Chapter two here! If anyone can explain why my stories aren't posted, I would be eternally grateful. I'd like to know if it's me doing something wrong!

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I hope you'll continue reading, Redrum… ;o)

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Chapter 2

Squall sighed. This wasn't a very good start. Seifer was painfully right. He hadn't denied it. Why? Because Zell owned a large piece of his heart.

" Hyne Squall! You've got the get this straight. Either you mourn Zell all alone, or you let him go and be with Seifer. How hard can it be to choose?"

Harder than he'd ever thought.

He decided to go down to the café on the other side of the street to get a little distance to his problems, and get something cold to drink.

He ordered a large ice-tea, asking the waitress to spike it with some vodka.

Esthar was very lively in the summer. Tourists from everywhere was walking by, souvenir-shopping, in shorts and t-shirts with "I love Esthar" printed on them. And the sun was shining mercilessly, long ago teaching Squall to wear shorts.

His drink was served and the heat made the water vaporise.

Something, he couldn't say what not even under torture, made him look towards the beach, made him rest his eyes on one person. The hand with the glass froze halfway to his mouth and he blocked out everything around him. He didn't notice the hot gust of wind that brought sand to the café. He didn't notice how his hand lost the grip of the moist glass and it spilled into his lap. He didn't even notice the glass breaking against the cement.

Zell was leaning against a palm tree, hands casually tucked in his back pockets, gazing at him with his head slightly tilted forward. Squall almost forgot to breath.

" He's back!"

But the happiness of seeing his long lost lover standing not far from him soon faded. What if this was just another trick of his imagination, what if it was the heat, playing with his mind?

Zell straightened and walked over to Squall, and standing close enough to touch, Squall had no doubts that it was really him.

" Hi Squall. Can I sit down?"

Hearing his voice… Squall just nodded.

" Imagine seeing you here. I never would have guessed. You look nice."

There was so much to say, but Squall couldn't think of one single thing to say, except for the one thing he had been dreaming, thinking, longing and loving for the passed two years.

" Zell."

He smiled, that beautiful smile that had always made Squalls body tingle, and leant his elbows against the table.

" Yes, Squall. It's me. You seem a little surprised…"

" No shit", Squall whispered, making Zell laugh.

" We have a lot to talk about, don't we, Squall?"
" Yes."

" Let's go somewhere else."

Seifer regretted his outburst at the hotel. He had no excuse for lashing out at Squall like that. His boyfriend was hurting, and he did nothing to ease the pain. Just adding more pressure. He needed to be more understanding. More patient.

As he made his way back to the hotel, walking along the beach, he thought of different ways to make Squall forgive him. Candlelight dinner. Massage. A shower. Every option off course ending in hot and steamy sex.

Just as he spotted the hotel, he saw Squall come walking at the boardwalk a little higher up. He was walking with someone. Seifer decided to follow, just to check who this person was. He didn't like the idea of Squall walking of with some stranger.

The two walked slowly, obviously deeply involved with a conversation. And the closer Seifer got, the harder the knot in his stomach got. That person Squall was walking with…he was dangerously resembling… Zell. Blond hair, although longer than what Seifer remembered, the same height, the same body shape, the same kind of lazy stride the martial artist used.

With a heart hammering against his chest, Seifer advanced further. The blond guy suddenly turned towards Squall, making Seifer stop dead in his tracks, ignoring the curses he received. On the left side of his face, the guy had had the same tattoo that adorned Zells face. Too many coincidences….

" Hyne" he breathed through his teeth. " Have I lost you now, Squall?"

"… So after I was hit, I don't remember much. Not until I woke up at the hospital in Dollet. They kept me there for a few months. Apparently I'd been hit pretty bad. I still can't use my right arm properly, but it's progressing. And when the released me…
They were sitting on a cliff, seeing nothing but ocean. The perfect place to talk serious.

"… I returned to Balamb. I… stayed a while with my mother, so she could get used to the fact that I was still alive. I… tried to … contact you…several times. But…things…always got in the way. And…then I heard about you and…Seifer. And I didn't want to interfere. You'd hurt enough."
" If have any idea how much I've been suffering for not having you around… Hyne! Sometimes I've been so close to…kill myself… just to make the pain go away. And maybe get the chance to see you. I've missed you something crazy…"
" I know. But you've moved on. You love Seifer. I'm happy….

" No. I don't love Seifer near half as much as I love you."

" Squall…"

" I still feel your breath on my neck, I still hear you voice in my head. I can't forget you Zell, not after spending so many nights together with you. Not after sharing that love. It doesn't go a day that I don't see something that remind me of you. The pain fades, but the memories… they don't. They last, and nothing can erase them. Not even Seifer. I hoped he could, but I soon realized different. He can't change my past, no one can. And you being gone, my past was back to being a hell. And I realized, that the only person that could make all those memories pleasurable again, is the one I spend them with. You."

" That's what you think, Squall. Have you ever really tried to live without me? And I mean, REALLY TRIED? I didn't think so. You've been holding on too tight. I see it in your eyes, that you're happy, Squall."

" You…make it sound like… you're…not… That you're breaking up with me."

Zell swallowed, sighed, licked and bit his lip before sighing again, turning towards Squall. He reached inside his shirt and pulled out the necklace Squall had given him on the day of his departure. He held it by the chain, letting the sunlight reflect off of it, on occasion blinding Squall.

" You said, that as long as we are together, it would be mine. So now I'm giving it back. We're not together, so it's not mine." Zell always stated the obvious, to avoid confusion. Squall felt his entire world chatter, and it was with force he managed to speak,

" Zell. It was meant to remind you of my love for you. It hasn't faded, so the necklace is still yours."

" But I don't want it." There was no way Squall could handle what he thought would come.

" Why?" His voice came out as a whisper, broken by a restrained sob.

" Because of what you just said. It reminds me of you. And I can't wear it, knowing that you're with him." There was something in Zells voice that made Squalls heart beat faster. Zell was not about to tell him he didn't love him anymore.

" I'll leave him, Zell. Just tell me to, and I'll leave him."
" No. You're happy with him. I've seen you. Happier than you ever were with me. I want you to be happy Squall. That's all I've ever wanted."
" I can't be happy without you Zell."

The tears trailed down his cheeks, making Squalls vision blurry.
" Don't lie to me Squall. I can see it in your eyes, remember. I wish both of you all the happiness in the world. I won't interfere with your lives again, so I need to cut off all the things that bonds us together. Good-bye."

He was about to rise, when Squall took a hold of his arm, forcing him down again.

" Sit, Zell. You haven't really let me speak my mind."

Zell sighed.

" Don't do this to me Squall."
" The day you "died", a part of me died too. The part that makes me whole. That completes me. There wasn't anything in this world that could justify or explain why it had to happen to you. And there was definitely nothing that could make me forget about you. Hyne knows I've tried. But every time I think I've finally managed to move on, even the slightest, there's the memory of you, your face, your smile, you wonderful blue eyes. If I'd known it would hurt so bad to loose you, I'd never have let myself love you. But you made me. You made me love you, and I'm glad you did. You're the single best thing that's ever happened to me, Zell. And I'm sorry, I just…can't let you go."

" Please Squall." Zells tears had broken the boundaries that held them back, and he cried. " You have to."
" Why?"

" Seifer. He loves you, so much. And I can't do to him…. I can't hurt him, the way I've been hurting. It's not fair."
" So you're making me hurt instead?"

" No. Seifer can make you happy."
" I don't want him to. I want you to make me happy."

With a gentle, trembling hand, Zell tried to wipe away Squalls tears.

" Don't cry for me, Squall. I can't stand your tears. Especially when they are for me."
" Zell. I've wanted you back for the last two years. There's no way that I can be happy with Seifer, knowing that you're alive, but not with me. If you want me to stop…" His tears returned with heavier artillery. " you have to tell me you don't love me."

" Squall."

Zells voice was pleading, his tears now falling uncontrollably.
" Tell me, or I'm not giving up on you."
" For your own sake… I don't love you anymore, Squall. I'm sorry…."
And with that, Zell got up and ran away.

Squall sat on that cliff, alone. His mind completely empty, just as his heart.

" I can't live without you, Zell. Everything is…worthless…without you."

He got up, and as he neared the edge, he had no doubts.

Seifer couldn't stop his foot from tapping the leg of the table in front of him. He'd received a call from the hospital three hours ago, and they still hadn't let him see Squall.

" Don't die. Don't die. Don't die. Don't…"
" Seifer Almasy?"

Even if he'd had a rocket strapped on his back, he couldn't have gotten up faster.

" Yes?"

" We have him stabilised. He's unconscious, but you can go see him if you want."
Seifer was already half way through the door.

Squall was lying so helpless in one of the beds. Of his normally so strong exterior there was no trace. Slowly Seifer made his way across the floor, as if any sudden movements could change Squalls health. Carefully he sat down by the bed, taking his lovers hand in his, caressing it softly.
" Hey baby. I've been so worried about you."

He had no idea how to continue. He didn't want to mention Zell. Out of fear. Fear of Squalls reaction, and of his own.

" You really scared me…" The tears were forming in his eyes, unstoppable. His lover had tried to kill himself, and he hadn't been enough to stop him from going through with it. It hurt. And suddenly his hurt overshadowed his worries for Squalls well being.

" Why Squall?" he sobbed. " Why did you do this to me?" He leant his forehead against the bed and just let his tears flow. There was so much he wanted to say, but couldn't verbalize. He'd never had any self-esteem to speak of, and when Squall had confessed what he felt, agreeing on a relationship, he'd been the king of the world. And now he'd found out that he had just been some kind of substitute for something so much better. He wasn't sure what to make of that, it could be sort of a compliment. That he was good enough to replace Zell in somehow. But it could also be the ultimate insult. Just something to ease the hunger a bit, the sorrow. A toy. A thing.

" Excuse me, sir. I'm just here to check on Mr Leonhart."

The nurse had sneaked in soundless and Seifer flew to his feet.

" Eh, sure… Off course", he stammered. " Should I…?" He said, pointing to the door, quickly wiping his tears. This was really embarrassing. The nurse smiled and shook her head.

" No, you can stay. I just have to check his vitals."

Seifer nodded and slowly sat down again, looking sadly at Squall while the nurse pushed some buttons on the machine beside the bed.

" Is he your boyfriend?" she asked casually.

" Eh…" Seifer scratched the back of his neck, blushing something fierce.

" It's ok, I'm gay too. My girlfriend works here also."

He nodded, smiling nervously. This was not a good day.

" Could you do me a favour?" The nurse asked, putting some devices on Squalls forehead.

" What?"
" Talk to him. I need to check his brain function."

" Sure… But what should I say?"

" Something you know he'll react to. Talk to him about his favorite thing."

The shadows closed on Seifers heart when he instantly knew what to talk about.
" Easy."
" Good. You can look at this monitor. When the line reaches over this red mark here, it's a 98% chance he'll wake up."
" Ok."
" You can see it reacts to your voice too." There was something in her voice, something hesitant, weary and Seifer picked up the hint. It wasn't enough. Squalls own boyfriend couldn't bring him back to the living.

" You can start."
" Squall ", he said, voice broken. " You want to see… Zell?" Instantly the line on the monitor shut towards the red mark, and the nurse jumped at the sudden and dramatic reaction.

" Who is… Zell?" She asked, and the line jumped again.

" His… ex-boyfriend. The reason he jumped off that cliff."

The nurse nodded thoughtfully, but there was nothing disgusted in her features.

" They recently broke up?"

Seifer shook his head.

" No, he was M.I.A, considered dead. Squall was devastated. It was two years ago, but I don't think he ever got over it. Never wanted to. We meet him here yesterday. Or Squall did. I don't know what happened, but they walked off, and the next thing I know, Squall lies here. "

A small frown appeared on the nurses face.
" Do you think… Zell… would have reasons to be mad at Squall?"
" Yes, he started to date me but…. Wait, you mean… NO! No, Zell did not do this! He might have caused it, but there is no way he could have pushed Squall. It's unthinkable. Squall's VERY capable to take care of himself, we're all trained mercenaries…."
" Calm down! I just asked. You convinced me by "no", ok?" Seifers breath returned to normal rhythm, and he leant back into the chair.

" I've notice, during our conversation, that Squalls brain have been very active, and at some point almost touched the red line. You noticed the shift in his face?"
Unwillingly, Seifer shook his head. Truth to be told, he hadn't paid much attention to Squall.

" I think… If we were to bring this Zell here, he might… I believe that… there's a strong possibility that he might wake up."

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I hate cliff-hangers as much as anyone else, but I have to cut the story somewhere! Apologize. To compensate, I'll make a sacred promise to post the third chapter (and last) VERY soon!

Love, Zierra!

And, PLEASE!!!!!!! You who find this story, hidden in the unspeakable depths of this website, leave your endless footprints noted! In other words, the author begs you to review!!!!!!!!!!!!!