Prompt #74: Bernadette and Olivia having a conversation about the man they both know better than anyone. A deep conversation could be Bernie making Liv realize that her son is in love with her and she's the only one who doesn't realize
Tea Talk
~oOo~
Thunk.
The cup gets set down on the wooden surface of the small table and slowly slid across the top carefully so as to not slosh it everywhere. The small string holding the tea bag in place is wrapped around the handle of the mug and the steam rises in an eerie dance from the surface of the hot liquid.
Olivia had gotten the text message earlier from Kathleen asking her if she'd be willing to stop by and have a chat with the Stabler Matriarch who was currently seated across from her. While it hadn't been on her calendar, Olivia found herself incapable of saying no to such a request. Honestly, the last time she'd seen the woman had been a few months ago. It had been a quick squeeze on the arm, a kind smile, and not a whole lot more of anything else.
"You wanted to speak to me?"
"Ah, yes. Olivia, dear, you know I'm getting older," Bernie whispers the statement as though it's something dirty, a secret that no one needs to know, "Well, we all are, aren't we? Time passing as it does, we're all getting older day by day."
Olivia smiles, her hair falling into her face slightly as she takes a deep breath, spinning the warm mug in her fingers so she can reach the string for the tea and unwind it from the handle, bobbing the tea bag in the warm water once, then twice, then a third time before she lifts it out and places it on the small saucer Bernie had placed in the middle of the table.
"Sorry, dear, this was all I could find in the canister today, peach green tea. Hope that's alright."
She waves her hand, dismissing the concerns that Bernie had about her selection of tea. If anything, she was brimming with anxiety over what it could be that she could possibly want to say to her.
"No, peach is fine," she reassures Bernie, her dark eyes studying the infamous Stabler blues that no doubt had been passed down from the kind matriarch.
"Good." Bernie smiles, the silence in the room not uncomfortable, per say, but just… charged. With something. "As I was saying, I'm not getting any younger and time is passing by quicker than either of us know what to do with. I'm sure you can relate, having a little boy that seems to be getting older by the second."
Bernie's eyes sparkle with a hint of mischievousness, mirth, and understanding. Of course, the elder woman would recognize the passage of time, being a great-grandmother was sure to be a reminder that even her grandchildren had gotten older and now had children of their own. Sometimes, Olivia tried to imagine what life would be like to see her great-grandchildren but the knowledge that she was in her mid-fifties and her son hadn't yet cracked his teenage years was a sobering reminder of her situation. As long as she took really great care of herself and made sure to schedule all necessary appointments to ensure everything stayed in working order, she would at least see her grandchildren, but not great-grandchildren; She missed going out into the field, even though she knew the dangers that lurked there. She'd lost friends, subordinates, and acquaintances out in the field. So, she hoped that the criminals would aim for the chest and not the head.
So, grandchildren at most, and that was only if her son chose to have children with whomever he chose to share his life with once he was old enough.
"I do," she finally speaks, and she sees the silent understanding in Bernie's eyes, "seems like just yesterday he was this tiny little baby that depended on me and now he's making decisions and discussing them with me." Her voice is softer when she speaks about her sweet boy, and Bernie smiles too, taking a sip of her tea, blowing on the steam slightly.
"He's a sweet boy, Olivia, from how you speak when were telling me about him while we were waiting on Elliot that night he came home with the cut on his head – you're doing a great job." Olivia smiles a tight-lipped smile, takes a deep breath and brings her own mug to her lips. "I asked you hear to talk about my sweet boy… who, isn't so much a boy anymore, but he's turning into a cranky old man." Bernie chuckles as Olivia almost chokes on her tea.
"I don't know what you – "
"Hush for a moment, Olivia," Olivia's eyes widen at the directive, but her mouth clamps shut, "I know you two have your own issues you're working through, dear… and I know you think he's a little bit of a mess at the moment."
That's an understatement.
"He's grieving. The process – "
"Oh, honey, he's over grieving for Kathy. Don't get me wrong, he might miss his marriage sometimes, Lord knows why, but – he's grieving something else." Bernie's tight-lipped smile as she places her hand on Olivia's wrist surprises Olivia, who opens and closes her mouth a few times, "He's grieving the fact that there's no resolution between the two of you. You might be back on another's orbits but you haven't really figured it out, have you?" Bernie tilts her head as she furrows her brows and Olivia worries her bottom lip between her teeth.
"Figured what out?" Olivia whispers, "I mean, what is there to figure out? He couldn't handle the job anymore, he killed a teenager, he let without a word and walked away – he hated me because I was a reminder of it." She shrugs, "Now he's back, Kathy is gone, I've got a son and I can't make him the center of my universe."
"He might've walked away from the job, Olivia, but it was never you he walked away from."
Olivia takes a sip of her tea, turning the mug around in her hands again, "I don't know about that, you told Katie years ago that if he hated her he'd just walk out of her life. And… Bernie, I don't know what you know about how he left, but he just walked right out of my life. Then, he comes back and Kathy's gone and I've got Noah and I'm a Captain… I just. I have so much going on, Bernie."
"Are you happy?"
"I think I am." She answers, "I mean, I think I'm getting there, slowly."
"But could you be happier?" Bernie asks. "I'm getting older."
"You've mentioned this."
"I want to see him happy, Olivia. I don't know how you feel but any woman who drives all the way to a New Jersey Beach for their partner when that partner is married and asks his mother for help with a daughter that she has no ties to, it um… back then, told me you cared a great deal. His own wife, Olivia, didn't reach out like you did." Olivia sucks in a sharp breath, glancing out the windows of Kathleen's apartment, closing her eyes tightly while Bernie continues to speak, "I know you two never did anything physically, Olivia, any fool would see that if you had he wouldn't have left. But I know you care about him, maybe… love him?"
Her eyes shut tighter.
"I never meant to…"
"He loves you too. See, the thing about Elliot, which I know you understand, is his honor, his responsible streak that he feels like he has to carry everyone else, be the man, take responsibility for his actions, disregard his feelings. He's not shut off completely, but he can never hide when he cares about something or someone a great deal. He's been a little in love with you for years." Bernie pauses, "I think you love him too, but I think you tell yourself that he can't possibly be in love with you."
Olivia sits silently, her answer clear to Bernie.
"I'm getting older, Olivia. I just want to see him happy with the woman who deserves his love and can return it in spades. Would it be so bad to take a chance?"
She stares at her mug, eyes welling up slowly with tears.
"I just can't handle being rejected. My therapist, he seems to think I've idealized our relationship, mine and Elliot's… but what's ideal about wanting something you can never have?"
"Because you can have it now. Call him up, accept one of his lunch invites, he might make a stupid mistake every once in a while, but he's not going anywhere ever again, not if you let him in. He won't reject you."
Maybe she's right, Olivia thinks. Maybe she's the only one that hasn't ever seen it. Maybe it's time to take a chance.
Note: The author of this SVU: Fall in Love story will be revealed in November