealed, her eyes going all big and shiney.
"Actually I was thinking of stealing the heart crystalls of innocent naive girls with surprisingly big breasts," Said Gay dude.
"OOOHHH fun! Is that a new video game?" Serena cried, jumping up and down. "Er...Hey...wait a minute...waht did you say?"
Gay dude didn't even bother to correct it because he saw a hotdog stand and ran down the street to buy some. He bought one for her, and himself. Then he eyed his hotdog sadly.
"Theres something I need to tell you Serena," He said as Serena ate fifty hot dogs by dislocating her jaw.
"Ghmmurph!" Serena cried spraying hot dog meat on the floor.
"You see…I'm gay, I like penises and men."
"Oh, that's allright, my last boyfriend was so gay too," Sereena replied, ever so perkily. "He said he wasn't, but he used to perve on Melvin! He so did Im not lying!"
"Who the heck is Melvin?" The Gay dude asked.
This would have been the time that our villian Melvin would have burst in, unfortunately he was still in Disney World.
"I don't know, i feel strange and tickly." Said Gay Dude, after waiting for Melvin's cue.
"Ooohhhh..." Said Serena blushing and going wide eyed.
"I like you....but that hair dresser was pretty cute..."
"Pfft, yeah he like totoally was!" Serena giggled.
Gay dude decided he really wanted to go buy some more sexy leather pink pants.
"Oh well, we'll go shopping, and then I'll just have sex with both of you and question my sexuality later!" He cried.
"Ok I'll go get my dildo!" Yelled Serena, running off.
So gay dude snapped out of his character development and once again turning into a 2D character. The two of them bunny-hopped down the road.
And before the scene got really icky, the authors stopped writing this bit...
*
Meanwhile, back at the temple, prince Saphire who had come back from the dead was talking to the scouts.
"That doesn't explain why theres a giant bee flying around," Said Amy.
"Maybe the authors like bees," Said Raye stupidly.
"Or maybe you just forgot to spray this place for bugs," Said Lita who had not said anything for a very long time.
"Maybe the authors didn't know what to write." Said Mina.
"That's a reasonable explanation," they all agreed. Except for Raye who was against pesticide, but she didn't say anything because she ...didn't. Or maybe she didn't say anything because she was far too busy drooling over prince Saphire's dead and now revived ass.
"Forget this shameless chit chat! I need to see Sailor Moon!" Exclaimed prince Saphire.
"Are you sure, she's probably got no pants on," said Amy.
"Shut up, Amy!" Every one cried, because they were all outraged at her saying something like that, but then they stopped being angry because when they thought about it, she was probably right.
"I am technically dead which means I no longer care about naked girls, we MUST find Sailor Moon!" Said prince Saphire
Prince saphire shook his sexy head and looked out into the distance, in that wonderful distant way sexy way men do. "I have to find her,"
He said it so wistfully and so huskily, that every single one of our readers (including the males)want to marry him.
The girls were all silent and sad, wanting to help him, but they didn't know what to do.
"…ROAD TRIP!" Yelled Mina.
"Hi guys," Serena said chirpily, followed by Gay dude and Rini."
"Where the heck have you been, Serena?" Yelled Raye.
"Gay dude and I have been bonding with our darling little Rini," Serena sang.
"I hate you all, I never should have given up being that bitchy 'black lady' or what ever," Rini snarled.
"No, not 'black lady', Rini," Said Mina a-matter-of-factly. "It's 'wicked' lady remember?"
"Yes, if you were called 'black lady' that would be insulting to black people everywhere." Chirped Amy. "That's why they cut it out of the Anime version of Sailor moon."
"I'm will kill you all," Whined Rini.
"She's always like this before lunch time, aren't ya, sweetie!" Serena crooned, pinching her cheek.
"Do we have to keep feeding her, if we chain her to a tree, she might die!" Gay dude pointed out.
"How dare you show such irrisponsibility to your daughter?" Whispered Serena.
"Hey, I work my sexy ass off to feed that little brat! The least she could do is stop eating!" Growled Gay dude.
"Actually you don't work, you're just a stupid Negaverse creep," pointed out Raye.
"Hey I'm the only 'stupid negaverse creep' around here!" Exclaimed Saphire, feeling extremely left out.
"NEGAVERSE!?" Yelled Gaydude, suddenly sweating. "I mean…what negaverse? Heh heh heh.."
"Oh come on, you're gay, you're hot, and you're not wearing a tux. Therefore you must be from the Negaverse," said Amy, stating the obvious.
"Dont worry cutie, I'll still be with you even though you're all like evil or what ever," Serena giggled.
"I don't want to have sex with you! Well actually I do, but that's only because I'm going through silly villian in love angst. I-am-gay" He said firmly.
"You two suck, its past midnight and I should be home, asleep in a bed, not wandering around with two lunatics!" Rini growled.
And then they all gasped.
"SHE SAID THE S WORD!" Yelled Serena.
It was starting to get dark. Rini jumped off one of the steps and started stomping crossly down the hill, muttering to herself.
"You only want to sleep so you can make out with a horse!" Serena called after her.
The last words Rini heard were "Oh my God, my so-called daughter kisses horses? How sick and perveted is that? Even for me!" Which sounded an awful lot like ol' Gay dude.
Rini shook her head angrilly and decided to run down the hill instead. Wondering why she didn't cry anymore, and annoyed at that Gay guy insulting her, and peeved at the fact that her hair weighed about a ton, she started to totally wail.
"Oh Peguses, help me! Help me have a beautifull dream!" she screamed.
She kept running and crying and it conveniently started to rain so it set a sad mood. The song "I just can't wait to be King" from the lion King began to play in the background.
"Oh shit!" Yelled the DJ and changed the song to a sad song sang in Japanese.
"Haiko denki deeeeeeussss…" The voice screeched, and we are not going to pretend we know Japanese. Just imagine that the lyrics go "Oh yeah I'm so sad, I love every thing ohh yeah... sad sad, love love, hope hope believe in yourself…what ever." Basically its all corny when you get right down to it.
"Rini?" A voice called, and it was Pegasus who for special reasons was being played by Leonardo Decaprio! Basically they couldn't afford the guy who voiced Pegasus before. And besides, he had this annoying echoey godly voice that didn't sound anything like a hot teenage guy.
She fell on the ground and looked up into the rain and saw the face of the horsy she loved the most. (We are talking about Leo by the way!)
"Rini my darling, what's wrong?" He asked, and Rini, overwhelmed with love, begged the horse for a perfect dream.
"Alright, but you'll have to pass me a fifty first, perfect dreams don't come cheap." He said.
"You charge for your dreams?" She yelled, outraged.
"Hey, I'm branching out, do you know how much it costs flying around talking to silly girls like you?" He said. "I've even got my own website www.cornydream.com."
"Look I've only got ten dollars on me, how much can that get?" she asked.
"Ten mintues of us making out in my human form, then you'll dream a bunch of crazy stuff." He said.
"So, let's get started." He said, and Rini handed him the ten dollars, extatically.
What followed was something we do not really want to mention. Lets just say Rini was being a very irresponsible ten-year-old. Then, as Rini kissed Peguses goodbye, her vision blurred and there was a horrible chant filling the air…
"JERRY JERRY JERRY JERRY!" Rini opened her big red eyes. She was sitting on an uncomfortable plastic chair next to a pot plant in front of a studio audience.
"Where the heck am I?" Rini asked, blinking a lot. She looked down, and for some bizzare reason, she was dressed ala trailor trash chic.
"Todays episode, my adopted father from the future is in love with me, my real father's a flamboyant homosexual alien bent on killing my mother… and my mothers an extremely annoying cry baby." Said a short, rather ugly man with thick glasses and an ego complex.
Rini looked around her and saw Britney spears and Scott Evil from Austin Powers were sitting near her looking disgruntled.
"Our first guest is Rini!" The man cried and Britney Spears opened her mouth with outrage.
"Hey, my agent told me I was going to be FIRST!" She hissed.
"I really, really want to make out with you." Said Scott Evil.
"As if!" Was Britney Spears's reply.
Scott sat there staring at the floor looking really upset.
Then one of the authors cried because she's secretly in love with Scott Evil.
"Rini is apparently from an alternate future where the world has been destroyed by evil super villians and the only remaining people are weird godlike people who live in a chrystal city" Said Jerry.
"That's right, Jerry.." Said Rini.
"Its also apparent that Rini has been lied to. Apparently she was adopted, and her adopted father is secretly in love with her." Jerry said to the audience and everyone screamed with outrage.
"(Beep) you, you stupid (beep) HO! I love Tuxedo mask and he loves me!" Serena suddenly screamed, running out of the wings. Immediately the two started screaming at each other, however unlike most Jerry Springer fights, they used their sailor scout powers, killing half the studio audience. (Of course Rini couldn't fight back because she has no powers and she's absoloutely useless.)
"Rini Tsukino, may i ask," Began Jerry. "If you have no powers and are an obnoxious brat, then why are you even in the show?"
"To appeal to the youth demographic." She said wisely.
"Do you even know the meaning of the word Demographic?"
"I'm not sure…Is it a bra size?" Rini asked.
Serena was meanwhile arguing with an obese woman, which made up three quarters of the studio audience.
"Alright, well Rini we have a surprise for you…we are going to let you meet your REAL FATHER!" Jerry cried.
"Oh… not this shit again!" Scott evil muttered. He had father issues.
Gay dude came skipping out in his pink leopard skin pants and weird pink top, holding a bunch of roses for Rini. He gave them to his daughter and started blowing kisses to the audience.
"Oohhh the camera loves me!" He crooned, striking a few poses.
"Excuse me, who the hell do you think you are giving our daughter Roses? Ya pay for no food, Ya pay for no school!"
"Oh what ever what ever!" Gay Dude cried, drowning out Serena's Yelling. (wow, it is possible!)
"Ya listen!"
"Whatever!"
"Shut up!"
"Talk to the hand, you skank!"
This went on for about twenty mintues, which consisted of nearly the entire show.
"Um alright, now Mr .. Dude, I understand that you're gay?" Asked Jerry.
"Ooooooh yeah..." He Crooned oh so sexily.
"So how can you be Rini's father?" He asked.
"I have no idea!"
"You see, she's like from the future, which means we haven't had sex yet." Serena pointed out, giggling like a little schoolgirl at the word sex.
"But come on, it has to be true, Gay dude has Pink hair and Red eyes just like Rini!" Yelled Tube sock, appearing out of nowhere.
"Hey, Tube sock! Where have you been?" Said Gay Dude Happily.
"Oh you know, getting a bikini wax," was her reply.
"Yeah, you needed it.." Said Gay Dude approvingly.
"Now who are you?" Jerry asked, getting really pissed off.
"My name is Helena Margerot Tube Sock the third, daughter of the incredibally rich tube sock family.. I'm also from the FUTCHA which means I know every thing." She replied with a smug smile.
"Ah hah, and why are you wearing a giant tube sock?" He asked.
"Well, why are you wearing pants?" she replied smartly.
"You're right! These pants are so restricting, no wonder I'm so uptight!" He said, ripping his pants off. Rini covered her eyes and squealed, going red, and Britney spears stormed off the stage.
"I am so out of here! I need to go hang out with my mom," Yelled Britney, slamming the door.
"Like OH MY GOD it's like BRITNEY SPEARS!!!!!!" Said Gay Dude who didn't know she was there squealed. Unfortunately she was long gone, and gay dude burst into tears.
"I was going to tell her how I spent fifty dollars on a pair of her hot pink leather pants from Ebay…" He sniffed.
"Now, Gay Dude and Serena …I understand that your ex-boyfriend and future husband happens to be in love with your daughter?" Jerry continued.
"I am so going to need to go into therapy after this…" Rini Sighed sadly.
"Well I'm not paying for it," Gay dude said loudly.
"Yes Jerry, we've already cleared that up!" Yelled Serena.
"And Rini, is it true that when season three turned into season four, the only reason you left the show was so that your voice could change and turn you into a character that is almost as annoying as Serena?" Said Jerry, thougtfully.
"HEY, I resent that!" Yelled Serena crying.
"Alright, as annoying as Serena." Jerry added carelessly.
"Thats better!" Serena sniffed.
"Yes, it's true…" Said Rini, starting to sob.
"Hi Darien," Said Jerry.
"Hi."
"Now... Is it true that you are now Evil?"
"Yes, it's true."
"EVIL!?" Yelled Scott Evil. "You're nothing compared to me!" (Keep in mind folks, that this Scott Evil is not bald and unnatractive, but spikey-haired and so absoloutely steaming HOT.)
"Oh yeah, bring it on daddy boy!" Darien cried.
What resulted was a very girly slap fight, which consisted of hair pulling and a lot of squealing.
"Alright, pull them apart." Said Jerry.
"Why, so they don't hurt themselves?" Said the dumb guard.
"No, they just look like morons." said Jerry.
Scott sat down again looking disgruntled and hurt.
Jerry turned to Darien again. "Okay Darien, why do you have a crush on this pink haired girl?"
"Because i'm a sick bastard."
"Oh I see," Said Jerry, nodding. "Why were you going out with this annoying long haired loud cry baby, sitting next to you?"
"Because I'm a sick bastard."
"Sorry? Didn't quite catch that."
"Oh…er…" Said Darien. "Well she kept going on about destiny so i went out with her to shut her up.. it didn't work."
"So your crush on Rini is a desperate cry for attention, am I right?" Asked Jerry.
"Oh poor Darien!" Yelled Rini, running over and hugging him.
"I'm sorry Rini," Said Darien, looking sad.
"Awww" Went the audience.
Scott Evil looked at the father/daughter scenario and started sniffing sadly, thinking of his own disfunctional childhood.
"That's it, I'm going to vomit!" Serena growled, storming off the stage.
"Wait for me Schnookums!" Gay dude cried, prancing behind her, his glittery leg warmers causing the camera lenses to shatter
As Rini hugged Darien, Scott Evil walked off the stage sadly, wiping his eyes. Aww.
Every one in the universe suddenly felt sorry for Scott, but it was okay because eventually he'd meet a sweet funny girl from South Australia while searching for a magical opal thing. They'd get married and have a lot of blue haired babies.
Rini looked up into the camera lens, which was starting to ripple like water.
"What are you doing?" She suddenly heard.
"Huh?"
"You, you're going to crack my camera lens!" The camera guy asked and suddenly the world went wavering as it always does at the end a lame dream sequence.
"Now remember, when you fall in love with a child, it generally leads to freakyness, death, homosexuals in pink leather pants and hysterical females. I'm Jerry Springer. Remember to take care of yourselves, and each other." He said as the world faded away.
Rini awoke suddenly, freezing cold and dripping wet. A tiny frog jumped off her chest and feeling extremely angry, Rini rolled over, realizing she was lying in an oozing mud puddle. Normally, raining scenes in the Sailor Moon universe were either frightening or romantic…this was neither, it was just cold, damp and boring. Infact, the whole world was remarkably dull. The rain fell in a stupid boring way and Rini realized she was in a rather boring-looking park. Basically it reflected her perfectly. Even though she was drenched to the skin, her hair was still big and poofy like it always was.
"Hmm, normally the sailor scouts would have come running after me by now," Rini said thoughtfully. After all, they were always following her and never leaving her alone.
"Hey… maybe I'm finally free of those idiots! Maybe I can finally be myself!" She cried. "Or maybe not." She added as she saw the scouts skidding across the muddy soccer field.
*
We now present a musical interlude aboard the magical plane filled with drag queen super villians.
The flight attendants had barricaded themselves in the toilet, with a stack of inflight magazines and a box of those un-openable peanut packets. All four of them were crowded together, two of them (the male ones) sitting on a toilet.
"Is it safe to escape yet?" One asked.
"Oh God, if they're going to ask for more reruns of Priscilla Queen of the Desert I'm going to jump out the emergency exit!" One lady sobbed.
"Oh my God... they're singing!" One cried peering out of the keyhole. "I thought we banned singing after that Brady Bunch goes to Hawaii incident!"
Like survivours clustering around a car wreck, our poor flight attendants all peered through the crack in the wall.
"When is this plane landing?" Said one of the girls.
"Seven hours." Replied another.
"SEVEN HOURS!?!" Yelled one of the hysterical males.
"WE'LL NEVER MAKE IT!" Screamed another. "Quick...hand me a gun."
"No, there will be no bloodshed today." Said one of the girls carelessly.
"Aww."
"Its impossible to clean it out of our uniforms," the other one stated grimly. That was when the music began...
A single chord echoed across the plane and the lights dimmed, there was a ragged cheer until an incredibly fast techno beat began to throb through the room. A single spotlight lit up the area used to play movies and Garbage man, wearing a feather boa and a party hat began to sing…
"Stop right now! Thank you very much, I need somebody with a human touch! Hey you, always on the run, gotta slow it down baby, gotta have some fun!" Soon he was joined in by all the other villains in pathetic Spice Girls reproduction costumes. They continued to sing and prance around the plane, lip syncing the Spice Girls's greatest hits with invredibly glamerous choreography. Soon they all reached the same poistion, and all five hundred villains began to perform the Mackerena.
And the background totally dissapeared and showed a whole bunch of swirling colours like it always does in sailor moon.
"Na na na na .....er... blah bllah mackarena....EHHH MAKARENA" they sang
The speakers blared with even more music… "You spin me right round baby, right round like a record baby, right round round round… I want your loo-o-o-o-o---ve…" It sang. The line of villains started to kick line and cheer.
Suddenly, the music stopped and there was a drum roll.
Molly and Melvin stood on either side of the plane, dressed as if they had just fled from the set of Moulin Rouge.
"All you need is love!" Melvin sang, just like the guy in the movie. Then, one of the the author's favourite Moulin Rouge Elephant love meldley began to play!
"Love lifts us up where we belong!" The villains sang with Molly.
"Love makes us act like we are fools! Throw our lives away! For one Happy day!" They Chorussed and fireworks began to go off.
"We could be heroes! Forever and ever! We could be heroes! Just because IIIIIEEEEE WILL ALWAYSSSSSSS LOOOOOOVE YOOOOOUUUUUUUUUU!"
"Oh my..." Said one of the ladies in the toilets. "This is terrible.."
"Actually they're pretty good, pass the popcorn," Said the male attetendtant.
The song finished with Garbage man singing itallian opera, while a kinky drum monster beat out a dramatic percussion. The assorted villains pranced around as if they were in a circus. Finishing by flourishing their 'Spirit fingers' in the air. In the middle of it all, Molly and Melvin began to kiss passionately just like the people in the movies, but never like people in real life.
"Oh I love you so much Molly!"
"I love you too Melvin!" She cried, and everyone burst into tears.
"Awww!" They all cried.
Meanwhile, on the other plane, Amara and Michelle were still being annoyed by the hostess..
"Um sir, would you like a pillow?" He asked. Amara's response was to punch the living heck out of the said flight attendant.
"Now darling, that wasn't very nice!" Michelle scolded and Amara frowned.
"Yes it was, if I was being mean I would have killed him and thrown his body out the plane," Amara pointed out.
"But we don't do that Amara," Said Michelle. "We set examples for children."
"Which is why we fight in every episode," Said Amara Soberly.
"Of course the fights are very colourful and don't have any blood."
"That's because we can't show gore to the bratty little viewers."
"That's why they have kinky monsters instead."
"Good point."
"Speaking of Kinky monsters, aren't there some in the plane next to ours?" The flight attendant groaned. Against all probability and with the sort of odds that can only ever happen on Sailor Moon, the kinky monsters's plane had pulled up along side Amara and Michelle's.
"Well whoda thunk it!" Michelle cried.
They all looked out of their window, and magically they could see what was going on in the plane next to theirs.
"They look like villains to me," Said Amy Cornily.
"Why's Amy here?" Amara asked.
"It must be a plot thing!" Cried Michelle.
And then the authors realized their mistake and Amy dissappeared in a magical puff of smoke, and it was MAGIC.
"Wow, I never thought that would actually work," Said the Las Vegas magician who was sitting behind Amara and Michelle, glancing at his rubber magic wand with a shocked expression on his face.
"Ahherm, anyway…They look like villains to me," Said Amara, reciting the corny line that Amy had said before.
"Let's go." Announced Michelle.
"Excuse me sir, would you like some Salt and Vinegar chips?" Said the flight attendant.
Amara remembered the vending machine incident.
"GAAAAAAHHH!" She yelled, and beat the crap out of the attendant
Amara and Michelle jumped over the unconscious Flight attendant and ran to the toilets.
"Amara, this isn't the time to be making out!" Michelle yelled.
They locked the door, looked at each other and said "Mm hmm!" (Remember folks, the sailor scouts cannot transform unless they say Mm hmm) And they started to transform in alot of silvery nudity.
They flushed themselves down the toilet, which for some bizzare reason actually worked.
And they flew towards the other plane. (Yes, they can fly) After all, they're Amara and Michelle, they can do anything.
So, our scene opens with our two authors (or demi godesses) looking rather depressed, drinking coffee. The young author with darker hair sighs, the older one with red hair signs as well.
"God I hate writing about Amara and Michelle," Said the red-head.
"I agree, can't we just kill them?" Said the younger one.
"No that would be a plot-hole and they're very bad, " said the red head.
"Damn…what if we made it look like an accident?" Asked the younger one.
"No, we have to be good authors."
"Please? I'll give you a buck."
"Why would I want some one named Buck?"
"Fine I'll…I'll… give you my beloved Seth Green poster." Murmured the young one, reluctantly.
"No, you'll die without it."
The young author sighs with relief. "Oh, Thankyou!"
"Come on, let's get on with it."
So like we said, miraculously Amara and Michelle flushed themselves down a toilet. Of course this is physically impossible, but it is also physically impossible for fourteen year-olds like Serena to have double D cup breasts, so there you go.
Anyway, they flew out of the toilet, pulled at their uniforms causing jet packs to spring from their shoulders. Using the said jetpacks, they flew alongside the other plane while a techno version of Barbie Girl played as an action-packed sound track. Of course instead of 'Barbie' girl it said 'Macho' girl, because Amara almost murdered the TV show DJ for screwing up the music again. Michelle was upset because she loved Barbie girl. (Barbie was a distant cousin) The villains saw the sailor scouts coming, and started to freak.
"Aaaahhh, SAILOR SCOUTS!" Said one.
"OH NO it's the LESBIAN one!" Yelled a man with three legs.
"We're gone for sure!" Yelled one with green hair.
"Oh my God it's like, the Sailor Scouts! I have to get their autograph!" Cried garbage man.
There was a record scratch and everyone (even Amara and Michelle) stared at garbage-bag man.
"Oh, i mean...let's get 'em!" He yelled.
Amara and Michelle landed on the plane's wings, which is impossible, but dammit, we no longer care.
With a crash of Kung Fuu fighting, they smashed their way through the emergency exit without even getting cut.
"Come out, Shrapdosettach," Yelled Garbage man with all his might. He threw a small magic sack in the air, and it exploded and became a big-breasted monster dressed as a kinky mailman.
"Oh no, the kinky mail man!" Michelle cried.
"Actually I'm kinda turned on," Amara replied, flashing her hairy legs in the air. "You oughtta wear stuff like that more often."
"Um, I'm starting to seriously question our relationship, Amara," Michelle stuttered, and suddenly the kinky mailman/girl began to speak…
"Hi, I'm like, totally dumb and predictable but guess what, I'm gonna kill you!" She cried.
She marched towards Amara and Michelle, picked them up, and tossed them out of the plane!
"HEY, you're not supposed to do that! You're supposed to fight us with lame weapons until we destroy your tarotcard/heart chrystal/dream mirror thing!" Amara screamed as she and michelle fell through the air.
Everyone in the universe cried with happiness because Amara and Michelle had temporarily dissappeared from the fic, well except for the occasional Amara and Michelle fans, but they're stupid. Sadly, Amara and Michelle will return because as you know, Sailor Scouts cannot die. Anyway, the villains looked at each other in shock.
"Holy shit, did you just see that?" Cried Melvin.
"They actually got rid of two scouts!" Molly cried.
They all looked at the kinky postgirl in awe.
"Um... yay?" Said the big-breasted monster.
All the female villains and the occasional males came and picked Garbage man up and kissed him.
"Ohhh garbage man, you're soooo smart!" Yelled a perky pixie-looking girl with big ears
"You're one sexy hunk of manhood..." Crooned one with two diamond earrings and a ponytail.
"Um okay, now can any female ones kiss me?" He cried, extremely confused.
"I would but Melvin would probably stab you to death," Molly commented.
"I guess that's true," Said Melvin, shrugging. "I am a very muderous person"
Suddenly, Melvin touched his pocket.
"Hey, why do I have someone's wallet in here?"
For those of you who are paying attention, Prince Saphire came back from the dead because some one stole his magical wallet.
"That's not your wallet, it'ss all rotting and it's got dirt on it!" Molly shrieked.
He opened it up and was a license in it to fly intergalactic spaceships.
"Prince Saphire, never heard of him!" she commented.
"I have, he was a villian who fell in love then was brutally murdered," Garbage man cried, fighting off a series of flamingo dancers.
"He was oh so sexy," Swooned the perky pixielike girl.
'" I remember reading about it in the villian weekly good gossips page" he added thoughtfully
" We must have picked this up at the cemetary when I did my daily crying my eyes out at neflights grave" Molly cried
"I told you to never mention him in my prescence!" Melvin Snapped.
"Well let's see what's in here..." Said Melvin, taking the wallet.
"He was so sexy, " Molly sighed. "Oh but not as sexy as you Melvin." She added as an afterthought.
Apart from the space ship license, there was an I.D card, a Credit card, and a picture of his family.
There was him as a child, absoloutely adorable, sitting near his big brother Prince Diamond. The king and queen were there too.
"Aww, how cuute.." Said Molly. "Melvin, lets have babies!" she suddenly cried.
"But...who's that?" Said the perky girl, pointing to an adorable boy sitting next to Saphire, who looked an awful lot like him."
"Oh my," Said a girl wearing a few sequins. "That looks just like...like..."
"...Tuxedo mask..." Whispered the perky girl.
"OH MY GOD" Everyone in the universe suddenly screamed.
"Gimme that!" Yelled Molly, snatching the photo from the perky girl's hands.
And all our readers died due to this sudden plot twist.
"Damn our readers have died again, better bring them back to life with voodoo magic." Said the red-headed author. The younger one dashes around dressed in chicken feathers crying "OOGAA CHUCKAA!!" And the audience magically came back to life with the urge to eat human flesh.
"Okay so, Tuxedo Mask is Prince Saphire's brother or whatever, what are we going to do about it?" Asked Melvin.
"Aren't you a least bit shocked?" Whispered Molly. "I mean, Tuxedo mask is good and Prince Saphire was ...well, bad."
"Oh come on, he looks exactly like him." Melvin pointed out.
"Well actually, Tuxedo mask is evil now and prince Spahire is good…and dead." The author remakred, wandering past in her pyjamas.
"Yeah but i didn't know that!" Yelled Molly, throwing the author out the plane window.
But before she could swear and curse, spike from buffy saved her and they lived happily ever after.
"She was right, you know." Said the perky girl. "Tuxedo mask is evil now, I've seen him."
"Yeah, he ditched the stupid hat and cape," Said The one wearing a few sequins and a high heeled shoe.
"And now he's weaing... duh duh duhh an incredibly sexy suit of armour!" They all cryed and swooned.
"Well if he's evil, then what are we doing here? We have to get him on our side!" Melvin cried.
"But where is he?" Screeched the perky one.
"Um... I dont think any one knows," Said Melvin.
"I hate this perky one, let's shoot her." Commented Molly.
Where was Tuxedo Mask indeed? Last we heard of him, he had broken out of jail using his magical sword, and now he's on a quest to kill Sailor Moon. Of course he made a cameo appearance in Rini's beautiful dream…but where was he in reality?
"I heard he's been living in a one room appartment over a bowling alley and below another bowling alley," Screeched a man with long hair.
"Let's go!" Melvin screamed.
"Wait a minute, we're flying over the Pacific ocean," Molly pointed out.
All the villains put on life jackets, then ran towards the emergency exits.
"Okay now, let's go!" Screamed Melvin, and they all jumped out of the plane.
"WOOOOOOO HOOOOO!" They screamed, falling down the blue sky in a huge array of colours. Then they made a beautiful air ballet thingy, and everyone on the planet Earth marvelled at the beauty, and thought that it symbolized peace and brotherhood, hope for mankind.
"AWWW let's go plant some trees!" They all thought, all struck down by the gorgeous air show.
The villians landed on the tropical island of Fiji, which proved that the plane had been travelling in entirely the wrong direction.
Slowly all the villians stood up incredibally dazed and confused, Garbage bag seized the opportunity to become leader.
"Allright, we need to build a boat out of banana leaves," He ordered.
"I knew we should have just stayed home and wactch re runs of I Love Lucy…" The perky one muttered darkly under her breath
By Vivianne De Silva and Heather lawson
A/N This was our insanely long chapter that took around three weeks to write.. hey its tough coming up with new material!
"Ohhh I gave my love a chickeennnn, it had no boooneees..." Sang Darien, banging a mug on the bars.
Well actually he didn't do that, because Darien is boring and he'd never do something like that. Instead, he made friends with the toilet. Okay fine, he didn't do that either.
Actually he was sitting there in the cell thinking, "Oh Serena, I wish you could be with me."
Because, despite the fact he really wanted to get with Rini, he really did love Serena.
But…then, suddenly and silently, a thought occurred to him.
Serena.
Serena and her stupid ice cream were the reason he was in jail.
In fact, now that he thought about it, Serena was the cause of all his problems. Not to mention the fact she was stupid, and well …disturbing.
"Serena is the force behind all the destruction in my life!" Darien cried, while wiping his bottom, thinking about how Serena had soiled it. Metaphorically soiled it of course, because well…hmm…never mind.
A plan occurred to Darien, he liked his life allot better when he was a hot, bad ass evil guy.
"I know, I shall become evil!" he cried.
So…now all he needed to figure out how to break out of jail...
So he turned into evil prince Darien, used the sword to break out and kick everyone's ass while he was at it.
The cop just sighed sadly and looked up from where he had been playing GinRummy with the showgirl.
"Looks like we're on the job again!" he said.
The showgirl started crying because she was confused about being taken for being a prostitute and being in jail and the cop and everything, but she decided to go along with it because she was pretty bored, and the cop sometimes looked as hot as Will Smith.
*
Meanwhile, at the Kinky Monsters R us parking lot….....
Molly and Melvin were prancing around in their kinky leather to James Bond music, which was playing loudly from their car stereo. They were celebrating of course, because they just knew they were going to beat Sailor moon once and for all.
Suddenly there was a loud record scratch as Molly said, "Wait a minute..."
"What is it my darling?" Said Melvin.
"...er...Where are we going to beat Sailor Moon?"
"We need somewhere completely weird, which would never exist in real life especially on Earth," Garbage man said sulking from where he had been eating his fish head necklace.
"I know!" Melvin cried, punching his hands into the air.
"What is it my treasure?" Molly cried, nearly splitting her pants as she jumped into his arms.
"Villians of the world shall unite! No more shall Sailor moon dominate our lives! We shall take over Disney world!" he cried.
No one had expected that.
*
Amara and Michelle were two of the people who just happened to be at the airport.
"The wicked sister shall eat a turnip," Michelle said wisely.
"Hey nonny nonny and a big bull's dick," Amara responded.
They nodded. It wasn't sure if they had just spoken a bizzare prophecy or if they were still high on opiom.
"NOOOOOO!" Yelled one of the authors, going on a killing spree, because Amara and Michelle are her least favourite characters.
And everybody died.
Using their super lesbian strengh (yes they are lesbians, do not be so naive) they ran to the front desk. At the desk there was a lady with a boy that had a 'trainee' badge on it.
"Go on, ask them…" She whispered.
"Um... hello! How are you today!" Trainee said, very rehearsed. "Welcome to air Tokyo, home of the best planes in Japan! Would you like to buy a ticket?"
"Yes thankyou," Said Michelle.
The trainee typed down something slowly, the professional-looking lady next to him, helping him find the right keys. The Professional-looking lady whispered something in his ear, and he looked up with an oh-right look on his face and said: "Where would you be flying today sirs or madams?"
"To wherever evil is lurking!"
"We will be there to stop it!" Said Amara and Michelle.
"Uh...I'm sorry, i think that's against Air Tokyo's policy..." Said the Trainee.
"Although we are very open to sexuality, after all were letting all those drag queens on our plane," the proffesional woman said, glancing at Amara."Just a question. Are you male or female? Because I'm extremally attracted to you." She whispered to Amara, after all every one is attracted to Amara.
Rose petals flew through the air, and disembodied voices sang ooooohhhhhoooooooohhhhhh for no apparant reason.
"We really should get that air conditioner fixed," the trainee said nervously.
"Yes, its making noises and blowing the flowers everywhere," The professional lady said, gesturing to the vase of half-dead roses on her desk.
"So anyway, can we have our ticket now?" Said Michelle.
"Um...which flight will you be leaving...er...boarding…" Said Trainee slowly and rehearsed.
"The one leaving in about ten minutes, please let us go now…" Said Amara.
"Very well!" Said the Trainee cheerfully, for he had just made his first sale.
"First do me! Do me on this desk!" The proffesional woman screcched, jumping onto the table.
Before handing over the ticket the trainee looked at them, who were ignoring the professional woman and said: "Are you interested in long distance saving?" In a very rehearsed voice.
And then he kept stalling them for a long time just like the trainee in the movie 'rat race' which was hillariously funny. So basically Amara and Michelle Missed their flight, which was allright because it was already filled with sexually open villians, and they did not need the lesbian scouts joining the barrel.
"I guess we better tell the moon princess," Michelle said sadly.
"Alright but let's make out first," Amara replied loosening her stupid tie. They ran off to the toilets giggling and the proffesional lady sighed with dissapointment. She ended up marrying to trainee so it was all good.
*
Like a sleek multicoloured bird, the plane sped through the night sky. It was multicoloured because the villians who had the ability to fly had been doing some decorating when things grew too quiet inside the aircraft the stewardesses had all locked themselves in the cockpit with the pilots. They were too terrified about the wild obnoxious party going on in the main part of the plane. Loud obnoxious Britney Spears music blared through every one of the plane's personal stereos, and hundreds of sequin clad slutty villians found themselves dancing amongst the aisles aka the Brady Bunch.
"Oops we did it again!" They sang, wiggling there groove thangs.
"We let Sailor Moon nearly defeat us! Oh baby baby!" They cried.
"Oops we dont know the words! We're too drunk! On our own arrogance! Oh yeah… er baby…" They faltered.
Amara and Michelle had finished making out and were in the airport waiting room.
Michelle was sitting there quietly, looking at the cherry blossoms outside, and Amara was swearing at the vending machine for not giving her any Chicken flavoured Potato Chips which she paid two bucks for. They had given her salt and vinegar flavour by mistake.
After beating up the vending machine, she sat down next to Michelle and said "Stupid Vending machine... It had junkfood in it anyway."
"Yes, junkfood is bad for you."
"I hate you, just so you know." Amara told Michelle.
"Yes I know" was Michelle's reply.
There was a silence.
"There are turbulances in the waters." Said Michelle quietly.
"How the hell can you think that there are turbulances in the waters if there aren't any rivers or anything near here?" Said Amara, still annoyed at the potato chip incident.
"The toilet was blocked." Said Michelle, getting up to go to the coffee machine.
"Oh…" Amara mused, thinking about a certain toilet she had blocked with toilet paper.
"Excuse me? Miss lesbians?" The trainee who had been working for seven hours straight inquired.
They both looked up and he sweated profusely.
"We have to spare seats on the next flight to California, of course you'll have to pretend to be a pair of elderly Dutch tourists." He said tentively
"Oh, that's easy." Amara scoffed.
"Yes, we pretend to be eldery Dutch tourists all the time." Michelle added, Airily.
"Oh wait a second, we forgot about the fact that one us is pregnant!" Michelle stated.
"Pregnant?" Amara cried with outrage.
"I meant to tell you Amara, I had sex with the trainee." Michelle said with a slow deliberat wink, as to give a hint.
"WHAT!?!" Then her eyes became very round. "OH!"
"Oh well then if your pregnant you'll have to fly first class due to air turbulance." The trainee said, forgetting the fact he might be a possible father.
"Why thankyou, my hot baby," Said Michelle trying to sound sexy but just failing completely.
"Oh, and I'll send you a bear or something when the baby's born." The trainee added as they left for the terminal. "But wait a minute, you didn't have sex with me...er..."
"I did when you were asleep" Michelle called over her shoulder.
But then he realised that if he had done it with some hot babe like Michelle, his friends would think he was cool, so he just went along with it. He turned to his friend, a pet turtle and grinned.
"Guess who I just had sex with?" he asked, excitedly.
Amara and Michelle walked through the terminal as the bodiless voices started singing "Oooohh" again, until they saw the "NO SINGING" sign on the wall and stopped… and they chanted instead!
"I really am getting sick of that orgasm song, Michelle. It makes us sound like a pair of sluts!" Said Amara as they boarded the plane.
So they got on and sat there for about ten minutes talking about boring turbulances in the water and how Amara could feel Uranus burning.
"I said shut up!" Michelle cried, most uncharacteristically.
When the plane took off, the flight attendant asked them whether they'd like any orange juice.
"No," Said Michelle. "We're alright."
"Oh you're being awfully butch!" Amara replied.
"I'm the brains of this outfit!" sulked Michelle.
"Yes which means you shouldn't rely heavilly on the dykeadelic stuff." Amara replied.
"Oh you!" Michelle giggled.
Then they passionately made out, turning on every male reader we have while making everyone else vomit.
The flight attendant returned, asking them if they wanted Chicken or Fish.
"Can't you see we're making out here!?" Yelled Amara in her stupid voice.
"Yes sir..." Said the flight attendant, walking off with the tray.
****
Serena's friends were up at the temple studying because all they bloody do is study. When suddenly...... doom befell them all… Amy's calculator broke!
"Oh no, it's the end of the universe! My calculater has broken!" Amy cried.
"What, again? It must be Tuesday…" Raye said tiredly.
"If I had a dollar for every time the universe ended I'd have..." Lita began. "Three dollars, no wait four.. Oh damn i can't do anything anymore."
Amy cried, for without her Sailor Mercury calculator thingy, the world sucked. She jumped out the window feeling suicidal, unfortunately it was the first floor. So, rather embarrassed but still very much alive, she landed in a nice rose bush. Darien came out of nowhere and laughed.
"I put the roses there teehehehe" Then he ran away.
"Say, is'nt he in Jail?" Raye asked.
"Oh screw him, actually yes let's screw him. He's hot and Serena's dumped him!" Said Mina.
Suddenly and for no particular reason, Prince Saphire came back from the dead. (Because Heather thinks he's very hot, and she wants him in this story) Anyway, he burst into the room, still wearing the tuxedo he was buried in.
"Pee Yuu! Something smells like dead skunk!" Exclaimed Raye.
"AAAAAGH IT'S ZOMBIE PRINCE SAPHIRE!" Yelled Mina.
"He's still pretty hot," Whispered Lita.
"He's not a zombie, he's just mysteriously back from the dead!" Said Amy, whose calculator was working again.
"Scouts, I have the most terrible news!" Said Prince saphire with exasperation. "I need your help! Two new arch villains have gone to Disney land with MY wallet!"
They all gasped with horror, for suddeenly they all knew that Saphire's wallet had the ability to turn the world into a very nasty place.
"I feel as if I should speak with Sailor Moon, but I'm so evil… Oh my god I'm a villain in love, and when I did I was good... this is so complicated!" Saphire cried in that angsty growl which makes him so very sexy.
"Well actually, you can't talk to Serena, at the moment she's having intercourse with a flamboyant homosexual in an undisclosed location." Said Amy.
"A Homosexual? What is that?" Asked Saphire, for he is an alien.
"It's a man who has sex with other men," Said Raye with a dreamy look on her face as she thought of Draco and Harry slash.
"Really? Wow… I never knew sailor moon was a man…actually it explains a lot." Said Saphire.
"Serena's not a man!" Said Raye in her stupid constipated/gritted teeth voice.
"I should know," Said Jupiter. "Once we had too much 'hot chocolate' and went down on each other and promised never to speak of it again."
There was a silence.
"I...said that outloud, didn't I?" Said Lita in a tiny mouse voice.
"Umm.." Said Mina, going red.
"Er...let's change the subject!" Said Amy. "So what's it like being dead?"
"It's bad, very bad," Said Saphire, looking at the TV screen. "NEVER DIE, KIDDIES!"
They all looked at each other and felt sad.
"Its all so dark, and you tend to think about worms…it drives you crazy…" He said, staring into space, sadly.
"Crazy!?" Yelled Mina. "Crazy!? I went crazy once! They put me in a padded room, it was cold. Cold like the dark dark ground. Worms are in the ground....WORMS MAKE ME CRAZY..." She sang, running around in a circle. She stopped and sipped her hot chocolate.
"Of course… I really wasn't crazy…I…I was just trying to get everyone's attention," She said with shifty eyes, trying not to look crazy.
Prince Saphire sighed. "I know that I have next to nothing to do with any of you, but do you guys mind if I…er… pass wind? You tend to build up gass when you're dead." he said, looking embarrassed.
"You can pass wind hours after you are dead," Said Amy knowlegably.
"If you want to pass wind then please get outside the temple." Said Raye who was sick of the room smelling like crap.
"I'm also kinda hungry, maybe I should drink blood or eat brains… that's what the undead do, right?"
They all looked shifty eyed at Saphire.
"I was joking.."
"You joke? Sorry but all through the series you've never been a joking type.." Said Amy.
"I was only in like six episodes!" Saphire pointed out. "The authors feels like giving me some character depth cos they're both such sexy bitches, they made me say that by the way…" said Saphire, slave of the might of Viv and Heather.
Shameless self-insertion. Sorry folks!
*
After getting to know her at the hair salon, Gay dude was starting to really like Serena. He liked a lot of the things she liked, and her new blood-red hair was so beautiful, he couldn't help staring. But why did he like her? He was Gay after all. They were walking down a street, giggling and talking about stuffed animals, when Serena started to cry loudly.
"What's wrong?" He asked.
"Oh nothing! I just haven't burst into tears for at least two chapters, and if I dont cry soon my head will explode!"
"Oh, perfectly understandable." Said Gay dude, because nobody really notices that Serena's yelling is EXTREMELY EMBARRASSING
"Yes it's a form of torrette syndrome," said Serena, sadly.
Gay dude smirked and looked out onto the rainy streets.
Serena stopped crying and stood there blushing. "Sooo...are we going to go somewhere or not?"
"Dinner Perhaps? OOooohh by CANDLELIGHT!!" She squealed, her eyes going all big and shiney.
"Actually I was thinking of stealing the heart crystalls of innocent naive girls with surprisingly big breasts," Said Gay dude.
"OOOHHH fun! Is that a new video game?" Serena cried, jumping up and down. "Er...Hey...wait a minute...waht did you say?"
Gay dude didn't even bother to correct it because he saw a hotdog stand and ran down the street to buy some. He bought one for her, and himself. Then he eyed his hotdog sadly.
"Theres something I need to tell you Serena," He said as Serena ate fifty hot dogs by dislocating her jaw.
"Ghmmurph!" Serena cried spraying hot dog meat on the floor.
"You see…I'm gay, I like penises and men."
"Oh, that's allright, my last boyfriend was so gay too," Sereena replied, ever so perkily. "He said he wasn't, but he used to perve on Melvin! He so did Im not lying!"
"Who the heck is Melvin?" The Gay dude asked.
This would have been the time that our villian Melvin would have burst in, unfortunately he was still in Disney World.
"I don't know, i feel strange and tickly." Said Gay Dude, after waiting for Melvin's cue.
"Ooohhhh..." Said Serena blushing and going wide eyed.
"I like you....but that hair dresser was pretty cute..."
"Pfft, yeah he like totoally was!" Serena giggled.
Gay dude decided he really wanted to go buy some more sexy leather pink pants.
"Oh well, we'll go shopping, and then I'll just have sex with both of you and question my sexuality later!" He cried.
"Ok I'll go get my dildo!" Yelled Serena, running off.
So gay dude snapped out of his character development and once again turning into a 2D character. The two of them bunny-hopped down the road.
And before the scene got really icky, the authors stopped writing this bit...
*
Meanwhile, back at the temple, prince Saphire who had come back from the dead was talking to the scouts.
"That doesn't explain why theres a giant bee flying around," Said Amy.
"Maybe the authors like bees," Said Raye stupidly.
"Or maybe you just forgot to spray this place for bugs," Said Lita who had not said anything for a very long time.
"Maybe the authors didn't know what to write." Said Mina.
"That's a reasonable explanation," they all agreed. Except for Raye who was against pesticide, but she didn't say anything because she ...didn't. Or maybe she didn't say anything because she was far too busy drooling over prince Saphire's dead and now revived ass.
"Forget this shameless chit chat! I need to see Sailor Moon!" Exclaimed prince Saphire.
"Are you sure, she's probably got no pants on," said Amy.
"Shut up, Amy!" Every one cried, because they were all outraged at her saying something like that, but then they stopped being angry because when they thought about it, she was probably right.
"I am technically dead which means I no longer care about naked girls, we MUST find Sailor Moon!" Said prince Saphire
Prince saphire shook his sexy head and looked out into the distance, in that wonderful distant way sexy way men do. "I have to find her,"
He said it so wistfully and so huskily, that every single one of our readers (including the males)want to marry him.
The girls were all silent and sad, wanting to help him, but they didn't know what to do.
"…ROAD TRIP!" Yelled Mina.
"Hi guys," Serena said chirpily, followed by Gay dude and Rini."
"Where the heck have you been, Serena?" Yelled Raye.
"Gay dude and I have been bonding with our darling little Rini," Serena sang.
"I hate you all, I never should have given up being that bitchy 'black lady' or what ever," Rini snarled.
"No, not 'black lady', Rini," Said Mina a-matter-of-factly. "It's 'wicked' lady remember?"
"Yes, if you were called 'black lady' that would be insulting to black people everywhere." Chirped Amy. "That's why they cut it out of the Anime version of Sailor moon."
"I'm will kill you all," Whined Rini.
"She's always like this before lunch time, aren't ya, sweetie!" Serena crooned, pinching her cheek.
"Do we have to keep feeding her, if we chain her to a tree, she might die!" Gay dude pointed out.
"How dare you show such irrisponsibility to your daughter?" Whispered Serena.
"Hey, I work my sexy ass off to feed that little brat! The least she could do is stop eating!" Growled Gay dude.
"Actually you don't work, you're just a stupid Negaverse creep," pointed out Raye.
"Hey I'm the only 'stupid negaverse creep' around here!" Exclaimed Saphire, feeling extremely left out.
"NEGAVERSE!?" Yelled Gaydude, suddenly sweating. "I mean…what negaverse? Heh heh heh.."
"Oh come on, you're gay, you're hot, and you're not wearing a tux. Therefore you must be from the Negaverse," said Amy, stating the obvious.
"Dont worry cutie, I'll still be with you even though you're all like evil or what ever," Serena giggled.
"I don't want to have sex with you! Well actually I do, but that's only because I'm going through silly villian in love angst. I-am-gay" He said firmly.
"You two suck, its past midnight and I should be home, asleep in a bed, not wandering around with two lunatics!" Rini growled.
And then they all gasped.
"SHE SAID THE S WORD!" Yelled Serena.
It was starting to get dark. Rini jumped off one of the steps and started stomping crossly down the hill, muttering to herself.
"You only want to sleep so you can make out with a horse!" Serena called after her.
The last words Rini heard were "Oh my God, my so-called daughter kisses horses? How sick and perveted is that? Even for me!" Which sounded an awful lot like ol' Gay dude.
Rini shook her head angrilly and decided to run down the hill instead. Wondering why she didn't cry anymore, and annoyed at that Gay guy insulting her, and peeved at the fact that her hair weighed about a ton, she started to totally wail.
"Oh Peguses, help me! Help me have a beautifull dream!" she screamed.
She kept running and crying and it conveniently started to rain so it set a sad mood. The song "I just can't wait to be King" from the lion King began to play in the background.
"Oh shit!" Yelled the DJ and changed the song to a sad song sang in Japanese.
"Haiko denki deeeeeeussss…" The voice screeched, and we are not going to pretend we know Japanese. Just imagine that the lyrics go "Oh yeah I'm so sad, I love every thing ohh yeah... sad sad, love love, hope hope believe in yourself…what ever." Basically its all corny when you get right down to it.
"Rini?" A voice called, and it was Pegasus who for special reasons was being played by Leonardo Decaprio! Basically they couldn't afford the guy who voiced Pegasus before. And besides, he had this annoying echoey godly voice that didn't sound anything like a hot teenage guy.
She fell on the ground and looked up into the rain and saw the face of the horsy she loved the most. (We are talking about Leo by the way!)
"Rini my darling, what's wrong?" He asked, and Rini, overwhelmed with love, begged the horse for a perfect dream.
"Alright, but you'll have to pass me a fifty first, perfect dreams don't come cheap." He said.
"You charge for your dreams?" She yelled, outraged.
"Hey, I'm branching out, do you know how much it costs flying around talking to silly girls like you?" He said. "I've even got my own website www.cornydream.com."
"Look I've only got ten dollars on me, how much can that get?" she asked.
"Ten mintues of us making out in my human form, then you'll dream a bunch of crazy stuff." He said.
"So, let's get started." He said, and Rini handed him the ten dollars, extatically.
What followed was something we do not really want to mention. Lets just say Rini was being a very irresponsible ten-year-old. Then, as Rini kissed Peguses goodbye, her vision blurred and there was a horrible chant filling the air…
"JERRY JERRY JERRY JERRY!" Rini opened her big red eyes. She was sitting on an uncomfortable plastic chair next to a pot plant in front of a studio audience.
"Where the heck am I?" Rini asked, blinking a lot. She looked down, and for some bizzare reason, she was dressed ala trailor trash chic.
"Todays episode, my adopted father from the future is in love with me, my real father's a flamboyant homosexual alien bent on killing my mother… and my mothers an extremely annoying cry baby." Said a short, rather ugly man with thick glasses and an ego complex.
Rini looked around her and saw Britney spears and Scott Evil from Austin Powers were sitting near her looking disgruntled.
"Our first guest is Rini!" The man cried and Britney Spears opened her mouth with outrage.
"Hey, my agent told me I was going to be FIRST!" She hissed.
"I really, really want to make out with you." Said Scott Evil.
"As if!" Was Britney Spears's reply.
Scott sat there staring at the floor looking really upset.
Then one of the authors cried because she's secretly in love with Scott Evil.
"Rini is apparently from an alternate future where the world has been destroyed by evil super villians and the only remaining people are weird godlike people who live in a chrystal city" Said Jerry.
"That's right, Jerry.." Said Rini.
"Its also apparent that Rini has been lied to. Apparently she was adopted, and her adopted father is secretly in love with her." Jerry said to the audience and everyone screamed with outrage.
"(Beep) you, you stupid (beep) HO! I love Tuxedo mask and he loves me!" Serena suddenly screamed, running out of the wings. Immediately the two started screaming at each other, however unlike most Jerry Springer fights, they used their sailor scout powers, killing half the studio audience. (Of course Rini couldn't fight back because she has no powers and she's absoloutely useless.)
"Rini Tsukino, may i ask," Began Jerry. "If you have no powers and are an obnoxious brat, then why are you even in the show?"
"To appeal to the youth demographic." She said wisely.
"Do you even know the meaning of the word Demographic?"
"I'm not sure…Is it a bra size?" Rini asked.
Serena was meanwhile arguing with an obese woman, which made up three quarters of the studio audience.
"Alright, well Rini we have a surprise for you…we are going to let you meet your REAL FATHER!" Jerry cried.
"Oh… not this shit again!" Scott evil muttered. He had father issues.
Gay dude came skipping out in his pink leopard skin pants and weird pink top, holding a bunch of roses for Rini. He gave them to his daughter and started blowing kisses to the audience.
"Oohhh the camera loves me!" He crooned, striking a few poses.
"Excuse me, who the hell do you think you are giving our daughter Roses? Ya pay for no food, Ya pay for no school!"
"Oh what ever what ever!" Gay Dude cried, drowning out Serena's Yelling. (wow, it is possible!)
"Ya listen!"
"Whatever!"
"Shut up!"
"Talk to the hand, you skank!"
This went on for about twenty mintues, which consisted of nearly the entire show.
"Um alright, now Mr .. Dude, I understand that you're gay?" Asked Jerry.
"Ooooooh yeah..." He Crooned oh so sexily.
"So how can you be Rini's father?" He asked.
"I have no idea!"
"You see, she's like from the future, which means we haven't had sex yet." Serena pointed out, giggling like a little schoolgirl at the word sex.
"But come on, it has to be true, Gay dude has Pink hair and Red eyes just like Rini!" Yelled Tube sock, appearing out of nowhere.
"Hey, Tube sock! Where have you been?" Said Gay Dude Happily.
"Oh you know, getting a bikini wax," was her reply.
"Yeah, you needed it.." Said Gay Dude approvingly.
"Now who are you?" Jerry asked, getting really pissed off.
"My name is Helena Margerot Tube Sock the third, daughter of the incredibally rich tube sock family.. I'm also from the FUTCHA which means I know every thing." She replied with a smug smile.
"Ah hah, and why are you wearing a giant tube sock?" He asked.
"Well, why are you wearing pants?" she replied smartly.
"You're right! These pants are so restricting, no wonder I'm so uptight!" He said, ripping his pants off. Rini covered her eyes and squealed, going red, and Britney spears stormed off the stage.
"I am so out of here! I need to go hang out with my mom," Yelled Britney, slamming the door.
"Like OH MY GOD it's like BRITNEY SPEARS!!!!!!" Said Gay Dude who didn't know she was there squealed. Unfortunately she was long gone, and gay dude burst into tears.
"I was going to tell her how I spent fifty dollars on a pair of her hot pink leather pants from Ebay…" He sniffed.
"Now, Gay Dude and Serena …I understand that your ex-boyfriend and future husband happens to be in love with your daughter?" Jerry continued.
"I am so going to need to go into therapy after this…" Rini Sighed sadly.
"Well I'm not paying for it," Gay dude said loudly.
"Yes Jerry, we've already cleared that up!" Yelled Serena.
"And Rini, is it true that when season three turned into season four, the only reason you left the show was so that your voice could change and turn you into a character that is almost as annoying as Serena?" Said Jerry, thougtfully.
"HEY, I resent that!" Yelled Serena crying.
"Alright, as annoying as Serena." Jerry added carelessly.
"Thats better!" Serena sniffed.
"Yes, it's true…" Said Rini, starting to sob.
"Hi Darien," Said Jerry.
"Hi."
"Now... Is it true that you are now Evil?"
"Yes, it's true."
"EVIL!?" Yelled Scott Evil. "You're nothing compared to me!" (Keep in mind folks, that this Scott Evil is not bald and unnatractive, but spikey-haired and so absoloutely steaming HOT.)
"Oh yeah, bring it on daddy boy!" Darien cried.
What resulted was a very girly slap fight, which consisted of hair pulling and a lot of squealing.
"Alright, pull them apart." Said Jerry.
"Why, so they don't hurt themselves?" Said the dumb guard.
"No, they just look like morons." said Jerry.
Scott sat down again looking disgruntled and hurt.
Jerry turned to Darien again. "Okay Darien, why do you have a crush on this pink haired girl?"
"Because i'm a sick bastard."
"Oh I see," Said Jerry, nodding. "Why were you going out with this annoying long haired loud cry baby, sitting next to you?"
"Because I'm a sick bastard."
"Sorry? Didn't quite catch that."
"Oh…er…" Said Darien. "Well she kept going on about destiny so i went out with her to shut her up.. it didn't work."
"So your crush on Rini is a desperate cry for attention, am I right?" Asked Jerry.
"Oh poor Darien!" Yelled Rini, running over and hugging him.
"I'm sorry Rini," Said Darien, looking sad.
"Awww" Went the audience.
Scott Evil looked at the father/daughter scenario and started sniffing sadly, thinking of his own disfunctional childhood.
"That's it, I'm going to vomit!" Serena growled, storming off the stage.
"Wait for me Schnookums!" Gay dude cried, prancing behind her, his glittery leg warmers causing the camera lenses to shatter
As Rini hugged Darien, Scott Evil walked off the stage sadly, wiping his eyes. Aww.
Every one in the universe suddenly felt sorry for Scott, but it was okay because eventually he'd meet a sweet funny girl from South Australia while searching for a magical opal thing. They'd get married and have a lot of blue haired babies.
Rini looked up into the camera lens, which was starting to ripple like water.
"What are you doing?" She suddenly heard.
"Huh?"
"You, you're going to crack my camera lens!" The camera guy asked and suddenly the world went wavering as it always does at the end a lame dream sequence.
"Now remember, when you fall in love with a child, it generally leads to freakyness, death, homosexuals in pink leather pants and hysterical females. I'm Jerry Springer. Remember to take care of yourselves, and each other." He said as the world faded away.
Rini awoke suddenly, freezing cold and dripping wet. A tiny frog jumped off her chest and feeling extremely angry, Rini rolled over, realizing she was lying in an oozing mud puddle. Normally, raining scenes in the Sailor Moon universe were either frightening or romantic…this was neither, it was just cold, damp and boring. Infact, the whole world was remarkably dull. The rain fell in a stupid boring way and Rini realized she was in a rather boring-looking park. Basically it reflected her perfectly. Even though she was drenched to the skin, her hair was still big and poofy like it always was.
"Hmm, normally the sailor scouts would have come running after me by now," Rini said thoughtfully. After all, they were always following her and never leaving her alone.
"Hey… maybe I'm finally free of those idiots! Maybe I can finally be myself!" She cried. "Or maybe not." She added as she saw the scouts skidding across the muddy soccer field.
*
We now present a musical interlude aboard the magical plane filled with drag queen super villians.
The flight attendants had barricaded themselves in the toilet, with a stack of inflight magazines and a box of those un-openable peanut packets. All four of them were crowded together, two of them (the male ones) sitting on a toilet.
"Is it safe to escape yet?" One asked.
"Oh God, if they're going to ask for more reruns of Priscilla Queen of the Desert I'm going to jump out the emergency exit!" One lady sobbed.
"Oh my God... they're singing!" One cried peering out of the keyhole. "I thought we banned singing after that Brady Bunch goes to Hawaii incident!"
Like survivours clustering around a car wreck, our poor flight attendants all peered through the crack in the wall.
"When is this plane landing?" Said one of the girls.
"Seven hours." Replied another.
"SEVEN HOURS!?!" Yelled one of the hysterical males.
"WE'LL NEVER MAKE IT!" Screamed another. "Quick...hand me a gun."
"No, there will be no bloodshed today." Said one of the girls carelessly.
"Aww."
"Its impossible to clean it out of our uniforms," the other one stated grimly. That was when the music began...
A single chord echoed across the plane and the lights dimmed, there was a ragged cheer until an incredibly fast techno beat began to throb through the room. A single spotlight lit up the area used to play movies and Garbage man, wearing a feather boa and a party hat began to sing…
"Stop right now! Thank you very much, I need somebody with a human touch! Hey you, always on the run, gotta slow it down baby, gotta have some fun!" Soon he was joined in by all the other villains in pathetic Spice Girls reproduction costumes. They continued to sing and prance around the plane, lip syncing the Spice Girls's greatest hits with invredibly glamerous choreography. Soon they all reached the same poistion, and all five hundred villains began to perform the Mackerena.
And the background totally dissapeared and showed a whole bunch of swirling colours like it always does in sailor moon.
"Na na na na .....er... blah bllah mackarena....EHHH MAKARENA" they sang
The speakers blared with even more music… "You spin me right round baby, right round like a record baby, right round round round… I want your loo-o-o-o-o---ve…" It sang. The line of villains started to kick line and cheer.
Suddenly, the music stopped and there was a drum roll.
Molly and Melvin stood on either side of the plane, dressed as if they had just fled from the set of Moulin Rouge.
"All you need is love!" Melvin sang, just like the guy in the movie. Then, one of the the author's favourite Moulin Rouge Elephant love meldley began to play!
"Love lifts us up where we belong!" The villains sang with Molly.
"Love makes us act like we are fools! Throw our lives away! For one Happy day!" They Chorussed and fireworks began to go off.
"We could be heroes! Forever and ever! We could be heroes! Just because IIIIIEEEEE WILL ALWAYSSSSSSS LOOOOOOVE YOOOOOUUUUUUUUUU!"
"Oh my..." Said one of the ladies in the toilets. "This is terrible.."
"Actually they're pretty good, pass the popcorn," Said the male attetendtant.
The song finished with Garbage man singing itallian opera, while a kinky drum monster beat out a dramatic percussion. The assorted villains pranced around as if they were in a circus. Finishing by flourishing their 'Spirit fingers' in the air. In the middle of it all, Molly and Melvin began to kiss passionately just like the people in the movies, but never like people in real life.
"Oh I love you so much Molly!"
"I love you too Melvin!" She cried, and everyone burst into tears.
"Awww!" They all cried.
Meanwhile, on the other plane, Amara and Michelle were still being annoyed by the hostess..
"Um sir, would you like a pillow?" He asked. Amara's response was to punch the living heck out of the said flight attendant.
"Now darling, that wasn't very nice!" Michelle scolded and Amara frowned.
"Yes it was, if I was being mean I would have killed him and thrown his body out the plane," Amara pointed out.
"But we don't do that Amara," Said Michelle. "We set examples for children."
"Which is why we fight in every episode," Said Amara Soberly.
"Of course the fights are very colourful and don't have any blood."
"That's because we can't show gore to the bratty little viewers."
"That's why they have kinky monsters instead."
"Good point."
"Speaking of Kinky monsters, aren't there some in the plane next to ours?" The flight attendant groaned. Against all probability and with the sort of odds that can only ever happen on Sailor Moon, the kinky monsters's plane had pulled up along side Amara and Michelle's.
"Well whoda thunk it!" Michelle cried.
They all looked out of their window, and magically they could see what was going on in the plane next to theirs.
"They look like villains to me," Said Amy Cornily.
"Why's Amy here?" Amara asked.
"It must be a plot thing!" Cried Michelle.
And then the authors realized their mistake and Amy dissappeared in a magical puff of smoke, and it was MAGIC.
"Wow, I never thought that would actually work," Said the Las Vegas magician who was sitting behind Amara and Michelle, glancing at his rubber magic wand with a shocked expression on his face.
"Ahherm, anyway…They look like villains to me," Said Amara, reciting the corny line that Amy had said before.
"Let's go." Announced Michelle.
"Excuse me sir, would you like some Salt and Vinegar chips?" Said the flight attendant.
Amara remembered the vending machine incident.
"GAAAAAAHHH!" She yelled, and beat the crap out of the attendant
Amara and Michelle jumped over the unconscious Flight attendant and ran to the toilets.
"Amara, this isn't the time to be making out!" Michelle yelled.
They locked the door, looked at each other and said "Mm hmm!" (Remember folks, the sailor scouts cannot transform unless they say Mm hmm) And they started to transform in alot of silvery nudity.
They flushed themselves down the toilet, which for some bizzare reason actually worked.
And they flew towards the other plane. (Yes, they can fly) After all, they're Amara and Michelle, they can do anything.
So, our scene opens with our two authors (or demi godesses) looking rather depressed, drinking coffee. The young author with darker hair sighs, the older one with red hair signs as well.
"God I hate writing about Amara and Michelle," Said the red-head.
"I agree, can't we just kill them?" Said the younger one.
"No that would be a plot-hole and they're very bad, " said the red head.
"Damn…what if we made it look like an accident?" Asked the younger one.
"No, we have to be good authors."
"Please? I'll give you a buck."
"Why would I want some one named Buck?"
"Fine I'll…I'll… give you my beloved Seth Green poster." Murmured the young one, reluctantly.
"No, you'll die without it."
The young author sighs with relief. "Oh, Thankyou!"
"Come on, let's get on with it."
So like we said, miraculously Amara and Michelle flushed themselves down a toilet. Of course this is physically impossible, but it is also physically impossible for fourteen year-olds like Serena to have double D cup breasts, so there you go.
Anyway, they flew out of the toilet, pulled at their uniforms causing jet packs to spring from their shoulders. Using the said jetpacks, they flew alongside the other plane while a techno version of Barbie Girl played as an action-packed sound track. Of course instead of 'Barbie' girl it said 'Macho' girl, because Amara almost murdered the TV show DJ for screwing up the music again. Michelle was upset because she loved Barbie girl. (Barbie was a distant cousin) The villains saw the sailor scouts coming, and started to freak.
"Aaaahhh, SAILOR SCOUTS!" Said one.
"OH NO it's the LESBIAN one!" Yelled a man with three legs.
"We're gone for sure!" Yelled one with green hair.
"Oh my God it's like, the Sailor Scouts! I have to get their autograph!" Cried garbage man.
There was a record scratch and everyone (even Amara and Michelle) stared at garbage-bag man.
"Oh, i mean...let's get 'em!" He yelled.
Amara and Michelle landed on the plane's wings, which is impossible, but dammit, we no longer care.
With a crash of Kung Fuu fighting, they smashed their way through the emergency exit without even getting cut.
"Come out, Shrapdosettach," Yelled Garbage man with all his might. He threw a small magic sack in the air, and it exploded and became a big-breasted monster dressed as a kinky mailman.
"Oh no, the kinky mail man!" Michelle cried.
"Actually I'm kinda turned on," Amara replied, flashing her hairy legs in the air. "You oughtta wear stuff like that more often."
"Um, I'm starting to seriously question our relationship, Amara," Michelle stuttered, and suddenly the kinky mailman/girl began to speak…
"Hi, I'm like, totally dumb and predictable but guess what, I'm gonna kill you!" She cried.
She marched towards Amara and Michelle, picked them up, and tossed them out of the plane!
"HEY, you're not supposed to do that! You're supposed to fight us with lame weapons until we destroy your tarotcard/heart chrystal/dream mirror thing!" Amara screamed as she and michelle fell through the air.
Everyone in the universe cried with happiness because Amara and Michelle had temporarily dissappeared from the fic, well except for the occasional Amara and Michelle fans, but they're stupid. Sadly, Amara and Michelle will return because as you know, Sailor Scouts cannot die. Anyway, the villains looked at each other in shock.
"Holy shit, did you just see that?" Cried Melvin.
"They actually got rid of two scouts!" Molly cried.
They all looked at the kinky postgirl in awe.
"Um... yay?" Said the big-breasted monster.
All the female villains and the occasional males came and picked Garbage man up and kissed him.
"Ohhh garbage man, you're soooo smart!" Yelled a perky pixie-looking girl with big ears
"You're one sexy hunk of manhood..." Crooned one with two diamond earrings and a ponytail.
"Um okay, now can any female ones kiss me?" He cried, extremely confused.
"I would but Melvin would probably stab you to death," Molly commented.
"I guess that's true," Said Melvin, shrugging. "I am a very muderous person"
Suddenly, Melvin touched his pocket.
"Hey, why do I have someone's wallet in here?"
For those of you who are paying attention, Prince Saphire came back from the dead because some one stole his magical wallet.
"That's not your wallet, it'ss all rotting and it's got dirt on it!" Molly shrieked.
He opened it up and was a license in it to fly intergalactic spaceships.
"Prince Saphire, never heard of him!" she commented.
"I have, he was a villian who fell in love then was brutally murdered," Garbage man cried, fighting off a series of flamingo dancers.
"He was oh so sexy," Swooned the perky pixielike girl.
'" I remember reading about it in the villian weekly good gossips page" he added thoughtfully
" We must have picked this up at the cemetary when I did my daily crying my eyes out at neflights grave" Molly cried
"I told you to never mention him in my prescence!" Melvin Snapped.
"Well let's see what's in here..." Said Melvin, taking the wallet.
"He was so sexy, " Molly sighed. "Oh but not as sexy as you Melvin." She added as an afterthought.
Apart from the space ship license, there was an I.D card, a Credit card, and a picture of his family.
There was him as a child, absoloutely adorable, sitting near his big brother Prince Diamond. The king and queen were there too.
"Aww, how cuute.." Said Molly. "Melvin, lets have babies!" she suddenly cried.
"But...who's that?" Said the perky girl, pointing to an adorable boy sitting next to Saphire, who looked an awful lot like him."
"Oh my," Said a girl wearing a few sequins. "That looks just like...like..."
"...Tuxedo mask..." Whispered the perky girl.
"OH MY GOD" Everyone in the universe suddenly screamed.
"Gimme that!" Yelled Molly, snatching the photo from the perky girl's hands.
And all our readers died due to this sudden plot twist.
"Damn our readers have died again, better bring them back to life with voodoo magic." Said the red-headed author. The younger one dashes around dressed in chicken feathers crying "OOGAA CHUCKAA!!" And the audience magically came back to life with the urge to eat human flesh.
"Okay so, Tuxedo Mask is Prince Saphire's brother or whatever, what are we going to do about it?" Asked Melvin.
"Aren't you a least bit shocked?" Whispered Molly. "I mean, Tuxedo mask is good and Prince Saphire was ...well, bad."
"Oh come on, he looks exactly like him." Melvin pointed out.
"Well actually, Tuxedo mask is evil now and prince Spahire is good…and dead." The author remakred, wandering past in her pyjamas.
"Yeah but i didn't know that!" Yelled Molly, throwing the author out the plane window.
But before she could swear and curse, spike from buffy saved her and they lived happily ever after.
"She was right, you know." Said the perky girl. "Tuxedo mask is evil now, I've seen him."
"Yeah, he ditched the stupid hat and cape," Said The one wearing a few sequins and a high heeled shoe.
"And now he's weaing... duh duh duhh an incredibly sexy suit of armour!" They all cryed and swooned.
"Well if he's evil, then what are we doing here? We have to get him on our side!" Melvin cried.
"But where is he?" Screeched the perky one.
"Um... I dont think any one knows," Said Melvin.
"I hate this perky one, let's shoot her." Commented Molly.
Where was Tuxedo Mask indeed? Last we heard of him, he had broken out of jail using his magical sword, and now he's on a quest to kill Sailor Moon. Of course he made a cameo appearance in Rini's beautiful dream…but where was he in reality?
"I heard he's been living in a one room appartment over a bowling alley and below another bowling alley," Screeched a man with long hair.
"Let's go!" Melvin screamed.
"Wait a minute, we're flying over the Pacific ocean," Molly pointed out.
All the villains put on life jackets, then ran towards the emergency exits.
"Okay now, let's go!" Screamed Melvin, and they all jumped out of the plane.
"WOOOOOOO HOOOOO!" They screamed, falling down the blue sky in a huge array of colours. Then they made a beautiful air ballet thingy, and everyone on the planet Earth marvelled at the beauty, and thought that it symbolized peace and brotherhood, hope for mankind.
"AWWW let's go plant some trees!" They all thought, all struck down by the gorgeous air show.
The villians landed on the tropical island of Fiji, which proved that the plane had been travelling in entirely the wrong direction.
Slowly all the villians stood up incredibally dazed and confused, Garbage bag seized the opportunity to become leader.
"Allright, we need to build a boat out of banana leaves," He ordered.
"I knew we should have just stayed home and wactch re runs of I Love Lucy…" The perky one muttered darkly under her breath