MARCH
"Mira, do you think I'm pretty?"
"Lucy, what kind of question is that? Of course I think you're pretty." Mira raised her eyebrow at the celestial mage. "I'm pretty sure you already know 's gotten into you?"
"Well I mean, I thought so." Lucy nibbled on a french fry, resting her head on her open palm. "But with the lack of dates I've had lately, I was starting to think that I was lying to myself."
Mira finished cleaning the glass in her hand and set it on the shelf behind her. "You know Lucy, sometimes the best romances start right under your nose." Mira leaned in close, fists on her cheeks. "Isn't there anyone in the guild you could maybe think about taking more seriously? Maybe someone who you might call a good friend?"
Lucy sighed, Mira in matchmaking mode was relentless. She knew exactly who she meant but over the years Mira had thrown so many 'perfect couples' out, she decided to drag it out. "Gray? I mean he is cute I'll give you that, but I think Juvia would drown me."
"No, not Gray. Someone a little more…. dragon-y"
"Okay so you mean Gajeel? I mean I don't really think he's my type, besides I couldn't do that to Levy."
"No! You know darn good and well that Gajeel and Levy are my greatest success!" The pride in her voice was almost enough to make Lucy laugh, but she held it together. "I was thinking more like someone with a little more fire power.."
"Laxus? I mean he's a little grumbly but he certainly is handsome. I'd have to get through Freed but I guess it is an option…"
Mira groaned, "NATSU, LUCY! I MEAN NATSU!"
"Shhh! Mira! You know he'll show up if you say his name." She sighed. "Look I know who you meant but we both know that romance is not for Natsu."
"Oh come on Lucy. I know he's not exactly the ladies' man but he cares about you so much."
"I know he cares about me, but he cares about me as a friend and that's it."
"But you haven't even given him a chance yet! What if he's just shy?"
Lucy stared blankly at Mira for a moment before answering. "Natsu? Shy?"
"Okay, fair. Maybe he just doesn't want to assume that's what you want. Maybe he's waiting for you to make the first move? Come on Lucy, you just HAVE to give him a chance."
"Mira, I'm telling you he doesn't want that."
"But you guys are so close! And think of the babies! Sweet little pink haired, browneye–"
"Mira!" Lucy interrupted, "I promise you he does - not - want - that."
"But how can you know, I mean you really just have to give him and a chance and I think–"
"I did!" Lucy shouted before dropping her face in her hands.
Mira covered her mouth in shock. "What do you mean?" She whispered.
"I tried to see if that was something he wanted to pursue. And the answer was no."
"Well did you really lay it out for him? You know you can't be subtle with Natsu. He won't pick up on it, you really gotta just say it."
"I did Mira." Lucy pulled her face from her hands and clasped them in her lap. Taking a deep breath she decided to share her embarrassment with the she-devil. She might be scary sometimes but Lucy knew Mira wouldn't laugh at her. "Last week, we were at my apartment. He snuck in through the window again and he was there when I woke up. It was just so… comfortable. I realized that I liked him being there when I woke up. That maybe we could make something more out of our friendship. So after he woke up I made us breakfast and I just flat out asked. 'Hey Natsu, do you want to go out on a date with me sometime?' I didn't try to be fancy with words. Just spelled it out. And do you know what his answer was?"
Mira was too scared to assume anything. She just shook her head softly.
"He said, and I quote, 'Blegh why the hell would I wanna do that?" Lucy dropped her head and stared at her intertwined fingers. She couldn't bear to watch the pity she assumed was on Mira's face.
"Oh Lucy…" Mira reached out and touched her shoulder. At the touch Lucy looked up. "I'm sorry."
"It-It's okay. I mean like I said we both know romance isn't really his thing. And I've had time to think about it. He's my best friend. I don't know what I was thinking, trying to change things. Team Natsu works so well together, us dating would have totally thrown off the dynamic. It's really better this way." Lucy took a deep breath and forced more cheer into her voice before continuing. "So since we already established that the dating pool in the guild is basically non-existent, you might not see me here quite so often. I can't meet new people if I'm hanging out with the same old ones."
"Yeah, okay." Mira gave her a sad smile.
"Welp, no point in wasting time around here. Bye Mira!"
"Bye." Mira softly called after her.
She couldn't believe the nerve of Natsu. To just dismiss Lucy's feelings like that?
It must have taken all her courage to put herself out there like that. She normally didn't hold a grudge but the next time she saw Natsu and he was starving she was going to take her sweet time making his food.
MAY
"Man, you guys seen Lucy?" Natsu leapt over the chair and flopped into the seat beside Gray. "I swear every time we come back from a job she disappears for days!"
"Can you blame her, Flame brain?" Gray mocked. "I don't wanna spend any more time around you than I have to either."
Natsu huffed, "The feeling's mutual icicle breath. But seriously, have you seen her?"
Gray almost felt bad, what with the pathetic look on his face as he searched the guild hall like she was going to pop up out of nowhere.
"Natsu, she's not here. I saw her in town last night but that's the last time I saw her." Gray went to take a drink from his mug only to have it knocked out of his hand.
"YOU SAW HER?" Natsu grabbed him by his shirt, knocking over both their chairs. "WHERE?"
Gray coated his fist in ice and slammed it across his jaw. "GET OFF ME YOU IDIOT!"
Natsu threw a punch right back at him, screaming "WHY WON'T YOU TELL ME?"
Gajeel sat in the corner, watching the morons throw each other through tables and chairs. Salamander screaming about bunny girl and Ice boy not answering a single question.
"That's enough!" Erza's voice bellowed through the guild hall, stopping both of them in their tracks. "What is the meaning of this?"
"Gray knows where Lucy is but he won't tell me!" Natsu accused pointing a flaming finger at his rival.
"I already told you dofus, I don't know where she is! I said I saw her last night!" Gray crossed his arms over his chest, and realized his shirt was missing.
"Natsu I have already spoken with Lucy today, she will meet us at the train station in the morning. She is otherwise engaged tonight." Erza explained and Natsu deflated instantly.
"She talked to you?" He stepped towards her, "Did she stay in the dorms last night?"
"No Natsu, I saw her at breakfast. Why?"
"I went to her apartment last night but she wasn't home and her window was locked." He flopped in a nearby chair, as the one he had been sitting in before was now in pieces. "And not just normal locked, I could work around that. She had it spelled so I couldn't even touch it!"
"I told you ash for brains, I saw her last night. She was in town. On a date." Gray said, grabbing his shirt from the beam it had somehow wound up hanging from.
"Oh. Well why didn't she tell ME she was going on a date?" Natsu pouted.
"Probably because she didn't want you to ruin it." Gajeel mocked from his corner.
"Shut up metalhead. Nobody asked you."
"You literally just asked the room." Gray pointed out.
"I was just thinking out loud." Natsu grumbled. " I don't see what the big deal is. Date's are boring. She always has a terrible time. I don't know why she keeps going."
"You're an idiot, Natsu." Gray shook his head and wandered over to the bar. "She, like most girls, wants a relationship and the only way to get that is to go on dates. And if she didn't come home last night, I think she probably had a great time."
"I don't know that it was quite that good." Mira said, delivering a new drink to Gray having seen what became of the last one. "She's seeing a different guy tonight."
"Again?" Natsu whined. Another night he had to sleep in his hammock instead of her comfy bed. He dropped his head back in the chair and stared at the ceiling. He wasn't a complete idiot. He knew girls liked fancy dates and stuff but he didn't think Lucy really wanted those things. Maybe before, when she was Miss Lucy Heartfillia, but not Lucy the Fairy Tail mage. Not his Lucy. She wasn't that shallow.
"You better watch out, Salamander." Gajeel walked behind his chair, headed toward the door. "She might not like this one, or the next. But sooner or later someone is gonna come along and realize how great she is and you're gonna lose her because you're too stupid to see what's right in front of you."
Natsu watched him leave the hall and watched his fellow guild members mingle around him. He scrunched his nose. Gajeel didn't know what the hell he was talking about. He'd never lose Lucy. She was his best friend. They were partners. No stupid date was gonna come between them. No one understood her better than he did. He didn't know why he was letting it get to him. So she went on a couple of dates? So what? Sometimes Happy ate things other than fish. But no matter how much he liked it, sooner or later there'd be a fish in his paws. It was his favorite.
JULY
"Hey guys." Lucy flopped down in the booth next to Natsu, Happy sat on the table, munching on a fish. Erza and Gray sat across from them, Erza weighing which job they should do next. "What are we doing tonight?"
"What no date?" Gray teased.
"No, not tonight." Lucy stole a fry from his plate and smirked. "So I figured I'd slum it with you losers."
"What happened? You run out of guys?" Natsu muttered, raising eyebrows all around the table.
"What did you just say to me?" Lucy was taken aback by the anger in his voice.
"I mean you had to have gone through most of the guys in town at this point, right? Gotta pace yourself now." He sneered.
The silence around the table was thick, not even Erza knew what to say to that. Gray had just opened his mouth to tell Natsu where to shove it when Lucy's humorless laugh broke through the quiet.
"You know what Natsu? Fuck you." She stood from the table, dusted her hands off on her shorts and walked out the door.
"Natsu! What the hell is wrong with you?" Gray yelled, while Erza reached across and grabbed him by the collar.
"You will explain yourself, NOW!" she demanded.
Natsu couldn't look her in the eye. He knew he shouldn't have said it but she'd been basically ignoring him any time they were home. When they were out on a mission, everything was fine. She talked to him, laughed with him, yelled at him and Happy. But as soon as they got home it was like they barely knew each other. He'd see her in passing in the guild hall and she'd smile and wave but she didn't talk to him. She was gone more often than not when he came to her apartment and had started locking the window, He stopped trying that a few weeks ago. What was the point?
"Answer me Natsu!" Erza shook him roughly.
"I shouldn't have said that." he muttered.
"Yeah obviously." Gray shook his head. Even Natsu could see the disappointment in his eyes.
Erza dropped him and sat back in her seat. "You will apologize to her before we leave on our next job or so help me Natsu you will wish I had killed you."
He nodded mutely and slid out of the booth. Gajeel watched him go through the huge wooden doors from his corner booth and shook his head. "I told you, you idiot." He muttered to himself.
Outside the day was sunny and warm and Natsu couldn't help but wish it was a little less… joyful. He felt like crap. He didn't want to apologize to Lucy. Mostly because he was ashamed that he had to in the first place. He took a step toward the gate, the route to her apartment burned into his brain when he heard the tiniest sniffle. He froze in place and listened. Another sniffle, a small whimper and a deep breath. Someone was crying and he had a sneaking suspicion that it was his fault.
He rounded the corner of the courtyard and there she was, sitting beneath a tree with her arms wrapped around her knees, forehead resting on them. His stomach dropped. That was his fault. He had made her cry and he had never felt lower.
"Lucy.." He called softly. Her head shot up at the sound of his voice and his heart clenched. Her eyes were red and puffy but instead of the anger he was expecting to see there it was just… hurt. And he hadn't thought he could feel any more guilty.
"Go away Natsu. I don't want to talk to you." She spit at him, resting her head back on her arms. He almost turned around. He had hurt her enough and didn't want to make it worse, but he had to apologize.
"Luce, I'm sorry. I didn't mean what I said, I was just… mad." He took a few steps closer to her. He didn't want to press his luck but he also didn't want to leave her there to cry.
"Why are you even mad at me? All I did was sit with you." She said through her arms.
"Which you haven't done in months!" Her head shot back up and narrowed her eyes at him. "Don't pretend like it's not true. If we're not on a job, you're so busy dating that I never see you."
"So I've gone on a few dates, what's the big deal? When we go on missions, we're sometimes together for WEEKS!"
"But that's just because you HAVE to be with us! When did you stop WANTING to be with us?" He had every intention of making her feel better but his anger was getting the better of him.
"What the hell are you talking about Natsu? If I didn't WANT to hang out with you guys we wouldn't be a team. But if you're going to insinuate that I am some kind of slut who dates anything that moves, then you can find someone else to fill my spot." She pushed herself off the ground and went to walk past him, since it was the only way to get out of the courtyard.
Despite her best efforts to be as far from him as possible, he reached out and grabbed her arm.
She didn't look at him when she spoke again, "Let me go Natsu."
"I miss you." He said softly, staring at the ground. "I miss hanging out with you. I miss fighting with you. I miss talking to you. I miss you yelling at Happy and me for being in your apartment. I miss my best friend."
His sad little voice took nearly all the wind out of her sails and she stopped fighting his hold. He pulled her closer silently asking her to move and she obeyed until they were standing nearly toe to toe.
"I didn't mean that you were a slut. I would never think that of you and I'm sorry I said it. I just… I just wish you could make time for… me."
She'd never heard him express so many feelings at once. Her anger now all but gone, she reached up and gently brushed his scarf. "Okay."
"Okay?" He repeated back to her. He was sure he would have to beg before she forgave him.
"Okay. I'm sorry too. You're right I have been ignoring you. I got caught up in me and that doesn't make me a very good friend. But I would like to set the record straight, the last few weeks it's just been the one guy, not the whole freaking town."
Natsu wasn't sure whether he should be happy about that or not. Less guys meant less of her time taken away from him. Of course that also meant that she liked one of these jerks enough to keep him around and that opened a pit in his stomach. Nevertheless, getting rid of one guy was easier than getting rid of a bunch and he could do that.
"So do I get to meet him?" He asked, realizing he had let the silence stretch on a little too long.
"Let's not get ahead of ourselves. I don't want to scare him." She turned and started on the path home. When Natsu didn't follow she turned back around to him. "Are you coming?"
He hurried to catch up, not about to waste his first opportunity to sleep in her bed in months. "I'm not scary. Maybe imposing. Maybe impressive. But not scary."
"Yeah sure Natsu, whatever you say."
"Now Erza, SHE'S scary."
SEPTMEBER
Look at him over there with his stupid face and his stupid stories, making everyone laugh.
Natsu was really disappointed in himself. He'd been trying for weeks to get rid of Lucy's… whatever. What was he supposed to call him? She hadn't referred to him as her boyfriend and Natsu wasn't about to hand over that title of his own free will. No matter what he did though, Lucy still kept bringing him to the guild hall.
And to make matters worse, everyone else seemed to think the guy was great. Him and stupid ice breath talked for hours about snow, which sounded like the most borning conversation in the history of forever. Every time he showed up he had a new book for Levy to borrow, a fish for Happy, and some kind of cake that he said was for everyone but good luck prying a slice away from Erza. Him and Mira swapped recipes and he had been helping her in the kitchen every now and then. He beat Fried in chess, Elfman at arm wrestling, and even held his own in a drinking contest against Cana. Everyone thought the guy was great except for Natsu. And Gajeel. He didn't know why metalhead didn't like him but he appreciated it all the same.
"Why are you over here pouting Natsu?" Mira asked from behind him, setting his dinner down on the bar.
He spun around and started shoveling it in. Maybe she had gotten busy with other people because it seemed like it took her forever and it was starting to get cold but he scarfed it down anyway. "I'm not fouting, I 'ust 'on't wanna wisten to shtewpid Shegerti." He muttered through his overly full mouth. Despite the food taking up letters, Mira knew what he meant.
"You mean Shigeru? Come on Natsu, he's a nice guy." She eyed the man in question over his head, laughing with Lucy and a few others at something Levy had said.
Natsu wiped his mouth and glanced over his shoulder. "Whatever his name is. Everyone thinks he's so great, but he's so boring. I don't know why Lucy keeps torturing herself. You know the last time there was a guild fight he left! Who does that?! He didn't even try to get a swing in."
"Natsu, he's not a wizard. He's a researcher, it's not really his thing. And I don't think Lucy is torturing herself." She glanced over his head again, "She looks pretty happy over there."
Natsu once again turned his body and looked at his partner. She did look happy, but that made the food he just inhaled feel like it was going to come back up. "She was happy before he came along too."
"Come on Natsu, weren't you complaining a few months ago that you never got to see her unless you guys were on a mission? Now she's here way more often."
"Yeah, with him." He pushed his plate away, no longer able to eat. "Why does he have to tag along every time she comes? I thought they were just dating."
Mira scrunched her brows. "Usually, people like to spend time with the person they're dating. She's gone a lot on missions. With YOU I might add. So when she's home, they spend time together whenever they can."
"Dates are supposed to be those fancy things that people go on, with flowers and fancy outfits and expensive food that doesn't taste very good. This is not that. They just… do normal stuff together." Stuff she used to do with me, he added to himself.
"Natsu, do you think Lucy dating him means that she just goes on dates with him?" She was starting to realize that he might not even know how much trouble he was in.
"Well yeah, that's why they call it 'dating', duh Mira." He rolled his eyes at her.
"Natsu… normally once you find someone that you enjoy being with you stop going out on those fancy outings and just… spend time together." She didn't enjoy watching the truth sink in.
"You mean she…" His mouth opened and closed as he searched for the words. "She wants to do normal stuff with him? Like forever?"
"Well it's a little early to know that." She tried to soothe, "But yeah, she decided that she didn't need to go on any more dates because she found someone she wanted to get to know better, and the best way to do that is to do, well, normal, everyday stuff together. You know, spend time together."
"But why does she need to spend time with anyone? She has me. She's my best friend, sure we fight sometimes but most of the time we have fun. Why wasn't that enough?" His voice cracked near the end and Mira put her hand over her heart. He really didn't know.
"Natsu, I know that Lucy cares about you very much but she wanted more than just a friend." She explained, watching his forehead wrinkle. She decided to just lay it out there for him. He was a sweet guy but damnit if he wasn't denser than a brick wall when it came to feelings. "She wants someone to kiss her and hold her and…. Love her."
That hit Natsu square in the chest. Love her? Is that what was happening? He never had any sort of interest in romance, it all just seemed so fake. Stuff that girls wanted and that guys pretended they wanted to do to get the girls. He knew Lucy was into that stuff, he had skimmed through some of the books on her shelf all those nights when he was waiting for her to get home. If he was really honest with himself he had pictured what it would be like to kiss her once or twice and his blood had rushed away from his brain. But he wasn't ready for that. That seemed like forever kind of behavior and he assumed he had time. She had been on dates, and she would come home at the end, find Natsu in her apartment, vent to him about how dreadful the guy had been, how he did nothing but stare at her chest or talk about himself. How the food wasn't that great and that she had gotten dressed up for nothing. Then she would take a bath, change into her pajamas, and crawl into bed with him. He knew that she was his. That when he pictured the future, she was the only one ever at his side. But that future was long off, he wasn't ready for the responsibility of a relationship. He liked how things were.
And yes, he knew that wasn't really ideal. He didn't particularly want to share Lucy at all but he wasn't ready to take on the other parts, so he let those other jerks enjoy a small amount of her time, knowing that she would always come back to him. He never expected to be replaced. He never expected her to find someone that could do the romance-part and the friend-part. Someone to do the… nothing.
"Does she… love him?" he asked softly, frowning down at the bar.
"I-I don't know." She gently replied. "You'd have to ask her."
He nodded and stood from the bar. "I'm gonna head out, Mira. Can you tell the team I'll meet them in the morning?"
"Of course." She grabbed his plate and took it with her to the kitchen.
He had barely made it a few steps, lost in thought when he bumped into something soft and blonde.
"Geeze Natsu, are you walking with your eyes closed?" Lucy laughed, steadying herself with his arm. She looked up and caught the sad look on his face. "Hey, what's wrong?"
He shook his head and plastered the best smile he could muster on his face. "Sorry Luce, I was thinking about… the next mission. But I just remembered that I promised Happy I would take him fishing before we leave and we're headed out in the morning so I gotta get going."
"Oh.. okay. I was going to see if you wanted to go with me and Shigeru to the magic shop. I heard a rumor they got some new silver keys and I want to go check it out."
Another thing they would normally do together. Another place Shigeru had replaced him. He'd be lying if he said it didn't hurt.
"Nah, it's okay. I promised Happy. Can't let the little guy down. See ya Lucy!" He ran from the guild hall before she could say another word.
"Where's Natsu going?" A squeaky voice said from behind her.
"Apparently he promised you he'd take you fishing before we leave tomorrow." She answered, frowning at the door and wondering why in the hell Natsu lied to her.
"He did? Well then I should go too!" Happy leapt into the air and flew quickly after him.
What's going on with you Natsu?
"You ready to go, Lucy?" Shigeru appeared beside her, holding her bag and adjusting his glasses.
"Yep. All set."
NOVEMBER
"I don't know Levy, it just feels so… early." Lucy said, hanging her head off the edge of the blue haired mage's bed. "A trip together? With the whole family?"
"Lu, you've been dating for nearly 6 months. It's not really that early…" Levy countered, painting her last toe. "Besides he obviously really likes you, maybe he wants to take it to the next level."
"Okay so ask a girl on a couples getaway, not one with your whole family!" she sighed, lifting herself up to face her friend. "What if they don't like me?"
"How could they not like you, Lu? You're amazing."
"Thanks Levy, but I'm really… I don't know if this is a good idea." Lucy held her knees to her chest, staring out the window.
"So you don't want to take it to the next step?" Levy raised an eyebrow.
"It's not that I don't want to… I mean I don't not want to but what even is the next level? We're already dating. What's after that? Engagement?" Lucy gasped. "Oh Mavis, do you think he's going to propose?"
"Breathe Lucy." she put her hand on her arm, "I don't think he's going to propose. But maybe he wants to give you a key to his place? Or ask you to move in? You are there a lot anyway."
The blonde blushed at the implications, "I … a girl has needs Levy." She giggled. "But still, even if I was there every night, it's still too early to be moving me in!"
"Lucy, don't take this the wrong way but," Levy said, closing the nail polish and placing it on her bedside table. "Are you sure you want to be in this relationship? You just… you seem really conflicted."
Lucy sighed. "He's literally the perfect guy, Levy. He's smart. He has a great job. He understands my work, and never belittles me or my magic. He's funny. He's sweet. He's thoughtful. He cooks. He is a great kisser, and I have NEVER left his apartment anything less than satisfied." She winked and Levy turned pinker than her freshly painted toes. "He is 100% the best possible man I could have ever landed on paper."
"But?"
"But… something's missing." She looked out the window and watched the stars twinkle for a bit. "I don't even know what it is. It's just I always thought that when I found the one I would feel something special. And as great as Shigeru is… it's just not there."
Levy, pursed her lips, not at all envious of her friend's situation. "So what are you going to do?"
"That's just it, I don't know. Do I stop it now? Before either of us get too attached? I don't want to lead him on or anything, that's just not fair. Or do I go on this trip? I mean maybe I just haven't given us enough time you know? Love at first sight? Soul mates? That stuff isn't real. It's just a fantasy that people read about in story books. The real relationships? The ones that last? Those are made through hard work, communication and time together. Maybe I just need to try a little harder."
"Lucy it's up to you but should you really have to make yourself love someone?" Levy whispered. "You shouldn't have to 'try harder' to feel something. Even if he is perfect."
Lucy groaned and fell back to her upside down position on the bed. "You know it would have been great if the universe could just put a little neon sign above his head. 'Yep this is the one' or 'Try again' or 'Friendzone' or whatever. Speaking of friendzone, did Gajeel let you out yet?"
"Oh no you don't we're talking about your love life not mine." Levy blushed furiously. "And I am not in the friendzone… I don't actually know where I am."
"Those dragon slayers wouldn't know how to express a feeling if it came with instructions. Although to be fair if they came with instructions Natsu would probably just burn them."
"How has Natsu been? I feel like the guild hall hasn't been demolished in quite a while." Levy asked, trying her best to steer the subject away from herself.
"Ugh, I don't know what's up with him. When I try to ask he blows me off and pretends like everything's fine. He's more like himself when we're out on jobs but the closer we get to home the more he wilts." She scrunched her brow. "He actually asks if he can come over now. He came over once about a month ago and Shigeru was there. I had already told him Natsu liked to pop by so he wasn't all that shocked, but oh man you should have seen Natsu's face. We were just going over my manuscript, he was proof-reading for me, but with the look on Natsu's face you would have thought he caught us in the middle of something way more dirty. Anyway, since then he asks if he can come over later when I see him in the morning. It's weird."
"You used to complain that he was always barging in without asking. Maybe this is a good thing?"
"I know but I–" she stopped herself before she could say something she couldn't take back. She did complain about him and Happy always being in her space, but the more they were absent from it the more she missed them. She used to kick Natsu out of her bed but had eventually given up and she had gotten used to him being there. Hell half the reason she was at Shigeru's all the time was because her apartment felt empty. Lonely. The room was quiet for a time.
"Hey Lu?"
"Yeah Levy."
"Do you maybe think that the reason Shigeru is missing something is because you already found it somewhere else?"
Lucy swallowed hard at the thought. Yes. She answered to herself. But that wasn't an option. He didn't feel that way about her and sitting around pining for someone she couldn't have wasn't healthy. That's why she had started dating in the first place. She wanted him to fill that role in her life but he didn't want that. So she had been looking for someone else who would. She figured if she found someone to be her other half, she and Natsu could remain best friends like they always had been. She had of course been lying to herself. They couldn't go back to spending all their time together with her having a boyfriend. She couldn't use Natsu as her own personal heater in the winter. How would Shigeru feel if he knew another man slept in her bed at night? No, nothing had worked out like she thought it would and she wished, not for the first time, that he would just want her like she wanted him. That would make her life so much easier. But she loved him too much to let him go completely, so she would take the cracks to her heart and find a way to get through. And if that meant finding someone she could grow to love to distract her soul from who it really wanted then so be it.
"When's the big trip?" Levy asked softly, trying to lighten the mood.
"End of December for New Year's holiday."
"So are you gonna go?"
DECEMBER
"Natsu you idiot, did you melt the door handles again?" Gray shouted as he walked into the guild hall, shaking the snow off his pant legs. "That's like the 3rd set this month."
"Sorry." He muttered, not lifting his head off the table.
Gray stopped removing his scarf and everyone around them froze.
"What did he say?"
"Did Natsu just apologize?"
"I didn't even hear a single insult."
"Man, what is wrong with him?"
"That's it." Gray said throwing his scarf behind him. He marched to Natsu and grabbed him by his vest, pulling him out of the chair. "I'm sick of you moping around the guild hall, acting like you're some pathetic loser. Get your shit together and go fucking talk to her!"
Natsu pushed him off, shouting in his face "I would but she left today! To go on a vacation, with his whole fucking family for a week!" He dropped back to his seat and looked up at him. Gray had never seen as much sadness in Natsu's face in their entire lives. Not when they were kids and he missed Igneel. Not when Lisanna 'died'. When he spoke again Gray barely heard him. "It took me too long. I figured it out too late and she found someone else."
"She didn't go." Mira called to him from the bar.
Natsu whipped his head towards her. "What? What are you talking about Mira?"
"I was at the train station earlier, waiting for Lisanna and I saw her. She had her bags and she was talking to Shigeru. I was too far to hear what they were saying, but they hugged and he got on the train." She stopped wiping the glass to look up at him. "She didn't."
"She didn't get on the train." He repeated softly. "She didn't get on the train. She didn't get on the train! SHE DIDN'T GET ON THE TRAIN!" By the end he was shaking Gray and screaming in his face.
"I heard her, you jackass! Stop yelling at me and go get your fucking girl." Gray shoved him off and made his way to the bar. "You better hurry up, you're not gonna get another chance." He called over his shoulder.
Natsu didn't bother with a jacket, he ran all the way to strawberry lane.
Lucy wiped the tears from her eyes yet again and tossed her book down on the table. She was having a hard time reading a sentence or two before she started tearing up again. "I'm just gonna go back to bed." She said aloud to herself.
She has just lifted up the blanket to get in when a burst of icy air blew in the window. She shivered and went to shut it, though she didn't remember opening it, when a mop of pink hair popped in. "Natsu!" She shouted.
"You're here." He said smiling, but it dropped as soon as he noticed her puffy, red eyes. "What happened?"
"Natsu its freezing, come inside so I can close the damn window." She pulled on his arm and he climbed in. Slamming the window behind him she shivered and shuffled back to the bed.
"Lucy, what's wrong? Why are you crying? And why aren't you on the train?" He questioned, following behind her.
She flopped herself on the edge of the bed, twiddling her fingers and making no effort to look away from the ever so interesting carpet. "Nothing wrong. I just… didn't go."
Natsu, not one to be ignored, knelt on the floor just in front of her, putting himself in her line of sight.
"It's okay Luce. You can tell me. I promise I won't knock his lights out until after you're asleep."
She lightly chuckled at him, knowing he was only half joking. She frowned, she hadn't said anything about Shigeru, how had he known it was about a guy? "How did you…" she started.
"Uhhh," he rubbed the back of his head, "well Mira saw you at the station and said you… didn't go."
She rolled her eyes. "Figures. There's no keeping secrets in this town." He placed his hands on hers, stopping her fidgeting.
"So are you gonna tell me why you didn't get on the train?" He asked again, gently rubbing his thumb in small circles on her hand.
"Natsu, I'm tired. Can we not do this right now?" She chewed on her lower lip, turning her head away from him.
"Tired, huh?" He gently clapped his hands on her thighs, just above her knees. "Okay. Let's get some sleep. You can tell me about it in the morning." He hopped up off the floor and Stripped out of his vest and scarf. Laying them on the chair he dove into the bed behind Lucy, smoothly sliding into the blankets.
Lucy stood, confused, staring at the dragon slayer in her bed. "What are you doing Natsu?"
He held up the blanket for her. "You said you were tired, weirdo. So let's go to bed." He raised his eyebrows like she was the crazy one.
She opened her mouth to argue, to send him home, to do… something, but nothing came out. What would her mother say right now? She'd just broken up with a guy this morning. Now a different one was in her bed. She shook the thought from her head. This was Natsu. He was here for sleep and if nothing else, it was freezing and he made a great heater. She climbed into the bed and laid on her side, facing away from him, hoping he'd get the 'I don't want to talk about it's message loud and clear.
For a moment they both laid there, neither talking or moving, barely even breathing. With him not asking questions, Lucy assumed she was in the clear and her body started to relax. Just when she was really getting comfortable an arm reached around her waist and pulled her close to his body.
"Natsu, what are yo–"
"You're cold." He spoke softly into her ear, sending a shiver down her spine. "Just let me hold you. Please?" She could feel his warmth against her backside and despite her brain telling her she should put some distance or a pillow between them she let it happen. He slid his arm under her pillow and she snuggled into him.
She was waiting for more questions from him, but nothing came. Eventually, the sound of his steady breathing and the warmth of his body lulled her to sleep.
When Natsu woke up the sun was just beginning to rise. Lucy was still in his arms, though she had rolled over and was lying on his chest. Mavis, he missed being able to sleep in her bed. She smelled nice. They'd never cuddled quite like this before but he could definitely get used to it. He was glad that she was only on top of his upper half though. That might have been awkward.
He wanted to ask her so many questions last night. Why didn't she go? Did they break up? Was his replacement gone? Could they go back to life like it was before? But that last one had stopped his whole train of thought. He didn't want to go back. He didn't want to share her. He didn't think he would survive another round if she found someone she liked. He didn't think he was ready to be 'more' but he couldn't go back to being 'less'.
So he simply hopped into bed and offered her what he could. Comfort. He could be there for her in anyway she needed him.
Lucy was beginning to stir. Little movements here and there: a nose wiggle, a finger twitch, a nuzzle. Natsu couldn't help himself. He raised his hand and tucked her hair behind her ear. She just barely opened her eyes, a soft smile on her face when she spoke in a cracked morning voice. "Hi."
Natsu was surprised how much one little word hit him in the chest. He might not be ready to be more than friends, but he was sure now that he wanted to at least try.
"Hi. Did you sleep okay?"
She nodded, rubbing her face on his chest. He gave her a small squeeze and scooted her up until they were nose to nose.
"Are you ready to tell me what happened?" He whispered, hoping the gently approach would help get her talking.
She sighed and closed her eyes. "Shigeru and I broke up."
He wanted to jump off the bed and spin her around but not only did that seem like something that would piss her off, but he would have to leave the bed and that was the absolute last thing he wanted to do.
"Why?" He asked simply.
Lucy still hadn't opened her eyes. "He was perfect. We had so much in common and everything seemed like it was going just the way it was supposed to." He was glad her eyes were closed, she probably wouldn't appreciate the look on his face. "It was like something out of a book. And I should have been so happy, but.."
When she didn't continue he tried to help her along. "But what?"
Lucy opened her eyes then, looking directly into his eyes she smiled just a little bit "But I wasn't. Something was missing. Something very special that makes a relationship last."
"What's that?" He asked sliding just the tiniest bit closer.
"Well it's kinda hard to describe. It's feeling comfortable with someone enough to be yourself. It's wanting to run to that person first when something amazing happens. It's wanting to be held by the person when something bad happens. It's wanting the best for them even if it isn't what you want. It's someone who knows what you need before you do." While she spoke Natsu couldn't help but notice she was drifting closer to him as well. Every word she spoke solidified his resolve that they should absolutely be more.
"I guess it's a lot of little somethings that make a relationship real." She concluded.
They were close enough now, natsu gently rubbed his nose on hers. She closed her eyes again, breathing deeply.
Natsu pulled back, just a little, placing his hand on the side of her face. He rubbed his thumb softly over her cheek bone, causing her to open her eyes. "I think," he began, "that, that sounds an awful lot like a best friend."
"Yeah?"
"Yeah. And II think that you already have one of those." He rushed toward her, pressing his lips against hers.
He was tired of waiting. He had spent months being on the sidelines. Months spent realizing the only difference between what they were and what they could be was his stupidity. Who would let a girl like Lucy slip away? She was perfect in every way that mattered. Maybe he didn't feel like he was mature enough, but he could get there. She would help him.
When she didn't move at all, he began to panic. Did he make a bad decision here? Did he read the signals wrong? He'd never kissed anyone before, was he doing it wrong? Then suddenly her hands were in his hair and she was kissing him back. He gripped her tighter around her waist, pulling her closer to him. She gasped at the motion and he took advantage, sliding his tongue into her mouth. Mavis, is this what they could have been doing this whole time if he weren't such an idiot? She rolled her body against him and his hands started to drift, one up under her shirt and one down, pressing against the small of her back, his fingers just grazing the waistband of her pajama bottoms.
She broke away, breathing hard. "Natsu, wait."
He pulled his hands back instantly, raising them away from her body. "I'm sorry." He didn't know exactly when he had crossed a line but he was praying it wasn't the only time he'd ever get to have her like this.
"You didn't do anything to be sorry for. Or at least not in this situation. But I – I don't understand. You said.." she turned her face away and Natsu had never missed those eyes more.
He grasped her chin with his thumb and forefinger, gently turning her head back to him. "What did I say?"
She sighed. "A while ago. I asked if you wanted to go out with me sometime and you said.. 'Why would I want to do that?' and i just figured that meant that you didn't want me… like this."
He furrowed his brow. "Luce you asked if I wanted to go on a date with you. You always came home talking about how awful they were, why would I want to do that? I didn't know that it just meant being more… us." He raised his hand to tuck her hair behind her ear. "I didn't know what I was missing. I always figured you and me were the end game. That I just sorta shared you with whoever you were on a date with because you wanted romance and I couldn't do that. I wasn't ready to be that guy. So I let them take care of that part, knowing you'd hate it. I always figured you'd come back after and tell me all about how awful it was and then you were my Lucy again. And then you met him, and you didn't come back. I was so sure that eventually you'd realize that I was everything you needed and you'd kick him to the curb. But the months went on and I saw you less and less and I realized that our future wasn't guaranteed. That I was losing you because I never tried to keep you. I'm sorry, Lucy. I'm sorry for assuming that you knew exactly how I felt about you."
"How you felt about me?" She asked.
"That you're mine." He rubbed his nose against hers. "And I'm yours. I didn't think I had to spell it out for you. You can be real dense sometimes, you know that?"
"How in the hell–" He cut her off with another kiss and she melted into it.
Pulling back again, he smirked at her. "Oh look, I know how to stop you from yelling at me now."
She frowned at him, "Don't count on it. Um, Natsu?"
"Yeah?"
"Can we maybe keep this to ourselves for a little bit?"
"Sure," he shrugged, "I'm done sharing you anyway." He leaned forward giving her another small kiss. "Happy new year, Lucy."
"Happy new year Natsu."
MARCH
"WHY DON'T YOU SAY THAT TO MY FACE, SNOWMAN?"
"I JUST DID ASH FOR BRAINS! YOU WISH YOU COULD BEAT ME!"
"LUCY DO YOU HEAR THIS? HE THINKS HE CAN BEAT ME AT ARM WRESTLING!"
Lucy sighed. They'd barely been in the guild hall for 10 minutes and already they were fighting. "What does this have to do with me?" She yelled over her shoulder, taking the milkshakeMira had just set before her.
"Those boys never change." Mira giggled.
"You know," Cana said sitting down beside Lucy, "For a minute there I really thought Natsu was growing up. He was like a lost puppy when you were running around with four eyes. Seemed like it might change things, if you know what I mean, but here we are, back to the same old Natsu."
Lucy looked back at the growing circle of Fairy Tail members, shouting about who would win at arm wrestling. "Yeah well, who would he be if he wasn't Natsu."
Mira sighed, "Still, think of the babies that could have been."
Lucy laughed, "I'm sure one of these days one of your ships will sail."
"THAT'S IT, LET'S TAKE THIS OUTSIDE." Natsu yelled over everyone. "LUCY!"
"WHAT NATSU?!" She screamed back, expecting him to be across the hall, but he was just behind her with a giant smile on his face.
"We're going outside to see who's the best arm wrestler, you wanna come?"
"I think I'll finish my milkshake first. Then I'll come see who still has their arms attached."
"Okay." He leaned down and gave her a quick peck. "Ooops." He whispered over her lips. "Guess the secret's out, Babe." He darted out the door, Lucy screaming obscenities at his back.
"Dammit, Natsu!" She turned slowly to find not only Cana and Mira's shocked expressions but also the rest of the guild that had not already gone to watch.
"So I may have left out a few details of the night I didn't get on the train…."
Mira was the first to shake off the shock. "START TALKING! NOW!"
Lucy smiled to herself, "I guess a lot can change in a year…"