Brief warning: this chapter is even more disturbing than the last.

Quick name reference: Zima=Sonya, Istina=Anna, Gummy=Lada, Leto=Rosalind, Rosa=Natalya

Ghostly Chains

Haha. Look at her go. A swing of her axe and then a roar from the bottom of her lungs. Her enemies flee in a panic, unmatched to General Zima's prowess. The girl of long brown hair with red lines turned around and intimidated even the camerawoman. Hahaha. Yup. That's the rebel I know and hate, alright.

What can I even use from this recording? Fear tactics? Can anyone else even learn anything from this? Besides, Zima is dummy strong. There's no logic a trainee can find in her actions. She's raw strength given an ursus shape. The only way to match her strength is either enjoying similarly blessed genetics or making a second home of the gym. Even then, her strength didn't originate just from her muscles. When Zima lunged her weapon, her intent made her swing unstoppable. Muscles without a will behind that moves them are just muscles. Zima was known as the strongest student across all Chernobog because she had both.

Vulcan came to check on my work. I panicked and tried to hid my secret project. I was so embarrassed… Kay sneaked around her big sister and pressed the key to start the video I was working on. A compilation of Zima's silly noises.

By the end of it, I was as red as my hair. Vulcan tugged my ear hard, but I was left off the hook with just a warning. Next time I did something like that, Vulcan would tell on me to the scary woman that sometimes nags at the Doctor. I was glad Kay found the compilation funny, though she asked me if I did it because I liked Zima.

Guilt took over and… well. I had a busy day.

The next day, it was my day off, but Absinthe had departed from the landship for another operation. Gummy was gone as well. It saddened me so much I even toyed with the idea of becoming a front field operator just to chase them. I glanced at the mirror's reflection as that red-haired ursus boy brushed his teeth. I worried he had something still stuck between his teeth. Sometimes, when I look at him… I'm not so sure. If the infection crystallizing my flesh wasn't bad enough, my compulsive tendencies while brushing my teeth gave me a sore mouth. It was so bad that I had to go to the clinic once. I was given a routine so that I could control myself better.

I washed my mouth with tap water and then glanced at my fangs. Whenever I looked at them, I felt like an animal. A mindless beast that would eat anything and everything.

I sandwiched my face in my hands and rubbed it to push away those thoughts. Give it up, Mikhail. You're not eating anyone ever again. I don't care how much you want to, sometimes. That's messed up. Even for you.

"Now go out there and have a refreshing day off. You worked your ass off yesterday and the Doctor liked it quite a lot. Though I'm worried my collaborator will snitch on me. She's not exactly a discreet one, is she?"

On my days off, I usually went around the base to see how others fared. Gavial was too busy to attend me, but I still stayed around the clinic to help Sussurro moving some patients and carrying heavy objects. I took a peek at the training grounds. A scary-looking perro held a whip while glaring at the slowest recruits. Fang, Beagle and Kroos were doing better than the rest. Those three were quite tight when they relied on each other, huh?

…I miss you. I miss you so much it feels like the metal plate that pierced my shoulder reached my heart and punctured it. Or maybe that's oripathy, acting up again. Who knows.

Just as I was about to finish my rounds and head towards the third layer's lobby to catch a breather, a familiar face exited the human resources office.

"Good afternoon, Mikhail."

"Hey, Rosa. Do you need help with anything?"

"No, thank you kindly. I just finished my shift at logistics. Are you on your free day?"

"Yup. Though I find it boring to stay alone in my room for the entire day, so I've been taking a stroll around." No Zoya and no Lada means Mikhail is a sad cub.

"Would you like to have some tea with me?"

The proposition caught me off-guard. Ever since I rejected her so rudely that day, I never felt like my later apologies really reached her, so Rosa had been avoiding me since. Like a dismantling machine, I stuttered a reply.

"S-Sure! I'll have tea! With you!"

Rosa covered her smile at my clumsy reaction. She didn't want to seem rude, but I was kinda happy she finally let my mistake go. Rosa was the person who found me a job that I liked.

I will repeat myself, since this is important. Rosa was the person who found me a job I liked. Let that sink.

Not only she helped me integrating in Rhodes Island, but she even showed me a way to pick the pieces of the person I used to be and use a needle to stitch mysefl back together. I really, really wanted to be on good terms with her. Yeah, even if she's the aristocratic jerk who hoarded all the food back at Peterheim. She's changed… and so have I.

…or is that too greedy of me? To change, I mean.

Bleh! I've been training my poker face when eating something that has not been prepared by Gummy, but tea was particularly bad. It was hot, thick and brought me bad memories. I still drunk it and exerted myself to lie about me enjoying it, though Rosa was usually capable of seeing right through me.

I hoped I could chat with her about the weather or something, but even though we shared a table, Rosa had some more documents to work on. Boo.

"Good afternoon, Rosa. May I take a seat here?"

"Of course you can, Istina."

Okay, that was sudden. I hid the comic I had been reading and glanced at the blue-haired girl. She failed to notice me when she approached Rosa, since I was seating behind a wall, but she didn't say anything about my presence. That was awkward. Especially because I felt even more embarrassed about continuing to read the shojo manga Spot lent me.

…before you ask, yeah. Shojo mangas are infinitely better. There's no violence, but there is still drama. You can enjoy a finely woven story and experience the complex feelings the protagonists go through… and when the main couple gets together… Ah! The elation! I used to read other stuff before, but I hope you will understand why I'd rather not read Higashi Ghoul right now…

I couldn't really focus on my reading, though. I was too disappointed that I couldn't get to know the new Rosa better, but now that Istina also showed up, I was going to be given the cold shoulder until I couldn't take it anymore and leave.

"Phew… I hope that will take care of things."

"Are you done with homework?" Istina asked the aristocrat, barely moving her eyes away from her own studies.

"Indeed. I'm sorry that you two had to wait for me to finish. Shall I go refill our cups?" The polite lady asked, already setting into motion her offer without the need of an answer.

I felt like panicking when I was left alone with Istina. Out of everyone in the Ursus Self-Government Group, Anna was the closest to my nemesis. How should I say this? Zima hates me. Just by looking at Istina's blazer or her cute brown hat, I sensed Zima's aura hissing at me to stay away from her friends. I had been bold enough already to get on good terms with Gummy, so there was no way I would dare move even a finger in Istina's presence.

"Ah, right. The Doctor asked me if you had reconsidered going to class."

She's talking to me, isn't she? I squirmed and averted my gaze. "M-Maybe? I'm a punk anyway. It's not like I could make something out of resuming my studies."

"Zima is also a punk, but still goes to class." She replied, mumbling something else under her breath.

"Which is why I definitively should not go. You're a smart one. Think for me some exaggerated chemical reaction that resembles our last interaction."

I've never been too serious about my studies. Those were the things the adults wanted me to believe, anyway. I saw how the other kids bullied the loners. The adults didn't, even if I pointed my hand at them. Since then, I lost all interest in learning from books. I only trust what I can see.

Although, you were partly responsible that I changed, in that aspect. In truth, I would like to accept the Doctor's offer and join the other students, but given the bad water I have with some… I just cannot take that step. No matter how friendly I become with Gummy, I'll never be a part of their group. Which is fine by me. I hate Zima.

"Your red tea, your green tea and my own!" Rosa finally returned. Istina stopped moving her pen and pushed aside her homework. She grabbed her bag and took out a red book. "Have you read it?" She asked.

"I have indeed. I must extend you an apology, Istina. I should have listened to you much earlier about giving mystery novels a try! After I started reading, I got so hooked on it I went late to sleep."

"May and I told you, didn't we?" The now smug scholarly bear grinned, puffing out her chest with pride. "How far did you reach?"

"I'm still on the fifth chapter. I went back to reread chapter two, when the murder scene was discovered. There were some details I wanted to go over again, to confirm my suspicions."

"Hum hum. Now you're talking my language."

I kept receiving a spoiler after the other for some time, but I stopped processing their words and focused on their interactions. After the second fire, the group of nobles that Rosa led was dismantled and she lost the safety of her domains. If the aristocrat was still alive, it was thanks to Zima and the others. Why did they accept her? I didn't get it. Although, looking in retrospect, that might have been the right move. Things were bad in Peterheim, but they were worse in the rest of Chernobog. Surviving in the ruins must have been no easy feat. That's probably how Anna was able to look Natalya in the eye and share with her the things she enjoyed.

That's… nice. Too bad I was too embarrassed to bring up my romance comics reading habits.

"…hail? Mikhaaaail." Istina waved her hand before my face, surprising me. "Have you been listening?"

I blinked, allowing my confused stare to be the answer. Rosa took a sip of her tea and caressed her pretty hair. "We were talking about a character that cross-dressed to fool the main characters. What's your opinion on the matter?"

I frowned. "Lying… is… bad?"

"Why do you wear a skirt?" Istina pressed me for answers. I blushed a little under their persistent stare, but I was also upset.

"I'm not a cross-dresser. Don't put me on the same level as those people. People who can pull off the image of their opposite gender are worthy of respect. I'm just some dude who developed a liking for skirts."

Though I also like pants, which is why I wear both at the same time. Besides, who would want to see my ass anyway? No point in getting all girly for no reason. I wear what I like to wear.

"I asked Zima about it and she doesn't remember you wearing skirts when she was in your class, though." The girl with the monocle continued.

"Y-You asked Zima?"

"I'm not here to judge you. I'm just interested in your perspective because it might help me understand a character I like better." Istina explained. I needed that explanation. I didn't want to misunderstand anything. I waved my shoulder to relieve the pressure on it and sighed.

"I once bullied another kid who liked wearing skirts as well. He was very feminine both in his appearance and his behavior, but he was a man, so people couldn't simply leave him alone. When I broke him, he said that he didn't care about man or woman. He just liked what he liked and failed to see why it even mattered. He was absolutely right, but he lived in a stupid place where others would judge him for it. By the end of the year, he became the buffest kid of them all."

And then he cracked a few of my ribs in the process. His case was one of the few I regret the most. Yeah, he was weak, and yeah, he needed the bullying to become stronger, but… but he was right.

"I didn't expect to meet him in Peterheim again, though it was already too late." I found you dead, so I never even managed to give you a proper apology. But, you know what, you're right. Skirts are cool. I like how they wave. You woke in me an interest for fashion, Maxim. "I don't know if my opinion will help you with that, though. Um…"

Ugh, what am I even thinking?

"May I… May I know what the name of that novel is? I could read it and tell you my thoughts afterwards… i-if you'd like."

Istina stared at me in silence. I couldn't look at her straight. I was in disbelief of what I had just done, but… I must admit I felt proud. Since when have I been so fearless? Look at me go!

"I'm sorry. I think it will be best if you forget it, after all."

The scholar's words felt like a bucket of cold water. It had been a while since I was faced with rejection. I had grown too accustomed to the nice ambience in Rhodes Island.

"Y-Yeah, right… It was silly of me to ask, haha… It's me who should apologize…"

Blyat. I'm so freaking pathetic. Don't cry, now…

"It's called 'The Big Four'. It's an interesting read."

"Rosa!"

"What? I'm interested in what Mikhail has to say."

"B-But it's not a good idea…"

It's not a good idea to get closer to me… huh? Istina gets it, though Rosa probably did that on purpose. The Big Four… I like the name. I'll give it a read sometime. The former noble kept teasing the spectacled bear for some more time, but I kept silent about things and returned my attention to the tea that was getting cold. Rosa got mad at me last time I drunk it one motion, so I had to extend the torture through some more sips to please her…

I told Absinthe, since she's my friend, and I also told Gummy, since she's helping me get over it, but I wasn't going to hit those two with my baggage or my taste disorder. I am a bully. A bad person. I should not give them any reason to pity me.

"I just remembered. Yesterday, the Doctor showed me something really interesting. Did you see it?" Rosa changed topics after she teased her reading buddy enough. Istina's groans were replaced with a shiny expression.

"Zima's Bravery Collections! Since its broadcast this morning, Zima has been on her best mood. As if she even needed an ego boost… I fear it might get on her head."

"Sonya has claimed many times her desire to go to the very top of Rhodes Island's hierarchy. Now that the video aired, many people have started thinking she might actually pull it off, eventually."

"W-What this about?" I asked, trying to remain calm and join in their conversation. Istina showed me a screen. "A video?"

"It's a compilation of every moment when Zima has done something awesome during her last operations." Rosa explained. "I pressed the Doctor to find out who's lucky Zima's secret fan, but that person is like a coffin when it comes to secrets."

"I see…" A secret fan? Really? I clicked my tongue while watching the video. Zima had really grown more powerful since Chernobog. It doesn't feel like she knows what to do with that strength… but the day she does, well, the world should get ready General Zima's advent.

Istina noticed my bad attitude and pulled the screen away, her apathy for me resurging from the back of her mind. That made me a little bit more relieved. I heard some noises in the back of the lobby and my eyes popped out.

"Um! If you'll excuse me! I-I think I should be going now! B-Bye!"

I started walking away, but I was not fortunate enough to go unnoticed. A small zalak girl of black and yellow clothes and a black cap came running after me. I ran away.

"Mikhail! You're a genius! Everybody loved our collab! You must become my editor!"

"Shut up! I told you to keep quiet!"

"I can't! You have a talent! You have a responsibility with the world and my channel to share your gift! Mikhaaaaail!"

I left the lobby and turned enough corners to lose Click. I hope Istina and Rosa didn't connect the dots… but they are smart enough to know that something's fishy. Damn. If only that mouse didn't take the best shots of the operations with her cameras…

Dropping onto my bed, I breathed out my exhaustion. Then I grunted my pain. I had been a bit careless about my shoulder. It's not going back to the state it once had, so I had to treat it better. A smile took over me.

It had been a success. As much as it frustrated me, I had no doubts about it. Boy, do I hate her… Hmm… What was it? The Big Four? Now I'm definitively reading, just to piss her off.

I had been to the library before, for the cooking books, but it was the first time I went there to read something that didn't have pictures in it. Look at me! I feel like a smartass! Where are my glasses? Haha!

I apologize to all glasses-wearing people. The first few words I read from the book took me a lot of effort, but after I started getting to know the characters, I couldn't stop myself anymore. No wonder Vladimir always carried one or two books with him! …I should have listened to your recommendations. Tell me. What was that one you once suggested to me? Hey, c'mon. Don't look at me like that. Say something. …fine, forget it. If you wanted me to feel like a piece of shit, great, you did it. I'm going back to the novel now, where ghosts don't disturb the main characters or make them feel sad all the time.

Sticking my tongue out to nobody, I shook my head and tried focusing. The story was easy to get into, but the longer I advanced, the more complex some topics became… and… … … …I'm out.

I stood up and left the library. I returned to my room, covered myself under the blankets and closed my eyes. Either the landship was trampling over some sturdy rocks or someone was breaking nutshells nearby. Either way, I hated it. I covered my ears, but I couldn't stop hearing the sounds. They were inside my mind. Or was that your handiwork? Please, make it stop. Please! Stop! Stoooop!

As if a spell was thrown, a couple of knocks on the door dispelled the curse. I stopped hurting my head from pressing it and fell from the bed. I felt like crying, so I rubbed my face clean before I opened the door.

"'The woman stared in shock at the monster standing over the dead man. He had an animal skull as a helmet and the build of a mountain. The words slipped out of her frail voice as icy daggers. A wendigo!'"

I slammed the door closed. "Get away from me!"

Dontthinkaboutitdontthinkaboutidontthinkaboutitdontdontdontodontdont.

Itsgonnabealrightitsgonnabealrightyoucantakethisyouwillbefineeverythingisgoingtobealright.

Dontlistentothemtheyrenotrealtheywanttohurtyoutheydonthaveheartsanymoreyouatetheirheartstheydontloveyounobodydoes.

"I said shut up!"

ThisisnotokaythisisnotokayatallIdontdeservethisIshouldbedeadliketherestofthemwherearethescissorsWHEREARETHEFUCKINGSCISSORS!

"Fuck! They searched the room again!"

Itsokayyouhavetocalmdownbeforeyoudosomethingyouregret. Breathe. Just. Breathe.

Breathe slowly. Deeply. Focus on the breathing. Breathing is what keeps you alive. MaybeIshouldstopbreathingforever. No. No. No. Don't go there. You're not okay. You're not thinking straight.

Mikhail… Don't do this to yourself. Please. I beg of you.

Hugging my legs and rolling to the side, a puddle of my tears formed beneath my head. My shoulder hurt more than ever. My head was about to explode. Your stares… I'm not going to describe them anymore. You're not real. You're dead. You can't be here anymore. You can't!

I… don't know why she did it. Maybe Istina was curious as to why I suddenly left the library and found the passage that shook me. Why she chased after me, I don't know. Why she read the passage, nothing. Did she deliberately wanted to harm me? Did she want to make me pay for pulling on Lada's hair when I struggled to steal their food? Or that I sucker-punched Rosalind so hard she spun once? Or was it because I kicked her out of nowhere when we attacked her group? Or was it… was it… No. That's not possible. Zima would never talk about that.

The door to my room was forced open and someone came in.

"Mikhail! Are you okay?! What happened? Istina!"

"I-I… I don't know! I… oh… Mikhail?"

I closed my eyes and focused on my breathing again. I was being pathetic. I felt so embarrassed that Rosalind and Anna saw me like that. But you kept staring at me. And I could still see the hatred in your eyes. How could I stop crying? I couldn't. It's not something my heart can take.

…my heart… I know I took yours… but can I have mine back? P-Pretty please?