(An auditorium, Lance stands in front of a red curtain)
Lance: So how about that principle Kelly? I don't mean to say he is nervous, but our swimming pool seems to be filled with sweat not water.
(Crowd Laughs)
(Commercial Break)
(Scene has Jamie walking down a street, a billboard in the background says 'loose moose cigarettes' and has a pictures of someone smoking. Jamie continues to walk down a street and there are signs in stores that say 'yes we now sell loose moos cigarettes' several other bill boards like this are seen. Jamie finally walks into a street where there is a huge sign that fills the entire screen, advertising loose moose cigarettes, Ray is also there.)
Ray: Hey kid, want a smoke?
Jamie: No thanks, that's not cool.
(Scene changes to a black background with the words 'say no to drugs' in white letters, and a the symbol of loose moose cigarettes in the bottom right.)
(Scene shows Lance sitting in the restaurant)
Lance: Hello, this is Lance Alvers, please leave a message and get back to me... no to lame. Hey hey! This is Lance Alvers, leave a message for the avalanche and I will get back to you, as soon as my schedule shakes up.... maybe?
(Kitty and Rogue walk up, Kitty sits beside Lance and kisses him on the cheek, but he doesn't take any notice.)
Lance: Hi, I'm Lance Alvers, leave a message for me at the beep, and I will get back to you.
Kitty: Lance?
Lance: Huh?
Rogue: You were takin to yourself, are you ok?
Lance: yeah, I am trying to find the perfect answering machine message.
Kitty: What's wrong with your current one?
Lance: its too predictable.
Rogue: To predictable?
Lance: yeah, everyone expects it.
Kitty: That's like, a little weird.
Lance: Well figures you would think so, your answering machine message is way below par.
Kitty: Below par?
Lance: Below par!
Kitty: My answering machine message is not below par.
Lance: Oh its below par, if par was at sea level, then your message would be at Mount Everest.
(Kitty turns to Rogue)
Kitty: Is my message really below par?
Rogue: Don't get me into this.
(Rogue leaves, just as she does Pietro walks in)
Pietro: Ih.
Lance: what?
Pietro: Ohw, rae oyu oding?
Kitty: Pietro.
Pietro: Hwat's rwong?
Lance: Ok Pietro what are you doing?
Pietro: I made up a language.
Lance: You made up a language?
Pietro: That's right, all my own.
Kitty: That would take you awhile wouldn't it?
Pietro: Not really, I take English, and I put the second letter in front of the first.
Lance: Then you didn't really make up a language.
Pietro: What?
Lance: You just made a few changes to an existing language, there is nothing unique.
Pietro: But-
Lance: you are the pinnacle of laziness.
Pietro: And you could do better?
Lance: I could put more effort into it.
(Scene has Scott walking down the street, he looks in the window and sees a magazine with a guy on it dressed exactly like him.)
(Scene has Lance sitting on a chair in the Brotherhood house. The doorbell rings and Lance goes to the door and opens it, where Todd and Fred stand.)
Todd: Good evening sir, in today's day and age, cosmetics are a good investment.
Fred: if you will allow us five minutes of your time we can show you the opportunity of a life time.
Lance: Guys you live here.
Fred: We have become door to door cosmetic salesmen.
Lance: I don't want any.
Todd: Are you aware that now it is actually fashionable for men to wear make up?
Lance: No its not.
Todd: Yes it is.
Lance: Says who?
Fred: Its what the book told us to say.
Lance: Its not true.
Fred: Lance, if it wasn't true, they wouldn't say it.
Lance: Of course they would say it if it wasn't true!
Todd: Lance, you no that a bad temper is a sign of bad skin conditions.
Lance: No its not!
Todd: But the book says-
Lance: Shut up!
(Lance slams the door and sits down in his chair. In the background we see Pietro walk to the door and hear him open it)
Pietro (from off screen): Hey is that the new line of Lady Rena's skin products?
(Lance hangs his head as screen fades)
(Scene has a close up of the magazine cover, then pulls back to see Scott)
Scott: Don't you see it?!?
(Scene shifts to Scott sitting across from Jean and Kitty at the resteraunt)
Jean:...no
Kitty: Not really.
Scott: Its me!
Jean: No... I don't think your... never mind.
Scott: I'll ignore that. But its my look!
Jean: Your over exaggerating Scott.
Scott: Your under exaggerating!
Kitty: I like it Scott, you seem to finally be on the pinicle of style, its great you want to improve your self image.
Scott: Are you blind!?! I've been dressing like this for the last 3 years!
Kitty: Yeah right Scott, well I have to go, I'm meeting Lance, we are going to see a movie.
(Kitty leaves)
Scott: I'm going to right this injustice!
Jean: Scott, Lance and kitty have been going out for awhile, get over it.
Scott: Not that! This!
(Scott throws the magazine at Jean and stomps off.)
(Scene shows A crowd at a movie, dialogue is heard in the background, zoom in on Lance and Kitty)
Lance: Hello, my name is Lance Alvers and-
Kitty: Lance!
Lance: Sorry (quietly) Leave a message and I will get back to-
Kitty: Lance!
Lance: Sorry!
Kitty: Now cut it out
Lance (very quietly): This is Lance Alvers, please leave a-
Kitty: That's it!
(Kitty gets up and leaves.)
(Scene shows Fred and Todd at the door to a house, the door opens to reveal Logan)
Todd: hello sir, you know you may not realize it, but in Bayville your life is constantly at risk.
Logan: If you don't leave your life will be in risk bub!
Fred: Life insurance is essential to all you care about.
Logan: Getting you away from this house is essential to all I care about!
Todd: You may be denying your importance but what were to happen if you were to die today?
Logan: well since you're the one in danger I don't think that's a problem.
(Logan shows his claws and Fred and Todd back away.)
(Scene shows a office building made of glass, the shadows of two people can be seen through the window on the bottom floor, one is sitting at a desk, and one is seen waving his arms and it looks like he's angry. There is no audio until a security guard is pushing Scott out the building.)
Scott: This is like identity theft, I'll sue!
Security Guard: I would like to see that.
(Scene shows a courtroom with Scott and a few businessmen.)
Plaintiff: Next case, Scott Summers Versus the owners of image scene magazine.
Scott: I am suing the magazine for illegal use of my image.
Judge: Court finds in favour of Image Scene Magazine.
Scott: crap.
(Scene shows Kitty and Rogue walking down the halls of the high school)
Kitty: its just hard to spend time with him, the answering machine message obsession is just annoying!
Rogue: He can't be that bad.
(Lance runs by them screaming)
Lance: the perfect message!
Kitty:... well at least he'll shut up now.
(Scene changes to Todd and Fred looking dejected sitting in the restaurant, and Pietro walks up.)
Pietro: What's wrong?
Todd: No one wants to buy any life insurance, and we did so well selling the cosmetics.
Pietro: your going about it all wrong.
Fred: Huh?
Pietro: To get people to buy it, you first need to prove their life is in danger.
Todd: oh I get it yo.
(Scene changes to a house, the door is strapped with dynamite, Principal Kelly opens the door and it explodes, leaving him charred. Fred and Todd walk up shortly after the explosion.)
Todd: Sir you may not realize but life insurance is a necessity in life...
(Scene shows Scott he is wearing black clothes and a black hat, and his usual Red Sunglasses have clear black tape over them. He opens a window and sneaks through a hallway into a room. It is full of mannequins wearing clothes like Scott. He takes the clothes off all the bodies sticks them in a metal bucket and throws a match in. Scott walks out when we see a Mannequin fall over, its arm landing in the bucket and lighting on fire.)
(Scene now shows Fred, Kitty, Todd, and Rogue sitting in the restaurant when Scott comes in.)
Scott: Well I solved the problem of those guys stealing my look.
Kitty: Not this again.
Todd: What is he talkin bout yo?
Rogue: nothing.
Scott: I took all the clothes off the Mannequins in the warehouse and burned them.
Kitty: So you stopped them from sending these Mannequin's to stores until they can re-clothe them, which will take about 1 hour?
Scott:... yeah...
Rogue: So you really accomplished nothing.
Scott:... yeah
Kitty: Ok. So Todd, Fred, why aren't you two selling your insurance.
Fred: Well we tried Pietro's advice.
Todd: But with the demon sightings and earth quakes in this town, everyone already has life insurance yo.
Fred: So we gave up.
Kitty: Aww.
Fred: its no problem, we sold a lot of cosmetics anyway.
Rogue: Hey look. (Rogue points to a TV that shows the remains of a burned building)
Scott: Hey turn it up.
(Scene shows only the cast looking at the camera mounted here the TV used to be.)
Reporter on TV: The Image Scene magazine and clothing company's main warehouse burnt down last night.
Scott: Oh no.
Reporter on TV: The damages include all their new clothing line, including the much 'shades' look.
Kitty: Isn't that the name of the one that looks like you?
*Scott nods*
Reporter on TV: The estimate of the damages mount up to several hundred thousands of clothes, and equipment. The cause of the fire seems to be a burning trash can, that coincidentally contained only the 'shades' line, taken from the Mannequins that were to be sent out today. The companies only suspect is Scott Summers, who recently sued the company, claiming their 'shades' line was a direct copy of his own clothes.
*Scott slowly inches off his seat and then starts running*
(Commercial break)
(Scene shows an answering machine, a phone rings a couple times and you hear a click. The music from the theme to the greatest American hero starts playing and Lance's voice comes on)
Lance: Believe it or not, Lance isn't at home
Leave a message... at the beep
I must not be in or I'd pick up the phone
Where could I be?
Believe it or not
I'm not home!