The Ties That Bind
By Siren
Hey, minna-san!!!!!! I finally did it! I fullfilled the dream of a thousand Esca-fans, and kissed Van!!!!! Okay, so I kinda took him by surprise, and he kinda hurt my feelings, but I promise that there'll be more Nikki/Van moments ahead. Also, you're gonna meet Millierna and her sister in this episode. (Who, if you didn't already know, I can't stand.) So, I hope you enjoyed the last episode. PLEASE REVIEW!!!!!!!!!! P.S.- There is gonna be a song-fic part! ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
A Royal Pain
Oh my God, I can't believe I did that. I can't BELIEVE I just kissed Van Fanel. And I don't think he wanted me to. Oh God, I screwed up everything! I was his friend, and I just ruined everything! Maybe he's only supposed to love Hitomi, even if she's not here. Maybe he just doesn't like me. Hey! What's wrong me with? Besides bad timing, anyway. Oh crap. I can't believe I just ran off like that. But...it was nice. The kiss, I mean. Van has kissable lips. (Of course, all us Esca fans already knew that.) Well, while I try to calm my racing heartbeat, lemme give you an update. As you know, Merle caught up with us. (I always thought Merle was cool.) Van sent her to keep an eye on me, and we were almost dicapitated by a melif's sword. Allen's castle is now in ruins (boo-hoo). He's been really quiet evere since, so we're all giving him his much needed space. Merle's takin' a cat-nap somewhere....(A.N.- Merle: How many times have I heard THAT one?) And Van...I kinda ditched him. I mean, I saw the opportunity, and I took it. But when I kissed him, I could feel him tense. And I didn't want him to be uncomfortable or anything. .....But it was a bit hurtful. So, here I am, in my room on the Crusade, shaking. My nerves are still a mess, and the fact that we're going to Asturia isn't helping. Sighing, I run a hand through my hair. God, I look like crap. I think I'll take a shower and try to find some clean clothes. I remove my now filthy clothes, and turn on the shower. (Let's just PRETEND they have one, 'kay? And by the way, this is not gonna get into great detail. I wanna keep this a PG-13 rating.) Rinsing my hair, I finally allow myself to relax. I'll deal with everything else later. Right now, is my moment of peace. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Stepping out of the shower feeling refreshed, I wrap a towel around myself. I ring out my hair, letting the water drip onto the floor. Walking back into my room, I make my way to the closet. I open it to find men's clothing. Well, at least it's not a dress. (I cannot stand wearing dresses.) I take out a pair of leather pants, and a small, black shirt. Allen's crew must be pretty buff, 'cause even the small ones are big on me. And I am definetly not a small girl. I lay the clothes on the bed, and put my hair up, which is still soaking wet. I fasten it with a clip, which I assume is either Allen's, or one of his one-night stands. (Well, it is a known fact that he's a play-boy.) I hear the door open, and turn to it. I'm suddenly very thankful that I'm still wearing the towel, because Van Fanel is standing in the doorway, his face beet-red. "Uh, uh....I just wanted to talk to you about, uh..." I wrap my arms around myself, my face as red as his shirt. "Um, okay, I'll talk to you after I get dressed," I tell him. He nodds numbly. We stare at eachother, our faces now crimson. "Um, you can leave now." Van snaps out of it, and leaves. I shake my head, and realize he left the door open. I walk over to close it. It's that exact second that Gaddess decides to take a stroll past my room. He looks at me to say hi, and his eyes bulge. I yelp, and accidently drop my towel. Gaddess just stands there, and I shove him away, slamming the door. "DAMMIT!" I yell. I rush over to the bed, and quickly get dressed. I let my hair down, brush it, and open my door, prepared to beat the living hell out of him. "GADDESS!" I scream. I hear a yelp further down the hallway, and follow it. I see someone dart into a room, and chase it. I run into the room, and tackle the form. It's Gaddess, and I've got him in a choke-hold. I pull his hair, and wrestle him to the ground. "I can't BELIEVE you just stood there like that! What kind of pervert ARE you?!" I hear someone clear their throat, and look up to see Van. He has an amused look on his face, and I see why. I'm straddling Gaddess, pulling his hair, his face scrunched in pain. "And what did Gaddess do?" I glare at the man beneathe me, and give his hair one last tug. He cries out, and I stand up, releasing him. "He did what you did, except I dropped my towel!" I yell, my face red. Gaddess cocked an eyebrow at Van. "Whoa, Van. I never thought you had it in you," he jokes. Van and I glare at him. "Shut up!" we scream at the same time. Gaddess covers his ears, and makes his way to the door. He peers at me over his shoulder. "It was a pleasure to see you naked, miss," he says, and leaves. I'm trembling with anger, as is Van. I turn to him, and shove him. "And what about you?! Ever heard of KNOCKING?!" Van puts his hands up. "I had no idea that you were naked." I glare at him with deadly intent in my eyes. "I mean, partially naked," he amends. I sigh. Great. Van saw me 'partially naked', and Gaddess saw me COMPLETELY naked. Could things get any worse? "I wanted to talk to you about the kiss," Van says. I pale. Yup, things can definetly get worse. I don't even know why I asked. "Uh, um, the kiss? Well, I, I mean, my sister said, and I did," I stutter. My eyes are large, as I try to explain. "Uh, um, you see, it wasn't, and I, I'm so friggin' babbling," I say. Van has an amused look on his face. Great. He thinks this is funny. Tears well in my eyes. He thinks that my humiliation is funny! My eyes narrow, and I clench my fists in rage. You know, Hitomi got to slap Van twice, and I don't think I've done it once. SLAP! Van looks stunned, and his hands flies to his red cheek. I won't let the tears fall, but he can clearly see that I'm hurt. "First, you reject me when I kiss you, then you just walk in on me when I'm 'partially' naked, and then you laugh at me?! You're such a low- down creep, and I wish I never kissed you!" I yell. With that, I stomp out of his room, not caring about his reaction. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
An hour later, I'm back in my room, curled up in my bed. I sniffle, and wipe a few stray tears away. I've met a LOT of assholes in my life, but so far, Van was one of the biggest. I wonder how Hitomi put up with him. Maybe she used her psychic power. I close my eyes, pushing all of my thought aside, and let sleep claim me.
(My Dream. Once again, you have been warned. Enter @ your own risk!)
I was at the library, sitting next to Olsen, one of my best friends. She's usually the one to tell me if I'm being an idiot, and I think I need that right now. "So then he smiles, like everything was one big joke." I explain the situation to her, and she nodds. I finish with a sigh, and grab a random piece of manga from the shelves. "You have got the WORST taste in men, you know that Nikki?" I nodd from behind the book. "Tell me something I DON'T know." Olsen thinks for a moment. (You always did think a lot. Too much, in my opinion. It's not healthy.) "Of all the guys, you had to fall for an anime character. And he just so happened to be a creep." She glances at me from her manga. "You ever thought about therepy? I mean, therepy that actually works." I shrug. "Too expensive. Besides, what human being could possibly understand my mind?" Olsen nodds in agreement. "True. Ever thought about falling in love with a NICE character?" I think of the animes I've watched. Hmm...there's Hotohori from Fushigi Yugi, but he's too much like Allen. Ick. There's Dryden from, duh, Escaflowne, but he's too stuck-up. There's that nice kid from Metropolis, but he's too young. "What about Miroku from Inu Yasha?" Olsen suggests. I cock an eyebrow. "He's a perve." Olsen shrugs. "That never stopped you before," she points out. I smack her head with the manga. "Jerk," I mutter. I think for a moment. "Maybe there aren't any nice guys. Maybe they're the ones that don't really exhist, you know?" Olsen perks up from behind her book. "Chichiri!" I stare at her like she's lost her mind. "Pardon?" Olsen smiles. "Chichiri from Fushigi Yugi! He's happy, cheerful, a little wierd, granted, but nice!" I shake my head. "Nah. He has that whole tortured past thing. Besides, he's too sweet. He derserves someone really nice." Olsen rolls her eyes. "You're hopeless." I nod. " So is your hair, poodle-puff," I point out. I'm rewarded with a smack on the head with the manga. I smile. Friends are cool. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
I wake up, and see a certain cat-girl curled up at my feet. What's Merle doing here? Why isn't she with Van? "Merle?" One of her ears twitch, and she wakes up. "Um, what are you doing in my room? Don't you usually sleep in Van's?" Merle glared at the door. "Van-sama was cranky last night, so I came here. I don't know what made him so angry, but I didn't wanna stick around to watch him pacing. Your room was quiet. Besides, you were already asleep, so I didn't think you'd mind." I smirk. "Van's angry? Ha. I should be the angry one. He's the one who walked in on me half naked, the jerk." Merle looked at me. "Van-sama saw you half naked?" I nodded. Merle burst into laughter. I frowned. "It wasn't funny! After Van left, Gaddess scared the hell out of me, and made me drop my towel!" This only caused Merle to laugh harder. "G-Gaddess saw you n-naked? HAHAHAHAHAHAHA!" Rolling my eyes, I get out of the bed, and make my way to the door. "Yeah, yeah. Laugh it up, miss kitty-cat. It wasn't funny to me." I leave the room, and see Van exit his at the same time. My breath catches in my throat, and he sees me. His cheek is still slightly red from where I slapped him. He looks at me, and I can see the hint of anger in his eyes. Hmph. I have every right to be angry at him too. I glare at him, letting the anger and hurt in my eyes show. Van turns, and walks away. "Whatever," I mutter. I turn, and walk in the opposite direction. I can see Allen standing by the window that I had stood at the night before. His eyes are distant, haunted. He's probably thinking about Marlene, or Chid. Maybe Celena. My eyes soften. He's lost so much...I shake my head, and remind myself that he's a play-boy. A jerk. But, he's obviously hurting right now. I walk over to him, and stand next to him quietly. "It must hurt, losing so much," I say. Allen looks at me. "How did you...?" I shrug. "I just do. I know about Marlene, about Celena...about Chid." Allen cringes. "Celena...she was so young. I let her down." I swallow. "I have two sisters at home, both younger than me (which is true). If anything happened to them...well, I don't even wanna think about it." Allen nodds. I open my mouth, wanting to tell him about Celena's true identity. But I have no right. No wonder Hitomi had to remind herself to stay out of everyone's buisness. "I'm sorry about Celena, and Marlene. I'm sorry that Chid doesn't know that his real father is standing right next to me." Allen's eyes widen. "You know about Chid?" I smile. "I know a lot of things. I know that you had an affair with Marlene. I know that Chid is the result of your and Marlene's affair. I know that Millerna loves you. I know that you loved Marlene dearly. And I know that you really are a playboy." Allen smiles at the last part. I give Allen's arm a gentle squeeze. "And I know that everything's gonna be okay. Trust me." Allen smiles again. "Thank you." I nod, and turn around. Van's standing at the corner of the corridor, obviously displeased at what he saw. Good. He should be jealous. Van glares at me icily, and I return the feeling. I hold my head up high, turn on my heel, and walk away. Let the jerk think what he wants. I don't care. I never should've cared. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
I feel the Crusade shake as we land in Asturia. I walk outside, happy to feel the warmth of the sun. Van walks up behind me, and brushes me aside. I frown, feeling more angry and hurt than ever. He doesn't even acknowledge my prescence. Fine. If he wants to do the silent treatment, than so will I. Merle bounds up to Van, and offers him a bright smile. He doesn't return it. Frowning with hurt, Merle walks over to me. I smile down at her warmly, and her face brightens a bit. "ALLEN!" I wince. Oh damn. It's that high-pitched voice that can only belong to... "Millerna-hime!" Dammit, do I ALWAYS have to be right? Millerna dismounts from her horse, and gives Allen a warm embrace. The blonde looks ecstatic. "Allen! I'm so happy to see you! You should've sent a message sooner. We could've prepared a proper welcome," the ditz says. I roll my eyes. Good God, I hope I didn't gush all over Van like that. Ick. "I'm sorry hime, but we had to leave under critical circumstances," the knight apologizes. The knight, and the princess. Hitomi was right, they do make the perfect couple. They're both idiots. "Oh, that's right. Father wanted to talk to you. Here, take my horse," she offers. "Take her with you, while you're at it," I murmer quietly. "Thank you." Allen mounts the horse, and leaves. Oh God, if Millerna asks me to take her stuff for her, I might just kill her. "Um, you." She points at me. I'm gonna snap that finger right off her friggin' hand if she says what she's gonna say. "Carry Allen's bags, would you?" I try as hard as I can to remain calm. My face is nuetral. "Uh, princess, I'm not a maid, and I'm not a servant. God gave you two arms, carry them yourself. I mean, you should be happy to, seeing as how you worship the ground he walks on anyway," I say coldly. Millerna looks furious. "For that rudeness, you shall be punished," she tells me. I shrug. "For your stupidity, no wonder you're single," I retort. Millerna looks like she's going to scream. "Who do you think you are?!" she screams. I glance at her from over my shoulder. "Smarter and more capable than you," I answer. Millerna stomps after me, and grabs my arm. Ooh, bad move. "What is your name?!" I yank my arm free. "My name is Nicole, and if you EVER put your hands on me again, they'll be ripped from your arms, got it?" I walk away, leaving a stunned princess behind. Millerna looks at Van in shock. "Who IS that freak?" she asks. Van shruggs. "A very pissed off girl." ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
I walk into Asturia, glad to be around nice people again. Merle bounds up beside me. "Whoa! Nobody's ever talked to royalty like that and lived to tell about it!" I cock an eyebrow. "She's just a royal pain in the ass." I walk into the market, and see something on one of the tables. It's a CD. Go figure. I pick it up, and read the label. "Avril Lavign, Let Go." I remember her CD. She's a kick ass artist. I put it back, and continue walking. Merle is looking around curiously. "Why don't you go catch up with Van, and I'll see you later." Merle's ears flattened, her feelings hurt. "Aren't I good company?" I smile. "Of course you are. I just don't trust you around all this stuff. Knowing you, ya might steal something." Merle smiled. "Fine, fine. See you later." I wave as she leaves. The sky is dark. It's going to rain soon. I walk through the town, watching the people pass me by. They carry on with their lives, talking about the day's events, like their live's are normal. Animal-people, soldiers, melifs...I feel something cool and wet touch my hand. It's starting to rain. I walked over to the bridge where Allen and Hitomi had kissed. The rain makes ripples in the water. Soon, my hair and clothing is soaked, and the cold seeps through, and chills me to the bone. I've messed up so much so far. I'm a terrible Esca fan. I haven't done anything right. I just keep making one mistake after another.
I'm standin' on a bridge. I'm waitin' in the dark. I thought that you'd be here, by now.
I shiver, and wrap my arms around myself. I'm alone again, just like when I first came here. I hate being alone. All the town's people have gone inside, sheltering themselves from the rain. I see a couple huddle under an awning, kissing. At least they have some form of warmth. Right now, I'm cold, inside and out. No one's keeping me warm. I feel warm tears spring from my eyes. Oh no, not now. I can't cry. The last thing I need is for someone to see me cry. But I can't help it. I lean against the rail, and bury my head in my hands. Nobody's here. Nobody came after me.
There's nothin' but the rain. No footseps on the ground. I'm listenin', but there's... no sound.
My body is wracking with sobs as it continues to rain. I ruined my friendship with Van, I pissed off Millerna, so I'm probably going to be executed. I almost got Merle killed because she had to look after me. Everything's wrong. At least when Hitomi was here, things were a little better. I came here to change things. I suppose I did, but not for the best. I shouldn't be here. I'll probably end up destroying Gaea. I shudder, wanting so badly for someone to say that it's not my fault.
Isn't anyone tryin' to find me? Won't somebody come take me home?
I feel a pain in my side, which only adds to my miserable mood. I used to think that when it rained, God was crying. God was probably crying because I'm screwing everything up.
It's a damn cold night. Trying to figure out this life. Won't you, take me by the hand, take me somewhere new. I don't know who you are, but I... I'm with you.... I'm with you...
I don't know how to fix everything I've ruined. I could apologize to Van, though I doubt he'd listen to me...or care. I know this sounds corny and lame, but I could really use a hug right now.
I'm lookin' for a place. I'm searchin' for a face. Is anybody here? I know.
My body is craving warmth, but I can't face them. Besides, I don't know what kind of mood Millerna's in. I sob harder, wishing I wasn't so lonely.
'Cause nothin's goin' right. And everything's a mess. And no one likes to be alone.
I hear footsteps, and look up to see Van. He's shivering, and drenched with rain. He looks at me from under his bangs. I open my mouth to say something, but no words come out. My face crumples as I begin to sob again. I feel two arms wrap around me, and I cling to him, burying my face in his shoulder. I cry, releasing my anger, humiliation, and lonliness. Van holds me, and strokes my hair.
It's a damn cold night. Trying to figure out this life. Won't you, take me by the hand, take me somewhere new. I don't know who you are, but I... I'm with you.... I'm with you...
"I'm sorry I slapped you. I didn't mean it, I was just so emabarrassed, and I keep screwing everything up," I choke out. "I'm sorry. I didn't reject you, you just took me by surprise. And I shouldn't have gawked at you like that," he apologizes. I sniffle, and manage a smile small. "It's okay to gawk," I mumble into his shirt. I pull away from him, and he brushes the hair away from my face. My eyes are red from crying, and I look up at him. "I must look pathetic," I say. Van shakes his head. "No. Not at all." Than, he tilts his head, and kisses me. It's a warm, light kiss. I close my eyes, and return it.
Why is everything so confusing? Maybe I'm just out of my mind... Yeah....
Van wraps his arms around me, and I realize that I'm not cold anymore. Just like that couple, Van is providing me with the warmth I needed. The kiss ends, and Van blushes. He's so cute when he does. "You see, I..." just like I had done before, he's babbling. I smile warmly. I touch his face, and lead his lips back to mine. As we kiss, the rain begins to slow, and the skies lighten. Maybe I didn't screw everything up after all. Because at the moment, everything is perfect.
It's a damn cold night. Trying to figure out this life. Won't you, take me by the hand, take me somewhere new. I don't know who you are, but I... I'm with you....
I'm with you....
2 Be Continued...
By Siren
Hey, minna-san!!!!!! I finally did it! I fullfilled the dream of a thousand Esca-fans, and kissed Van!!!!! Okay, so I kinda took him by surprise, and he kinda hurt my feelings, but I promise that there'll be more Nikki/Van moments ahead. Also, you're gonna meet Millierna and her sister in this episode. (Who, if you didn't already know, I can't stand.) So, I hope you enjoyed the last episode. PLEASE REVIEW!!!!!!!!!! P.S.- There is gonna be a song-fic part! ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
A Royal Pain
Oh my God, I can't believe I did that. I can't BELIEVE I just kissed Van Fanel. And I don't think he wanted me to. Oh God, I screwed up everything! I was his friend, and I just ruined everything! Maybe he's only supposed to love Hitomi, even if she's not here. Maybe he just doesn't like me. Hey! What's wrong me with? Besides bad timing, anyway. Oh crap. I can't believe I just ran off like that. But...it was nice. The kiss, I mean. Van has kissable lips. (Of course, all us Esca fans already knew that.) Well, while I try to calm my racing heartbeat, lemme give you an update. As you know, Merle caught up with us. (I always thought Merle was cool.) Van sent her to keep an eye on me, and we were almost dicapitated by a melif's sword. Allen's castle is now in ruins (boo-hoo). He's been really quiet evere since, so we're all giving him his much needed space. Merle's takin' a cat-nap somewhere....(A.N.- Merle: How many times have I heard THAT one?) And Van...I kinda ditched him. I mean, I saw the opportunity, and I took it. But when I kissed him, I could feel him tense. And I didn't want him to be uncomfortable or anything. .....But it was a bit hurtful. So, here I am, in my room on the Crusade, shaking. My nerves are still a mess, and the fact that we're going to Asturia isn't helping. Sighing, I run a hand through my hair. God, I look like crap. I think I'll take a shower and try to find some clean clothes. I remove my now filthy clothes, and turn on the shower. (Let's just PRETEND they have one, 'kay? And by the way, this is not gonna get into great detail. I wanna keep this a PG-13 rating.) Rinsing my hair, I finally allow myself to relax. I'll deal with everything else later. Right now, is my moment of peace. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Stepping out of the shower feeling refreshed, I wrap a towel around myself. I ring out my hair, letting the water drip onto the floor. Walking back into my room, I make my way to the closet. I open it to find men's clothing. Well, at least it's not a dress. (I cannot stand wearing dresses.) I take out a pair of leather pants, and a small, black shirt. Allen's crew must be pretty buff, 'cause even the small ones are big on me. And I am definetly not a small girl. I lay the clothes on the bed, and put my hair up, which is still soaking wet. I fasten it with a clip, which I assume is either Allen's, or one of his one-night stands. (Well, it is a known fact that he's a play-boy.) I hear the door open, and turn to it. I'm suddenly very thankful that I'm still wearing the towel, because Van Fanel is standing in the doorway, his face beet-red. "Uh, uh....I just wanted to talk to you about, uh..." I wrap my arms around myself, my face as red as his shirt. "Um, okay, I'll talk to you after I get dressed," I tell him. He nodds numbly. We stare at eachother, our faces now crimson. "Um, you can leave now." Van snaps out of it, and leaves. I shake my head, and realize he left the door open. I walk over to close it. It's that exact second that Gaddess decides to take a stroll past my room. He looks at me to say hi, and his eyes bulge. I yelp, and accidently drop my towel. Gaddess just stands there, and I shove him away, slamming the door. "DAMMIT!" I yell. I rush over to the bed, and quickly get dressed. I let my hair down, brush it, and open my door, prepared to beat the living hell out of him. "GADDESS!" I scream. I hear a yelp further down the hallway, and follow it. I see someone dart into a room, and chase it. I run into the room, and tackle the form. It's Gaddess, and I've got him in a choke-hold. I pull his hair, and wrestle him to the ground. "I can't BELIEVE you just stood there like that! What kind of pervert ARE you?!" I hear someone clear their throat, and look up to see Van. He has an amused look on his face, and I see why. I'm straddling Gaddess, pulling his hair, his face scrunched in pain. "And what did Gaddess do?" I glare at the man beneathe me, and give his hair one last tug. He cries out, and I stand up, releasing him. "He did what you did, except I dropped my towel!" I yell, my face red. Gaddess cocked an eyebrow at Van. "Whoa, Van. I never thought you had it in you," he jokes. Van and I glare at him. "Shut up!" we scream at the same time. Gaddess covers his ears, and makes his way to the door. He peers at me over his shoulder. "It was a pleasure to see you naked, miss," he says, and leaves. I'm trembling with anger, as is Van. I turn to him, and shove him. "And what about you?! Ever heard of KNOCKING?!" Van puts his hands up. "I had no idea that you were naked." I glare at him with deadly intent in my eyes. "I mean, partially naked," he amends. I sigh. Great. Van saw me 'partially naked', and Gaddess saw me COMPLETELY naked. Could things get any worse? "I wanted to talk to you about the kiss," Van says. I pale. Yup, things can definetly get worse. I don't even know why I asked. "Uh, um, the kiss? Well, I, I mean, my sister said, and I did," I stutter. My eyes are large, as I try to explain. "Uh, um, you see, it wasn't, and I, I'm so friggin' babbling," I say. Van has an amused look on his face. Great. He thinks this is funny. Tears well in my eyes. He thinks that my humiliation is funny! My eyes narrow, and I clench my fists in rage. You know, Hitomi got to slap Van twice, and I don't think I've done it once. SLAP! Van looks stunned, and his hands flies to his red cheek. I won't let the tears fall, but he can clearly see that I'm hurt. "First, you reject me when I kiss you, then you just walk in on me when I'm 'partially' naked, and then you laugh at me?! You're such a low- down creep, and I wish I never kissed you!" I yell. With that, I stomp out of his room, not caring about his reaction. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
An hour later, I'm back in my room, curled up in my bed. I sniffle, and wipe a few stray tears away. I've met a LOT of assholes in my life, but so far, Van was one of the biggest. I wonder how Hitomi put up with him. Maybe she used her psychic power. I close my eyes, pushing all of my thought aside, and let sleep claim me.
(My Dream. Once again, you have been warned. Enter @ your own risk!)
I was at the library, sitting next to Olsen, one of my best friends. She's usually the one to tell me if I'm being an idiot, and I think I need that right now. "So then he smiles, like everything was one big joke." I explain the situation to her, and she nodds. I finish with a sigh, and grab a random piece of manga from the shelves. "You have got the WORST taste in men, you know that Nikki?" I nodd from behind the book. "Tell me something I DON'T know." Olsen thinks for a moment. (You always did think a lot. Too much, in my opinion. It's not healthy.) "Of all the guys, you had to fall for an anime character. And he just so happened to be a creep." She glances at me from her manga. "You ever thought about therepy? I mean, therepy that actually works." I shrug. "Too expensive. Besides, what human being could possibly understand my mind?" Olsen nodds in agreement. "True. Ever thought about falling in love with a NICE character?" I think of the animes I've watched. Hmm...there's Hotohori from Fushigi Yugi, but he's too much like Allen. Ick. There's Dryden from, duh, Escaflowne, but he's too stuck-up. There's that nice kid from Metropolis, but he's too young. "What about Miroku from Inu Yasha?" Olsen suggests. I cock an eyebrow. "He's a perve." Olsen shrugs. "That never stopped you before," she points out. I smack her head with the manga. "Jerk," I mutter. I think for a moment. "Maybe there aren't any nice guys. Maybe they're the ones that don't really exhist, you know?" Olsen perks up from behind her book. "Chichiri!" I stare at her like she's lost her mind. "Pardon?" Olsen smiles. "Chichiri from Fushigi Yugi! He's happy, cheerful, a little wierd, granted, but nice!" I shake my head. "Nah. He has that whole tortured past thing. Besides, he's too sweet. He derserves someone really nice." Olsen rolls her eyes. "You're hopeless." I nod. " So is your hair, poodle-puff," I point out. I'm rewarded with a smack on the head with the manga. I smile. Friends are cool. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
I wake up, and see a certain cat-girl curled up at my feet. What's Merle doing here? Why isn't she with Van? "Merle?" One of her ears twitch, and she wakes up. "Um, what are you doing in my room? Don't you usually sleep in Van's?" Merle glared at the door. "Van-sama was cranky last night, so I came here. I don't know what made him so angry, but I didn't wanna stick around to watch him pacing. Your room was quiet. Besides, you were already asleep, so I didn't think you'd mind." I smirk. "Van's angry? Ha. I should be the angry one. He's the one who walked in on me half naked, the jerk." Merle looked at me. "Van-sama saw you half naked?" I nodded. Merle burst into laughter. I frowned. "It wasn't funny! After Van left, Gaddess scared the hell out of me, and made me drop my towel!" This only caused Merle to laugh harder. "G-Gaddess saw you n-naked? HAHAHAHAHAHAHA!" Rolling my eyes, I get out of the bed, and make my way to the door. "Yeah, yeah. Laugh it up, miss kitty-cat. It wasn't funny to me." I leave the room, and see Van exit his at the same time. My breath catches in my throat, and he sees me. His cheek is still slightly red from where I slapped him. He looks at me, and I can see the hint of anger in his eyes. Hmph. I have every right to be angry at him too. I glare at him, letting the anger and hurt in my eyes show. Van turns, and walks away. "Whatever," I mutter. I turn, and walk in the opposite direction. I can see Allen standing by the window that I had stood at the night before. His eyes are distant, haunted. He's probably thinking about Marlene, or Chid. Maybe Celena. My eyes soften. He's lost so much...I shake my head, and remind myself that he's a play-boy. A jerk. But, he's obviously hurting right now. I walk over to him, and stand next to him quietly. "It must hurt, losing so much," I say. Allen looks at me. "How did you...?" I shrug. "I just do. I know about Marlene, about Celena...about Chid." Allen cringes. "Celena...she was so young. I let her down." I swallow. "I have two sisters at home, both younger than me (which is true). If anything happened to them...well, I don't even wanna think about it." Allen nodds. I open my mouth, wanting to tell him about Celena's true identity. But I have no right. No wonder Hitomi had to remind herself to stay out of everyone's buisness. "I'm sorry about Celena, and Marlene. I'm sorry that Chid doesn't know that his real father is standing right next to me." Allen's eyes widen. "You know about Chid?" I smile. "I know a lot of things. I know that you had an affair with Marlene. I know that Chid is the result of your and Marlene's affair. I know that Millerna loves you. I know that you loved Marlene dearly. And I know that you really are a playboy." Allen smiles at the last part. I give Allen's arm a gentle squeeze. "And I know that everything's gonna be okay. Trust me." Allen smiles again. "Thank you." I nod, and turn around. Van's standing at the corner of the corridor, obviously displeased at what he saw. Good. He should be jealous. Van glares at me icily, and I return the feeling. I hold my head up high, turn on my heel, and walk away. Let the jerk think what he wants. I don't care. I never should've cared. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
I feel the Crusade shake as we land in Asturia. I walk outside, happy to feel the warmth of the sun. Van walks up behind me, and brushes me aside. I frown, feeling more angry and hurt than ever. He doesn't even acknowledge my prescence. Fine. If he wants to do the silent treatment, than so will I. Merle bounds up to Van, and offers him a bright smile. He doesn't return it. Frowning with hurt, Merle walks over to me. I smile down at her warmly, and her face brightens a bit. "ALLEN!" I wince. Oh damn. It's that high-pitched voice that can only belong to... "Millerna-hime!" Dammit, do I ALWAYS have to be right? Millerna dismounts from her horse, and gives Allen a warm embrace. The blonde looks ecstatic. "Allen! I'm so happy to see you! You should've sent a message sooner. We could've prepared a proper welcome," the ditz says. I roll my eyes. Good God, I hope I didn't gush all over Van like that. Ick. "I'm sorry hime, but we had to leave under critical circumstances," the knight apologizes. The knight, and the princess. Hitomi was right, they do make the perfect couple. They're both idiots. "Oh, that's right. Father wanted to talk to you. Here, take my horse," she offers. "Take her with you, while you're at it," I murmer quietly. "Thank you." Allen mounts the horse, and leaves. Oh God, if Millerna asks me to take her stuff for her, I might just kill her. "Um, you." She points at me. I'm gonna snap that finger right off her friggin' hand if she says what she's gonna say. "Carry Allen's bags, would you?" I try as hard as I can to remain calm. My face is nuetral. "Uh, princess, I'm not a maid, and I'm not a servant. God gave you two arms, carry them yourself. I mean, you should be happy to, seeing as how you worship the ground he walks on anyway," I say coldly. Millerna looks furious. "For that rudeness, you shall be punished," she tells me. I shrug. "For your stupidity, no wonder you're single," I retort. Millerna looks like she's going to scream. "Who do you think you are?!" she screams. I glance at her from over my shoulder. "Smarter and more capable than you," I answer. Millerna stomps after me, and grabs my arm. Ooh, bad move. "What is your name?!" I yank my arm free. "My name is Nicole, and if you EVER put your hands on me again, they'll be ripped from your arms, got it?" I walk away, leaving a stunned princess behind. Millerna looks at Van in shock. "Who IS that freak?" she asks. Van shruggs. "A very pissed off girl." ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
I walk into Asturia, glad to be around nice people again. Merle bounds up beside me. "Whoa! Nobody's ever talked to royalty like that and lived to tell about it!" I cock an eyebrow. "She's just a royal pain in the ass." I walk into the market, and see something on one of the tables. It's a CD. Go figure. I pick it up, and read the label. "Avril Lavign, Let Go." I remember her CD. She's a kick ass artist. I put it back, and continue walking. Merle is looking around curiously. "Why don't you go catch up with Van, and I'll see you later." Merle's ears flattened, her feelings hurt. "Aren't I good company?" I smile. "Of course you are. I just don't trust you around all this stuff. Knowing you, ya might steal something." Merle smiled. "Fine, fine. See you later." I wave as she leaves. The sky is dark. It's going to rain soon. I walk through the town, watching the people pass me by. They carry on with their lives, talking about the day's events, like their live's are normal. Animal-people, soldiers, melifs...I feel something cool and wet touch my hand. It's starting to rain. I walked over to the bridge where Allen and Hitomi had kissed. The rain makes ripples in the water. Soon, my hair and clothing is soaked, and the cold seeps through, and chills me to the bone. I've messed up so much so far. I'm a terrible Esca fan. I haven't done anything right. I just keep making one mistake after another.
I'm standin' on a bridge. I'm waitin' in the dark. I thought that you'd be here, by now.
I shiver, and wrap my arms around myself. I'm alone again, just like when I first came here. I hate being alone. All the town's people have gone inside, sheltering themselves from the rain. I see a couple huddle under an awning, kissing. At least they have some form of warmth. Right now, I'm cold, inside and out. No one's keeping me warm. I feel warm tears spring from my eyes. Oh no, not now. I can't cry. The last thing I need is for someone to see me cry. But I can't help it. I lean against the rail, and bury my head in my hands. Nobody's here. Nobody came after me.
There's nothin' but the rain. No footseps on the ground. I'm listenin', but there's... no sound.
My body is wracking with sobs as it continues to rain. I ruined my friendship with Van, I pissed off Millerna, so I'm probably going to be executed. I almost got Merle killed because she had to look after me. Everything's wrong. At least when Hitomi was here, things were a little better. I came here to change things. I suppose I did, but not for the best. I shouldn't be here. I'll probably end up destroying Gaea. I shudder, wanting so badly for someone to say that it's not my fault.
Isn't anyone tryin' to find me? Won't somebody come take me home?
I feel a pain in my side, which only adds to my miserable mood. I used to think that when it rained, God was crying. God was probably crying because I'm screwing everything up.
It's a damn cold night. Trying to figure out this life. Won't you, take me by the hand, take me somewhere new. I don't know who you are, but I... I'm with you.... I'm with you...
I don't know how to fix everything I've ruined. I could apologize to Van, though I doubt he'd listen to me...or care. I know this sounds corny and lame, but I could really use a hug right now.
I'm lookin' for a place. I'm searchin' for a face. Is anybody here? I know.
My body is craving warmth, but I can't face them. Besides, I don't know what kind of mood Millerna's in. I sob harder, wishing I wasn't so lonely.
'Cause nothin's goin' right. And everything's a mess. And no one likes to be alone.
I hear footsteps, and look up to see Van. He's shivering, and drenched with rain. He looks at me from under his bangs. I open my mouth to say something, but no words come out. My face crumples as I begin to sob again. I feel two arms wrap around me, and I cling to him, burying my face in his shoulder. I cry, releasing my anger, humiliation, and lonliness. Van holds me, and strokes my hair.
It's a damn cold night. Trying to figure out this life. Won't you, take me by the hand, take me somewhere new. I don't know who you are, but I... I'm with you.... I'm with you...
"I'm sorry I slapped you. I didn't mean it, I was just so emabarrassed, and I keep screwing everything up," I choke out. "I'm sorry. I didn't reject you, you just took me by surprise. And I shouldn't have gawked at you like that," he apologizes. I sniffle, and manage a smile small. "It's okay to gawk," I mumble into his shirt. I pull away from him, and he brushes the hair away from my face. My eyes are red from crying, and I look up at him. "I must look pathetic," I say. Van shakes his head. "No. Not at all." Than, he tilts his head, and kisses me. It's a warm, light kiss. I close my eyes, and return it.
Why is everything so confusing? Maybe I'm just out of my mind... Yeah....
Van wraps his arms around me, and I realize that I'm not cold anymore. Just like that couple, Van is providing me with the warmth I needed. The kiss ends, and Van blushes. He's so cute when he does. "You see, I..." just like I had done before, he's babbling. I smile warmly. I touch his face, and lead his lips back to mine. As we kiss, the rain begins to slow, and the skies lighten. Maybe I didn't screw everything up after all. Because at the moment, everything is perfect.
It's a damn cold night. Trying to figure out this life. Won't you, take me by the hand, take me somewhere new. I don't know who you are, but I... I'm with you....
I'm with you....
2 Be Continued...