"I've met someone else."
The words blurred as the tears formed in Pidge's eyes. Even as she blinked them away, she was still unable to read the text from Lance on her phone screen. Her hands were shaking, as she pressed one to her mouth to muffle her cries. With her heart in her stomach and her mind whirling with so many thoughts she couldn't find the strength to move from where she sat on her bed. Her legs were crossed like a pretzel, her sweatshirt sleeves pulled halfway over her hands.
Her phone screen dimmed and in a brief moment of clarity, her mind racing with the thought that maybe she read it wrong, she tapped the screen, shaky hands pulling the screen closer to her face. This time she didn't bother to stop the tears as they fell free. She wanted to collapse, throw up, scream, and cry all at once, but her body refused to move, still as a statue, with feelings as strong as a tsunami spinning within, threating to break its casing.
A thousand memories spanning over the eight months that she was with Lance ran through her mind. Some happy, and some sad, but they all contained the same person. A person she would do anything for even now, just moments after her heart was ripped from her chest by him, and left bleeding on the floor. If he called saying he needed her she would find the will within her to get up from her bed, wipe her face as if tears never fell, and go wherever he needed. Because she cared for him and wanted to see him happy. She wanted life to be everything that he desired. She supported his extracurriculars. And he...he was her rock, someone she could seek comfort in. His presence was calming, the scent of the ocean never far behind. He encouraged her and helped her see reason against her thoughts that ran rampant through her mind.
But then it had all ended one afternoon when Lance had told her he needed time to figure things out. She had been understanding, and the breakup had been a healthy one, but her heart was still shattered into a million pieces.
But now? Those million pieces she allowed to be sharpened by her anger, hurt, and confusion as she read the text. The pieces still cut her deep and her chest was nothing but an echoing chasm, but currently anger was the main feeling reverberating throughout her body. She managed to stand from the bed as hot tears streamed down her face. She shrugged out of her sweatshirt suddenly warm. It was dropped in the hallway as she made her way to the bathroom. Her mind was a fog, as she was feeling everything and nothing at once. She wanted to do something with her rage and at the same time sink to the floor and not move for hours on end.
She ended up compromising between the two. Her hands gripped the rim of the sink until her knuckles turned white, her legs shaking to give out. Her face focused on her reflection of red rimmed eyes and tearstained face. She refused to lose control, she cared for him yes, but she knew that it wouldn't be worth it to fall apart, she'd just bury deep where it would never see the light of day.
You can't fall apart. These feelings are not allowed to control you. You have to hold it together. You-You-
Pidge lost her thoughts as her sobs broke free. Her grip on the sink loosened and she dropped to her knees. Her right arm wrapped around her middle while her left hand was pressed into the floor in order to keep her upright. It failed and she hardly registered her sliding to her side, into the fetal position. Her body racked with sobs and her cries weren't muffled as the pain from her chest sounded in her choked cries. Her arm that wasn't wrapped around her middle reached for something to grab onto...anything. When nothing was found she brought it back to her chest, the hand balled into a fist.
Get it together, Pidge. You can't fall apart like this.
Her thoughts screamed at her to get it together and she tried so hard to stop, but it's almost as if once the wall that was holding her emotions broke, there was no repairing it.
After she had stopped crying, she didn't move from the bathroom floor for a long while. Even when her body ached from laying on the tiled floor for so long. She stared at nothing as her racing thoughts from earlier slowed to a crawl. She had no idea where to go from here. She was going to have to start over. Rebuild her heart piece by piece and start over with someone else. She winced. the thought of someone else just didn't seem right. What if someone else came along and shattered it once more? The thought brought tears to her eyes.
I don't know if I can do this again.
Pidge groaned as she sat up. A single tear slipping from her eyes as she rested her back against the wall. Her body felt weak, and her throat was soar. She was nothing but an empty, broken vessel. Her soul and mind hidden from the outside world. Her body didn't feel like her own as she used the wall to steady herself as she stood. She was present in her mind as she moved from the bathroom to her bedroom, but at the same time she wasn't. She had no idea what was moving her body. All she knew was the emptiness inside.
A few minutes later she was snuggled up underneath her blankets head resting comfortably on her pillow and eyes closed. Her emotional breakdown from earlier left her exhausted and she was out minutes from hitting the pillow.
AN: Hello! I wrote this fic purely as a reminder to myself and maybe to some of you who read this that it is okay to feel what you're feeling. That it's okay to fall apart sometimes, in fact it's healthy to process emotions. You need to process them in order to be able to move forward, burying emotions does nothing to help you or your mental health. There's a balance between controlling your emotions and processing them/ actually feeling them. So, please remember it is okay to fall apart sometimes, just don't let it consume you.
3 flying_with_lions