Disclaimer:  I own nothing.  Everything belongs to Joss Whedon and Warner Brothers.

Title:  All That's Good

Part 7:  Endings

By

Anessa Ramsey

         Willow was on a different plane of existence.  The thought was still hard to wrap her mind around...to accept, even after thinking about it all night.  Just as hard to accept as the fact that Spike was truly gone.  She'd listened to Will talk with the gang and his new friends and nothing remained of the vampire that had been her confidante and lover.  She was surprised by the fact that she missed him already. 

         What he did was wrong, everyone knew that, but she also knew what they didn't.  Her role in it all.  She wasn't going to let herself think that she deserved it, no one deserves rape, but she had to take responsibility for her own actions.  And to do that she had to talk to the one person she should have talked to all along.  He may not be Spike but she knew that he had all the memories.  It was what he deserved.

         Descending the staircase, she walked quietly through the Halliwell living room, trying not to disturb any of the people who were talking animatedly in the living room.  Xander looked up as she passed by and he caught her eye.  She stopped momentarily and she could see in his eyes that he knew what she had to do.  Instead of trying to stop her, he just nodded his head, and she smiled before continuing to the kitchen.

         She paused in the doorway and was shocked to see Paige and Will kissing.  It was soft, a slow, tender kiss, the kind of kiss that she had always refused him.  She turned her eyes away for a moment, surprised by the flare of pain that shot through her heart.  She tried to tell herself that it was none of her business who he kissed, but she knew that she was lying to herself.  Even though she didn't love him, even though he wasn't Spike, her mind screamed that he was hers.  She knew that in time it would fade, but some part of her would always remember him, always want him.

         Buffy watched them a moment longer before clearing her throat.  "I don't mean to interrupt, but I need to talk to…Will."

         Paige stiffened, and Buffy noticed the glare that the young woman sent her direction.  Obviously she knew.  "It's okay," Will said to Paige, running a hand over her hair.  "I'll just be a minute."  Paige glared at Buffy again then walked past her, not saying a word.

         Will turned on her and suddenly she was very unsure of herself.  This was Spike's soul.  He knew everything she'd done to his body.  Knew every harsh word and beating she'd inflicted on him.  How in the world was she supposed to say anything to make that better.  "It usually helps if you speak, Buffy."

         She nodded.  "I'm not sure where to start."

         "There's really nothing to say.  Your apology is lost on me.  Just as mine would be on you.  I'm not Spike.  It's is not my place to forgive you or for you to forgive me.  What occurred is just the way it is.  And we must live with that."

         She didn't know how to respond.  He'd taken everything she'd been thinking and told her that there was no point.  So she asked him something she'd wanted to know since he'd arrived.  "How did he do it?"

         "With very little pain and a heart full of love."

         She glanced away, trying to ignore the truth in his eyes.  His eyes.  She looked into them and sometimes they looked like Spike's, but then the look faded and she was gazing into the eyes of a stranger.  Had she ever really known Spike?  She invited him into her body more times than she could count, but had she ever known anything about him.  Judging by the way Will was, she knew the answer was no.  "He did it willingly?"

         "He was seeking out his soul, but the Elders had different plans for him.  He didn't need a soul.  He had one all along.  And yes, he made the decision willingly."

         He tried to get his soul restored so that he wouldn't be an evil, soulless thing.  The irony of it was not lost on her.  "Did he say why?"

         "No."

         "Oh."  No last words for her or Dawn.  No 'tell her I love her' or 'so long, nibblet'.  Nothing but a pile of ashes to show that he'd ever been on this earth.

         "He understood what he was doing, you know.  He did it because he loved you.  Because he loved Dawn.  He did it for the greater good."

         For the greater good.  How much of what she'd been and done the past year had been for the greater good?  Not much. 

         "He wouldn't want you to miss him.  He wouldn't want you to mourn or question yourself or your actions.  He understood.  Probably better than you might think.  I should know.  I remember all he felt."

         "Do you think he's in hell?"

         "I know he is."

         Of course he was.  He'd been a demon.  It still didn't sit any better with her because of it.  "I'm going to miss him."

         "I know."

         "He was the only one I could talk to for so long…I just wish I would have let him talk to me.  That's all he really wanted you know."  Will nodded.  "He wanted to talk…to understand why I was the way I was to him.  I took all my anger out on him, because I couldn't tell them."

         "He knew."

         She nodded and tried to hold back the tears that were finally coming.  She grabbed a paper towel from by the sink and dabbed at her eyes.  She needed to change the subject.  "I don't suppose that there's any chance that we could even see Willow, just to make sure she's okay."

         He smiled, a lopsided, shy smile, and she was suddenly aware of how different it was from Spike's smirk.  "I'll see if the Elders will allow it.  They may not agree."

         She smiled and quietly walked toward the door.  Looking back one last time, she knew that she wouldn't be seeing him after they left the next day.  "He saved me you know.  Every night he saved me."  With one last glance she walked out of the kitchen and out of his life.