Lightning cracked the sky as Sonic, Shadow, Amy, and Knuckles entered the old Abandoned Hospital on the Abandoned Campground, which stood between the Abandoned Warehouse and the Abandoned Playground. Shadow led the way, with the rest following closely behind him. It was Shadow who had planned this little outing to the Realm of Abandoned Things on the Wrong Side of the Tracks as a way to spice up their Halloween.
"Are we almost there, Sonikku?" asked Amy, using her cringe ass pet name for Sonic.
"No idea, Ames!" said Sonic. "Hey, Shads, what are we looking for?"
"There's an Abandoned Operating Theater in here, where it's said an Abandoned Surgeon abandoned a scalpel inside an Abandoned Child, which caused all of the Abandoned Child's blood to abandon his body," said Shadow. "I figure it's a good place to start our SPOO-OO-OO-OOKY evening."
"That doesn't scare me, I'm a big boy!" said Knuckles. He caught Sonic's eyes, and they silently made plans to absolutely one hundred percent platonically hug in case they got scared. Amy noticed the chemistry between them, and wasn't threatened, because she and Sonikku have an open relationship. Shadow, meanwhile, has an Abandoned Relationship; Rouge the Bat left him because she found out that since Shadow is a synthetic lifeform, he's vegan.
"That's the spirit, Knuckles!" said Amy, shivering in a cartoonish way. Sonic wrenched his hand away from her so the squiggly lines wouldn't transfer.
"Yeah, way to go Knuckles!" said Sonic, eying that sexy piece of echidna. Shadow rolled his eyes and immediately started smoking a cigarette.
"Oh, brother, just fuck already…" he said.
"Later," said Sonic and Knuckles together, licking their lips sensually.
"Alright, I think it's just past the Abandoned Vending Machines… Yeah, here we are," said Shadow, debating on whether it's time to abandon this Abandoned Joke. He stopped at the door for everyone to catch up, and began the Spooky Speech he had prepared and practiced naked in the mirror at home. "Listen up, um, chumps, uh, you see, we've got to be like, on the… the thing… the watchy thing…"
"Lookout?" said Knuckles, making overtly sexual gestures towards Sonic as he did so. The significance of this was not lost on Shadow.
"Yeah, lookout! Thanks Dadd- I mean Knuckles," Shadow said, quickly correcting his horny mistake. "It's like, um, said that the, uh, ghost of the Abandoned Child still like, haunts this place, looking for the Abandoned Surgeon to, um, stick the knife thing… scalpel, into her Abandoned Heart. He also looks for like, interlopers, so he can steal their blood." Amy reached for Sonic's hand, and Sonic reached for Knuckles' chest. Shadow grabbed his own hand, because you're never alone if you're by yourself. Yep.
He turned around and opened the door with his feet, as he was still holding his hand for confidence. It creaked open slowly, darkness shrouding the Abandoned Operating Theater in the Abandoned Hospital. They got out the torches they'd brought with them, lit them, and proceeded to continue into the Abandoned Operating Theater.
They found themselves on the Abandoned Operating Theater Floor, which was full of Abandoned Surgical Equipment. Trays and instruments littered the floor, and surgical trays are a great source of aluminum, which makes hospitals a great place to loot if you're running a power armor build. Unfortunately, none of our heroes were specc'd into power armor.
"Damn, Shads! You weren't kidding! This place is spooky!" said Sonic.
"No kidding, Sonikku!" said Amy, shivering in a normal way this time.
"I'm not… I'm not scared! I'm a big boy!" said Knuckles, who was now too afraid to make overtly sexual gestures at Sonic.
"Yeah, it's a lot creepier than I thought it would be, but there's something missing…" said Shadow. He then remembered that he had a boombox with him, and got it out of his bag. He checked the tape, finding the Sonic drowning music in it, and pressed play. Everyone was even more stressed out for a few seconds until the tape ended.
"Wow, that made it a lot worse, Shadokku!" said Amy. Shadow chuckled edgily.
Suddenly, the Abandoned Lights of the Abandoned Operating Theater flared into life, lighting up the huge space. Everyone jumped and climbed into Knuckles' big, burly arms. Knuckles dropped everyone and hid his face behind his hands.
"I'm a big boy!" he said. He felt a tap on his shoulder, and standing there, in the middle of a very large bloodstain, was a small child.
The child was wearing an Abandoned Hospital Gown that had been stained with blood down the front. If you looked closely, you could see the imprint of a scalpel that had been abandoned inside his chest. He was about three and a half feet tall, with curly brown hair that fell over his eyes, and bare feet, because you don't wear shoes into surgery.
"You should be hewe," he said, peering out through his brunette curls at the group. He wasn't sure if they were interlopers yet, but he had a hunch. "Don't you know that October 26th is the scawiest date of the yeaw?"
Shadow stood up and gave his mean glare at the child. The child started crying.
"Why awe you being mean to me? I'm only twee and a half yeaws old!" he said. Shadow only intensified the meanness of his glare. The child continued: "Awe you intewopuhs?"
"No, we're definitely not!" said Sonic.
"Awe you suwe?" said the child through copious amounts of tears.
"I'm a big boy!" said Knuckles.
"My mommy calls me a big boy!" said the child, forgetting his tears.
"And you definitely are, Abandoned Childku!" said Amy.
"Wehw, if you're not intewopuhs then why awe you hewe?"
"We came here to check out this Abandoned Operating Theater because Shadokku said we needed to grow some fur on our cat ears!" replied Amy.
"Guys, I think we're interlopers," said Shadow. The rest of the group waved their hands like he'd just given an extremely bad answer on Family Feud. "We're definitely interloping into this space."
"So you awe intewopuhs!" said the child. He reached for the scalpel in his chest, trying to pull it out, but failing because of the layers of cloth, skin, flesh and fats in the way. He ripped open his chest and pulled the scalpel out. Luckily, there was no blood, as it had all Abandoned him.
"Uh, what do we do now, Sonikku?" asked Amy as the child advanced on them, scalpel held high.
"What I do with all my problems, Ames!" said Sonic, who was in the middle of a fright makeout sesh with Knuckles. "Run!"
Before they ran out the Abandoned Opposite Door of the Abandoned Operating Theater, Shadow flipped the tape in the boombox to Side B. Running as fast as they could to the haunting strains of Yakkity Sax, the blue, pink, black and red all ran out the Abandoned Opposite Door.
"Wait! Don't wun so fast! I'm onwy twee and a half yeaws old!" called the child after them. At first, the crew slowed down, and then they remembered that they were being chased by the ghost of the Abandoned Child, and picked up the pace again.
"This way, through Abandoned Pre-Op!" called Shadow, who was again leading the pack. They flung several things behind them, trying to slow or stop the ghost that had been chasing them, but as you know, ghosts are non corporeal beings and therefore are not slowed down by obstacles in their path. They ran down the Abandoned Halls of the Abandoned Hospital, searching desperately for a place to hide from the Abandoned Child. Finally, when they'd put a bit of distance between them and him, they ducked into the Abandoned Maternity Ward.
"I think we're safe for now!" said Sonic, pulling a chili dog from his backpack and scarfing it down.
"I love what you did with that weiner," said Knuckles. "You used the perfect amount of teeth."
"Running all the time makes my poor Sonikku so hungry!" said Amy.
"Guys, shhhh! I think I hear it coming!" said Shadow. The sounds of a crying, murderous child were coming down the hallway. Sonic, Shadow, Knuckles and Amy all hid behind Abandoned Bassinets. Knuckles had leapt on top of Sonic when he heard the sound of the Abandoned Child's crying, and they had resumed their terrified making out. Shadow watched them, finding out he had a voyeurism fetish. Good for him.
Amy was peering around her Abandoned Bassinet, trying to catch a glimpse of the Abandoned Child floating down the Abandoned Hall outside the Abandoned Maternity Ward. His small, glowing form floated past, still holding the Abandoned Scalpel up high. She could hear him calling out for them.
"Pwease! I just wanna take youw bwood! I need new bwood aftew that mean ol' lady kiwwed me! I was onwy twee and a half yeaws old!" he said.
"Shadokku, is there any way out of this hospital?" asked Amy.
"Abandoned Hospital, and yes. We're near an exit now," said Shadow, still distracted by Knuckles and Sonic, who were now dry humping. "The Abandoned Emergency Room is just around the corner, there's just one problem…"
"What's that?" asked Amy, who had begun to grow distracted by Sonic and Knuckles as well.
"The Abandoned Child just went that way…" said Shadow, putting another tape into his boombox and playing the sad trombone sound effect from The Price is Right.
"Oh yeah, big boy, give it to me!" said Sonic.
"I'm the biggest boy!" said Knuckles between passionate kisses with Sonic.
"It's no use making for the exits anyway," said Shadow as he bit his lip. "Haven't you seen horror movies? When you get trapped with a ghost, all the exits are sealed by magic. The only way out of this is if we kill the ghost!"
"How do we do that?" asked Amy, growing kind of annoyed at Sonic and Knuckles.
"I'm not sure," said Shadow, searching through his bag for something that might help them.
"Mmmmph, pull it out, big boy," said Sonic.
"This is MY big boy," said Knuckles.
"Maybe this will help?" said Shadow, pulling a frozen trout out of his bag.
"No, Abandoned Children only like Abandoned Fish Sticks, not regular fish," said Amy. Shadow threw the frozen trout behind him, shattering the window. He continued rummaging in his bag.
"There's nothing!" he said.
"I'm cumming!" said Sonic.
"So's the big boy!" said Knuckles.
"Could you twoikku stop fucking?" said Amy, exasperated at their choice of time. "We're trying to figure out a way out of this mess!"
"Perhaps I could be of assistance?" said a strange voice. It was melodious and absolutely perfect, no notes. A tall pale woman in an aquamarine tunic with a star on it stepped out from the shadows.
"Who the hell are you?" asked Shadow.
"I'm Pearl," said Pearl. "I'm also known as the Abandoned Surgeon."
"No way! You're the one who killed that Abandoned Child in the Abandoned Operating Theater and caused his blood to abandon him!" said Amy. Shadow nodded, lighting another cigarette.
"The very same. I'm an expert at killing children," said Pearl. "I have done it many, many times. This kid may be dead, but he's still a kid."
"Dat's wight I'm a kid, I'm onwy twee and a half yeaws old!" said the child. He still held the scalpel high over his head, ready to plunge it into the chest of one of our characters. Amy and Shadow screamed, and Sonic and Knuckles moaned. The child advanced on Shadow and Amy as the pair backed into a corner, cutting off their escape. There was a glint of steel, and the scalpel plunged through the air, aimed directly at Shadow.
The scene that followed was grotesque. Shadow began to inflate, and it was then that Amy discovered she had a fetish for inflation. It was short lived, however, as Shadow began to fly around the room, spewing blood from all of his orifices. Like a balloon that was filled with blood and moving at high speeds, he quickly deflated. The child ran behind him with a ziplock bag, trying to capture as much blood as he could.
"We need to take this chance," said Pearl, gathering up the post-coital cuddling Sonic and Knuckles into her arms. "Run!" She led the way out of the Abandoned Maternity Ward and into the Abandoned Hall, past the Abandoned ICU and into the Abandoned Psych Ward. Amy followed behind, slamming the door shut as she crossed the threshold.
"How did he even find us?" gasped Amy.
"Shadow broke the window when he threw that frozen trout behind him. If you're going to throw away frozen fish, do it properly," said Pearl, still holding a cuddling Sonic and Knuckles.
"Shadokku is dead, isn't he?" asked Amy.
"Very," said Pearl.
"That's so sad," said Amy.
"Honestly, he kinda deserved it," said Pearl. "Bringing you guys here on October 26th, the spookiest day of the year? That was pretty stupid."
"Yeah, you right," said Amy. "What's the plan for saving the rest of us?"
"Well, if we can lead him to the Abandoned Operating Theater, I might be able to kill him there," said Pearl. "There's only one problem…"
"What's that?" asked Amy.
"Ready for Zone 2, big boy?" asked Sonic.
"I'd have to die to kill him. It's the only way I could perform an ectoetcomy," said Pearl.
"I've got a chili dog you could use the perfect amount of teeth on," said Knuckles.
"Alright, if that's our only plan, we'd better do it!" said Amy.
"Yeah, you'd bettew get to it!" said the Abandoned Child, causing Amy to jump. Just then, Knuckles put his thumb into Sonic's mouth.
Pearl and Amy dashed around the twee and a half yeaw old child and back out into the Abandoned Hallways. Pearl had transferred Sonic and Knuckles onto her back. They clung to her as they did unspeakable acts to each other. Amy trailed behind, with the ghost of the Abandoned Child hot on her heels. Finally, they reached the Abandoned Operating Theater. Pearl set Sonic and Knuckles on the floor, where they fucked raw, and began assembling a surgical tray from the Abandoned Surgical Equipment on the ground. She then took everything to the Abandoned Autoclave and sterilized it. She may be a child murderer, but she wasn't a monster.
Amy, meanwhile, was barricading the door that they had just come through. This did absolutely nothing, as it was previously established that ghosts can phase through obstacles. The child floated into the room, holding the scalpel in front of him, ready to inflate and send someone around the room like a high speed blood balloon. Amy backed away, when she felt something weird at her feet. It was a gun! She pointed it at the child and fired a shot. It whizzed through him, causing no apparent injury.
Pearl turned at the sound of the gunshot. Her instruments were almost sterile. "Amy, shoot me! It's the only way!" she cried. Amy whirled to face Pearl, and with grim satisfaction, she squeezed the trigger. Sonic moaned in blissful ignorance as Knuckles showed him why his fists are so big. Pearl exploded into a thousand pearls, but standing where she had been was a ghost of Pearl, holding her Abandoned Surgical Equipment.
"So, you tink you can out dwaw me?" asked the child. He put his scalpel at his side, as if he was going to draw it from a sheath like a samurai. Pearl dropped the rest of her surgical tools, keeping only the scalpel, which she held in the same way as the child. Amy watched with bated breath. Knuckles spurted his seed all over Sonic. The air was tense, and suddenly, the child and Pearl made their moves.
They had essentially changed spots after their short dashes and attacks. Everything was still for a few seconds.
"Was that good for you, big boy?" asked Knuckles.
Finally, after what seemed like ages, Pearl collapsed in a heap, ghost blood shooting out of her arm. The child grinned.
"You win," he said, and then collapsed, too. He exploded into a shower of skin and flesh and fats, coating everyone in the room with viscera. Sonic and Knuckles had barely noticed. Amy rushed over to Pearl.
"You did it, Pearlikku!" she said.
"No, not yet… he hasn't reached his final form!" said Pearl as she lie there, bleeding out. Amy turned around, and to her horror, she saw Dante from Devil May Cry standing where the child had once been.
"Hey, you little cat things," said Dante. "Can I have some blood? I'm only three and a half years old!"
"Won't you leave us alone?" begged Amy. "There's literally an Abandoned Blood Bank down the hall, you don't need our blood!"
"Wait, really?" said Dante.
"Yes, we passed it twice while you were chasing us!" said an exasperated Amy.
"Oh fuck yeah," said Dante, putting away his pistols and exiting the Abandoned Operating Theater. As he left, the ghost of Shadow walked back through the barricaded door, because, as previously established, ghosts do not care about such things.
"Shadokku!" said Amy, relieved to see her friend, even if he was a ghost.
"Hey, Amy," said Shadow. "I'm a ghost now. That means I don't care about barricades."
"That makes sense," said Amy.
"That was some adventure, huh guys?" said Sonic, wiping the copious amounts of ejaculate from his fur.
"It sure was," said Amy. "Let's get out of this place. I would prefer something less abandoned."
"I'll lead the way," said Shadow. He led the other three through the Abandoned Halls, past the Abandoned Vending Machines, to the front steps of the Abandoned Hospital on the Abandoned Campground. They crossed the threshold of the Abandoned Campground and into the Well Kept Campground. Just as they did so, the clock struck midnight. They'd made it through October 26th.