Takes place after Killian gets his heart back in s4.
Also a note: the title doesn't refer to a Princess Bride reference xD
~cosette141
The first time Killian noticed the change in Emma's behavior was this morning.
Last night was the day that had almost been the last of his life, when the Crocodile had nearly crushed his heart. His heart was now safely back in his chest, and the Crocodile was blissfully banished from the town.
After the chaos was over and his heart returned, Emma had profusely apologized for not having noticed it was missing. However many times Killian had attempted to ease her guilt, it hadn't worked.
But beyond her guilt for not having paid closer attention to him, not having listened to her instincts when she'd known something had been off with him, there was a sort of… other look in her eyes when she looked at him. This sort of sadness.
Something he bloody hated seeing in her eyes.
As much as he'd wished she'd noticed his predicament, he couldn't blame her; there'd been so much chaos she'd been dealing with, and in hindsight, if she had noticed, he didn't know if the Crocodile would have hurt her or killed her to keep her silence. Or even bloody used Killian himself to do so.
However, even that dark fear didn't ease Emma's guilt, or that sadness in her eyes.
She'd remained glued to his side ever since, her hand almost always finding its way to his chest or her fingers to his wrist, in a subtle attempt to feel the reassurance of his heartbeat.
Something that touched him to no end.
But more than her guilt and more than that sadness in her eyes, was this strange change in her behavior around him that he didn't understand.
The first instance was this morning.
Emma had stayed the night, not for the first time, in his room. She'd slept tucked so close to him, her hand resting over his chest all night long.
When they'd woken, Emma had gotten out of bed, saying, "I'm going to get changed. Get us a table?"
Killian had smiled, getting up to do so. "As you wish," he said softly, enjoying what had become a routine for them, to get breakfast together.
But Emma had frozen, and whipped back around to him, eyes suddenly worried. "If you want," she said quickly.
Killian had paused, looking at her with confusion. A rush of color to her cheeks, and that strange sort of sadness in her eyes, she quickly said, "Actually, don't worry about it."
And in utter puzzlement, Killian watched as Emma rushed to change, her haste almost an embarrassment for something he didn't understand. She'd grabbed the door, giving him a smile that was so uncertain, something almost shy—such a strange look on her. "Want to get breakfast?" she asked, as if restarting the whole conversation.
Standing slowly, looking at her as if she'd gone just a little mental, Killian said, "Are you all right, love?"
"Yeah," she said, too quickly. "So do you want breakfast?" she asked again.
"Aye, if you're sure you're all right," he said, approaching her with a furrow in his brow.
"Yeah," she'd repeated. But she smiled, like his words were a relief. She'd taken his wrist gently, her thumb resting over his heartbeat again, like just that settled the rest of her nerves.
But even more curious, she didn't move, just staring at him.
Beyond confused, Killian gave her a little smile, saying, "Let's get you something to eat." She wasn't the best in the mornings, so he hoped perhaps her strange… essence today was simply hunger. When he led her out of the room, she let out a breath in something that looked like contented relief, and let him walk her to the diner, and insisted that he chose whatever table he wanted.
They'd shared the meal without any other… strangeness, but there was still something that he couldn't put his finger on.
So much so that he'd reached for her hand across the table, thumb resting on her wrist just to ensure that her heartbeat was right where it was supposed to be as well.
Emma's strange behavior continued throughout the day. Especially so when Emma's family invited them for dinner.
Emma'd asked him at least ten times if he wanted to go to the dinner or do something else, to which most of the time he'd replied, "Whatever you wish, love," which only seemed to frustrate her more.
It was now, as they arrived at the loft and David answered the door with a mock-exasperated, "Emma, Hook! You two take the long way? Get in here, the food's getting cold!"
Killian had moved to enter, but Emma had gone still again, and he paused.
"Love?" he asked as David left the door open, but went back to the kitchen to help Mary Margaret.
"You don't have to go in if you don't want to," said Emma, her sad eyes on him like what she was saying was the most important thing in the world.
Killian couldn't take it anymore. "Emma," he said, feeling his confusion about to burst. "Love, what's going on? Now it's you who's acting strange," he said, the words only making Emma lose color in her face. Killian's own brows furrowed in what was now much concern. "Emma? What's wrong, love?"
Her eyes suddenly filled with a thin veil of tears. "I just…" Her voice caught. "I just don't want you to do anything you don't want to do," she whispered.
Killian's brows only furrowed more, even more confusion dawning—
Until it clicked.
The past day ran through his mind, every instance where Emma had either accidentally told him what to do, or avoided doing so.
Even something as simple as get us a table.
It suddenly made heartbreaking sense.
"Emma," he said, his voice softening, brows furrowing for a different reason. "Is this because… because the Crocodile had my heart?"
At the look in her eyes, he was exactly right.
Being at the Crocodile's beck and call, being unable to move or speak unless the Crocodile willed it was the most sickening feeling of Killian's long life. It was a horrible violation of him, the feeling of being someone's puppet. It was maddening, degrading, but above all, terrifying. That no matter how hard he tried to fight it, he was fully at the Crocodile's disposal.
The fact that Emma had spent all day ensuring that everything they did was within his own will was the most heartbreaking, touching thing she or anyone has ever done for him.
Emma's eyes only filled with more tears, wet with guilt and sadness. Her eyes dropped from his to find the floor. "I just…" Her eyes shut. "I just know what it feels like. To have to do what you don't want to do." Her miserable eyes opened. "When I was in jail…" Her brows kneaded with bad memories, and Killian moved closer to her, feeling his heart ache worse than when the Crocodile had squeezed it. "It just…" continued Emma sadly, "I wasn't even in control of my own life, what I could wear, or when I could eat or go outside, and I couldn't leave," her voice choked, and Killian moved even closer to her, touching her face.
"Emma," he whispered, his own eyes stinging at the idea of her in such a place.
Her eyes found his again. "I know it's not the same as what Gold did to you," she whispered. "You had it even worse and I… I just hate that you had to go through it, at his command, of all people, and… and I just want to make sure you know I don't want everything to be as I wish, okay? I want you to be able to do what you want to—"
He cut her off with a kiss, feeling her need to keep talking, but eventually she gave in, and met the tenderness of it. When he pulled away, he met her miserable eyes. "Emma, love," he whispered, "I want," he said slowly, "to do what makes you happy. Because that makes me happy." As she opened her mouth to speak, he smiled, gently touching her lips with his thumb to stop her. "If there is something I don't want to do, I will tell you, Emma. Such as your insistence to teach me to captain your driving vessel, to which the answer is still no," he said dryly, his words easing a little laugh from her chest. But his smile softened even more, thumb brushing over her cheek. "I want you to stop punishing yourself for what happened," he said softly. "That is what I want most of all."
Emma's brows creased, but her lips tilted a little, cutting through the sadness like the sun through clouds. "As you wish," she whispered, smiling a little wider.
And he smiled back.