Part of my "Dad Vader & Son" series. Like the others, this is a standalone but with references to happenings in earlier stories. Previous stories in the series include: "The Perfect Gift", "Itty-Bitty Baby", "Rubber Ducky", "Daddy Dinner Duty", "Mustafar: We Meet Again", "Adventures in Glamping", "White Legs", "Good Buddy", and "Dianoga Down"

# # #

"Do you realize how fortunate you are?" He waited for several seconds. "Luke? Are you listening to me? Luke!"

"Uh-huh."

"What did I say?"

"Uh-huh." Small hands smudged the bubble top of their cruiser. "Open up! I wanna see!"

"You can see just fine. Sit down. Put your restraint back on."

Luke mumbled something indiscernible but obeyed. Sitting, however, did not mean that his nose wasn't pressing against the window as he leaned sideways to watch their approach. "LOOKIT! LOOKIT! A SHIP! THEY'RE BEATING US! GO FASTER, DADDY!"

"Stop shouting. We are not racing." He twisted the ship sideways, ostensibly to avoid a collision, but actually to make his son squeal with pure delight. "You are very fortunate to be seeing Corus– Imperial City in person, do you understand that?"

"Uh-huh. OOOOOOH! THEY'RE BEATING US AGAIN! GO FASTER!"

"I suppose the first time I saw this place, I had no intelligent comments either." His son's unfettered glee brought out the sense of mischief that he'd had to put aside. "Hang on!" It was an unnecessary warning, but it made Luke squeak excitedly. He swung the cruiser into spirals, looping down, around, and over the other vehicle, repeating the maneuvers twice. Yes, he was violating every traffic control ordinance, but no one would dare ticket the Sith Lord even if they caught up with him. Which they wouldn't. Vader grinned.

"Hi, mister! HI!"

He looked over to see his son waving to the other driver, who was holding up one finger. After a second of fury, he was distracted when his son repeated the gesture in innocence. "Luke, don't do that, it's rude."

"He did it first!"

"And he was rude. It's a naughty gesture called 'flipping the bird' and you should not copy him." He wished he'd gotten a better look at the vehicle's ID or the person's face so he could've applied proper retribution… a reprimand, he meant reprimand.

They sped through the city, weaving around the forest of structures (not always in the proper traffic lanes) and swooping around the peaks of the Menarai Mountains.

Luke was mesmerized into silence by the incredible sights until: "LAVA!" he screamed, pointing to the horizon that glowed orange even in the midday light.

"No, it's smog from smokestacks in the Industrial District. There's no lava anywhere on the planet."

"We threw Mommy in lava."

"We did not – Luke, it was a cremation, a standard method to dispose of bodies. Do not mention it again. We've discussed this. Remember the rules about how to behave today."

His little boy yawned.

Vader looked at him with some alarm. "Are you sleepy? Do you need a nap? No – stay awake, we're meeting people. Children." Enough sightseeing. He steered the ship toward his fortress. "Luke, I asked if you know how fortunate you are. I arranged this absurd gathering only for your enjoyment. Although I suppose the orphans might like it," he added awkwardly.

"Uh-huh." Luke blinked several times. "I wanna get out."

"We'll land in –"

"WATER! WATER! LOOKIT!"

"Yes, it's the Western Sea and we're –"

"Careful, Diga!" Luke tightened his grip around his dianoga plushie. "Don' faw in or Daddy hafta save you again!"

"Here we are," he interrupted before the damn plushie stole all his son's attention. "This is my fortress."

Luke's nose wrinkled. "Not like Musafaw?" he asked doubtfully.

"Not at all. It is very safe and you may play outside when I am with you." He received only a heavy sigh in response. "There are many rooms, including a large interior courtyard. You may take the orphans there while their guardians and I… visit."

Since their return from glamping on Scarif, Luke had been pestering him for children to play with. Obviously he couldn't invite children to Mustafar due to the possibility of fatal accidents (unless he could acquire some who would not be missed if they were not returned to their families, such as that one horrible Vaarek child.) There was less likelihood of accidents at his Coruscant fortress, but just to be safe he had invited only young orphans, of which the galaxy had a surplus due to the last two decades of wars and invasions.

To make Luke feel more comfortable, he'd invited the other Vaarek child who had been kind to him. Unfortunately, that also meant the father would accompany him – Aard Vaarek, whom Vader detested. But he was willing to put up with the oafish fool for an afternoon if that would make Luke happy.

"Will Buddy Bird be there?"

"No." Had Luke latched onto the direction of his thoughts? "I'm sure Buddy is happy living with the Vaareks on Level 4250." The memory of his cleverness still made him smirk.

"Maybe Buddy felled in lava. Got creamy-ted."

Perhaps it was best if he simply ignored all talk about lava. If he didn't react, Luke would tire of repeating it.

"If you like, we can spend more time here. Maybe you can have another pet. Would you like a puppy? Or a kitten? Or a small bird?"

"Unicorn."

"Unicorns are mythical creatures."

"I wanna unicorn."

"Unicorns do not exist."

"Uh-huh do so."

"They're not real. They're only in stories."

"Nuh-uh! I seen them –"

"Fine!" he agreed to avoid another unproductive argument with his baby. "If you can find one, you can have it."

"'Kay." Luke settled back and resumed staring out the side viewscreen. "There's one!"

He couldn't help laughing. "I don't think so. But look over here, Son, this is our landing bay. See the ships parked there? They all belong to Daddy. I'll let you sit in the cockpits and practice piloting."

"Wanna fly!"

"One day you will." He reached over and ruffled Luke's hair. "But today we have guests, so let's get cleaned up before they arrive. Your hair is so messy! How did that happen?"

A trill of giggles followed the extended scold of: "Daaaaaaaady!"

# # #

Many children of varying sizes and species were herded in by their guardians – only two adults, he noted with mild alarm. Well, if they couldn't keep the youngsters well-behaved, his soldiers would. Although he'd had enough experience with Jedi younglings to –

Never mind. "Welcome to my fortress." He'd thought he sounded gracious, but the others were staring at him like he had two heads that were both filled with giant teeth. "This is my s– "

Luke dropped to the floor, crawled between his legs, and pulled Vader's cloak closed like a door.

"What are you doing? Luke, come out of there."

Unsurprisingly, this was one of those occasions when his child practiced selective hearing.

"Thank you for inviting us, Lord Vader," the female human said. "The children are delighted for such an opportunity. I am Elnucia Rebster, the facility director, and this is our activity director, Suprut."

An unusually short Zabrak male took a step forward, absurdly offering his hand. Vader looked at him and he withdrew it. "Yes. Well. We're always grateful for such chances. Kids, say hello to Lord Vader."

There was a chorus of inarticulate mumbles, nothing like the polite responses that Jedi younglings had been taught.

He felt a movement between his boots. His cloak was parted slightly, then was immediately pulled shut. Young Anakin had never been shy, but he supposed that Luke's minimal exposure to other people was causing this current timidity.

"Psst."

He pretended that it was perfectly normal for his legs to hiss. "Hello. Children, you may begin playing. I presume you have toys."

"Psssst!"

Suprut pretended it was perfectly normal for a Sith Lord's legs to hiss. "Yes, I brought a few balls and some games since I wasn't sure if you would have… uh, enough here for everyone."

Why would they think he had any toys here at all?

"PSSST PSSST PSSST!"

Oh. Right.

There was little he could do other than grab Luke by the collar and yank him to his feet. "What?"

His son tried to reach up. Vader bent over. "Luke. Behave. We have guests."

Luke gestured frantically until Vader crouched so the boy could whisper in his ear. "I found one! I foun' unicorn! You said I could have one if I foun' one an' I foun' one!"

"There are no unicorns here. I told you unicorns are mythical creatures."

Luke buried his head against his father's neck, then peeked out. One tiny finger pointed to Suprut. "There! Pokey head!"

The man appeared unoffended. "I'm a Zabrak."

"Zabrak usually have multiple 'horns', Elnucia Rebster explained, usurping the conversation. "Unicorns only have one."

"Unicorns are not real." Vader straightened to his full height and frowned at her. She rolled her eyes.

"Oh." Luke sounded disappointed, but only momentarily. His attention alternated between his father and Suprut. "Daddy, why don't I have horns? Can I have some? Do they play music? An' I want pretty colors! Mr. Zabrak, how come you have pretty pichurs on your face?"

"They're not pictures, they're tattoos. They represent my rite of passage from puberty to adulthood."

Luke stared. "Huh?"

"And my 'horns' are simply a physical characteristic, just like you have a nose."

"You smell wif your horns!? Awesome! Then wha'duz your nose do?"

"My nose smells. My horns are just there."

"But why –"

"Is anyone hungry?" Vader interrupted desperately. "Captain! Bring the… snacks!"

By the Force, he hoped there was something decent to eat. Surely his troopers had procured something that qualified as 'snacks'. Pathetic father he was to have not planned this better. He'd simply told them to be prepared for guests. Had he said 'children'? He couldn't remember. Just because he was inexperienced at hosting people rather than leading them – well, that was no excuse for laxity.

And why did Luke not know about Zabraks? Were his studies not covering enough subjects? Was Luke not paying attention? Perhaps he needed actual books instead of just the holovision.

Two soldiers appeared bearing trays that included a large pitcher of milk, stacked mugs, a teapot, a platter of misshapen cookies that appeared to be homemade, and a bag of chips that had been ripped open. He had hoped for something more elegant like fruit slices but since he hadn't specified, they were lucky to get anything. No one would complain, especially since a tremor of trepidation ran through the grownups when they saw the Clone armor.

"Thank you, men." He showed them that a Sith Lord could be polite even when he was thinking of where to procure a copy of the Children's Illustrated Encyclopedia of Species. He gave the two adults a reassuring smile, which they seemed to avoid in favor of staring at the tea service. "Sit down." He hadn't meant it to sound like a command, but they obeyed like it was. He sat too.

There was silence. The two guardians continued to stare at the trays. Even the children were looking. Hadn't they been fed? Were they starving? Or… was he supposed to pour?

"Shall I play 'mommy'?" Suprut offered politely and picked up the teapot.

Vader nodded, bereft of words.

"We threw my mommy in lava!" Luke announced, effectively stopping the stream of tea in mid-pour. "She hadda be creamed."

"Cremated." Vader closed his eyes briefly.

"In lava?" a small, horrified voice called from the back of the group.

"It's stanner methid!" Luke quipped cheerfully, and Vader looked for a way to close his mouth.

"Luke, offer our guests some cookies."

"'Kay! Have these!" Luke grabbed two handfuls of cookies, stuck the edge of one between his teeth, and held out the rest for his young visitors.

"Would anyone else care for –"

"An' then I chop off Bastid K'nobi's arms an' legs," Luke bragged in a mortifyingly clear voice despite the cookie, "an' he fell in lava an' burned up!"

"Wow…." A little Rodian appeared awed.

"Do you have a nanny?" some random child asked.

"He has a droid companion." TeeCee was in no way a proper nanny and Vader refused to identify him as such.

"But we di'n bring him!" Luke ran back to Vader, clutching at him and smearing part of the cookie across his knee. "Maybe he's lonely!" he whispered worriedly.

"I think he's relaxing in a nice oil bath," he whispered back.

"Okay." Luke sounded doubtful, then his face lit up. "You hafta bath me tonight, YAY!"

"Yay," he repeated, imagining how incredibly wet he would be afterward as Luke regarded bathing as an aquatic activity rather than a simple cleansing.

Luke leaned closer. "I promise not to pee inna water."

"I appreciate your consideration, Son."

Elnucia Rebster sniffed. "I can recommend a human nanny who would be far superior to a droid."

"That's made up!" a Chiss boy shouted. "Kids don't have droids for real! You made that up! Liar!"

"Not liar! I kill you!" Luke shrieked, flailing his arms. The rest of the cookie fell out of his mouth, and Vader was on his feet, grabbing around the small waist and hoisting Luke up before he could land a blow.

"You need a license to have a child like that," Elnucia Rebster murmured to her companion.

Vader pretended not to hear.

"People should be licensed to have any child," Suprut interjected.

"Do you go to school?" The question was asked by a tiny Togruta, reminding him of someone he intended to forget.

"Uh-huh. On the holo! An' I like your horns, they're really big!" After a sly glance at his father, Luke picked up the cookie from the floor and crammed it in his cheek. Vader allowed it, hoping that would keep him quiet for a few minutes.

"He should have a proper education." Elnucia Rebster paused before adding pointedly: "And socialization. Boarding school would undoubtedly be beneficial to his social development."

Vader pretended not to hear.

Captain Rex reappeared in the doorway. "Those Vaarek people are here, sir."

"DAARD!"

The two boys met in a hug. The Vaarek child was taller than Luke. Vader scowled before remembering Daard was older. Undoubtedly Luke would inherit his father's height.

"Hi, Luke! How's Diga? Is she okay? Where is she?"

"She's okay, Daard." Luke patted the boy's arm reassuringly. "She din' come to the party 'cause she's scared somebody throw her inna water."

"Yeah, that's a big ocean out there. Hey!" young Vaarek called to the children who were throwing partially-eaten cookies at each other. "Who're you guys?"

"They're from Orphan," Luke declared. "It's fa-fa away!"

Vader didn't allow his mortification to show on his face. How had he forgotten to explain this to his son? He pretended not to hear.

"It's not a planet. 'Orphan' means they have no mothers or fathers," Daard whispered loudly.

"Huh? Then how'd they get borned? Did they come inna basket like me?"

Vader groaned silently.

"No, it means their parents died."

Luke looked at the children, then at his father, then back at the kids. "Oh." His lower lip quivered. "Have s'more cookies," he offered in a small voice.

After a glance at Vader, Elnucia Rebster announced, "I'll pour milk for the children."

He was a total failure as a host and tried to make amends for his apparent lack of social development. "That's Aard Vaarek." He pointed to the man who was hesitating near the door. "He manufactures…uh…."

"I'm involved in the luxury speeder business," Vaarek responded cheerfully. "Nice to meetcha. Lord Vader, thanks for inviting us. It was quite a surprise, considering our last…uh. Anyway, thanks for the gift of…uh…the very large bird. It's a parrotosaurus, right?"

"Right."

"I know the bird!" Luke squeaked and dropped the rest of his cookie in order to demonstrate the hand gesture. "I learned today! From a driver inna ship. It means HI!"

The children began to free their hands by stuffing cookies in their mouths so they could imitate him. Several gave each other the middle finger, the wiser ones shrieking with laughter at committing a forbidden act. Remarkably only one glass of milk was knocked over onto the carpet… the handwoven, five-century-old carpet made by the hill people of Alderaan.

"Luke, stop. I told you that was naughty. It doesn't mean 'hi'."

"What does it mean, Daddy?"

"Best just to let it go," Suprut murmured. "Don't draw attention. They'll forget in a minute. Offer them chips."

"Ignoring or rewarding bad behavior does not work," he snapped, thinking of lava. "They require proper instruction."

And parenting, Elnucia Rebster mumbled under her breath, and he pretended not to hear.

"Chips work for me!" Vaarek chuckled and took a mug of milk and a fistful of chips before settling on the sofa, spreading himself across two cushions, and crunching.

More crumbs spilled onto the carpet and the leather couch. Plates. Why hadn't he asked for plates? And napkins? He knew all this. When Palpatine was Chancellor he'd been to formal dinners several times, and Padmé had – Never mind. He accepted tea from Suprut and immediately realized his finger wouldn't fit through the ring. He should have taken his gloves off. He ended up clutching the mug like a lightsaber hilt.

"So what's all this? You opening a school for war orphans?" Chip pieces stuck on Vaarek's beard as he laughed at the absurdity of his own suggestion.

"Oh, no, something much better!" Elnucia Rebster beamed and turned to him. "Lord Vader, have you decided how many you wish to adopt?"

His mug tilted and he watched numbly as black liquid darkened the image of a five-century-old Alderaani peasant working in a field of straw. "I am not adopting any of them," he managed to counter, straightening the beverage and thankful that Luke was distracted playing kick-the-ball and trying to hit other children with it. Although Luke probably didn't know what 'adopt' meant. Maybe Elnucia Rebster was right that Luke needed to go to boarding school. That would solve the problem of who cared for Luke when Vader wasn't available. It would give him friends his own age and more stability in his life.

But he was just a baby.

"I thought that was why we were here, m'lord."

"No. I merely wished to –" He couldn't really say that he wanted temporary (and possibly disposable) playmates for his child. "- to ascertain that they are… the status of their welfare. The Empire is committed to providing the best possible care and education for the offspring of its honored departed citizens."

"Of course," Suprut acknowledged quietly, "and we are grateful for the Empire's concern – and yours, too."

Luke bounced over and leaned against his father's knee. "Whassa dop?"

"Adopt." Vader cleared his throat. "It means to… to bring other children into a family."

Luke tilted his head. "Why?"

"Wouldn't you like to have a brother or sister?" Elnucia Rebster asked (maliciously, Vader assumed, his fist clenching).

"I don't think –" Suprut began.

"I gotta sister!" Luke announced.

"You do?" Daard arrived at his side. "I didn't know that! I got lots extra. If you want more, Mr. Vader, you could have some of ours. We have brand new ones, too."

"Yep," Aard Vaarek drawled as he helped himself to more chips. "Remember, Luke, I told you I had a couple buns in the oven. Well, now they're fully baked!" He laughed loudly.

Vader's other fist clenched. If Luke wasn't here, Elnucia Rebster and Aard Vaarek wouldn't leave the fortress. Via their feet, anyway. He glanced down at his son.

Luke's little nose was scrunched. "You're… they're… buns? Like for dinner? Did they get put inna basket like me?"

Oh please, no, not more of the Kenobi story. He cupped his hand on the child's head. "No, Mr. Vaarek is being silly." He glared at the other man, who avoided his gaze and gulped some milk. "You do not have a sister, Luke, and we will not be adopting one."

"Do too!" The boy shook free and ran back toward the others. "Diga! Diga's my sister! She was borned when I was but not inna basket!"

He pretended not to hear, a useful habit that he needed to cultivate further.

"KIDS!" Suprep shouted. "I told you, balls are for OUTSIDE! You do have an outside play area available, don't you, m'lord?"

"Yes. There's an interior courtyard and a beach if they want to –"

"Beach!"

"BEACH!"

"Beach!"

"No beach," the Zabrak disagreed. "You know what happened the last time! Aliho nearly drowned. Lord Vader wouldn't want to have an accident here."

Well…. Vader cleared his throat. "The courtyard is through there."

"YAY!" Luke shouted, running toward the archway like he'd been here before. He came to a skidding stop. "My daddy c'n throw balls with the Force! He c'n make them esplode!" he declared proudly before continuing his headlong race out of the room, yelling BOOM BOOM BOOM! which the other young ones began to imitate.

Today's experience was a defining moment in his life – the day when he decided he would no longer explain his son's pronouncements or try to mitigate the damage or misunderstandings they might cause. "Shall we –"

"Luke, can you do it too?" Elnucia Rebster called, and Vader wondered if she was Palpatine's spy.

"He cannot," he snapped, immediately negating this particular defining moment in his life. His tone softened. "Luke is a very intelligent child, and I am proud of him. He does not, however, have any talent in the Force."

There. If Elnucia Rebster was a spy, she could take that lie back to the Emperor. "Shall we adjourn to the courtyard? Mr. Vaarek, feel free to bring the chips with you."

"They're almost gone. You got any more?"

He acted on the other talent he'd learned today: he pretended not to hear.