The Furon and Sim Troopers
Chap 1
Fourth Ring of Furon
Space. A beautiful but deadly place. Cold and devoid of life. Yet, that was not only the case as a spaceship flew by, blasting music into the endless void of space.
I know the very useful steps
And I will protect you from missteps
And who does not want to dance at the end
Does not know that he must dance
We create a lovely round dance
I will show you the direction
To Africa comes Santa Claus
And in front of Paris stands Mickey Mouse
It seemed like the pilot didn't care where it was going or who could be listening to it as it flew toward what appeared to be a space colony. Although, it seemed to be more of a resort than an empire. After about ten minutes, the spacecraft landed at the colony.
"Heh. The walking gasbags might be idiots, but at least they have some good taste in music." A small grey alien said as he exited his spaceship.
However, his smile quickly turned to disgust when he noticed all his 'people' going about their daily lives. Despite looking like the species he is, the 'people' were only clones. And their sole purpose was to enjoy their vacation at this resort for a few days. Once those few days were up, they would disintegrate with no one around caring. Shaking his head, the alien that exited the spaceship pushed past the clones and made his way to the center of the Fourth Ring of Furon, where the Emperor's Summer Palace resided. Although, that proved easier said than done as the clones kept crowding him. And the alien had to resist the urge to pull out its weaponry or send these clones into space, as it did not feel like being on the receiving end of a lecture from his master. Yet, even if it was willing to put up with the lecture, the alien knew killing the clones wouldn't do him any good as the clones didn't care if they died. That is if they even understood the concept of death with their IQ somehow being smaller than the humans back on Earth.
'Disgusting clones.' The alien thought as he used his jetpack to escape the clones and reach the Emperor's Palace quicker. Yet, once he looked back at the clones, he saw them proving their IQ was less than the humans as they ran off the edge of the platform into the vacuum of space. Shaking his head, the alien continued flying toward the Emperor's Palace, all the while wondering why his mentor/master ordered him to come, which interrupted his well-earned vacation.
Five Minutes Later
"Pox. I'm here. Where are you, Othropox? You primate." The alien said as he entered the palace. "Are you obsessing over bananas again?"
"I'm here, Cryptosporidium-139, you poor excuse for matter." An orangutan said as it came into view. And next to it were two other Furons. But what caught Crypto's immediate attention was that they were not clones.
"Good to see you, Pox. And it's a nice change to see other actual Furons here, too." Crypto said, letting out a rare genuine smile.
"Same here, Crypto. It's been too long."
"So why did you call me here, Pox? I know it isn't for pleasantries."
"Actually, it is a bit of both." Pox said, surprising Crypto. "But yes, there is another reason I called you."
"I knew you still had a few soft spots inside you, Pox. Even after those windbags blew you up and gained this monkey's body. But what is so important that I had to cut my vacation short?"
"First, you need to actually do work in order to receive vacation days. And you haven't. I might not have been there, to begin with, but I am always watching you, Crypto."
"Well, I have been busy." Crypto said, scratching the side of his head.
"With wh- You know what; I don't want to know." Pox sighed. "Anyway. The reason I called you is because of some unsettling news and exciting news. Which do you prefer to hear first?"
"The unsettling news."
"Alright. Akinesia." Pox said, motioning to the Furon on his left.
"Okay. Well. After going over all your reports, Crypto, we learned that Earth is capable of providing the Furon Empire with enough viable Furon DNA to keep the clones coming for years." Akinesia said.
"So, what's the problem?" Crypto asked, confused.
"While Earth can provide us with the needed DNA for a while, it will eventually run out. And the reason for that is that the humans will ultimately destroy their home planet. Even if we intervene and try to fix their planet, it will not be enough."
"How long before they destroy it?"
"Best case scenario. One hundred and sixty-nine years."
"Heh. Yeah, that's bad." Crypto said, now seeing the problem. "So what's the good news, Pox? And can't we use the synthetic Furon DNA?"
"We can use the synthetic Furon DNA, Crypto. But it's not that reliable in the mass production of clones. As such, we should only use it as a last resort or to buy ourselves some more time until we find another source of Furon DNA."
"Well, there goes my plans. But how do you plan on fixing this?"
"Ecclesia." Pox said, turning to the other Furon.
"After going through the old archives and some inventions, we discovered something exciting. Apparently, some of our predecessors that were around during the Furon Empire's early years found a way to cross dimensions." Ecclesia said.
"And?"
"Once they discovered this, the Emperor at the time sent out several expeditions to see if we could set up an extension of the empire there. But due to a faulty mishap, the device malfunctioned, thus trapping all the Furons there. However, we fixed that mistake and worked out all the kinks, so nothing should go wrong now."
"But how does this help us?" Crypto asked, getting impatient.
"Don't you see Crypto? Given our race's history, there is a high chance that our predecessors mated with the inhabitants of the other dimension, which means there is an equally high chance of another source of pure Furon DNA we could harvest. And even if that's not the case, there is undoubtedly some fresh Furon DNA that our predecessors took with them to start the cloning process."
"Oh, I see now. You want us to go to this dimension, see if we can harvest DNA, and if we can't, find the ones our predecessors brought with them."
"Exactly." Pox answered.
"Well, this will be fun. So when do I leave?" Crypto asked, itching to leave and see if the inhabitants of this new world could put up a fight.
"You mean we, Crypto. I'll be coming along with you as usual. We'll be using the new Mothership to get there."
"Oh, goodie. But I take it you won't be on the ground with me."
"Someone has to oversee the mission and work on new upgrades for you and your weapons."
"And I can't wait to test them out. Let's get going, Pox."
"At once, Crypto." Pox said before turning to the other Furons. "Ecclesia. Akinesia. Keep an eye on the place and keep working on finding a way to make the Synthetic Furon DNA a more viable source should we need it in the future for an emergency."
"At once, Emperor Othropox." Akinesia and Ecclesia said before running into the backrooms.
"So, where is the Mothership, Pox?" Crypto asked as they left the palace.
"Right out back. Let's get to your saucer first." Pox answered as they ran the saucer.
Ten Minutes Later
Mothership
"Ah, it's good to be back on a mothership. Although it did take the lazy sacks of flesh that are working at the Furon Space Traffic Control over ten years to send a new one." Crypto said as he and Pox entered the Mothership's hub area.
"Actually, Crypto. They never sent me one. I had to go to the Furon Space Traffic Control and smack a few of them around before they finally gave me a Mothership. Hmph. At least a few good things came from this body." Pox said as he went to a nearby console.
"I guess that's one thing the windbags on Earth have in common with the Furon Empire. And that's having people not doing their damn job and giving others the runaround."
"I firmly believe that's true for every race in every universe."
"Speaking of which, how long will it take to get to this dimension?"
"Not long. An hour at most, as we have to wait for a few things to calibrate."
"Faster than I expected. But I do have a question, Pox."
"What is it, Crypto?"
"Once we arrive in this new dimension, what then? Do we explore the nearest planet? Do we blow it up? Do we go to the possible locations our predecessors tried to set up bases? What?"
"Once we arrive, Crypto, we will set up a temporary base on the nearest planet. Afterward, we will search for any technology or bases our predecessors left behind."
"Goodie. Perhaps there are some brain-dead monkeys on the planet I could kill." Crypto said, bored.
"Perhaps. But let's not kill them until after we set up a base and gather some information."
"No promises." Crypto said before turning to exit the hub. "Call me when we get there. If you need me, I'll be exploring this tin can that we call the Mothership."
"Sometimes I wonder why I put up with him." Pox said, shaking his head before inputting the coordinates.
Two Hours Later
Halo Universe
"Crypto. Please report to the hub at once." Pox ordered over the intercoms.
"Well, that's my cue. See you around, Gastro. Good to have you back." Crypto said, putting down his drink before hopping off his seat.
"Try not to get blown up. Remember, Furons aren't invulnerable, not by a lightyear!" Gastro shouted before returning to his work. "Really wish Mr. Pox didn't bring me back. I'm getting tired of following his... Hey, I got that funny feelin' again!"
Hub
"So, Pox. Did we arrive?" Crypto asked as he entered the hub.
"Yes, Crypto. We arrived." Pox answered, slightly annoyed.
"Good. I was getting tired of waiting around. Now let's get going."
"Patience, Crypto. We still have one last thing we need to do before we head down to the planet I have chosen for us to set up the temporary base."
"Don't tell me there's a briefing. You know I hate them, Pox."
"I do, too, Crypto. They are a waste of time but are important. However, that was not what I was talking about."
"Then what is it?"
"Seeing that we are in a new dimension with no knowledge of how advanced the technology is, I saw fit to make some new upgrades to your shields and arsenal."
"Oh, goody. What are they?"
"First, step onto this platform." Pox said, motioning to the elevated platform behind him.
"Alright. Now wh-OW!" Crypto began before shouting pain when electricity suddenly coursed through him. "What the hell, Pox?"
"Stop complaining, Crypto. You've gone through worse."
"True. But what was that for?"
"It was to upgrade your shield and Psychokinesis abilities."
"So what's the upgrade?"
"Now your shields can withstand all sorts of weaponry anybody sends your way. Bullets, electricity, fire, plasma, etc. Your shields will also protect you from all forms of radiation. They are also one hundred times stronger and will recharge in only a quarter of the time the previous version took."
"So, basically, I'm a walking fortress."
"Pretty much."
"What about my Psychokinesis abilities?"
"Ah, yes. That took me quite a while to figure out how to upgrade them, but I did it. You can now use PK to lift anything not bolted to the ground that weighs under one hundred tons. PK magnet is the same but now has an extended range of which it will attract other metals. Transmogrify, extract, Cortex Scan, hypnotize, follow, and protect are now quicker to use, have a shorter cooldown if they have one, and require less concentration."
"What about Mind Flash and the oh-so-fun Temporal Fist?"
"The mind flash is the same as I'm still working on the upgrade for it. On the other hand, your Temporal Fist and Time Stop abilities are ready. You can keep time frozen for just over a minute with both abilities now costing only a fraction of concentration."
"Oh, goody. I can't wait to try them out. But what about my weapons?"
"Unfortunately, none are ready yet as I still have to work out a few bugs. Hopefully, I'll have them gone within the coming days."
"Aw, that sucks. But at least I have my upgraded Psychokinesis abilities to play around with."
"Indeed. Now let's get down to this planet and set up the base." Pox said before he and Crypto exited the hub and headed toward the vehicle bay.
Twenty Minutes Later
"Alright, we're here, Pox. Now what?" Crypto asked as he exited his saucer.
"Look for a suitable location to build our temporary base. However, since we're going to be here a while, we should try to find one with adequate cover. We don't need to worry about heat, as I have that covered." Pox answered as his projection appeared from a floating device.
"What about that boxed canyon over there?" Crypto asked, pointing to the nearby canyon.
"Hmm. We will have to see it first before we decide to set up the base there."
"Right." Crypto said before activating his jetpack and flying toward the canyon.
Five Minutes Later
"Blood Gulch? What kind of idiots would name a place that?" Crypto asked as he landed on top of the canyon. While flying toward their new potential location for a new base, Crypto asked Pox if he knew anything about this planet or canyon.
"I'm not entirely sure. The only thing I managed to gather about this place was its name and description. That description is The Quick and the Dead. But that could mean lots of things." Pox answered.
"Hopefully, it means war and bloodshed. Maybe I could join in on the next one." Crypto said, taking out his Disintegrator Ray.
"I know you're eager to kill some humans, Crypto, but we have to-," Pox began before a voice shouting cut him off.
"HEY, BITCH! REMEMBER ME!? I SAVED SOMETHING FOR YA!" The voice shouted.
"Uh, what in the name of Arkvoodle was that?" Crypto asked, looking around.
"Up there." Pox said, pointing to a flaming blue object that streaked across the sky.
"Wow. Either something shot that out of a cannon or has a really good arm." Crypto said, impressed that something threw the blue thing so far and high in the sky.
"But what is the target the thrower was aiming for?" Pox asked, curious.
"Let's find out." Crypto said as they got closer to the edge of the canyon's wall while following the blue object. "Ooh. Now that's a tank."
"Too bad you won't be able to operate it." Pox said, realizing the flaming blue object was a sticky grenade, which landed in the tank's cockpit. And a second later, the sticky grenade blew up the tank.
"And too bad the explosion wasn't that impressive."
"Although, it does give me the idea of adding an adhesive function to your Ion bombs."
"You do that, Pox. But in the meantime, why don't we go down there and 'talk' with the people still alive in the canyon." Crypto suggested with a sadistic grin.
"Yes, but try and restrain yourselves from killing them until after we get some information from them." Pox said with a sigh.
"No promises, Pox." Crypto said before activating his jetpacks again. He then flew into the canyon with an annoyed Pox following right after.
Notes:
Song used is Amerika by Rammstein
Crypto looks how he does in Destroy All Humans 2 Reprobed