Married with Children: Michael Myers visits the Bundy's on Halloween

Peggy was sitting on the couch eating Bon Bons and watching her daily soap operas when Bud and Kelly came home from school.

Bud entered first. "Hey mom, is dad home?" He asked.

"No, not yet. Why do you ask?" Peggy wondered.

Bud began rubbing his hands together. "I need to ask him for some money because I need to buy a costume for a Halloween party I was invited to tonight."

Kelly walked in behind him. "Why do you need to buy a mask? Couldn't you just show up as Pimple-head like you do every day?" She teased.

Bud retaliated. "Speaking of everyday routines, I suppose you will be going to the party as a blow-up doll."

Kelly and Bud then began pushing each other around, but Peggy quickly put a stop to it.

"Now, now, kids, stop your fighting and bickering. Besides, we all know your father doesn't make any money… He's a shoe salesman after all."

Both kids stopped fighting after realizing she was right.

"Plus I need you both to be on your best behavior. Tonight is Halloween and your father is bringing a guest over to help him scare the trick-r-treaters after dinner."

"Wait. We are having dinner?" Bud asked. "Since when?"

"Actually, we aren't having dinner." Peggy replied.

"But you just said…"

"I only told your father we were having dinner so that he would come home early… Hence, the word 'TRICK' in the phrase trick-r-treat." She smiled.

"Just let me know when dad gets here. I'll be in my room getting ready for tonight." Bud stated, heading up the stairs.

"Speaking of blow-up dolls, it sounds like Bud has a date with one right now. Ha ha!" Kelly laughed.

Bud stopped at the top of the stairs. "You're just jealous because she gets more action than you do!"

"Ew!" Hearing that made Peggy frown because she knew how much action Kelly got.

Moments later, Al entered through the front door. "Oh Peg, you'll never guess who I brought home for dinner tonight! We are going to scare all those little trick-r-treating bastards half to death! I might even get lucky and one of them might drop their candy on the ground."

"Well, at least one of us will get lucky tonight." Peggy joked. "Where is our guest? I thought you said he came with you."

"He did, but the Dodge broke down about two miles down the road and he is helping me push it back home."

CRASH! The sound of a car hitting another car could be heard in the distance.

"Oh, that must be him now." Al proclaimed.

In walked Michael Myers. He was sporting his usual white mask and mechanic's jumpsuit.

Peggy got excited. "Look at you. Mister tall, dark, and handsome. Maybe Al isn't the only one that might get lucky tonight. I might get a treat of my own."

"Peggy, please stop! You're going to scare our guest!"

"And what do you do for a living?" Peggy asked Michael, but Michael didn't say a word back to her.

"Peggy, this is Michael Myers. He's a serial killer. He kills women for a living." Al informed her.

"Oh, he's a lady killer alright!" Peggy piped up. "Plus, I bet he has a few TRICKS up his sleeves... Or... maybe in his pants." She smiled, winking at Michael.

"Calm down, Peg. I said he kills women… not lazy redheaded dragons!"

Kelly then entered into the living room. "Who is this STUD?" She asked with a flirtatious smile. "I love mechanics!" She exclaimed, bending over in her mini-skirt, allowing Michael to see her rear view.

Michael tilted his head in order to get a better look.

"Please, Kelly, stop. I saw him first." Peggy declared, stepping in the way of Michael's view. "Besides, aren't you already dating a mechanic…or two…or three?"

"Sure I am, but there is always another pipe that needs to be unclogged."

"Kelly… Sweetie… that's a plumber's job, not a mechanic." Al corrected her.

"Wow! I guess that makes me a plumber then!" Kelly exclaimed.

Suddenly, the front door burst open. Al jumped in fear when he saw who it was.

It was their neighbor, Marcy. "Al! Why does it look like your piece of crap Dodge hit my nice Mercedes!?" She complained.

"Uh oh, Michael. You're in trouble now." Al warned. "And you thought Laurie Strode was bad. You haven't seen anything yet!"

Hearing the name Laurie Strode made Michael furious. He then pulled out a butcher knife and sliced Marcy's head completely off. Marcy's body began twitching and moving around.

"Damn, Marcy! Now you literally do look like a chicken with its head cut off!" Al teased.

Suddenly, Jefferson, Marcy's husband, comes running through the door. "Oh no! What happened?" He asked, picking up Marcy's head and placing it back on her shoulders. He then kept his hand on her forehead, trying to keep her head from falling back off. "Marcy? Are you okay? I have something very important to ask you. Did you remember to add me into you Last Will and Testament?"

Marcy was able to move her eyes side to side as if to answer 'NO' to his question.

"NOOOOOOO!" Jefferson cried out, putting both of his hands on his temples, causing Marcy's head to once again fall to the floor.

"Could you please take you and your chicken-head wife out of here?" Al asked of Jefferson. "She's making a mess on our SOMEWHAT nice rug.

Jefferson knelt down and picked up Marcy's head. "I guess this means we won't be having sex anymore… but at least I can still get some head." Jefferson playfully joked, trying to make the most of a bad situation.

"Put her on a horse. She could be the headless horseman for Halloween… Get it, Peggy? Because she looks like a man." Al laughed.

"Now, now, Al… let's not get A-HEAD of ourselves!" They both chuckled. "At least you aren't the only one who will have to play dead in the bedroom tonight, ain't that right Al?" Peggy continued joking.

"Correct Peg. In fact... I've been dead for a long time…ever since our wedding night to be precise." Al remarked, shrugging his shoulders.

"Maybe you should have married that gal Laura Strode instead of me!"

"Her name was Laurie, and yes, maybe I should have." Al retorted. "What ever happened to Laurie anyways? She just stopped showing up at school one day. Boy, didn't she have a nice set of lungs on her, or what!?" He declared.

Hearing Laurie's name caused Michael to get upset again. He then tried stabbing Peggy.

Peggy dodged out of the way and hid behind Al. "Oh my god, Al, do something! He's trying to kill me!"

"Alright, alright, that's enough, Michael! Nobody tries to kill my wife, EXCEPT FOR ME!" Al declared, grabbing Michael by his collar, ramming his head into a wall, and then throwing him out of the house the same way he usually does Kelly's boyfriends.

Michael got up from off of the ground and began walking towards Al.

"Do something, Al! He's coming back for a sequel!" Peggy cried.

Al quickly took off his shoe and held it up. "LET's ROCK!" He declared, flinging it at Michael's head. Michael then got a whiff of Al's shoe causing his white mask to turn green.

Al could see that Michael wanted to retaliate further. "Bring it on, BABY! I once scored four touchdowns in one game for Polk High school!"

Michael slowly backed up past the foul smelling shoe. After realizing how hopeless Al's life was, he knew he was looking into a man's eyes that were even more colder than his own.

Bud came running down the stairs tightly holding his blow-up doll. "What's going on down here? I thought I heard some commotion! I figured it was coming from Kelly's room, but I see she is down here!"

Peggy spoke up. "This man just tried to kill me and your father protected me."

Al proudly adjusted his pants, pulling them further up around his waist. "That's right! Nobody kills one of my family members without my saying so first." Al exclaimed.

Then he put his hand out and said, "Can I get a WHOA BUNDY!?"

The other family members wanted to join in, but Al still hadn't put his shoe back on.

Later that night, while Al was sitting on his couch, he realized that no trick-r-treaters had ever come to the door, so he decided to take a peek outside to find out why. When he looked down at the ground, several kids were passed out, lying next to his shoe, all of their faces had turned green.

Al realized some of their bags were still full of candy. "I'll be darned. I guess I'll just have to eat this candy myself since they don't seem to want it anymore."

Al then walked the bags of candy back over to the couch and sat down. "Halloween isn't so bad after all!" He proclaimed, putting one hand on the candy and another hand down his pants.

Suddenly, Al heard a popping noise from upstairs. Bud came running down the stairs holding his now deflated blow-up doll.

"Help! Help!" He cried.

"What is it, son? Is Michael Myers back in the house?"

"No! Kelly popped my doll! She's just jealous because it gets more nookie than she does!"

Al frowned because he knew how much nookie Kelly gets.

"Just tell your mom to grab you some tape like she always does!" Al exclaimed. "Speaking of your mom, I haven't heard from her lately. Would you mind checking on her for me?"

Bud went back up the steps and put his ear up to his parent's bedroom door.

"Oh Michael! Let's go for a trilogy!" Peggy screamed in pleasure.

Bud came back down the stairs. "I think Michael Myers might be having sex with mom."

Al smiled and tossed a few M & M's in his mouth. "I'm feeling pretty lucky! I get to eat all the candy and I don't have to have sex with Peg tonight. This is the best Halloween ever! In fact, I'm feeling so good about the future, I might even try to get to know our new neighbor that just moved in across the street... He seems like a nice fella... What did he say his last name was again?... Oh! That's right!... Dahmer!"