Brief warning: this chapter gets darker than the last.

Quick name reference: Zima=Sonya, Istina=Anna, Gummy=Lada, Leto=Rosalind, Rosa=Natalya

Local taste

Man… Rhodes Island always exceeds my expectations. If the cast of eccentric personalities it gathers wasn't enough, the serious manner in which they address oripathy made me reconsider many of my beliefs. Back in Chernobog, we were told that the Infected were a bunch of good-for-nothings that corrupted the integrity of the Empire. Their only use was spending the rest of their lowly lives working at the mines to extract Originium, which also worsened their sickness.

Nonetheless, I can't condone what Reunion did to Chernobog in response to the abuse… The way they dragged people out of their homes to kill them on the streets, the burning buildings, the explosions… I can't approve it, but I understand why they did it.

Rhodes Island faced Reunion and managed to secure an important victory that saved many lives, both from lungmenites and chernobogians. I heard the USSG girls were rescued just as the conflict ended back on January. They spent almost two entire weeks surviving in a chaos that put Peterheim Middle School's tragedy to shame, whereas I… well.

Recently, I got the chance to meet the person who found me in the wilderness. He was a cool sankta messenger with sunglasses, who sometimes collaborated with the pharmaceutical. I vaguely remember when he put me on his bike and rode me to salvation, but I did thank him. I had conflicting feelings about it, but Rosa was right about something. If guilt is too much to bear, I should use that misery to fuel my next steps.

Going to therapy proved to be just as useless as I anticipated, but at least it helped me growing some resilience when talking about you guys. Now I don't break down each time I mutter your names, but I still feel like an utter piece of shit, don't worry. I'm not getting off the hook that easily.

The grunt work I was assigned was at least entertaining. The Doctor insisted I took classes with the rest of the USSG students, but I spent every effort to express how bad of an idea that was. My poor academics aside, I couldn't stand being in the same room as Zima and I was sure the feeling was mutual.

Regardless, grunt work suited me. I was given a seat on a workshop before a screen and given footage to examine. They were recent recordings of the latest operations. My task was to use an editing program to create 'tactical battle records'. It wasn't easy. There was a lot of footage to go over and some segments were too poorly recorded to have any use.

"Do I cut it out and go to the next part?" I asked my senior. The cautus of permanently closed eyes and blonde hair lent forward. How was she even looking at the screen?

"Hmm, noo… You… Before you delete anything, you have to properly check if it can't be used at all."

The perro of orange glasses next to us laughed, finding it funny to hear Kroos saying the word 'properly'. The girls teased each other, which made for a cute scene to witness. Whenever those two or their friend Fang were assigned to the factory with me, there was a good ambience that made things flow easier. After some time, I was given more instructions by Beagle.

"For example, this part seems too blurry to be used, but what about the audio?"

I opened my eyes when realization dawned on me. I hadn't been paying proper attention to the sounds. Even though the segment was to messy to see anything, if I edited the audio to remove some noise, you could hear the tactical debriefing the operators were doing while they moved to the next area.

"Thanks, seniors. I now know what to do thanks to your guidance."

"Hehehe… It feels weird to be called like that~"

Beagle giggled as well. "We're only reserves, Mikhail, so you don't have to treat us with so much respect. We're colleagues here, so if you find something you don't know how to solve, feel free to ask us."

I took in a deep breath before nodding and focusing back on my work. Although Kroos, Fang and Beagle were nothing but kind goddesses to me and my dumb ass, they got tired easily from the work. Not that I could fault them for that. The job was taxing, but I loved it. It helped me focusing on something else so I could ignore you guys for a while. I was one with the job. It was a bit more difficult to work when the partners started gossiping about me, though. Rumors about me being another of the refugees from Chernobog had spread, which gave me some cause for concern. I'd rather people didn't know who I was. I didn't need their sympathy. I was a bad person, so receiving their kindness only made me upset.

But that's whatever. Next time I met Rosa, I apologized to her again and expressed my gratitude for her help landing me that job. I liked watching the operations footage. Especially the ones where the elite operators were featured. The way they worked to cover each other's weaknesses so flawlessly, the unspoken tactics that happened after a single glance at each other… I managed to produce a good product, so the Doctor praised me for my good performance. The sensation of fulfillment I got… It was a bit frightening, honestly.

"You're in a good humor." Someone observed as I walked down the aisle humming to myself. My smile only widened when I saw who she was.

"Absinthe! How did your last operation go?"

"We fought a group of Reunion that lagged behind during their retreat from Chernobog. They wereted rioting a local town. It was tough, but we managed to restore order."

I put a hand on her shoulder and grinned again. "Man, you're awesome, you know?"

"W-What?"

"I mean it! Being a front line operator is really tough and you still pull it off no problem! I'm glad I have such a cool friend!"

The gray-haired ursus took a step back, a faint blush taking over her pale face. "Friend?"

I halted and noticed how far I got carried away. "Haha, yeah, about that…" Is it hot in here or is it just me? Her stare made me shudder. "W-Well, I do kinda like you, so I had been daydreaming about being your friend, haha. S-Sorry, I made you uncomfortable. I am a creep, aren't I?"

"…with me?"

"What was that?"

The quiet girl gulped down and said it again, louder. "Why would you want… to be friends with me?"

I flicked her face. I was starting to get mad. "Why wouldn't I? Have you looked into the mirror lately?" The way her shy face contorted in confusion gave me the answer. Gods, she wasn't aware of how pretty she was, was she? I groaned and took a step back.

With or without your permission… I'm going to do this. After working my ass off at the workshop, I think I deserve this much… don't I?

I offered her my hand. I tried not blushing, but I wasn't used to making friends the normal way. "Hey there, I'm Mikhail, though… you already know that. I'd like to be friends with you!"

She glanced at my hand and then back at me, asking me a silent question with her tired red eyes. I was starting to have a mental breakdown, so I coughed and pressed on.

"What do you say? Or… is it too awkward for you… after that night?"

I had been nothing but a creep, honestly. Cutting myself, getting a kick out of her tears, then shamelessly trying to befriend her… Yeah, yeah. You don't have to say it. I suck.

A smooth yet rough sensation found my hand. She had taken my hand. I panicked a little, but fought to remain still. She looked as nervous as I was, but her resolution while speaking was much more defined than mine.

"About that… I wanted to thank you. I don't understand what you did afterwards, but I felt like it was somehow my fault for putting you through that, so I avoided you for a while." She cleared her voice before continuing. "I'm sorry."

Oh… so I hadn't been imagining things… She did avoid me… but not because I'm a creep? A disgusting bastard? A monster? Absinthe glanced at our handshake once more and her expression got tenser.

"I have been trying to maintain formal relationships with my colleagues since I joined Rhodes Island, but having a friend could be nice. If you're okay with me…"

I smiled. I was still upset she thought so poorly of herself, but had done it. "Ura! I'm so glad it worked! Ah, now that we're friends, may I know of your name, Absinthe?"

"It's Zoya."

It suited her. I worried over the expression I was making at the moment. I had to be really ugly or unsettling, so I turned around and tried going away while saying a farewell. Before I could flee, however, the ursus cop caught up to me and asked me about what I was going to do. I was definitively not expecting such an outcome, so I stumbled with my own words.

She had some free time on her hands, so she accompanied me to the library. There was a book I wanted to find.

"Ursus cuisine?" Zoya asked while moving a ladder to the other shelf.

"Yeah. The psychologist suggested it. She believes it may help me fix my dysgeusia."

"Your what?"

"It's a disorder that distorts my sense of taste. Anything I put in mouth tastes like sh- I mean, it tastes really bad. No matter if it's a dish served by Matterhorn or a preheated sandwich from Midnight, they feel the same to me: disgusting."

"I'm sorry to hear that. Is it… related to Peterheim?"

I paused the swiping of my finger over the book's spines. I resumed shortly after. "Yeah. That's what the therapist said. We've tried some things so far, but nothing worked. She hopes that if I taste something familiar, maybe I will sense something different to utter cr- I mean, something closer to the real taste. Ah, here it is."

I picked it up, descended the stairs and checked the cover. There were pelmeni and kasha. I felt hungry just by looking at them… which was both worrisome and relieving.

"Do you know how to cook?" Zoya asked while peeking over my shoulder.

"Of course I do. I have mastered the art of pressing a loaf of bread against the other and downing it in just three bites!" Someone shooed me to keep quiet behind the shelf, so I shrugged and obeyed. Enough jokes. "I may or may not have accidentally sent someone to the infirmary after trying my hand at cooking."

"That bad?" She smiled. "I guess I'll help-"

"Oh, it's the bully."

Another ursus girl of short brown hair and a sailor uniform that didn't cover her belly found us after turning a corner. Thankfully, Leto was alone. The student saw the book in my hands and approached us without caring too much about our hostile past.

"Gummy borrowed that one some time ago! The borscht she made was so tasty that Rosa didn't leave anything-" Again, silence was demanded. The third time we disrupted it, we would get on Silence's bad side. Zoya accompanied me as I borrowed the book, but I didn't expect Leto to trail behind us.

"…and the pirozhki! Are you guys making pirozhki?"

Zoya was not dense enough to ignore how tense I was about Leto's presence, so she gave the other student some vague answers. I hoped the second strongest would get bored of chasing us after a while, but Leto was friendly to a fault. After I asked for permission to have a little corner of the kitchen to practice a recipe, Zoya and Rosalind started chatting about their last mission.

I breathed slowly and tried focusing. I was no longer an unruly punk. I was a bear on a mission to make some syrniki. These pancakes were made with cottage cheese, eggs and flour. When my mother prepared them for breakfast when she was still alive, I loved putting honey over them.

"It's done." I told the girls, interrupting their rant on enemy casters.

"Oooh! Syrniki! Thanks for the food!"

"W-Wait-"

Before I could stop her, Leto invited herself to the food and wolfed a big chunk in one go. She stopped chomping a second later and rushed to the restroom, growing paler by the second.

"Blyat. If Zima hears about this, I'm a dead man."

Zoya picked a pancake as well and sniffed it. I expect another disgusted expression, not her giggles. "This happened to me as well when I was little! I tried making syrniki too and mistook sugar with salt. My dad gave me quite a scare by pretending he was dying of food poisoning."

Her cute story painted a warmer expression on my face, but Zoya panicked the moment she noticed what I had been doing. "It's okay! I won't notice the difference anyway! And it would be a waste if we threw these away after I made them."

So I ate them. I had more or less grown used to the unspeakable act of eating things that tasted like garbage anyway, so it wouldn't matter if I ate garbage for real. Zoya still put the poisonous food away from my reach. Out of curiosity she tried giving it a bite to see how bad I messed up, but she regretted it in time to stop. I complained when she threw the plate of pancakes onto the waste bin, but the cop got serious about stopping me from harming myself.

As Zoya pushed me away from the waste bin so I couldn't reach it, Leto returned while holding her exposed belly. "Hey, Mikhail. You should give up cooking. For real this time. I thought you would have improved after all this time, but it's gotten even worse! Last time I almost didn't make it out alive!"

"Huh? You've tried his cooking before?" My friend got surprised. I rubbed my shoulder.

"It was a long time ago. We were paired for a cooking class."

"Man, that takes me back!"

I sighed and bobbed my head. "Yeah, it does… Sorry, but I cannot give up on this. It's important to me."

"I didn't know you were so invested in cooking. How about you ask Gummy to teach you? Nobody knows more about ursus food than her, here at Rhodes!"

"C'mon, Rosalind. Get real. You were there when we attacked you group. Only you would be so easy-going to hang around me after that."

Instinctively, the brawler glanced at my left hand. Leto approached me and gently pressed her fist against my chest.

"You said it yourself. It's important. Go give it a try. If Gummy says no, then you can keep trying on your own. If you keep failing, you can come crying to General Leto! She might give you a hand if she's in a good mood!"

Since when were dumb people legally allowed to say reasonable things while sounding cool? Smirking like a smartass, Rosalind turned around, waved her hand and made her exit to go find some honey. Absinthe helped me cleaning up the evidence after I made another crime against the culinary community. I thanked her for spending time with me that day, since I had fun and all. I really hope she didn't force herself to say the same out of courtesy…

No. I'm not falling for her, I promise you. My heart melted when she shared that story about her younger self, but that's not love. I'm definitively not… I'm not bold enough. And you're still here with me. You will always be. After all, I…

One day, while I overheard some conversation, Texas said something I had to agree with. Dumb people usually say the truth, since they're too dumb to know how to disguise it or mistake it for something else.

I stared at the little cub from the entrance to the kitchen. Earlier, I saw her sneak out of her room, which she usually did when she wanted to prepare some sweets for herself and her friends for the following day. Lada had blond hair with a twirling fringe. Wherever she went, you would always find nearby a metallic door, a frying pan and a thermic box. I prepared mentally over and over, but I didn't find the courage to step forward.

"You've been standing there for a while now. Do you want some cookies?"

My foot slipped and I kissed the floor. "Ghnn… You noticed I was here?"

Gummy squinted her eyes and looked at me with mistrust. "There's literally nobody else in the kitchen tonight."

Through her posture, I understood her stance about me. She was afraid. Last time we saw each other, I had thrown myself at her to steal their supplies, roaring like a maniac. I rubbed my aching shoulder, feeling as uncomfortable as her. The cook followed the movement of my hand. Her orange eyes became sadder.

I considered leaving her alone right then, but… it's impossible to argue with the obvious. Leto was right. I had to try especially because it was important.

"Look. I'm aware it's probably not going to mean much to any of you, but I'm sorry. Things were bad and I did bad things. I'm not expecting to be forgiven, but there is something I was hoping you could help me with."

Gummy stopped holding her pan so tightly in her hands. "You want to ask something of Gummy?"

"I've been trying to learn how to prepare some ursus dishes, but I'm no good. Could you… maybe… show me how it's done? Pretty please?"

The oven dinged and we turned our attention at it. Gummy picked her mittens and got the cookies out. I felt hungry, but my sense of smell had also been a bit affected. There was almost nothing that smelled nice to me. My belly shamelessly ached and I blushed.

"Blyat, this is awkward. Look, Gummy. I'm sorry. I shouldn't have approached you this late at night. I spooked you for no reason. Forget I said anything."

Cursing my own cowardice for running away, I turned around and walked towards the door, but the cook raised her voice to stop me. I froze. When I looked back, she was next to me, tray on hands, offering me to pick a cookie. The bear shapes were cute. I hesitated in my motions. I didn't really want any of the USSG to know about my disorder, but it would have been nasty of me to turn her down.

I felt incredibly disappointed. "It's very tasty." I lied. "Thanks." I said in earnest.

"What do you want to make? Gummy doesn't really like you, but since you asked nicely, she's willing to help you out."

Third person talk? I chose not to comment on it. "Thank you very much. I don't really care what I make, as long as it's some ursus dish."

"How about some pirozhki? Leto wanted some earlier today."

"Yeah, I've heard something to that effect. Pirozhki will be perfect."

We gathered some ingredients and I was ordered to peel some potatoes. I felt bad about holding a knife in her presence, but Gummy was not so scared of me after bringing her door-shield closer to her. I followed her every command, trying my hardest to crack some jokes along the way. If they worked, I didn't know. I have seen Gummy behaving like a cheery happy girl when she's around her friends, but I guess I am not worthy of the same treatment.

What I was seeing were her true feelings. Like a bulb, she lit up as soon as her friends entered her vicinity. The kitchen was not particularly well-lit that night. Cutting the meat or the cabbage took me some effort.

"Does it still hurt?" Gummy asked out of nowhere. "Your fingers."

"I still feel them hurting, sometimes. They said it's called phantom pain. What a spooky name for just some regular pain, haha."

Damn, no matter how hard I tried, nothing I said lifted her spirits. I felt like the garbage I was. Useless. Miserable. Maybe I should cut two fingers from my healthy hand to make myself symmetrical. At least I'd be a symmetrical waste of space, haha.

After we finished the stuffed pockets and put them into the oven, Gummy kneeled down, hugged her legs and stared at the pastries, her face dimly illuminated by the over. I found a chair to sit down, leaving some space for herself. I ran out of gas to be a funny person, so I recoiled.

"Did you and your friends find something else to eat?"

I felt like vomiting. Thankfully, Gummy didn't notice because she wasn't looking at me when she made that question. I cleared my voice to pretend as if nothing had happened. "W-Well… no… after you pushed us back, Andrey's gang picked on our group and… well, suddenly we had two mouths less to feed. It was only Vladimir and me afterwards."

"…is he okay?"

I couldn't take it that time. I stood up and rushed to the restroom. I tried vomiting, but my belly was too empty to expel anything. Just some demi-digested cookie. My breath ragged, I cursed myself. I thought I could talk about you guys… but I can't. I can only pretend to be alright for so long…

When I returned to the kitchen, Gummy had taken over my seat. I painted that fake smile on my mug again and patted the back of my messy head. "My bad, I had to go take a dump real quick, haha."

"How did you survive?"

Even though I tried hard to lighten the mood, it seemed the cook was not having any of that. Well, we all have our moments. If a survivor of Peterheim stayed smiley and peppy all day along, I would question their sanity. Still, I didn't appreciate her line of questioning.

"Look. I don't really want to talk about that. After Sasha and Sergei kicked the bucket, I had to care for Vladimir on my own. You know. The kid who challenged our captors on the very first day. Those fuckers blinded him. He was a brave man, so there was no way I could allow him to die at a dumpster like Peterheim…"

But there was nothing to eat. How did we survive? Simple. You didn't survive. I did.

"I'm sorry. I shouldn't have asked you those things…" Gummy apologized.

"…it's fine. It's not like gave you the answer you were looking for, right?"

We stared at each other. Time only seemed to move thanks to the oven's ticking clock. Everyone has a dark side to them… but when you are surrounded by darkness, it's easy for that side to take over. So I punched the button to turn the lights on. Gummy blinked in surprise, almost as if she were waking up from a bad dream.

"Let's talk about something else! Hmm… How was your day today?"

Now bathed under the light, a big smile replaced the depressed girl I had been talking to. "Great! Gummy prepared some lunch boxes for everyone this morning! Zima told me how envious everyone in her class were and Istina- Oh! Um… you're not really friendly with us, so this might not be of your interest."

"It's fine. I'd rather listen to you and your friend's stories than having my privacy so mercilessly invaded."

"G-Gummy is sorry! Really, really sorry! That was completely over the line!"

"Hahaha, I'm just messing with you. It's just that you were kinda scary some moments ago, is all."

"Gummy doesn't like the dark."

Then don't stay in the dark? As I was about to blurt that retort, I stopped myself. I didn't like getting cuts on myself, but that never stopped me from picking a sharp object and painting a red line on my skin. "Yeah, me neither. What's your favorite color?"

"Orange! And yours?"

"Hm. That's a tough one. I like red, but I also like blue…"

"I think blue suits you better! You have pretty eyes."

"W-W-Wha? These? C'mon, stop pulling my leg…" I blushed. That compliment came literally out of nowhere a-and… was she serious? Gods… "I like your hairstyle. It's cute."

"Thanks!"

Damn, turning it around on her didn't work. Damn! I'm not ready to be so affectionate with others! As Gummy kept blinding me with her brightest side, I slowly started getting accustomed to the light. I was hard to believe she had been so broody and scary when we were in the dark. It was even harder to believe she was willing to be so friendly with me, despite our past.

My cooking teacher started reciting the recipe again, now asking me if I had any questions or challenging me to think of other stuff we could do to rework the dish. Me and my slow ass had a hard time following her, but no matter what I did, she seemed to have fun. That made me feel something warm in my chest.

"Give Mikhail a breather! He cannot take so much cooking in one go!" I cried.

"Hehehe! You're not like Zima said you were. You're nice."

Gummy probably meant that as an earnest compliment, but that misunderstanding wasn't something I could let slide.

"Nah. I'm not. Zima's right. I'm not a good person, Gummy. I'm not just saying that because of what happened in Chernobog. I was a bad person long before we were confined in Peterheim."

"What do you mean? Gummy doesn't understand."

I scratched my face. "Simply put, I'm a bully. The kind of jerk who picks on weaker kids."

"Really? That's not what Gummy saw that day."

"And what did Gummy see?"

"She saw you getting in the way of Sonya's weapon to protect your friend. She saw your fingers flying afterwards. Gummy saw many friends betraying each other after the confinement started. If you were a bully, your allies would have left you when you were injured."

"…those two were a special case." A knot installed itself on my throat, but the warm heat from the oven helped me relaxing it after some breathing. Breathing is fun, haha. "Sasha was a timid girl who liked flowers, so I trampled on them. I stomped on everything she cared about and even hit her."

It was particularly hard to get you riled up. Do you remember that day? After you broke my arm, I mean. You brought me flowers. You monster. How could you do that to me? I was so fucking mad I could not ruin the precious bouquet you gave me…

"Gummy remembers how that girl reacted when you got hit. She was strong enough to push Zima away from you. It left a big impression on me. She wasn't a big girl, but her presence was huge. Leto said that it felt like we would die if we dare taking a step closer."

Look. She's talking about you…

Gummy and I had been sitting on the floor with our backs against a counter. I looked up. I wonder if that managed to hide anything.

"Sergei was an idiot all around. He was neglect at home, so it didn't matter to him what the other kids did to him as long as he wasn't given the cold shoulder. I gave him a beating so bad I sent him to the hospital. That night, I sneaked into his room to hit him some more. I was so mad…"

So mad that you never fought back. So mad that you never stood up to me. You're the only kid I never managed to break, Sergei. I hated you for it, but you… you and your dumb face hugged me. What is wrong with you, dude? Why? Why did you not fight back? You invalidated me. You are the exception to my entire being. You… You…!

"That bulky boy protected you after the other groups joined the fight. Gummy never saw him harming anyone, even though he was probably one of the strongest kids around."

"Would you believe it if I told you he never killed anyone during that time?"

"Yeah." She answered, tilting her head to look at me.

Gummy also saw you… she remembers…

"Andrey killed them both." I whispered. "The only reason I'm alive today is because someone of their group interrupted my execution when they reported that your group had been found."

"That's when Gummy… when Lada became a bad girl. I couldn't take it anymore. I was tired of hiding behind my friends. Of watching them suffer to protect me. Something took over me... I tackled Andrey and snapped his neck. That's when his group ceased to be."

I see… so this little girl seating to my side is the one who avenged you…

"A bad girl, you say?" I chuckled. "Come on, Gummy. We were there. Snapping one neck or two is not the worst that has been done in Peterheim. I would know. Besides, you did it to protect your friends… and you did a better job at it than I did. You actually managed to protect them… You're not a bad girl. You're a hero."

"…why does it hurt in my chest when I remember them, then?"

"Because you are a good girl." I muttered, patting her head to comfort her a little. "Taking a life is no easy feat. It… changes you. Look at it this way. You were the kind of existence that was able to choose who lived and who died. What? Are you going to say you regret choosing your friends over Andrey's ugly ass?"

"N-No!"

"Then that's your answer."

"Mmmnn! Don't tease Gummy like that! It's not so simple!"

I bet. The world is not black and white. "Right. Sorry. Still, I don't like it when you say you're a bad girl. I mean, if you're bad, what does that make of me? I'd be literally the worst, hahaha!"

"Don't say things like that either! Mikhail is a good person! Gummy knows! Even if you pretend to be a bad person, you cannot fool me!"

I got counter-patted. Damn. No wonder headpats are regarded so highly… It's comforting… I sighed. "Fine. You win."

A ding later, we stood up and opened the oven. The pirozhki was ready and it looked delicious. Gummy was all bubbly and happy when she took the tray out. She loved cooking, didn't she? I wondered if that was already a thing before the lockdown…

"Here! Say aaaahhh!"

Quick! This might be the first and last chance a girl offers to feed me! What do I do? The stuffed potato made its way to my mouth and touched my lips. With an apologetic look, I took her hand in mine. A sudden pulse threatened to take over me, so I pushed her away.

"Aah! Hey! What was that?!" She protested, quickly crouching to pick up the fallen food. I didn't answer. I was too busy focusing on my breathing. This might be the reason why I'll always be single…

"I'm sorry. It's… hard to explain. It won't happen again." I won't hold her hand ever again. For her safety. "Can I take that? Pretty please?" I asked, pointing at the food I rejected a moment ago.

When I put it into my mouth, I stopped moving. I sat down and held it there. Was I crying? Probably. Haha. After I was thrown out of Chernobog and I fed on animal carcasses and werid berries to survive, I thought I'd never eat a decent meal ever again. This taste… this feeling… I was home. After that fateful day I was taken to Peterheim, I had finally managed to find myself again.

Gummy crouched next to me, starting to grow worried over my reaction. I started munching on the snack, which only made me that much happier. After I swallowed, I faced her and asked permission to give her a hug. I don't know if she gave me her consent or not. I was too grateful, too happy to restrain myself. After I noticed what I was doing, I released her and chuckled an apology.

"You made me a question. How about I give you an answer?"

"To what question?" She asked, picking the tray up and placing it on her knees so that we could eat them while I continued being mysterious and forlorn.

"You're a wizard!"

The blond ursus giggled in surprise, tilted her head and pointed at her shield. "Gummy is not a caster. She's a defender!"

"Haha, I know. But you really are magical. I… have a taste disorder known as dysgeusia. No matter what I eat, it all tastes horrible. I cannot believe the therapist was right about this one… She wanted me to recreate a familiar taste… to see if I could still sense it properly… and this…" I picked a pirozhki and contemplated it as if I was watching a magical object. "Your handicraft is the first decent meal I've had since last year. No! Decent is a word too humble! It's magnificent! You're the best! All hail the Gummy!"

"Hehehe, i-is it really that good? I'm happy! And… Mihkail, are you serious about your disorder? That's…"

"Yeah… Now. That was only the consequence, not the cause. You asked me how I survived."

I paused. I thought I was ready to open up, but it wasn't so easy. I took another snack. Okay, I'm ready now.

"After Vladimir fell to hunger, I thought about giving up and allowing death to take me as well… but then I remembered the strange things he said as his last words."

Okay, maybe not. I cannot go there yet. Th-that's too much.

"I'll just say this. There was no food left from the burnt stores and no new food had entered the school's premises after Reunion left. Yet I still found something to eat. I usually refer to it by using the euphemism… something stuck between my teeth."

Even though we were in an illuminated room, Gummy's expression darkened so much it seemed as if she returned to her former broody self. That didn't look good. I should have not said anything. Blyat. Blyat!

"I think… I'm not sure…" Gummy begun quietly. "I was in charge of rationing our food, so I knew better than the others how bad the situation was. Even when you chased us, we didn't even have enough for ourselves. So… Gummy skipped her meals… and when Gummy is really really hungry, she sometimes loses control of herself."

"What happens when the Gummy cannot take it anymore?"

The blondie had reached for another snack, but she halted and shook her head. "She doesn't know. All she knows is that, most times, after that happened, Gummy wasn't as hungry as before."

"You don't remember?"

She shook again, her eyes now closed in angst.

"That's too bad. …I'd love to tell you that you probably found a can of beans around, maybe a dead animal that managed to sneak in, but I wasn't there either, so…"

We couldn't know what she did.

I, on the other hand, knew perfectly well what I had done. I picked another pirozhki and squirmed in pleasure by the ordinary taste it regaled my senses.

Fuck it.

"I'll stop beating around the bush. This is a secret I feel I can share with you. It's the kind of thing you may not want to listen to while you're eating. Last chance to turn back."

The look on her face… I didn't expect Lada to be so fierce. Was she interested in knowing about me because she felt responsible? I hope not. She's not responsible. She wasn't there. She didn't make me do those things. Gummy clenched her hands and awaited me. She looked ready. Too bad I wasn't. I don't think I will ever be ready, though, so whatever.

"I feasted on corpses."

The 'local taste' that wasted my perception of nourishment.