SLACKERS

EPISODE XXI

THE LEGEND OF EMILY

Many years ago, the Kingdom of Hyrule was a land of peace and prosperity. It flourished under the rule of its benevolent king and queen, whom were loved by all their citizens. While proud to be in charge of their own world, and a wonderful one at that, the monarchs were hindered by only one issue. For years, they had desired an heir, but were unable to conceive one. The queen badly wished to be a mother, and the king wanted to train his successor with love so he or she could continue to lead the kingdom through its golden age.

A Gerudo sorcerer named Ganondorf heard of their plight. One day, he went to the castle and offered his services. He promised he would be able to use his magic to help the king and queen produce an heir, and in return, he wanted access to the ancient archives of Hylian magic. They agreed, and Ganondorf entered their service. He immediately set about to learn whatever he could to increase his power. Upon learning the magical secrets from the ancient evil that had once plagued Hyrule, Ganondorf declared himself the new absolute ruler of Hyrule.

He gave the king and queen an ultimatum: leave the kingdom in exile, or be forced to participate in the execution of its citizens one by one. Unwilling to let the slaughter of their innocent people be carried out, they agreed. They were banished from Hyrule, never to return. They spent a year wandering the globe, in search of a new home. While they were eventually able to finally start a family of their own, they mysteriously disappeared from their hiding place several years later, never to be seen again.

And now, we return to Hyrule, a shadow of the land it once was, having been ruled by darkness for 33 years. Small beacons of light in the form of peaceful villages remain, including Kakariko, the village closest to the former Castle Town. A young man named Link, of the faraway town of Hateno, is waiting here for the arrival of three of his distant friends, bearing news of the capture of Emily Dualwielder, the younger sister of Slackers owner Mihalis Dualwielder. And Emily wakes up to find herself shackled to an ancient stone wall, free of any visible harm, but without any means of escape.

Voice: Ah, good. You're awake.

Emily groans as she slowly opens her eyes, getting a feel for her surroundings.

Emily: Wha... where... where am I? What's going on?

She looks forward to see a familiar silhouette approaching her.

Voice: After years of searching, I finally have you in my grasp!

Emily: Geraldo?! The guy at the party?! What the hell is going on here?! Did you drug me and bring me into some kind of BDSM dungeon?!

Geraldo: Exactly what are you yammering about, girl?

Emily: Look, I'm not one to judge, but you can't just bring me here under the influence and expect me to go along with it!

She yanks on the chains holding her in place, but it's no use.

Emily: Let me out of here and I won't call the cops on you, asshole!

Geraldo: I'm afraid you'll find that quite impossible, kid. I AM the law in Hyrule. Everything that happens here does so according to my will.

Emily: Hyrule? Wait, but that would mean that...

After stopping to realize the gravity of her situation, she gasps as her eyes widen in horror. She now truly recognizes the man in front of her from photos of countless news articles and television broadcasts.

Emily: You're Ganondorf! The evil dictator!

Ganondorf: Brilliant deduction, genius. Who else is as jacked as me and has extreme orange hair like me? You were expecting, maybe, Kim Jong-un? *to himself* Fat ass supreme leader wannabe...

Emily: Who?

Ganondorf: Forget it. Mirror universe bullshit. I'm sure you've dealt with plenty of it.

Emily: What do you want with me, you evil ginger?

Ganondorf: You'd best watch your language if you expect to use that pretty little tongue of yours ever again, brat.

Emily: That's... a weird thing to say. Just tell me why you kidnapped me!

Ganondorf: Simple. I want your locket.

She looks heartbroken as she looks down to the small, golden, triangle-shaped locket hanging by her necklace. She looks back up at him angrily.

Emily: My locket? But why?!

Ganondorf: Cut the innocent act. You know exactly why I want it.

Emily: No I don't! I'm not a damn mind-reader!

Ganondorf tilts his head.

Ganondorf: You seriously don't realize what it is you possess, don't you?

Emily: It was a present my dad gave me before he died!

Ganondorf: Then it sounds like he won't be around to be disappointed in you when you lose it.

Emily: No!

Ganondorf ignores her plea and approaches her. She is powerless to stop him from taking the locket in his hand and inspecting it.

Emily: Jesus Christ, is deodorant illegal here too?

Ganondorf yanks the locket away, breaking the chain off her neck as she lets out a painful yelp. She looks at him with hate in her eyes.

Emily: Why am I here, and why do you want my locket so badly?!

He opens the locket, and grins upon seeing its contents.

Emily: Answer me!

He backhands her across the cheek, annoyed.

Ganondorf: Silence! The less you understand, the better. And you're going to stay here for the rest of your natural life to make sure it stays that way!

Emily: NO!

Ganondorf brings his hand to his chest, clutching the locket tightly. As he turns around, he begins laughing sinisterly, making his way out the dungeon's door before slamming it behind him. Emily, having been slapped and her locket stolen, seemingly imprisoned forever, hangs her head and begins sobbing. Several minutes of this pass, until...

Voice: Emily! Are you here?

She perks up, her head raised, frantically looking around.

Emily: Who's there? Show yourself!

Voice: I'm coming, hold on!

The voice is faintly familiar to her. She tries jogging her memory to see where she's heard it before, but her memory only succeeds her after seeing the voice's source for herself. A small, green Pokemon with fairy wings flies in through one of the jail-barred windows.

Emily: Celebi!

Celebi: Thank god you're okay!

Emily: Do I LOOK okay?! Quick, get me out of here!

Celebi closes her eyes, attempting to undo Emily's restraints. A few seconds in, nothing is happening, and she looks strained. She also tries using Teleport, but she feels something blocking her abilities.

Emily: What's wrong?

Celebi: I can't break the chains! I think he might have sealed them with his magic!

Emily: Great...

Emily hangs her head in defeat again.

Celebi: I'm sorry...

Emily: It's okay... I know you tried your best...

Celebi slowly floats down and lands next to Emily, resting her head on her side. Emily can tell something is clearly bothering the small Pokemon.

Emily: Are you okay?

Celebi stares blankly at the wall for a moment, then sighs.

Celebi: I... I wasn't planning on telling you until I got you out of here, but... I didn't think I wouldn't be able to...

Emily: You're here. Having someone to talk to helps more than you know.

Celebi: I'm glad.

Emily: What did you want to tell me?

Celebi lets out a long, deep breath.

Celebi: While I was looking for you, I learned... well... something you should probably know.

Emily: What?

Celebi: I know why Ganondorf kidnapped you and is keeping you here, and why he wanted your locket.

Emily perks up like never before. She looks at Celebi with an intense plea in her eyes.

Emily: What?! Why? Tell me! Please!

Celebi: Are you sure you're ready for this?

Emily: For the love of god, YES!

Celebi: Okay...

The Pokemon takes one more deep breath and gets ready to reveal what she knows to her friend. As the scene ends, we pan out, and we can see Celebi speaking, but we don't hear what she's saying.

What we see, however, is the completely mortified and absolutely stunned reaction of Emily when she hears it.

Slackers

The gruff, pudgy, muscular co-owner of the bar is in a bit of a sour mood today after learning last minute about his business partner's day off. He is cleaning off a counter where an annoying customer spilled an extremely sugary drink when one of his regulars, a speedy blue hedgehog of some fame, approaches.

Sonic: Hey, Wario!

Wario: Hey there, welcome in and all that.

Sonic: You here by yourself today?

Wario: Looks that way.

Sonic: Where's everyone else?

Wario: Mike texted me, saying he was gonna be out "until further notice." Whatever that means.

Sonic: That's odd, he didn't say where he was going or why?

Wario: No, but it must have been bad enough for him to need to bring Mew and Knux with him.

Sonic: And you're mad you weren't invited?

Wario: Hell no! I've had it with following that asshole around only to get beaten or incinerated. I'm just annoyed I'm gonna have to pick up his slack!

Sonic: What about Misty?

Wario: Haven't heard from her, she's probably still asleep or something. Usually when Mike is out on some kind of divine quest like this, she'll cover for him.

Wario throws his dirty towel in a hidden hamper, takes a breath, and rests his hands on the bar.

Wario: What'll it be?

Sonic: Ditto juice.

Wario: You seriously STILL order that stuff? Even though you know what's in it? You're the only one who ever asks for it!

Sonic: You eat chorizo like your life depends on it, and you've never questioned what it's made of!

Wario: Good point. Coming right up.

As Wario is preparing the drink, Sonic impatiently taps his fingers and yawns. Sitting still and waiting has never really been this thing.

Sonic: So I heard you guys got into a bit of trouble the other day!

Wario sighs. Knuckles must have told him.

Wario: We all threw a party for Mew to help him get over what's-her-face, and, as usual, it went horribly wrong.

Sonic: How so?

Wario: Drunk Mew thought it'd be so hilarious if he warped us all to parallel universes.

Sonic nearly falls out of his seat.

Sonic: That's... a new one.

Wario: Tell me about it, I got sent to South Park, Mike went to Monkey Island, Misty was in Red Dead, and Knuckles was in jail in GTA 5.

Sonic: Ha! I always knew the knucklehead would end up behind bars somehow, someday.

Wario: And now apparently Emily got sent off to Hyrule, so Mike went to go find out why.

Sonic: But that's in this universe! Why would she get sent there?

Wario: No idea, something about her being kidnapped, but I'm sure it'll work out. Always does.

Sonic: We should be there helping them!

Wario: Nah. He's got Knux and Mew with him, he'll be fine. Plus he's meeting up with Link, and someone has to keep this business afloat.

Sonic: You'd think with all the times we're off doing something stupid, the bar would never open.

Wario: Yeah, you'd think.

Wario hands Sonic his drink.

Sonic: I hope they'll be alright...

Wario sighs and tells Sonic something in confidence, but out of character.

Wario: Yeah... me too.

Kakariko Village

Link: Come on... come on...

The green-clad Hylian of legend is sitting on the edge of a community water fountain, his fidgeting right leg resting on his left knee, and his head resting on his propped-up arm. He briefly looks at the sky, obscured by inky black clouds. Nothing unusual, considering the sky here has looked like this for his entire life. It's why he has visited New Donk City as often as he has: to get a taste of sunshine. He's one of a small group of people who've managed to escape the walled-in kingdom without the ruler's knowledge.

Link's mental pacing is interrupted by a bright white light materializing in front of him. He has to shield his eyes for a moment, just long enough for the light to fade. Once it does, he opens his eyes, and is greeted with the sight of a man charging him. He leaps and draws his sword, aiming it at the assailant's nose.

Link: Back off, or I'll... wait, Mike?

Indeed, his would-be attacker is the shaggy-haired bar owner he recently contacted. And he looks like his anxiety is the equivalent to a man who's just downed his 50th cup of coffee this morning.

Mike: Where is she, Link?

Link: I need you to calm down first.

Mike: To hell with that! Where's Emily?!

Knuckles: Mike...

The soothing calmness of Knuckles' voice is enough for Mike to take a deep breath and realize his paranoia won't help anyone. He looks at the ground and grabs his left arm behind his back with his left hand. He then looks back up sincerely at Link.

Mike: I'm sorry.

Link: It's okay. We're going to get her back, but we need to talk first.

Mike: Why?

Link: We're going to need to come up with a strategy. This whole situation is a lot more complicated than you realize.

Voice: Indeed.

Everyone but Link looks surprised as a hooded figure approaches them from a nearby alley. Mew recognizes it immediately.

Mew: It's you! You're the one who left me the note!

The woman immediately shushes Mew, bringing her finger to her lips.

Stranger: We weren't expecting this turn of events to come so suddenly, so Link and I have been discussing our next course of action.

Knuckles: Who are you?

Stranger: Come with me. I'll explain everything once we get safely to my home.

Mike: Why can't we talk here?

Link: Too risky. Ganondorf has spies all over the place, listening to the public in case anyone tries to defy or plot against him.

He looks at his friends with a gravely serious expression.

Link: Trust me.

Mike looks unsure, but Link is probably the most honest person he has ever met.

Mike: Alright. Lead the way. Whatever it takes to get her back.

Link: Agreed.

The stranger leads Link, Mike, Knuckles and Mew through the village, where the people stare at them. Something is off about the way this place is running. Everything is peaceful, but there's an unease in the air. Maybe it's the eternally black sky or the perpetual worry of being overheard by the brutal dictator's hidden sources. Mike is silently grateful that Wario isn't here, as he could see that going south pretty damn quick.

The house

The door creaks as it's slowly opened by the hooded stranger. She walks in first, holding it open for her guests. Once everyone is safely inside, she locks the door and removes her hood, revealing a head of silver hair and facial war paint. Definitely someone you wouldn't want to get in a fight with.

Knuckles is enchanted.

Knuckles: Whoa...

Mew: Good thing Rouge isn't here.

Mike: Mhm.

They all take a seat in the common area.

Impa: My name is Impa. I served the royal family long ago, before Ganondorf's reign of evil. I've brought you here because Emily is in grave danger, and I need your help to save her.

Mike: You don't have to ask twice. Emmy is the only family I've got.

Knuckles: Mew said you're the one who found him at the bar and gave him a list of where we were. Is that true?

Impa: Yes.

Knuckles: How did you know where everyone was?

Impa: I've been following Ganondorf's trail during his entire reign, looking for any sign of a weakness or an opening for a feasible attack. When he went to your bar, I was right behind him.

Mike: Ganondorf was at my bar?!

Mike and Knuckles slowly turn to look at Mew.

Mew: ... what?

Mew's eyes widen.

Mew: Wait... you mean the big orange-haired guy who talked me into it? Geraldo?

Link: You mean to tell me you were so drunk, you couldn't recognize Ganondorf? And he used Geraldo as a fake name?

Mew: Yeah?

Link: Ganondorf. Gerudo. Geraldo. How did you not realize this?

Mike: Link, uh... he was... well, distracted.

Link: By what?

Mike: We were having a party for him because...

Mew looks at Mike uneasily before his head droops.

Mike: He needed some cheering up. We all need to shoulder the blame for that one, none of us recognized him.

Knuckles: I'm just surprised he didn't try something more clever.

Impa: Regardless, I overheard the conversation and wrote down where you'd discussed sending everyone. Were you successful in finding everyone?

Knuckles: We were. The rest of us are back home.

Mike: It still doesn't explain Emily, though. Why she was warped here instead of a random place. Clearly Ganondorf planned on her being here and talked Mew into doing his dirty work so we'd be out of his way.

Impa: That is exactly why I've brought you here. I know what he wants with Emily, and I'm prepared to tell you everything before we attempt a rescue.

Mike: I'm all ears, Impa.

Impa: This may be overwhelming for you, Mihalis.

Mike: Nothing can be as bad as "Ganondorf imprisoned your sister."

Impa: Alright...

The dungeon

Enough time has passed in the musty dungeon for Emily and Celebi to fall asleep. However, the sudden and noisy arrival of her captor is enough to wake them up.

Ganondorf: What is this?!

Celebi realizes she neglected to do anything to hide her presence, rendering her discovered by the mad king.

Ganondorf: How did you get in here?!

He uses his dark magic to fling a shadow ball in her direction. Celebi barely avoids being hit.

Emily: Go, Celebi! Get out of here! Find help!

Celebi: I can't just leave you!

Emily: No one will know we're here if you don't! Please! Go, now!

Celebi looks like she wants to cry, but she's too focused on avoiding Ganondorf's attacks. She quickly flies for the exit.

Celebi: I'm sorry! I promise, I'll be back for you!

Ganondorf: Oh no you don't!

He flings a giant shadow ball towards Celebi, hoping to block her escape. She races the ball for the window, and escapes through it with less than a tenth of a second to spare.

Ganondorf: Raaaaaaargh! Cursed thing! I can't have it around to foil my master plan!

He marches over to Emily and grabs her face with his monstrous hand.

Ganondorf: Spit it out, girl! Tell me what that thing was!

Emily looks up at him with the same amount of hatred, but she also looks as if she now has an advantage.

Emily: I know who you are. I know what you want with me. I know what you've done. She told me everything, you monster.

Ganondorf: And you expect to believe the words of a salad fairy?!

Emily: She is my friend, and she will help me. Your plan won't succeed.

Ganondorf: My plan is already in motion, you stupid girl. You have no hope of stopping me. So what if you have all the knowledge in the world? Knowledge is insignificant compared with ultimate power!

Ganondorf throws her face to the side, turns around, and storms out of the dungeon, slamming the door behind him. The truths revealed to her by Celebi rattle around in her skull, and Emily loses control of her sadness.

Impa's House

Mike: So what happened?

Impa: The king and queen were forced into exile by Ganondorf. They wandered the world for a year before finally finding sanctuary in the faraway Metro Kingdom.

Mike: Metro...?

Impa: The same kingdom you come from. Although they'd lost their own, they still wanted to raise a family.

Mike: ... wait...

Impa: Before I tell you who they were, I need you to promise you'll remain calm.

Knuckles puts a hand on Mike's shoulder, as if they already know the impending truth.

Mike: I swear.

Impa: The king was Wilhelm the Dual Wielder, the only heir of his father, the previous king. His wife was Queen Corrine Lon, a ranch girl from outside Castle Town.

He looks like he either wants to faint, or freak the hell out.

Mike: What are you saying?!

Impa: Wilhelm and Corrine realized their trouble with conceiving a child might have been permanent, so they went to their friend, Samuel Oak. Oak had you in his care for reasons I'm unaware of, and they took you in to raise as their son.

Mike: I... I had been given to him by my birth mother... holy... first I'm told my real father is Giovanni, and now you're saying my adopted parents were the fucking KING AND QUEEN OF HYRULE?!

Knuckles: Easy, buddy...

Mike: What else do I not know about?! That I have a grandfather who's also my son?! That I'm supposed to go back in time to become my own cousin?!

Impa: I'm sorry this hadn't been revealed to you before now. I did not realize you had survived Ganondorf's attack on your family until Link told me about you.

Mike: Attack?

Impa nods solemnly.

Mike: You mean the way my parents mysteriously died? The way no one knew what had happened, only that they'd been found at home afterwards? Are you saying they were... were...

Impa: Murdered by Ganondorf, as soon as he'd discovered their place of exile.

He buries his face in his hands, shaking uncontrollably. Knuckles rubs his back in an attempt to calm him down.

Mike: That bastard...

Impa: Which leads us back to your sister.

Link: You can probably figure out the rest.

Mike: So... if they're Emily's real parents, that means they eventually did have a kid... and if they were the king and queen, then that makes Emily...

He looks back up at Link, then at Impa.

Mike: ... no...

Link: Princess Zelda, the true heir to the throne of the Kingdom of Hyrule.

For a moment, all are speechless.

Knuckles: Damn.

Mew: Double damn.

Impa: While living in New Donk, they adopted the surname "Dualwielder" after the name of the king's legacy. They named their daughter Emily Zelda Dualwielder, as a tribute to the fabled princess of legend.

Mike remains silent. His reaction won't effect the bombardment of news he has received, and the revelations to come.

Impa: Ganondorf discovered their location two years after Emily was born. Your parents began to suspect this when news broke about Ganondorf arriving in the city, murdering anyone who shared the same names as them, so they sent her to hide with me. The day after that, he invaded their home and... well... I'm sorry, Mihalis.

Knuckles rubs Mike's back, giving him a reassuring look.

Knuckles: You okay?

Mike: This is just too much, Knux...

Mew: No kidding...

Impa: I didn't want to raise her here, so close to Ganondorf, and I wanted to dedicate my time to following him, learning as much as I could. I had no choice but to send her to an orphanage in New Donk City. I had planned on waiting until she came of age before I could approach her, reveal her true lineage to her, and help defeat Ganondorf and restore her rightful place on the throne. Her existence was hidden from the dark king until the day the multidimensional cat army invaded our planet, and you lead the resistance force.

Mew: Ganondorf must have made the connection between you and your parents because of your last name, and discovered Emily's existence that way!

Impa: That's right.

Mike: Even if Emily really is Zelda, why does Ganondorf need her in his dungeon? Couldn't he have just ignored her and gone on with his day?

Link: Here's where it gets complicated.

Mike: It wasn't complicated before?! Jesus, Link!

Impa: Ganondorf's ultimate goal is to reunite the Triforce. If he succeeds, he will be all-powerful, and impossible to defeat. His power would be even greater than Mew's.

Mew: Yyyyyyikes.

Impa: The Triforce is divided into three parts. He currently possesses the Triforce of Power. The Triforce of Courage belongs to your friend, Link.

Link holds up his fist, revealing the three-triangle crest on his glove.

Impa: Mihalis, are you familiar with a particular necklace belonging to your sister?

Mike: You mean the gold, triangle-shaped locket she wears all the time? Yeah, she told me our... her parents gave it to her before they died.

Impa: That is the reason she is in her current situation. Her locket contains the Triforce of Wisdon, passed on by the King and Queen. They perished before they had a chance to explain it to her.

Link: The odds are, if Emily was wearing it when she was captured, it is now in the hands of Ganondorf. Which means he has two thirds of the Triforce.

Knuckles: That means he'll be coming for you next, Link.

Link: And I'm prepared for that. It'll make him easier to approach. If we all work together, we can use our combined powers to put him down for good and prevent him from reuniting the Triforce.

Mike: I'm sorry, but did it never occur to any of you that Emmy and I were happy with our lives the way they were?! We didn't ask to get sucked into this whole royal drama situation!

Impa: I realize that, but our hand has been forced now that Ganondorf knows the truth. We cannot let him possess a completed Triforce, and we cannot let a dark fate befall your sister.

Mike looks down at the floor again, twiddling his thumbs.

Mike: We don't even know if she's still alive at this point...

Voice: She is!

The new voice grabs everyone's attention immediately. Before their eyes, in the living room, a familiar companion fades into view, and reactions are, shall we say, polarized.

Impa: Celebi! You're safe!

Celebi: Barely, I almost got zapped to oblivion, Impa!

Mike: Celebi?! You know she's alive?!

Celebi: I just came from her cell, Mike. She's alive, and as far as I can tell, Ganondorf isn't planning on killing her, just confining her until his task is completed. I bet he'll want to keep her alive in case something goes wrong. Which means she can be saved!

Mike: You're a godsend. That's the best news I could have hoped for.

Celebi smiles at Mike, but then she notices his small friend. Mew is sitting there awkwardly, avoiding eye contact with her, looking sullen and angry.

Celebi: Hi, Mew...

He ignores her, still bitter about his proclamation of love being rejected by her. Mike and Knuckles realize what's happening. Mike is still shaken up by the revelation, so Knuckles tries to calm the situation.

Knuckles: It's okay. We're all on the same side here, and we're all here for the same reason.

Mew: Yeah. To get Emily back and get the hell home, and that's it.

Impa: Were you able to deliver the message? Telling her what this is all about?

Celebi: Yes, I was. She's fully aware of everything now.

Mike: You risked your life to find Emily?

Celebi: I was hoping to free her then and there, but he had some kind of dark magic surrounding her chains. I couldn't get her out. I'm sorry, Mike.

Mike: It's okay... you tried your best. How did she take the news?

Celebi: She was pretty shaken, but she knows we're coming for her.

Mike: Good... as long as she has a ray of hope... that's really good.

Mike looks over his shoulder at Mew. He looks like he's dead inside.

Celebi: Mew?

He ignores her again.

Celebi: If he's using powerful dark magic, I can't stop him alone. I need your help.

Mew: Find someone else.

Knuckles: Mew, it's for Emily.

Mew: I know... but...

Mike: Please, buddy.

Mew groans. He wants to look pissed, but he still has the crushing feeling in his heart.

Mew: Alright. For Emily.

Celebi: I promise, Mew. We work together for her, then I promise I'll never bother you again.

This doesn't console him, for deep down he still loves her, but he doesn't want to look vulnerable.

Mew: We'll see.

Knuckles: Are we ready to go over the plan? Or do you need more time, Mike?

Mike: I'll deal with processing all this AFTER she's safe at home. I'm ready.

A few hours later...

After taking ample time to prepare by sleeping, eating, sword-sharpening, and knuckle-cracking, our band of heroes are seen making their final approach to their destination: a huge, pitch-black, grim-looking structure representing an evil lord's castle. Link, the most familiar with the area, has taken point, with Mike and Knuckles walking side-by-side behind him. Mew and Celebi are floating behind them, but there's enough distance between them to make the tension obvious.

Mike: I'm starting to notice a pattern here.

Knuckles: What pattern?

Mike: Seems like you and Emmy are always going back and forth rescuing each other.

Knuckles: Are you suggesting something?

Mike: Yeah. It's only a matter of time before some other wacko villain snatches you and she has to bust you out.

Knuckles: Yeah, not gonna happen.

Mike: That's what you said about Team Rocket, remember?

Knuckles: Last time I do you a favor.

Mike: Oh come on, don't be salty.

Knuckles: Your dad forced me to watch Baby Shark on repeat. I'll feel however I damn well please.

Link: *looks over his shoulder* Did I miss something?

Mike: Plenty. Next time you're in town, I'll have to fill you in.

Knuckles: Yeah, it's been a year, alright.

Link: So, let me get this straight... your parents happened to be our old king and queen, but they weren't actually your parents, and your dad is actually the boss of Team Rocket?

Mike: And people wonder why I'm so screwed up in the head.

Knuckles: No one wonders that.

Mike: Shut up, leather straps!

Knuckles: Grr...

Link: If you're going to fill me in, you can leave that part out. I don't wanna know.

Knuckles: I just thought of something, Mike. If your adopted parents were the old king and queen, and they've passed, doesn't that make you the King of Hyrule?

Mike shrugs.

Mike: I never thought about that. I'm definitely not the kingly sort.

Link: That surprises me. Do you have any idea how many people would kill to be in that situation?

Mike: I'm happy with my life the way it is, apart from Emmy being Ganondorf's prisoner. I like running my bar and being in charge of the New Donk Pokémon League on the side. Besides, I'm not of blood relation, so I don't think it counts.

Knuckles: Do you think Emily would want to rule a kingdom once we finish off this clown?

Mike: I really don't know. I think she'd be a great queen, I'm just afraid she'd be overwhelmed.

Link: If she did, I'd see to it that she had a great support system. Impa, myself, and countless others would be at her disposal.

Mike: *smiling* Thanks, Link.

Link: Of course. Now look alive men, there's foul work afoot!

He points ahead to the demonic castle of doom.

Mew: Whoa...

Mike: *gulp*

Knuckles: Scared?

Mike: Scared? Me? Nahhhh! I'm just, um, worried about Wario running the bar without me!

Mew: You've got nothing to worry about. Misty will keep him in line.

At the bar...

Misty: Wario, I sincerely appreciate all the help you've been providing since the departure of my boyfriend! You have been astounding in your indomitable usefulness... and with such an attractive build, too!

Wario: Hah hah hah! Why thank you, dear Misty. Of course, it's only natural for you to be so befallen to my cunning wit, superb physique, and impeccable barkeeping skills!

Misty: If only my stupid, lazy, insensitive, and totally-crazy-about-Wario man could be more like you...

Wario: Fret not, woman! No need to concern yourself, no man living nor dead could ever match such a daring description...

Misty: *swooning* Ohhhhhhh...

Wait, what? Something got mixed up in the transition... what?... Wait, seriously?... Oh. Whoops. Sorry everyone, we accidentally cut to the "Wario's wildest and most unreachable fantasies" segment. What we meant to show was...

Misty: Wario, I sincerely hope you find a way to get that fat guy out of here! It looks like he just ate a metric ton of baked beans and he's going to pop a fuse soon!

Wario: I'm doing everything I can here, Misty! Of course, it's only natural for you to be so concerned by the match he lit, his fat physique, and impeccable waftmaking skills!

Misty: Goddammit, you stupid, lazy, insensitive, and totally crazy *censored* Wario!

Wario: Goddamn, woman! No need to concern yourself, no man living nor dead could ever dare to light a match in this location...

A drunk customer stands on a nearby table, baked beans on his face, holding a match near his rectum.

Misty and Wario: NOOOOOOOOOO!

Back at Hyrule...

Mew: Yep. I'm sure she's totally fine.

Knuckles: Not like we had a choice. If she were here, she'd be ogling Link the whole time.

Mike: Don't remind me.

Link: *nervous laughter* Sorry... if it's any help, I'm actually interested in someone else...

Celebi: Really? Who?

Link stops to think for a second, but quickly shakes his head and shifts his focus back to their task.

Link: Not important. Right now we've got to put our plan into action. We're here, so does everyone remember?

Knuckles: The Pokémon work to wear down the castle's dark magic shield, Mike and I look for Emily, and you be a reckless lunatic and try to find Ganondorf by yourself?

Link: Part of the job description, Knux. Ganondorf will try to stop us all, but he'll especially be interested in me since I have the last piece of the Triforce. If I'm there, he won't pay even the slightest bit of attention to the rest of you.

Mike: You're either incredibly stupid, or the bravest man I've ever known.

The group stops in their tracks as they look forwards at the castle of impending doom. A gulp is heard from the shaggiest of the lot.

Link: You okay?

Mike: Hm? What?

Link: You seem tense.

Mike: Approaching a castle of impending doom, getting ready to take out the world's most well-known and feared tyrant? Who killed my adopted parents, kidnapped my little sister, who happens to be Princess freaking Zelda, and stole your entire kingdom? Naw, I'm not tense at all.

Link: Okay, Mike.

Mike: Not to mention we need to bring this castle down, while simultaneously going inside it, defeating said tyrant, and maybe, just MAYBE, making it out alive?

Link: We get it.

Knuckles: Mike?

Mike: WHAT?!

Knuckles: Do you need a cigarette?

He pauses for about five seconds, carefully contemplating his well-thought, complicated answer.

Mike: YES, I need a fucking cigarette!

Mew: Damn, must be really bad if Knuckles is actually encouraging it.

Mike promptly lights up, takes a deep breath, and cracks his neck by rotating it.

Mike: You're right. It's for Emmy.

He looks at his beloved sidekick, a nervous grin on his face.

Mike: Ready to get to work on that shield, buddy?

Mew: You bet.

Mew takes an awkward, somewhat tense look at Celebi.

Mew: You ready?

She notices, however, that his gesture seems a bit more lighthearted than his previous correspondance. Maybe he's finally ready to lighten up a bit. She nods in affirmation.

Celebi: Let's go.

The two small, Psychic Pokémon levitate upwards, and begin soaring for a point in the castle almost to the top.

Mike: Be safe, Mew...

They watch as the Pokémon become so distant, they only appear as specks on the horizon. That is, until they see a huge beam radiating from the both of them, directly impacting the castle, and causing a twisted distortion of spectral light and inky blackness to appear all over the castle walls.

Link: Now's our chance! Let's go!

With anxious determination, Mihalis Dualwielder, Knuckles the Echidna, and Link, Hero of Time, run at full speed towards the castle. From above, Mew and Celebi watch as the trio bravely cross the bridge and enter the castle through a large, sinister front door.

Celebi, in the middle of her massive attack on the demonic structure, glances at Mew. And Mew is quick to notice.

Mew: What?

Celebi immediately turns to look back at the castle. Mew feels confused, but he forbids himself from feeling anything else besides focus on his task. This lasts for about ten seconds before he catches Celebi looking at him again. And she's smiling.

Mew: What?

Celebi: Nothing, it's just... well... I'm really impressed.

Mew: Glad I could entertain you.

Celebi: I'm serious, Mew. It's not just your power, it's how far you'll go to defend your loved ones.

Mew: Well, I owe it to them. I wouldn't have what I have if it weren't for Mike and Emily.

Celebi: I know you're upset with me, and honestly... I don't blame you. But I'm really proud of you, and I'm proud to be helping you.

Mew, still casting a powerful attack as easily as if he were merely breathing, sighs and drops the scowl. He can't help but feel comfort at the soothing reinforcement from a girl he's had deep feelings for. He manages a half-smile.

Mew: It doesn't matter right now, that doesn't have anything to do with this.

Celebi: I know.

Mew: Nevertheless... we make a pretty good team, don't we?

Celebi smiles widely.

Celebi: We really do!

Mew smiles and turns his gaze back to the castle.

Mew: Come on, we need to keep at it. The guys are depending on us to destroy this shield so we can take down the castle.

Celebi: Yes sir!

Whether it's renewed vigor, positive feelings, or a surge in confidence, the Pokemon can feel the beam growing more powerful, brighter, and louder. Their combined efforts are working.

The castle foyer

The interior of the first large vestibule of the castle is as dark as the exterior. The trio are surprised at the complete lack of resistance. Normally one might expect an evil castle to be full of minions and cronies. Not so with Ganondorf's long-standing fortress. The three look at each other, ready to part ways.

Knuckles: Alright, this is it. Are we ready?

Link: I'm ready. I'll handle Ganondorf. You guys look for Emily.

Mike: You don't have to tell me twice.

Knuckles: Where do you think she'll be?

Link: The northwest tower. There's a dungeon there Ganondorf reserves for his most prized prisoners. It's where Celebi says she's being held.

Mike: I don't know what I'd have done without her help.

Knuckles: I'm just glad you can look past the fact that she broke Mew's heart.

Mike: That's Mew's life, not mine. Besides, I already threw him a party, and look what happened.

Knuckles: Good point.

Knuckles stands next to Mike, and they face Link.

Mike: I'm ready. Let's do this.

Link nods, turns around, and begins running for a dark stairwell. He disappears as Mike utters a short sentiment.

Mike: Thanks, Link.

Knuckles puts a hand on Mike's shoulder as the bar owner heaves his chest with a deep breath.

Knuckles: It'll be okay, M. Let's go get your sister.

He closes his eyes and nods rapidly, already wanting this whole ordeal to be over.

Mike: Yeah. Let's go.

With rapid footsteps as the only sound echoing throughout the dark, humongous chamber, Mike and Knuckles run for another stairwell which leads to the northwest tower. They stop at the bottom of the stairs, and look straight up at the seemingly never-ending staircase.

Mike: Oh man...

Knuckles: Stairs. I hate stairs.

Mike: I hope Emmy realizes that I'm only going to conquer this obstacle for her and her alone...

Knuckles: A task of this magnitude? She'll be grateful for life.

Mike: We can do this. We can do this.

Knuckles: You're right. This may be the greatest peril we've ever faced in our lives, but we can handle it.

Mike: I'm scared!

Knuckles: Me too. But we have no choice. We have to... climb the stairs.

Dun dun DUNNNNNN!

Mike: Okay... let's go...

The incredibly brave duo begin their long trek up the never-ending stairs of doom.

58 flights later...

We cut to a shot of an empty stairwell, where a single gloved hand appears from behind. We hear struggling as a red arm pulls up a completely exhausted echidna, climbing up the final step of the last flight. Behind him, breathing heavily and sweating like Wario in a sauna, is an equally exhausted Mike.

Mike: *panting* Oh god... *panting* I'm gonna die...

Knuckles: *heavy breathing* Please... no more stairs...

Upon climbing the last step, both collapse and roll over on their backs.

Mike: Why couldn't this have been like that scamming company?

Knuckles: I know... Ganondorf's in total control... you'd think he'd at least install an elevator...

Mike: Maybe... he doesn't... to deter would-be... invaders...

BOOM!

The entire castle shakes, and small pebbles fall from the ceiling as a thin layer of dust settles around them. It's enough to grab their attention and send them straight back up on their feet, as if they were waking from a trance.

Mike: Shit, what was that?!

Knuckles: Either Mew and Celebi are making progress, or Link has found the landlord.

Mike: We need to be quicker if we're gonna find...

As he comes to, he looks down the end of the dark, damp, and dismal hallway. At the end, he sees an old, heavy-looking door with a small, barred window near the top.

Mike: EMILY!

He begins darting toward the end of the hallway, with Knuckles in pursuit. He collides with the door at the speed of one of Mare's arrows, shouting.

Mike: Emmy! Are you here?!

Knuckles: Mike, keep it down! We don't want anyone hearing...

And right on cue, they hear a commotion coming from the distant stairwell, and witness three Bokoblins approaching.

Knuckles: ... us...

Mike: Dammit! What do we do?

Knuckles: Same thing we always do, buddy.

Mike: Try and take over the world?

Knuckles: Nope.

Knuckles turns back to look at Mike, a grin on his face and his left fist in a thumbs-up.

Knuckles: Fuck. Shit. Up!

Elsewhere in the castle...

The sole one-man party, Link has been navigating the dark, damp, and dusty corridors of the castle in search of the throne room. He keeps a closed fist near his chest, protecting the triforce separating his nemesis from absolute power. While Link is known to be solemn and brave, he allows a small gulp. A single bead of sweat runs down the side of his head as he takes a deep, but quick breath.

The end of the hallway is in sight, and Link approaches a pair of large doors. He hears evil laughter coming from the other side. He's pretty sure it's Ganondorf, but he remembers once hearing the same sound being uttered from behind the bathroom door at Slackers, before...

Link: HEY! We don't need to get into that story! These poor readers are already traumatized enough reading this garbage without torturing them with that!

...whatever.

Link: Can I just open the door now? You've been writing this for a year and a half and I've been standing here all this time waiting to see what happens next.

...whatever.

Link: ... sheesh.

Link opens the doors to a huge chamber and sees his archenemy hovering above the middle of the floor, his arms crossed and an evil grin adorning his features.

Ganondorf: It's about time! What took you so long?

Link: Without getting into another unnecessary round of fourth wall silliness, let's just say time was taken in my approach.

Ganondorf: I suppose I should be one to understand. When you're an all-powerful evil dictator, you tend to take a lot on your plate at once.

Link: I'm surprised you've found the time to confront someone like lil' ol' me.

Ganondorf: Look Link, don't get me wrong. I hate you. The only reason you're here is because you possess something I require.

Link: So what stopped you from kidnapping me instead of Emily? How is that fair to her?

Ganondorf: Simple. She's an expert in hand-to-hand combat, a master of the martial arts. You're an expert swordsman, which gives you more range. It was easier for me to get close enough to her to grab her, because, unlike you, she doesn't rely on flinging a fancy toy around for protection.

Link: Ah. Smash Bros tactical logic. It's why so many people pick me.

Ganondorf: But the unsung underdogs always tend to pick me more!

Link: Yeah, right. You're just jealous because you're no one's main.

Ganondorf: On the contrary, you arrogant little nerf weasel. I'm plenty of people's mains, and do you know why?

Link: *scoffs* Why?

Ganondorf uses his basic B move from smash, sending a fist pounding into the ground with incredible strength, causing part of it to fall away, forming the shape of an arena.

Ganondorf: Because you can't get close to me without a death wish.

Link: Maybe I wouldn't need a death wish if you actually used some breath spray.

A bright, evil-looking aura surrounds Ganondorf, and he seethes with anger.

Ganondorf: Close your yammering smart mouth and prepare to die! When I'm done with you, the Triforce will me mine, ultimate power will be mine, you will be dead, and your friends will be powerless to stop me!

Link: Not if I slay your gangrenous hide first, you swine!

Ganondorf: "Swine?" How lame. You're losing your edge, elf.

Link: "Elf?" You're not doing much better! At least I'm not low enough to capture a sweet, innocent girl and torture her for her heritage!

Ganondorf grins.

Ganondorf: At least now I know why you're so sensitive today.

Link: The hell are you talking about?

Ganondorf: It all makes sense now. You care for the girl.

Link: Of course I do! I won't rest until I've defeated you and saved her!

Ganondorf: No, it's more than that. I can see it now. You love her.

Link growls angrily, staring daggers at his foe.

Ganondorf: You don't just love the girl. You adore her. She's your everything. You hate seeing harm befall her, and you will kill to protect her.

Link: Shut up!

Ganondorf: I'll give you a choice. Give me what I'm looking for. Give me your Triforce of Courage! Do this, and you have my word as leader of the land that she will walk away, free and unharmed. Either that or I kill her while you watch, and I kill you when it's over.

Link: Your word is about as good as my friend Wario's when he says he'll swear off fast food! Not a chance, creep!

Ganondorf: So you'd rather meet a gruesome demise and be forced to watch as your love is defiled in front of your very eyes?

Link: RAAAARGH!

Enraged, Link charges and leaps at Ganondorf, whom deflects him with magic, sending him flying right back to where he was. Ganondorf laughs evilly, conjures up an electric sphere, and sends it flying for Link. Link gets up just in time to see the ball of fiery hell magic soaring at him, and he deflects it with his sword, sending it back in Ganondorf's general direction, but barely missing the target.

Ganondorf: Then you leave me no choice. Prepare to die, Link!

Link remains silent, looking upon his enemy with determination. The battle is on.

Outside the castle...

Mew and Celebi are still trying to take down the shield. The beam formed from their combined strengths is emitting a powerful, radiant glow, but it doesn't seem to be making much progress.

Mew: How much longer are we supposed to keep this up?

Celebi: Until we can take out the magical shield surrounding the castle. It will substantially weaken Ganondorf, and release his dark hold on all things in the castle, including Emily's chains.

Mew: It's not working, though! The shield is a little dimmer than it was when we started, but I think it's plateaued.

Celebi: Keep trying! We have to take it down!

Mew: We aren't getting anywhere, not with this!

Celebi: But...

Mew takes a deep breath and closes his eyes. His brow furrows, and he looks like he's beginning to feel the strain.

Celebi: Mew?

When Mew opens his eyes, they glow a bright blue, pupils nowhere to be seen. The beam triples in size and intensity.

Celebi: MEW! What do you think you're doing?!

Mew responds, but his voice is barely recognizable. It sounds distorted and almost demonic.

Mew: I'm unleashing the most powerful Hyper Beam I've ever made. It's the only way we can finish our task.

Celebi: Stop! You'll completely exhaust your power or get hurt!

Mew ignores Celebi's pleas and continues with his almighty attack of godly proportions. The shield around the castle begins swirling like a kaleidoscope, colors dancing madly around the walls, as if it was experiencing a nervous sensory attack.

Mew opens all his limbs and begins screaming as his beam becomes even more intense. The sight of such a small creature demonstrating so much power is too much for even another Legendary Pokemon to bear.

Celebi: MEW!

Celebi gazes in horror as Mew pours his entire life into attacking the powerful dark magic forged by their enemy. Her sense of worry skyrockets, becoming deathly afraid for Mew's wellbeing. She watches as her pink counterpart unleashes everything: his love, his hate, his sorrow, his pride, into this one task. Although she hasn't known him as long as his other friends, she already has an understanding of the almighty Mew. She can feel everything he's pouring out. The unconditional love for his trainer, his family, his friends. His willingness to die so they may yet see the light of day. The pain and sorrow caused by a lifetime of agonizing loneliness. The hatred of the darkness, be it constituted in magic Great Danes or big scary castles. The pride he feels in being what could possibly be the most powerful creature to have ever existed.

This is a really remarkable person.

Tears begin streaming down Celebi's cheeks as she realizes the kind of person her counterpart is. Mew is such a passionate being, capable of so much, even by the standards of her kind. The emotions flowing from him begin to overwhelm her. Now, more than anything, she just wants her Mew to be okay. She badly wishes they wouldn't have to fight the forces of darkness in this moment so she could talk to him, learn about him, cry with him, laugh with him, smile with him, be with him.

Be with him.

And she realizes it may be too late when a large flash is seen, accompanied by an earth-shattering kaboom, coming from the destruction of the dark magic permeating the castle. As the beam stops in a fraction of a second, the change from deafening radiation to complete silence is enough to terrify even the most stoic of heroes. This fright, however, is nothing compared to the sight of an explosion at the beam's source, sending a tiny, pink, helpless creature flying to the distant ground below in complete exhaustion.

Celebi: MEW!

Celebi soars for the falling Mew, leaving behind tears along her path.

The dungeon...

Mike: Dammit, we don't have time for this!

Mike ducks, narrowly avoiding being clubbed by a Bokoblin. He tries kicking it, but misses as the minion leaps out of the way just in time.

Mike: We're never gonna get past these guys without weapons!

Knuckles: Don't you have a whole arsenal aboard the Defender?

Mike: Yeah, but the Defender isn't here, is it?!

Knuckles: Couldn't you have grabbed a few before we left?!

Mike: We didn't have... Knux, shut up!

Knuckles makes his way over to Mike and slugs the distracted Bokoblin into unconsciousness. He grabs the club and gets between Mike and another Bokoblin, smacking it with the club.

Knuckles: No need to be rude.

Mike: ...thanks.

Knuckles: Quit standing there and go get Emily!

Mike: Right.

Mike jumps to his feet with Knuckles close behind, fending off all the incoming enemies. Eventually they are able to make their way to the prison door. Mike frantically tries opening it, to no effect. To his back is Knuckles, providing cover by clubbing all enemies unfortunate enough to try to stop them.

Knuckles: Any luck?

Mike: Damn thing's locked!

Knuckles: Of course it's locked, it's a dungeon.

Mike: RGH! WE DON'T HAVE TIME FOR YOUR SARCASM!

Knuckles: Sorry, it's in my DNA.

Mike, fueled by his anger at Knuckles, begins furiously kicking the door. He tries six more times kicking with all his might, and screams in frustration. If it were anatomically possible, his eyes would probably be a solid bright red. He seethes as he looks around the room for something to kick or punch. And he's lucky enough to see that one of the Bokoblins has a key hanging from its belt. He shoves Knuckles out of the way, screaming in primal rage as he charges the poor bastard and punches its face with all his might.

Fueled by adrenaline, he yanks the key off the Bokoblin's belt, but is immediately swatted away with brutal strength by the theft victim. Mike slams into a wall, the combination of this and his adrenaline crash weakening him. He breathes heavily as he helplessly watches the infuriated Bokoblin stomping towards him, ready for the kill. At the last second, a club meets its head, and it's knocked out. Knuckles triumphantly stands above his enemy, smirking at his friend.

Mike: Alright. You saved my life, I got the key. What say you we just call this one even?

Knuckles: In your wildest dreams, dude.

They smile as Knuckles extends a hand and helps Mike up. That had been the last enemy in the room. They look at their surroundings and see a bunch of unconscious cronies, their heads circling with birds and stars. Mike slightly limps as he walks to the jail door, and by the grace of Blake, the key unlocks the door.

What he sees completely horrifies him.

He makes his way as fast as he can to his little sister, unconscious and shacked to the wall. She is covered in bruises on all parts of her body, and his anger rises to levels he's never known before. He can't scream and rage. He can only try to see through the tears as he strokes his sister's hair. He doesn't want to believe she might have been taken advantage of, considering she's been completely stripped down, although he can't shake the feeling.

Knuckles: Oh my god...

He gasps and covers his mouth. Mike takes the key, hoping with all his soul that the same key to unlock the door will also unlock their chains. They do. He wraps himself around Emily, holding her tight and stroking the back of her head. She begins to weakly open her eyes.

Emily: Mihalis...?

Mike: Emmy... it's okay... I'm here...

They hug each other tight, crying. I know this is a rather dark moment for Slackers, but bear with me. I promise, it gets better.

Mike: Come on, let's get you out of here.

Emily: But... Mike... I have to tell you...

Mike: I already know.

He helps her stand up and immediately takes his coat off. He wraps it around her, covering her mistreated body, and he hugs her again, sharing his warmth.

She then loses her footing, followed by her consciousness as she passes out in Mike's arms.

Mike: EMMY!

Knuckles races over to them and feels her wrist for a pulse.

Knuckles: She's okay, M. But just barely. She needs medical attention, now.

Mike holds Emily close to him and looks out the distant dungeon window Celebi once used for an escape. With his last ounce of strength, he cries out.

Mike: MEEEEEW!

The arena

Ganondorf: Stand still so I can end you, boy!

Ganondorf fires another projectile at Link, whom dodges just in time.

Link: *to himself* Gotta keep him distracted a little longer...

Ganondorf: You will never defeat me. You will be destroyed, the Triforce will be mine, and the world will be mine!

Link: Not a chance.

Ganondorf fires another projectile, and Link swipes at it with his sword, deflecting it to its source. Ganondorf bounces it back to Link. The volley continues a few more times before the energy ball gets to Ganondorf too quickly for him to counter. The impact causes Ganondorf to briefly glow before wincing in pain and falling to the ground. Link takes advantage of this opportunity to leap over to his enemy and begin wailing on him with his sword. The final blow causes Ganondorf to cry out.

Link slowly backs away as Ganondorf begins coughing bile, growling in rage. He levitates in midair, staring at Link.

Ganondorf: Beaten by this kid?!

He roars in rage, and Link notices a piece of the ceiling coming loose. It falls to the floor, followed by a few more pieces as a small rumble begins. The tremors grow, and Link knows what's coming.

He slowly backs away before turning around and running for his life. He and Mew have both succeeded, as the castle is coming down. All he can hope for is that Mike and Knuckles successfully got Emily out of her cell.

Outside

Celebi catches up to Mew just in time to use Psychic to ease his fall. He is able to gently land as she hovers above him. She hasn't learned the powers of healing that Mew has, so all she can do is hope and pray he will be okay. Her wish is granted when Mew opens his eyes and regains some semblance of consciousness.

Mew: Celebi...?

Celebi: Thank god, I thought I'd lost you!

Mew slowly gets up, and his tiredness immediately fades as he feels the tight embrace of his former crush. Celebi hugs Mew, burrowing her face in his shoulder.

Mew: Are... are you okay?

She realizes what she's doing, her eyes open widely, and she quickly backs off.

Celebi: Ahem... um... sorry... I'm just... really relieved. I thought you'd been...

Mew smiles. A few days ago, such a gesture would have caused him to spiral into confusion (probably hurting himself in a comical Pokémon-like fashion), but for now, he's just feeling happy to be cared about. He doesn't let it deter him from the task at hand.

He hears the distant voice of his trainer crying out from a faraway tower.

Celebi: What was that?

Mew: That was Mike... he sounds like he's in trouble!

Without looking anywhere else, Mew immediately takes off soaring for the prison tower. Celebi is all too familiar with this area now, and she follows him closely. Mew can feel her presence right behind her, giving him a new sense of determination. He is still absolutely wiped, having next to no strength left for any powers, including his Teleport and Heal Pulse. He grunts and coughs a bit, as even floating is strenuous. Celebi notices, and this certainly doesn't help ease her worry.

They arrive through the same window Celebi had used, and are mortified by what they see.

Mew: Oh my god!

Celebi: No...

Mike: Mew! I need you to heal her now! Something happened and the castle's falling apart!

Mew: Sure, just hang on...

Celebi: Mew, no! You're still too weak to heal anyone.

Mew: I can still use Softboiled, and she'll be just fine.

Celebi: And cut what little HP you have left in half? I think not! We need another way!

Mike: Softboiled?!

Mike is stunned. He knows Mew would NEVER offer to use this move unless it was for a damn good reason.

Mike: What the hell happened?!

Mew: I'll tell you once we get Emmy out of here...

Link: Better make it quick!

Everyone turns to the dungeon hallway to see Link huffing as he sprints for the group.

Mike: Link? What's going on?

Link: I took care of Ganondorf, but he's taking down the whole castle with him! We gotta get out of here!

Mike: But, Emily...

Link: We'll tend to her once we get out of here. Here.

Link gently takes Emily's weight off Mike's shoulders and carries her in his arms. He looks at her sweet, soundly sleeping face.

Link: She's gonna be okay, I promise. Let's go before we all turn into rubble.

Knuckles: Good idea. Mew, can you teleport us?

Mew: Well... I...

Celebi: When he took down the dark magic, he expended so much power, he doesn't have enough left for it.

Mike: Shit!

Link: Follow me, we'll get out of here the old-fashioned way.

Link leads the way as he carries the woman he loves in his arms. He makes for the stairs, followed by the Legendary Pokémon, then the bipedal duo.

Mike: Not the stairs again...

Knuckles: It's easier going down than up.

Mike: Ugh...

Knuckles: It's also easier when the other option is getting crushed by falling bricks.

Miraculously, Mike's attitude changes completely.

Mike: Oh, wow! This is a breeze!

Knuckles: Dumbass...

As they make their way, a large rumble occurs, and Knuckles trips down the stairs. He slides down quite a ways before Mike catches up to him and helps him up. The danger is finally beginning to sink in.

Mike: You okay?

Knuckles: I'm fine, thanks. Let's go.

The group finally exits the stairwell and races down another straight hallway. Mew barely dodges another falling brick, slowing his pace. In order to keep up with the group, Celebi grabs the distracted Mew by the hand, pulling him along. Although Celebi realizes she isn't letting go of him as they proceed, Mew does. His strength is still weak, but he's able to manage a genuine smile while looking at her.

Then another brick falls, striking Celebi and pinning her to the ground. Her grip on Mew's hand is released, and the group stops dead in its tracks.

Mew: NO!

She is surrounded by everyone but Link (whom is still prioritizing Emily), and she grunts as she tries to free herself.

Celebi: Damn, I'm stuck! You guys go on ahead!

Mew: Are you out of your mind?! NO!

Celebi: You need to get Emily out of here... I'll be fine...

Mike and Knuckles try picking up the insanely heavy piece of mortar. But, it failed!

Knuckles: Oh my god, that's way too heavy...

Mike: We'll figure something out!

Mew winces a little and groans as he closes his eyes.

Mew: Hang on...

Mike: Mew. Uh-uh.

Celebi: Don't! You're already weak from the super hyper beam!

Mew: Too late.

Celebi: Mew!

Mew is clearly not having a good time right now. He looks like he's in tremendous pain as he uses his Softboiled power to cut his own HP and send it Celebi's way. This also gives strength to Celebi, Mike, and Knuckles as they suddenly have the muscle to remove the rubble, freeing Celebi. Mew collapses to the floor.

Celebi: No... no, no no no...

Another shake of the castle causes Mike to frantically pick up his Mew and continue running, following Link down the corridors.

Mew: *weakly* Mike...?

Mike: Don't talk. Just try to relax.

Finally, the exit to the castle is in sight. Making their way out in order are Link, holding Emily in his arms, followed by Mike, holding his Mew, Knuckles, trailing behind his best friend, and Celebi, bringing up the rear. Although it is still dark and stormy outside, never has anyone in the group been so happy to be outdoors in their lives.

Mike: Oh my god... we made it... we're out...

Knuckles: Link, are you sure you finished off Ganondorf?

Link: He was dying when I left. Just look at that castle. There's no way anyone could survive that.

True to his words, the entire castle crumbles into a pile, mere seconds after Celebi made it out the front door. Everyone stands in awe, having witnessed such a mighty structure being reduced to rubble. They all breathe sighs of relief, and Link feels Emily squirming a bit in his arms.

Emily: Nnnn...

Mike rushes over to her to investigate.

Emily: Is it over?

Mike laughs a little as tears stream down his dust and dirt-covered cheeks.

Mike: It's okay, Emmy. It's over. We won.

Mike rests Mew on the ground and gently helps Link set Emily down next to him, where she falls asleep again. Mike is worried that she may fall asleep and not wake up. He falls to his hands and knees, afraid that he might lose his little sister.

A low, growling voice echoes throughout the sky.

Voice: Zelda...

More than a little freaked out, everyone looks around to determine where the noise came from.

Voice: Zelda... !

The ground then begins to rumble once more, coming from the rubble.

Knuckles: You just HAD to go and say something, didn't you.

Mike: Oh, NOW what?!

An explosion comes from the middle of the wreckage, generating a light so bright everyone instinctively shields their eyes. When it fades, they gaze upon an extremely angry-looking Ganondorf, breathing heavily and floating above his ruined castle.

Link: My god, no...

He briefly holds up his fist, displaying his Triforce of Power.

Link: That's not good.

Mike: What? What's happening?

Link: You'll see.

Ganondorf begins screaming as a radiant light engulfs him. The group can barely make out a grotesque transformation, as the evil dictator grows in size and begins changing shape. When the light fades, standing before them is a giant beast resembling a boar, wielding two giant swords, roaring into the night in rage.

Knuckles: What the hell is that?

Link: That, my echidna friend, is his true form. Ganon.

Gazing upon the monster before them, everyone in the group is thinking the exact same thing. A complicated thing, a reaction that can only be generated by witnessing the rise of an ancient, twisted evil. Mike takes it upon himself to render the delicate, thoughtful, and traditional utterance on everyone's bewildered minds.

Mike: Oh, fuck.

Link looks upon his foe, then back at the group.

Link: Mike?

Mike: Link?

Link: Promise me you'll take care of Emily.

Mike: Wait, what?

Link charges at full speed towards the monster.

Mike: Wait! Link!

Emily: *weakly* Link...

The others can only watch as Link begins to clash swords with Ganon, bravely and nobly fighting for them.

Knuckles: We've got to do something.

Mike: Yeah, we need to help him, but how?

Mew looks around at everything, after having done so much to help get everyone this far, and get Emily to safety. He looks at the sky, then at the combatants, then at his friends. Everyone's attention is on Link and Ganon.

The perfect opportunity to help.

He flies out towards the fight, and everyone screams for him to stop and come back.

Mew is more than just a Pokémon. He's another person to everyone he loves. He is treated with the same dignity and respect expected from his friends and family. He also has the uncanny ability to process several long thoughts within a short amount of time. During this time, he feels something really special. It's as if everything in his life so far has been in preparation for this moment. Saving his friends in an alleyway from the Dark-type Pokémon Houndoom. Foiling the plans of the evil Mr. Tinkles to enslave all existence via cats. Blowing up a flying fortress to rescue his loved ones. Staying by his trainer's side throughout the dark revelations made known to him. Enabling mortals to find God himself. Risking life and limb to navigate the multiverse just to make sure they are all okay.

How cool, he thinks, that what was once a wandering low-level, single-moved Pokémon could be capable of such a life.

Everything he's felt, everything he's experienced, has all led up to this moment. And if it all does come down to this, then he'd be happy making this the final item on his bucket list.

Mew summons the last of his strength to unleash one more hyper beam on the raging beast. Ganon's balance is thrown off long enough for Link to deal a critical blow, but now his attention is fully fixated on the spent Pokémon. Ganon readies one of his mighty swords, and with it, unleashes his full fury on Mew. The small, pink Pokémon is sent flying out of the arena, back to the group.

Everyone cries out and looks on in horror as Mew comes to a rough landing a few yards away from them. Completely motionless.

Being able to move faster than anyone in the group, Celebi sobs as she soars for Mew once again. She descends to the ground and cradles his head in her arms.

Celebi: Mew? Mew!

She gently shakes him, and he is completely unresponsive.

Celebi: Mew! Dammit, answer me! WAKE UP!

Mike: ...Mew?

Mike runs toward the scene, leaving Knuckles to watch over the critical Emily.

Mike: Mew! NO! Not you too!

No response.

Celebi: Mew... Mew, come back, please come back...

Her tears land on the motionless Mew's chest.

Celebi: Please, don't leave me, Mew...

She sobs in despair.

Celebi: I love you...

But it's too late.

Mew's gone.

Mike, completely dumbfounded for a moment, stops to process what has just transpired. Losing someone so close to you is never something to be processed in just a short amount of time. Regardless, the sudden rage he feels, the angriest he has ever felt in his life, is quick to surface. He charges in a blind rage, bound for the monster that killed his Mew. Celebi looks at Mike, and says nothing. She looks at Knuckles, and says nothing. But Knuckles sees her. And he knows what has just happened.

We as viewers hear absolutely nothing but what sounds like the ringing of ears. All we see is a clip of Mike rushing for the battle while Link and Ganon clash. A completely heartbroken and devastated Celebi slowly and somberly brings Mew over to Knuckles, where she sets him down. Knuckles gets on his knees and begins grieving in his own way, via meditation despite the ongoing chaos around him.

Mike finally approaches Ganon, unarmed. Stupid, yes, but at the moment, rational thought doesn't exist to him. He leaps on the beast, raging and wailing, trying anything possible to inflict harm on Mew's murderer. The great king of evil Ganon is completely unfazed as he simply grabs Mike, squeezes him with enough strength to kill a smaller man, and throws him at full force back towards the others. Now nearly dead himself, Mike struggles to get on his knees, but he collapses to the ground next to Emily and passes out.

Knuckles solemnly looks at Celebi, one of the only three able fighters left among the group of six.

Knuckles: Celebi, you need to help Link.

Celebi: But... but, Emily, Mike... Mew...

Knuckles: There's nothing we can do for them. I'll stay here and guard them all. Ganon is way too powerful, and Link needs help. Please. We have to take that monster down. For Mew.

Celebi: I... I...

She looks at Link, whom is beginning to visibly struggle at holding Ganon off.

Celebi: Alright.

Carefully, she flies closer to the battle as Knuckles watches. For the first time in the entire series, Knuckles allows a single tear to stream down his cheek as Emily and Mike are knocking on death's door, and Mew has already crossed.

Death's Door

Mew: *groaning* Uhhhh...

Mew slowly wakes up, opening his eyes to get a glimpse of his surroundings. He feels all of his usual strength, but he sees nothing but an odd backdrop of swirling dark colors.

Mew: Hello? Anyone there?

His voice reverberates like a large, empty cathedral, but he hears no response. He begins floating around aimlessly, trying to make sense of his whereabouts.

Mew: This place... it feels...

A sense of nostalgia begins swelling in him.

Mew: Familiar, somehow...

Voice: Well, well, well.

Mew perks up like a deer in headlights, and nearly snaps his neck looking for a sign of where the voice came from.

Mew: Who's there? What's going on?

Voice: I'm surprised you don't recognize me, of all people.

Mew: Wait... could it be...

A bright light shines, and when it disappears, Mew is greeted with the friendly, divine deity from three episodes ago.

Mew: God?

Mew realizes he has somehow been transported to the nether region of ultimate nothingness, Lubbock. Where he and his group once found God.

God: Eh, you were expecting Arceus, perhaps?

Mew: Arceus? Wait... then that would mean...

God: Don't think too hard.

Mew: I'm dead?

God: Yep.

Mew: But... I can't die! I'm a Mew!

God: Duh.

Mew: I thought I was supposed to be omnipotent!

God: Blasphemy! You're lucky I don't smite you, or something, for that comment. I'm the only truly omnipotent one!

Mew: So what does that mean?

God: Well, it's true you were incredibly powerful, but you still weren't without limits.

Mew: Thanks, Your Holy Obviousness.

God: You're acting like this is my fault. At least you're here, and not down there.

Mew: I'd imagine "down there" would be more horrifying than anyone could ever imagine.

God: You know that guy that no one talks about from that Disney movie with the South American talking house?

Mew: You can't possibly mean...

God: Imagine that song on infinite repeat.

Mew: Alright! Alright, I accept my fate! I'm dead! Goddammit... whoop, no offense!

God: Eh, none taken.

Mew: But there's so much I never got to do!

God: Then how do you explain those overly dramatic paragraphs describing what you were going through during your death scene?

Mew: What are you talking about?

God: I'm aware of certain otherworldly influences the likes of which you couldn't possibly understand.

Mew: Is this more of that fourth-wall bullshit?

The sky goes completely black, God quadruples in size, and holds giant lightning bolts in his hands.

God: Don't ever call anything I say bullshit!

Mew: Yikes! Sorry! I didn't mean it!

The sky goes back to normal, so does God's size.

Mew: So what am I supposed to do now?

God: Well, here's the thing, Mew. Normally when people die, I... you know what, I can't reveal that.

Mew: Aw, why not?

God: The secrets of death and the afterlife are for each individual to discover on their own. I'd rather not spoil the surprise. Right now, we're only talking about what to do with you.

God points at Mew. Mew, for some reason, looks around, before pointing to himself while looking back at God.

Mew: Me?

God: Yes. See, unlike the majority of people who pass this way after meeting their demise, you met yours in a noble hero's death.

Mew: *beaming* Really?

God: Yes. You exerted your power to its absolute limit in the name of your loved ones. Were it not for your efforts, they would not have made it as far as they have. However, they are still in grave danger.

Mew: What's happening? Can you tell me?

God: Link is still entangled in his duel with Ganon. Mike responded rather poorly, yet predictably, to your death and got himself nearly killed too.

Mew: No surprise there. He must have survived if he isn't here, though.

God: He and Emily are still alive, but they are only barely hanging on.

Mew: Who's to say we don't just wait it out and have them join me here? It's not like I can go back to being alive, right?

God smirks at Mew.

Mew: What?

God: That's why I took the time to meet you face-to-face and discuss the situation. You have to remember, I'm God. I see all and control all.

Mew: Can you do something about Wario's farting?

God: ...mostly all.

Mew: Well, I tried.

God: As I mentioned, your friends are still in grave danger. They cannot win their fight without your help.

Mew: Are you trying to guilt trip me or something? I can't help them if I'm DEAD.

God: I'm willing to give you a second chance at life. If you're able to go back and succeed in escorting Ganon to my doorstep.

Mew: So you're telling me you're going to raise me from the dead if I destroy Ganon? Seems easy enough.

God: It isn't.

Mew: Of course not.

God: Your power alone is not enough to defeat Ganon. Emily Dualwielder, whom you now know as Princess Zelda of Hyrule, has special powers of her own. She is the only one who can truly defeat Ganon for good.

Mew: Have you seen Emily lately? She's not exactly in great shape.

God: No, but even though you won't be strong enough to defeat Ganon alone, you have the power to help her. You can revitalize Emily and bestow upon her her God-given powers.

Mew: But if I'm the one bestowing them, wouldn't they technically be Mew-given powers?

God: Don't test me, Mew. I know you've called yourself God before. Poseur. It's only because you died as a hero that I don't punish you for hearsay.

Mew: You mean heresy?

God: BE SILENT OR I WILL USE MY BENEVOLENT GOD POWERS TO CAST YOU INTO THE FIERY PIT OF-

God prepares to unleash a hellstorm of biblical proportions. Then he sees Mew looking at him strangely, and he calms down.

God: Sorry. Had an Old Testament flashback for a moment there.

Mew: I'd love to hear about that sometime. You've got a LOT to answer for.

God: Another time, maybe. I was getting high a lot back in those days. Here.

God holds his hands out, and a golden, glowing archery set materializes in front of him.

Mew: Whoa...

God: This is the Light Bow. Go back to the mortal plane and present this weapon to Princess Zelda after restoring her power.

Mew: But God, I have a question for you.

God: What is it, my son?

Mew: No offense, your worship, but what's stopping you from smiting Ganon from here? Can't you just use some magic and kill him as easily as you can blink?

God: A fair question, but I simply don't have the time. I'm too busy DM'ing a Dungeons and Dragons game between six idiots in the mirror universe.

Mew: If I'm honest, I'm not sure I want to go back. I was having a really hard time before I died.

God: Why do you say that?

Mew: I know my friends need help, but I didn't really feel like I had much to live for.

God: Didn't you fall in love?

Mew: Yeah, but she didn't love me back.

God: Are you sure about that?

Mew: ...yeah?

God snaps his fingers, and a massive quadruple-IMAX screen with 4M resolution (yes, M, you read that right) appears out of thin air. Mew's eyes widen.

Mew: Whoa...

A cinematic (copying exactly what the viewer saw earlier) shows Mew being thrown from the battle to his death, soon to be comforted by Celebi.

Celebi: Mew... Mew, come back, please come back...

Her tears land on the motionless Mew's chest.

Celebi: Please, don't leave me, Mew...

She sobs in despair.

Celebi: I love you...

The video pauses, and God slowly turns to Mew. Mew is completely shocked by what he's just witnessed: the girl he fell in love with, the one that broke his heart, the girl he bonded with, the girl he had so much in common with and destroyed powerful dark magic with, reciprocating his feelings.

Mew: Oh my god...

God: Yes?

Mew: Huh? Oh, sorry. Force of habit.

God: It gets really annoying when people say that, you know. Millions of times every second, I hear someone saying "Oh my God" and I think for a moment they're trying to get my attention.

Mew: You probably pop in on a lot of dumb conversations, huh?

God: Mostly people having sex, but that too, yes.

Mew: Eek. Forget I asked.

God: Do you see my point, though? As you were dying, Celebi admitted she loved you.

Mew: She could have said something while I was ALIVE TO HEAR IT!

God: Imagine the look on her face when you awaken, returned from the dead, and give her another chance. The two of you could be very happy together if the plan succeeds.

Mew: So you're telling me I can help Emily, be the hero, AND be with Celebi, the girl I love more than anything in the world?

Mew opens his arms.

Mew: Beam me down, Goddy!

God: Please don't call me that.

God snaps his fingers, and Mew disappears from sight.

God: What an egomaniac.

Andross: You're telling me. Come on, we can still catch the second half of the game.

God: The football game?

Andross: No, curling.

God: Sweeeeeeet.

Hyrule

Link: Keep at it, Celebi! We have to find the weak point soon!

Celebi: I'm trying! It's hard when you don't have Peppy Hare nearby to point out the bright flashing red and yellow rectangles on the enemy!

Celebi is flying circles around Ganon while Link is still sword-fighting him. The battle appears to be in a stalemate as neither side appears to be gaining the upper hand. Over by the tagged-out team, Knuckles can only look on, staying near Mike, Emily, and Mew, protecting them from any further damage or harm.

Mike is unconscious. Emily is unconscious. Mew?

Mew slowly opens his eyes and yawns.

Mew: Ahhhh, what a great nap!

Knuckles shrieks and backs away a little.

Knuckles: MEW?!

Mew: Uh... *spooky voice* Ooooh, it is I, the zombified corpse of your friend Mew, returned from the grave to haunt youuuu!

Knuckles: AHHH!

Knuckles punches Mew so swiftly, he never could have caught it in time. Mew looks annoyed.

Mew: Ow, what the fuck, man?

Knuckles: Huh?

Knuckles then realizes what's going on. Somehow Mew has been revived, and has successfully pranked the gullible echidna.

Knuckles: You little pink turd! Don't you know I hate zombies!

Mew: Good to see you too, buddy.

Knuckles: But you died! What the fuck is going on?!

Mew: I'll explain later. But first, I have some business to attend to. Then I'll get you back for slugging me in the face.

Knuckles: Great...

Mew, fully revitalized and at the brink of his power, calmly closes his eyes and focuses. He is able to cast Heal Pulse on both of the wounded Dualwielder siblings. They both groan and stretch a bit before slowly standing up.

Emily: Wha... what's going on?

Mike: Ooh, I should have known better than to try to take out freaking GANON unarmed... wait...

Mike looks at a smiling Mew, floating right next to him.

Mike: MEW?!

Mew: Mike, I'm okay, I'll explain later, but right now-

Mike leaps to grab Mew out of the air, hugging him tightly.

Mike: Mew, buddy... I can't believe you're okay...

He is so overwhelmed with joy, he forgets he's got an all-powerful Psychic Pokémon in a death grip. Mew grunts as he pulls a Mika and thundershocks Mike.

Mike: AAAAH!

Mew: I had to!

Mike is content with smiling, even though he's blackened and his whole body releasing smoke. Mew turns to face Emily.

Mew: Emily, I have something really important to tell you.

Emily looks a bit embarrassed that she's standing in nothing but Mike's coat, but she's thankful that everyone is relatively okay.

Emily: What is it?

Mew: This is going to sound wild, but please believe me. I was dead for a few minutes, and I met up with God in Lubbock.

Emily: ...huh?

Mew: He confirmed that you are indeed Princess Zelda.

Emily: Wow... I'm really not sure how to process that...

Mew: We'll worry about that later. Right now, I need your help. You're the only one that can destroy Ganon, and God told me how to do it.

Emily: Okay.

Mew: Hang on...

Emily stands in solidarity, her arms fully stretched, her wounds fully healed. Mew closes his eyes and begins to focus hard. Emily begins levitating as a gust of wind blows around her, carrying her hair all over the place. She begins to glow as her clothes are magically transformed from Mike's favorite coat-

Mike: HEY!

-into a beautiful royal pink dress adorned with the symbols of Hyrule, and an extravagant tiara made for a princess. The transformation is completed when the Light Bow appears in her right hand, and a golden sack of Light Arrows adorns her back. Emily looks down at her friends, smiling, immediately knowing her purpose.

Emily: Mihalis, Mew, Knuckles...

They stand in awe of the magical girl midair in front of them.

Emily: Thank you.

Emily takes an arrow and readies it in the bow. She carefully aims at the scene of the battle. In front of her, she sees that she's captured Link's attention, as he stares at her with a smile. She knows Link can see her, and she gives him a little wink.

Then she lets go of the bow, and the Light Arrow is sent flying. Ganon turns to face Emily at the last second, and is met with the arrow piercing him between the eyes. Ganon collapses to his knees and lets out a blood-curdling scream. Link and Celebi look at each other, then back at Ganon. During his screams, he begins to disintegrate in front of their very eyes. The dark magic encompassing the evil beast breaks apart and begins fading into the sky. Link and Celebi race back toward the group, where Emily is lowering to the ground, a solemn but happy look on her features.

Link: Emily!

Celebi: Mew...?

Celebi charges into Mew, knocking him to the ground and hugging him.

Celebi: MEW!

Link runs to Emily and stops just in front of her.

Link: Emily... wow...

Emily: Well, what do you think? I kinda dig this whole "Goddess Princess of Light" thing!

Link: I think... it, um, well... I...

Emily: Oh, shut up and come here.

She approaches him, wraps her arms around his neck, and kisses him. He wraps his around her back as he returns the gesture. Celebi gets off Mew, allowing him to float back to her level. She blushes a bit as he smiles at her.

Mew: See? Even death can't stop me!

Celebi: Apparently not! I was so upset, Mew!

Mew: Hey. Guess what.

Celebi: What?

Mew: I heard you.

Celebi: *blushing more* You what?

Mew: I heard what you said.

Celebi is completely tongue tied. They've been through a lot of rocky emotions together. First they were good friends, then she shot him down, then he was cold to her, then they worked as a team to fight evil. And now, here they are, and she doesn't know what to do next.

Mew: Celebi, I'm sorry for being such a prick to you earlier. I was hurt, but instead of accepting what you wanted, I took it out on you. I was out of line, I was wrong, and I apologize.

Celebi: Mew, it's okay. I had no idea until today what a passionate, caring Pokemon you were.

Mew: If it's all the same... if you're willing, do you think you could give me another shot?

Celebi: Really?

Mew smiles and nods.

Celebi: Oh, Mew!

She flies to him and they share a strong hug, both crying just a little.

Mew: Wait a minute, where's Mike?

Sure enough, he's nowhere near the group. Finally, Mew sees him standing by the pile of rubble where the demon king was destroyed. He looks down and squats where the action took place, and picks up a small object. He slowly walks back over to the group, and approaches Link and Emily.

Mike: I found this. Thought you might want it back.

He holds out all that was left of Ganon: Emily's locket. Link takes it and smiles.

Link: Ganon wanted this locket so badly because it contained Zelda's piece of the Triforce. When he took it, he combined it with his. I wield the last piece. That's why he wanted me and Emily so badly.

Emily: Why, exactly?

Link: If someone were to reunite the Triforce, they are granted the power to make a single wish.

Knuckles: Thank GOD Wario isn't here right now.

God: You're welcome!

Slackers

Wario: ?

Misty: What is it?

Wario: I don't know, I just feel a sudden strange urge to pulverize Knuckles...

Misty: Not this again...

Hyrule

Emily: We can have any one wish granted?

Link: That's right.

Emily first looks at Mew and Celebi.

Emily: What do you think?

Mew: Pass. I'm content now that I've gotten everything I ever wanted.

Celebi: Oh, Mew...

Mew gives Celebi a quick peck on the cheek, and they both smile. Emily turns her attention to her brother and her friend.

Emily: Well?

Mike: You're the Princess, Emmy. I'm just happy that everyone's alive and okay. I think I've been through enough emotional turmoil. All I want is to sit in my recliner back home and play video games, I don't need a magical wish for that.

Knuckles: You're the rightful owner of the Triforce. The choice is yours. You're a wise girl and I know you'll make the right decision.

Emily: Thanks, guys.

She looks back at Link, both admiring each other greatly.

Link: You realize, with this wish, you could have anything you've ever wanted. You could even bring your parents back.

Emily: Wait, really?

Emily looks at Mike, whom nods in approval.

Mike: Just because we didn't always see eye to eye, doesn't mean you should be robbed of the chance of getting to know them.

Emily: Yeah... wow, that would be so great, but...

Link: What is it?

Emily: What about Hyrule? What about everything Ganon destroyed? The people he enslaved? The place my parents loved?

Link: It'll take a very long time to restore Hyrule to its former glory. It'll be hard and painful, and we probably won't live to see the end result. But all we can do is our best to get everything started.

Emily: Hm... doing our best...

Emily closes her eyes, places her locket in Link's hands, closes them, and holds them with her own.

Emily: I wish to restore my homeland to the place it was meant to be, to the former glory my parents enjoyed before Ganon ruined everything.

Mike: Emmy?

Link: Emily...

As they hold hands, a bright white light appears on the ground below Link and Emily, and quickly grows to encompass everything around them. It grows in intensity, completely whiting everything out before all fades to black.

Later...

Princess Emily Zelda, firstborn and sole heir of the late King Wilhelm the Dual Wielder, slowly opens her eyes, and tries to make sense of her surroundings. She's wearing a long, lacy, white nightgown, in a huge plush white bed adorned with tassels and covered by a sheer white canopy. The room is extravagantly lined with pink and golden walls, doors, windows, and furniture. A room truly fit for a princess.

Before she has the chance to get out of bed, she hears a knock on the door.

Emily: Who's there?

Link: It's Link, may I come in?

Emily: Sure!

Link slowly opens the door, enters the room, and closes it behind him. He takes a seat next to the bed as Emily sits up, discovering her hair is in comfortable, but beautiful braids. The polar opposite of her position only a few hours ago.

Emily: What happened?

Link: You did it. Your wish came true, and Hyrule is back to the way it should be.

Emily: What do you mean?

Link: The towns are rebuilt and flourishing. They're full of happy people living their lives, working and raising families, living among each other in harmony. It's beautiful, and it's all thanks to you.

Emily: Yeah...

She looks down at her lap and sighs.

Link: I know how badly you wanted to meet your parents.

Emily: Yeah...

A single tear falls. Link notices it, wipes it from her face, and gently strokes her cheek before letting her head rest on his hand. She looks at him and smiles.

Link: But you know what? If they were here, I can't even begin to imagine how proud of you they would be. You gave them back what was wrongfully taken from them, and now their legacy continues through you, should you take that path.

Emily: I know. This was all kind of suddenly thrust upon me. The other day, I was just Blackbelt Emily living in a small apartment in Saffron City. Going from that to living in a castle, being Princess Zelda, it's a lot to take.

Link: The choice is yours. The people will understand and accept whatever decision you make. You can either stay here, carry on your parents' legacy and rule the land, or you can go back home to the life you've always known. I hope you know I will always support you, whichever you choose.

Emily: Link...

She touches the hand that's lovingly stroking her face.

Emily: What do you think?

Link: You want my honest opinion?

Emily: Absolutely.

Link: I think you should stay. You're a strong warrior, an admirable leader, and a good friend. I can't think of a better princess.

Emily: Except for when I let Ganon kidnap me and torture me, and... and...

Link: I know. You'll never have to worry about that ever again. He was obscenely powerful, it had nothing to do with your character, Emily. No one, especially Ganon, can take that away from you. Remember, in the end, you were the one who actually destroyed him.

Emily: Yeah... that was kind of badass, wasn't it?

Link: Totally. Listen, Emily...

Link takes a deep breath.

Emily: *smiling* Yes, Link?

Link: I want you to know how amazing I think you are. I admire everything about you, and I really look up to you. I wouldn't ask you to stay if I didn't believe our people could learn a lot from you. If I didn't believe I could learn a lot from you.

Emily: Anything else?

Link: Yes. I've admired you for a very long time. I'm sorry it took so long to say it, or that it had to get this extreme for it to happen. But after everything, especially after giving me my home back... I'd like to be at your side and help you.

Emily: Link... I...

She leans over and wraps her arms around his neck, as they sway back and forth.

Emily: I will. I'll stay. We can make something here, together. Something special.

As we zoom out, we see the hug get tighter as Emily nuzzles her face in Link's shoulder. They exchange a kiss, breaking frequently so she can let loose a giggle or a smile.

A few hours later...

In a montage across the land of Hyrule, everyone is shown celebrating the return of Princess Zelda. People are partying in the streets, happy music is playing, lots of dancing is flooding all public areas. We pan up to Emily's new room in Hyrule Castle, where she is sitting with Link at her side, accompanied by Mihalis, Knuckles, Mew, Celebi, her Eevee Luna, and Impa.

Impa: And you're sure you're ready to take on the task at hand?

Emily: I'm sure. My mom and dad worked so hard on this country, and it was stolen away from them. Now that it's back in my family, I owe it to them to set things right.

Mike: I'm proud of you, sis. You've grown up so much.

Knuckles: We all are.

Emily smiles at them, then looks over at Mew and Celebi.

Mew: You wanna tell them, or should I?

Celebi: Go ahead, sweetie.

Mew: Emily, Celebi and I talked and she wants to stay here and help you out.

Emily: Wait, really? But aren't you two, you know, together now?

Celebi: We are, but long distance doesn't really mean much when you can teleport anywhere in the world in a split second.

Knuckles: Huh. You just destroyed one of the biggest relationship killers known to man... er, Pokemon.

Emily: Are you sure?

Mew: Come on, she'd be a great help! Do you know how many times I've had to save Mike's ass? He'd have wound up on a loony bin by now if it hadn't been for me!

Mike: Just because I'm glad you cheated death, doesn't mean you get to test my patience...

Mew: And you can't deny having me around makes your life way more interesting and fun.

Mike: Well... *smiles* you're not wrong about that, bud.

Emily: You know, Mike, since you're my older brother, the throne is technically yours.

Mike: Nope. Nuh-uh. No way. I'm no king. Fearless general and league chairman, sure. But I can't stand royal do's. Besides, I'm adopted, and you're the sole blood heir. Hyrule is yours. All I get to inherit is... Team Rocket. *shudder*

Emily: Hey. You'll always be my onii-san, Mihalis.

He lets off a weak, but genuine smile.

Eventually...

In a silent scene, we witness Mike, Knuckles, Emily, Link, Celebi, and Mew on the balcony of the private bedchamber of Princess Zelda, saying their goodbyes. Mew and his new girlfriend, Celebi, embrace and promise to see each other soon. Knuckles exchanges hugs with both Emily and Link, wishing them luck for everything. Mike and Link exchange farewells, then he faces his little sister: Princess Zelda. She cries a little bit, but he playfully brings her in for a tight hug. They sway back and forth a bit as they bid each other farewell. Link and Zelda stand facing outward, each with an arm wrapped around the other, as Mike, Knuckles and Mew take a couple of steps back. Mew's signature teleportation light surrounds them, and they get back, back to where they once belonged.

Epilogue

The three heroes appear right in the middle of the bar, about four feet above the ground. Mike and Knuckles each land on a chair, and each chair tips towards the other, causing them to bonk their heads on the way down.

Mike: Ouch!

Knuckles: Oof!

Wario: Welcome home, boys!

Wario, in a traditional bartender's apron, is seen cleaning the last glass and tossing it in the air, before skillfully catching it and sliding it to its place.

Misty: Nicely done!

Misty and Wario high five.

Mike: I must've gotten bonked on the head harder than usual to see you guys getting along.

Wario: We actually made a pretty good team running the place while you were away!

Misty: I hate to say it, but we actually kicked ass together!

Knuckles: How is it that, out of all the combinations of us that have gone on stupid misadventures, this is the one that has yielded, by far, the best results?

Misty: Really? Best results? What happened?

Knuckles: Mike found out he was adopted by the King and Queen of Hyrule, Emily is actually Princess Zelda, Mew got killed, then was resurrected by God after having a chat with him, then Emily killed Ganon, restored Hyrule, stayed behind as its princess, and got together with Link, Mew finally got with Celebi, and we warped back here.

Misty and Wario look completely stupefied.

Misty: You're gonna have to start over. Mew died and just... got better? A bunch of new relationships started? And Emily...

Wario: Emily? A princess?

Mike: Yep! My little sis is the actual Princess Zelda!

Wario: Whoa... I've never been so turned on by royalty before.

Well, dear reader, I'm pretty sure you can probably imagine what everyone's reactions will be. I'll leave that up to your imagination. In the meantime, however, Knuckles has something he wants to say...

Knuckles: Hey, fourth wall author guy? Can we please end this episode before Mike does unspeakable things to Wario?

The end.

Knuckles: Thank you.

To be continued...

2021-2022