Prompt #11: Feeling the loss of time as the days grow shorter and the nights longer
Once Upon These Days
~oOo~
It was a few days before the eightieth birthday of Olivia Benson-Stabler, and Noah Porter Benson-Stabler was in the attic of his parents' house looking for special pictures for a slideshow. Not only would the entire family be at the party, those of Olivia's friends who were still alive and able to travel would be there too.
Noah had searched through a big box and was reaching for another when he heard a noise behind him.
He turned and saw his older brother, Eli.
"Hey, find any good pictures?"
Noah nodded. "Some. Here's one of my mom and me with Uncle Fin, Aunt Amanda, Uncle Sonny, and Jesse and Billie at Billie's baptism. And here's one of our parents when they were partners in SVU."
"Hey, here's one of your mom holding me as a baby," said Eli holding up another picture.
"And here's one of everyone on my mom's squad at my christening," Noah pointed out.
"Did the rest of the family and our SVU family send the pictures and letters you asked for?" Eli wanted to know.
"Yeah. I already have them scanned to my computer. Oh, hey, look! Here's one of everyone at our parents' wedding," Noah replied.
"Wow. We were just kids then. And now my nephews are married with kids which makes our parents great-grandparents."
"I can't believe mom's eighty. Dad's eighty-four. You have a wife and three kids. I have a husband and four kids. Our older siblings are all married with kids and Mo's a grandmother," Noah murmured in disbelief.
Eli squeezed his younger brother's shoulder.
"Where did the time go? It seems like just yesterday that Dad had you and Mama Liv over to meet us."
"I was so nervous. I was terrified you wouldn't like me," Noah admitted.
"You had nothing to worry about, Little Bro. We all loved you instantly," Eli reassured him.
Noah smiled at his older brother before turning back to the box. He dug down in it and pulled out a leather-bound book. It appeared to be a journal.
"Hey, E? Check this out."
"What is it?" asked the older Stabler.
"I think it's my Mom's old journal. Well one of them. I wonder what it's doing with the photos," Noah commented.
"I don't know. But we should probably put it back," Eli responded.
"You're probably right," Noah said, putting the book back.
Eli clapped the younger man on the shoulder and stood up. "I'm gonna take these pictures downstairs and see if I can find Dad. I'll see ya down there."
Noah nodded. "K. I'll be down soon."
After Eli had headed downstairs, Noah slowly picked up the journal once more and looked at it for a few moments before putting it in his jacket pocket, and heading downstairs. He could hear his dad and Eli talking in the den, and he decided to join them.
"Hey, guys. Whatcha talking about?"
"The day we moved into this house," Elliot told his youngest son.
"I remember that day. I remember thinking how huge it was after living in an apartment all my life," Noah said.
"I took you and your mom and your brother house hunting not long after your mom agreed to be my wife. That was one of the best days of my life. Right up there with the births of my five older kids and the day I adopted you, Noah," Elliot told his sons.
"I want to hear the story of how you and mom met again," Noah requested.
Elliot chuckled. "Well when I saw her walk into the precinct, I hate to admit it but I thought she was a victim. I talked to her a bit patronizingly. Or she took it that way anyway. I talked to her like a victim. After Cragen introduced us and told me she was my new partner, she threatened to put my balls in a blender if I ever talked down to her again."
The two younger men laughed and then Elliot added, "But from the very first case we worked together, I knew we had something unique and special. She always had my back both personally and on the job and I always had hers, until the day I didn't. Leaving her without a word for a decade was the biggest mistake of my life. I thank God every day that she forgave me and let me back in her life and into Noah's."
"Mom told me the bond was somehow still there even after a decade of radio silence," Noah told him.
"It was for me too. We reunited under horrible circumstances after a car bomb injured and eventually killed my first wife," Elliot replied.
Noah squeezed Eli's shoulder supportively, knowing the pain of losing his mom was still there.
Elliot continued, "Liv came to the scene, not knowing it was me and Kathy. When she heard me call her name she looked almost shell-shocked, but the moment our eyes met, I knew everything would be ok no matter what. I would get through the storm and she'd be the lighthouse for me. For our family. She was and still is my safe place. I would never ever have cheated on your mother, Eli. You have to believe that. But until I left and when I returned, Olivia was my rock. She always did what she could to help save my marriage and our family, but she understood me better than anyone. She literally saved your life when you were born, as well as your mother's."
Eli nodded. He had heard the story.
Noah suddenly threw his arms around Elliot.
"I'm really glad you came back, Dad. For her and for me. I love you."
"I love you, too, Son," Elliot said softly.
Reaching out to include Eli in the hug, he added, "I love both of you."
"Love you, too, Dad," Eli whispered.
Later that evening, after enjoying dinner with his husband and their two sons and two daughters, Noah helped clean up before excusing himself to the master bedroom.
Closing the door behind him, he sat on the bed and began to read the journal.
June 6th, 2015
'I am still having nightmares every night. It's been three weeks since that monster, William Lewis, abducted and tortured me. I need Elliot more than ever now. If he had been here, the monster never would have gotten me out of my apartment. He never would have held me there for two days and he never would have taken me to the beach house and done unspeakable things to me. I need Elliot now so I can feel safe again. I can still taste the vodka Lewis force-fed me. I can feel the burns on my skin from my keys after he heated them on the stove. I can feel the duct tape he placed across my lips. Elliot wouldn't let me live in my memories. He'd protect me from myself. He would have protected me from Lewis even though I would have fought it. Why did he have to leave? El, where ARE you?'
Noah had tears in his eyes by the time he finished the horrific entry, but he continued reading. He read about Lewis' escape and how his mom was investigated for his murder. He read how Lewis played Russian Roulette with her and tried to frame her by killing himself with the nondominant hand to make the angle point to her. Noah kept reading and learned about how Olivia had found him in a dresser drawer in the care of child pornographers. He read about how his biological father was a serial rapist and his biological mom was a drug addict and a victim of his biological father's. Noah felt sick and had to rush to the bathroom before reading more.
His husband, Brian came to check on him but he told the other man he was fine and needed to be alone.
Finally, he got to a very special entry. A happy one that was sad at the same time.
May 24th, 2016
'Today was one of the best days of my life. Noah is officially my son. I really wish Elliot could have been there. He always believed I would be a good mother, and deserved to be one, even when the system didn't believe in me. I know he would love Noah and if he were here he would be a big part of Noah's life. I miss you, El. I wish I could talk to you. See you even just one last time. I wish I knew why you left me. Why you never called.'
Noah cried for a few minutes before pulling himself together and going out to join his family.
The next day, Noah went over to his parents' house. As soon as he saw his mom, tears filled his eyes. He hugged her as tightly as he could and she just held him. Why he was there would be answered later, but for now, she just gave her beloved son the comfort he needed.
When Noah could finally speak, he rasped out,
"I love you, Mom. Thank you for finding me and caring enough to take me in."
Olivia felt tears in her own eyes. "I love you, too. So much."
They pulled apart and Noah handed her the journal.
"I found this in the attic when I was looking for some stuff."
Olivia nodded understandingly. "And you read it?"
"Yes. I did. I'm sorry, Mom," Noah confessed.
"How much did you read?" Olivia asked tensely.
"Enough," came the quiet reply.
"Lewis?"
Noah nodded. "And my adoption. I— I know about my biological father."
Olivia sighed. "I never wanted you to find out about that. I never wanted you to think that your DNA had anything to do with who you are. It doesn't. I was the product of rape as well. DNA doesn't have to dictate who we become. You are my son and your father's son. You are Eli's brother. And Mo's and Leen's and Richard's and Liz's you have Amanda, Sonny, Nick, Fin, and Rafa as aunts and uncles. Billie and Jesse as cousins. You have your husband and kids and nieces and nephews. We are your family. Never forget that. You are Noah Benson-Stabler.
Noah gave his mom another tight hug before apologizing again for taking the journal.
"I forgive you, Sweetie. I don't want you to worry about that anymore. What I wrote about is in the past. I forgot I even still had the journal. Let's just move on. Move forward."
"Ok," whispered Noah.
That weekend was Olivia's party. The slideshow was ready to go. Olivia cried joyful tears when she saw all of her old friends. She hugged Amanda, Carisi, Fin, Barba, and Amaro. She also hugged Jesse and Billie who had come with their husbands and kids. Alex and Casey also showed up and pulled Olivia into tight hugs.
The slideshow made everyone a bit emotional.
Olivia stood afterward and said shakily, "I can't believe you all came. I am so blessed to have each of you in my life. I love you all so much.
Everyone returned the sentiment.
Later, Olivia leaned against Elliot and laid her head on his shoulder as they watched the grandkids and great-grandkids as well as honorary nieces and nephews playing in the yard. Eli's two daughters and his son were playing tag with Noah's kids and Jesse and Billie's kids. Some of the older kids were playing volleyball. The grownups were engaged in various conversations around the house and yard.
Elliot looked down at his wife of thirty years and asked, "When we met over fifty years ago, did you ever once think we'd end up where we are today?"
Olivia shook her head. "Never in a million years. You?"
"Never. I was in denial about my feelings for you for years. Then I ran away to avoid revealing those feelings. When I finally returned, I was afraid you would never fully forgive me and let me back in," Elliot told her.
Olivia leaned up and kissed her husband on the lips. "That was never a possibility. Oh, I held back as long as I could. I was scared. But our bond was too strong to ever completely sever. I know you don't believe in soulmates, El. But that's what you are. My soulmate."
"After I found my way back to you, I felt that bond. I have believed in soulmates ever since."
Olivia's eyes filled and spilled over.
"El…"
Elliot cut her off with a deep kiss.
"Happy birthday, Liv. Thanks for giving me forever."
"Forever. That sounds so beautiful when you say it," Olivia breathed.
Elliot wrapped his wife up in his arms and said, "Olivia Margaret Benson, I love you. More than life itself.
Olivia snuggled further into her husband's embrace. "I love you too, Elliot James Stabler. With all of my heart."
Note: The author of this SVU: Fall in Love story will be revealed in November