(A auditorium Lance stands, a red curtain is behind him)

Lance: Hey everyone. You ever notice how Jean Grey's hair turns red when she is being a jerk?

Person in crowd: Its always red.

Lance: Exactly

(Crowd laughs and Lance ducks and a frying pan goes over his head)

(Commercial)

(Lab, Sabertooth in the background behind a glass wall 3 Scientists are there.)

Scientist voice: Observe the Angry Sabertooth.

(Deer carcass is thrown in the cage and Sabertooth rips it apart)

Scientist: The beast is still most ravenous. Now we introduce Kit Kat chunky into the equation.

(A Kit Kat Chunky is thrown into the cage)

Scientist: I seems to be very, very filling.

(Sabertooth lies in the cage asleep. The Scientist looks at the camera. Sabertooth gets back up, breaks through the glass, and leaps on the Scientist. Next scene Sabertooth has a arm and is eating it)

Sabertooth: Have a Bigger Break!

(Back to the show)

(Class bell rings, Scott is leaving the classroom when the teacher pats him on the shoulder.)

Teacher: You are quite a bright young man Scott.

Scott: thank you sir.

(Scott leaves, smiling, he feels in his pockets and gets a confused look on his face)

(Scene changes Kitty standing in the locker room. She has something in a white cloth and is rubbing it against her arm, Rogue walks up)

Rogue: What are you doing?

Kitty: I have come upon a new invention!

Rogue: Really?

Kitty: yeah! Butter!

Rogue: I think that's already been thought up.

Kitty: Yes, but as a food! Not as a skin softener!

Rogue: Skin softener?

Kitty: Skin softener!

Rogue: As in Softening skin?

Kitty: Softening skin!

Rogue: And does it work?

Kitty: oh it works!

Rogue: But... then you're covered in butter.

Kitty: Exactly (licks her hand) Its win, win!

(Scene shows Kurt, Pietro, and Fred at the restaurant, Scott runs in and sits down)

Scott: My wallet was stolen!

Kurt: Stolen

Pietro: it wasn't me!

(All look at him)

Pietro: Well it wasn't!

Scott: Anyway... I think it was the new teacher.

Kurt: the new teacher?

Scott: the new teacher!

Fred: Why?

Scott: well on a teachers salary you need-

Fred: I mean why do you think that.

Scott: well he had all the opportunity.

Kurt: When?

Scott: Well after school, he took me aside and said... keep up the good work

Pietro (gasps sarcastically): That is an outrage, arrest him, he encouraged Scott Summers!

Scott: knock it off.

Pietro: He did a good deed, lets convict him of a crime!

Scott: Cut it out.

Pietro: After all, what is this world coming to when a man can get away with being kind-

(Scott removes his glasses and blasts Pietro, but no one notices)

Pietro (weakly): Medic.

(Lance walks in, Scott and him glare at each other)

Lance (coldly): Hello... Scott

Scott (coldly): Hello... Lance

(Scott leaves, Pietro gets back up and sits down)

Lance: What's up?

(Sticks a piece of gum in his mouth)

Kurt: Scott thinks the new sub stole his wallet

Lance: Why

(Sticks more gum in his mouth)

Kurt: he was being nice to him

Lance (sarcastically): gee that's suspicious.

(Sticks the rest of the pack, about 5 pieces, into his mouth, the others look surprised)

Kurt: What are you doing?

Lance: oh, sorry, want some?

(Takes 7 packs of gum from his pockets and drops them on the table.)

Pietro: What are you doing?

Lance: I have discovered the wonderful world of gum!

Fred: the wonderful world of gum?

Lance: the wonderful world of gum my friend!

Kurt: Right...

Lance: It is a wonderful world.

(Scene shows Scott leaving class, the teacher is sitting at his desk and Scott stops and looks at him.)

Scott: I know about 'it'

Teacher: What do you mean, 'it'?

(Scott leaves)

(Scene has Scott washing his car, Kurt and Kitty are there as well)

Scott: So I know the sub stole my wallet

Kitty: How did you find out?

Scott: well I said "I know about 'it'" and he said "What do you mean, 'it'?"

Kurt: That's it?

Scott: Yeah, but when he said it, he gulped a little.

Kitty: Gulped?

Scott: Gulped.

Kurt (sarcastically): Well that makes him a wanted criminal.

Scott: Exactly, and I'm going to prove it!

Kurt: Alright Sherlock, good luck!

Scott: Thanks!

(Scott marches out of the driveway and Kurt looks at him, shrugs, jumps in the car, and drives off.)

(Lance and Kitty are in a Theater. Lance keeps popping gum in his mouth every few seconds)

Kitty: Can you stop that

Lance (muffled): Stop what?

Kitty: You must have three packs of gum in your mouth!

Lance: Oh sorry, want some?

Kitty: Arghh.

(Kitty takes popcorn, rubs it on her arm, and eats it. She repeats this a few times)

Lance: Please stop that!

Kitty: Stop what?

Lance: Rubbing popcorn on your body.

Kitty: I can't help it, I hate movie butter.

Lance: Arghh.

(Pietro, Lance, and Todd, are in the restaurant)

Todd: So she dumped ya?

Lance: No, we are at a stand still.

Pietro: Meaning?

Lance: We aren't going out, because we annoy the heck out of each other. But we can't see anybody else.

Todd: that's a fairly raw deal

Pietro: Just stop chewing gum

Lance: I can't, it's an addiction

Todd: addiction?

Lance: an addiction.

Pietro: Its just gum!

Lance: Nothing... is just gum!

(Lance leaves)

Todd: Is it just me or is he getting more insane by the second.

Pietro: Definitely not just you.

(Kurt and Kitty come in and sit down)

Pietro: So what's the story about Scotts wallet?

Kurt: He is still going insane trying to prove the sub did it.

Todd: he won't stop at anything?

Kurt: Nope, he is going to sneak into the School tonight and search for 'incriminating evidence'

Pietro (turns to Kitty): So what is the story with Lance and you?

Kitty: We are thinking of ending the relationship.

Pietro: Just because he chews a bit of gum?

Kitty (sarcastically): Oh Yeah Pietro, Lance only chews a bit of gum, and Marolin Mansion is well adjusted!

Pietro: Point taken.

(Kitty licks her arm)

Todd: But Lance is right, that is very annoying.

Kitty: But so tasty.

Kurt: But... you constantly smell like butter!

Kitty: I don't care.

(Scene has Scott sneaking through the halls of the school, he comes to a classroom and opens the door. He starts going through papers and drawers finding nothing. Suddenly he hears footsteps, and jumps through the window.)

(The restaurant. Pietro, Fred, Evan, and Rogue are there. Scott runs in.)

Scott: I have proof!

Fred: Wait to go! Proof of what?

Scott: that my wallet was stolen by the sub!

Rogue: What is it then?

Scott: I snuck in tonight, and someone was patrolling the halls, and stopped in the classroom!

Pietro: So?

Scott: So? They're making sure no one finds the wallet!

Evan: or it's the security guard making sure no one breaks into the school

Scott: What kind of weirdo breaks into a school?

(All look at him)

Scott: What?

(Scene shows Kitty walking down a path in the park, suddenly a bee starts flying around her)

Kitty: Go away bee!

(It flies back and she turns around and sees a huge swarm of bees. She lets out a scream and shields her face)

(Scene shows Kurt and Rogue get into Scotts car. Kitty walks up to them swelled up with many bumps all over her)

Rogue: what happened to you?

Kitty: I got attacked by bees!

Kurt: Bees?

Kitty: Yeah, they were attracted to the butter on my skin! So where are you going?

Kurt: To visit Lance in the hospital.

Kitty: What? Is he hurt?

Rogue: Nothing serious, he just got a wad of gum in his throat and started choking.

Kitty: I'll go with you.

Kurt: This is actually a blessing.

Kitty: how?

Kurt: He'll never eat another stick of gum.

(Commercial Break)

(Scott, Evan, and Todd are at the restaurant)

Evan: SO did you ever solve the problem of the substitute teacher?

Scott: Oh yeah, I got it covered.

(Scene shows several police cars around a house, the teacher peeks through the blinds of his window)

Cop1: We have you surrounded, come out with your hands up!

Cop 2: He threw something at us sir.

Cop 1: What is it?

Cop 2: A wallet.

Cop 1: He's hostile, open fire!

(Scene freezes as the cops start shooting)



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