Married with Children: Beavis and Butthead do The Bundy's
Two boys sit on a couch watching television.
Music Begins playing
Love and marriage, Love and marriage,
It's an institute you can't disparage,
Ask the local gentry,
And they will say it's elementary.
Music Stops playing
"Uh, what the hell was that crap?" Butt-head asked.
"I don't know, Butt-head…heh heh… It was CRAP!" Beavis replied.
"Huh huh, who would ever watch a show that starts out with that song? Huh huh."
"Crappy people… heh heh."
"Shut up Beavis! Huh huh… I didn't ask!"
"Heh heh… Yes you did. You just said, who would ever watch a show that starts out with that song?"
SMACK! "I said shut up Beavis!" Butt-head retorted, whacking Beavis in the head with a backhand.
"Ouch! Why did you do that… BUTTMUNCH!"
WHAM! Beavis punches Butt-head in the nuts.
"OOF!" Dammit Beavis! Why do you like touching my nads so much!?"
Suddenly both boys realize that the tv show which had the crappy music was still on and they see Kelly enter the picture.
"Whoa!...huh huh… Look at her! She is hot…huh huh."
"YEAH! HOT! BOING!"
"We must find her and make love to her, Beavis."
"YEAH!...heh heh...MAKE LOVE!...BOING!"
"Huh huh…I'm going to see if I can find her in the phone book."
"Um…heh heh…I think she lives in Hollywood, or something."
"Huh huh… You said, ``Holly's wood."
"Heh heh…yeah, yeah! I've got wood for Holly!...heh heh."
Beavis and Butt-head get off the couch and begin walking towards Hollywood.
"Huh huh…when we get there I'm going to score with her first."
"Heh heh…no way Butthead! I'm going to score with the mom and the daughter at the same time!...heh heh…you can have the neighbor that looks like a chicken."
"Huh huh…she can choke my chicken if she wants…huh huh."
Beavis and Butt-head make it to the Bundy's house and knock on the door.
Al opens the door. "What do you little shitheads want?"
"Uh…huh huh… is this the Bundy residence?"
"That's right! I'm Al Bundy! Are you here for an autograph because you heard I scored four touchdowns in one single game for Polk High?"
"Uh…huh huh…he just said, scored."
"Heh heh…yeah…and Poke."
"We're here to score with your daughter."
"Heh heh…yeah…and polk her…heh heh."
Al turned around, looking towards the stairs. "Kelly! You have visitors!" He yelled loudly because her room was upstairs. "A couple of dimwits are here to see you!"
Beavis and Butthead entered the house and waited for Kelly to come down, but Bud decided to come down and see what all the hollering was about.
"Are you guys here to see Kelly? She has hit a new low with you two." Bud proclaimed.
"Uh…huh huh… Look Beavis, it's that boy with all the pepperoni on his face."
"Heh heh…yeah! Connect the dots!"
"Uh… Did you just score with my woman?... ASSMUNCH!
"Heh heh…yeah! You better not lay a finger on my butterfinger! ASSMUNCH!"
"EWWW! That's my sister!" Bud exclaimed.
"Huh huh…I wish she was my sister… huh huh… then I could look at her everyday instead of this Buttmunch." Butt-head remarked, pointing his head in Beavis's direction.
"What is wrong with you two?" Bud asked.
Peggy was sitting on the couch eating Bon Bons and watching her daily soap operas.
"Oh, Bud. Leave Kelly's friends alone." Peggy piped up. "Besides, they are kinda cute."
Beavis and Butthead began seeing hearts in their eyes when they looked at Peggy.
"Whoa…huh huh…I think the old chick wants to do us…huh huh."
"Yeah…Do us!...heh heh… Boing!"
"Today's the day we become men, Beavis."
"I'm scared, Butt-head!"
Beavis and Butt-head began pulling down their shorts, when suddenly, there was a knock at the door. It was Marcy and Jefferson.
"Excuse me, young men. Which one of you decided to try and write their name, WITH URINE, on the side of my house?" Marcy demanded to know.
"Heh heh…hey! It's the chicken lady!" Beavis blurted.
"Yeah! And which one of you decided to poop in the flower bed?" Jefferson also demanded to know.
"Uh…huh huh… He called the shit, POOP, Beavis."
Suddenly a toilet could be heard getting flushed. Soon after, Al came out of the bathroom, still adjusting his belt, a foul smell followed behind him.
He was surprised to see who was standing there. "Marcy? You're alive? I thought you died in the last chapter when Michael Myers cut your head off."
"No way, Al Bundy! You can't get rid of Marcy Darcy that easily!" She exclaimed. "My name isn't Steve!"
"Peg! I knew it! I told you she was a ROBOT-CHICKEN!.. A ROBOT-MAN-CHICKEN, BABY!" Al declared.
"I'm not a CHICKEN! I'm here because these two boys pee'd on my house and the other one defecated in my flower bed!"
"Oh really? I like them already!" Al exclaimed. "Good job, fellas! You might want to calm down, Marcy. You don't want to lose your head again." Al smirked.
"Uh…huh huh… I think the old man also wants to do us, Beavis."
"Heh heh… No Way, Butt-head! I'd rather do the dead dog laying in the corner!"
Buck raised his eyebrows.
"Don't include me in this freakshow." Buck thought to himself while standing up and leaving the room.
"You're so ugly, the dog doesn't even want to do you, Beavis."
"Shut up, Butt-head! Dogs love me…heh heh!
"Your mom's a dog… and she loves me… all the time…huh huh."
"Heh heh…yeah, I know… She told me."
"Your mom's a slut."
"Yeah…heh heh."
"What is wrong with you two?" Marcy asked, shaking her head. "Are you boys members of a cult or something?"
"I am not a member!" Butt-head declared.
Marcy was about to start grilling Beavis and Butt-head for a confession once more, when Kelly suddenly appeared at the top of the staircase. She was wearing a see-through halter-top and some tight cut-off Daisy-Dukes. Beavis and Butt-head and Jefferson's eyes began seeing hearts when they looked at her.
"Come to Butt-head!"
"BOING!"
"Come to Jefferson!"
"Jefferson!?" Did you just say you wanted Kelly to come to you!?" Marcy pressed him for an answer.
Jefferson shook his head side to side. "No… I… I… I said… Get away from Jefferson."
Kelly began walking down the stairs. Beavis, Butt-head, and Jefferson couldn't help staring at her long legs. Hell, even Marcy was staring a little. After she made it down a few steps, suddenly a tall, 6'3" Man walked out behind her. He was wearing a sleek black leather jacket and some Ray-Ban sunglasses. He then made his way down the stairs and caught up to Kelly. The both of them walked out of the house together.
"Whoa! Did she just have sex with the Terminator, Beavis?"
"Heh heh…yeah…Sarah Conner?... I'm here to do you!"
"Uh huh huh…he might be related to the robot-chicken…huh huh."
"Heh heh…yeah…Future robot dong! Where did he go? I should give him a piece of my mind for doing my chick!"
"Don't worry, Beavis. HE'LL BE BACK!"
Beavis looked over towards the couch. He noticed that there was a big bag of candy sitting on it. He then slowly made his way over to it while everyone else was talking.
Okay, boys. This is the last time I'm going to ask. Which one of you disgraced my home?" Marcy continued to badger them.
Peg stepped up to Marcy. "Calm down, Marcy. I'm sure there is a perfect explanation for what happened. Who knows, maybe it wasn't the boys, maybe it was a stray dog."
"Stray dogs don't know how to spell their names on the wall!" Marcy pecked. "The first letter of the name started with a 'B'... I couldn't make out the rest. I heard the two of them calling each other Beaver and Butthole.
"Don't be so sure of that. You should see some of the strays that Kelly brings home. I'm sure some of them can at least spell their own name."
Jefferson finally blew his top. "I KNOW ONE OF THESE BOYS POOPED IN OUR FLOWER BED AND I'M NOT LEAVING UNTIL ONE OF THEM CLEAN IT UP! I EVEN BROUGHT THEM SOME TOILET PAPER TO MAKE IT EASIER FOR THEM!"
"Did someone say, TP?" Beavis yelled out, standing on top of the couch with his shirt stretched over his head. "I am the Great Cornholio! I need TP for my bunghole! Do you have any TP, TP for my bunghole?"
When the adults looked over at the couch, they could see that Beavis had eaten all of the Halloween candy that was in the bags. Candy wrappers were spread out, covering the floor.
"You BASTARD! That was my dinner for the next week!" Al cried out. "Get the hell out of my house, you little hooligans!"
Butt-head walked over to Beavis. "Huh huh…let's get out of here, Beavis. The old people are yelling."
"I am not Beavis! I am the Great Cornholio! I need TP for my bunghole…Bunghole… BUNGHOLIO!
Beavis and Butt-head finally left the Bundy house. Both still wouldn't get a chance to score.
A couple days later… a fresh new pee stain had been sprayed all over Marcy's house. The first letter started with a B... Moments later, Al stood up after defecating in the flower bed.
"The 'B' stands for BUNDY, BABY!"