Brief warning: this chapter is even more disturbing than the last. No, I didn't forget to erase this repeated warning. This is the worst one yet.

Quick name reference: Zima=Sonya, Istina=Anna, Gummy=Lada, Leto=Rosalind, Rosa=Natalya

Your Curse

This cannot be happening.

"Sashaaaa!"

"Take this! And this! And this!"

"Stoooooop! YOU BASTARD!"

No matter how much I screamed, Andrey had lost all his humanity. He kept swinging his fists against Sasha, even though she had already stopped breathing seven hits ago. I struggled against my captors to break free and go cave Andrey's face in, but I lacked the strength to enact any of my destructive impulses. To the side, Sergei continued to make spasms, his throat opened by a red line that enlarged a pool of blood. Everything turned blurry. My bloodshot eyes had too many tears in them. I pulled so hard to retrieve my freedom that I dislocated my shoulder and started yelling. I struggled to stand up, but I was going to stand up. I had a motherfucker to butcher. Just as my face left the floor, a boot kicked it so hard I was launched into the air.

All strength abandoned me. My belly continued to shrink and protest, crying as desperately as my eyes. Andrey glanced at me with his arrogant mug and then joked with his friends about how they should kill me.

"Boss! We found Zima's group! They have food!"

"Food?! Let's go! We're not letting them get away this time!"

I continued to cry alone in the dirty, bloodstained corridor of that hallowed place. I wasn't happy. I wanted to be killed too. Two of my best friends had just been murdered in front of my eyes. I couldn't take it. I wanted to chase after them! I was so hungry!

Hunger… I remembered. If I didn't leave that crumb of bread back with Vladimir, maybe I could have managed to get Andrey to spare their lives. Maybe I-

"As if… Those bastards don't even care about food anymore… They're just killing the weak and searching their corpses later… Fucking hell."

After resting for a while, I managed to stand up. I saw Sasha's and Sergei's corpses. I approached each and, innocently, touched their necks, hoping for a miracle to occur. But miracles had no place in Peterheim Middle School. Despite my weak knees, I picked each of them up over my shoulders and begun the way back to our hideout. Usually, someone would encounter me and ask me to give them all my food while pointing a sharp end at me, but that didn't happen. Or was that because when someone entered my field of vision I looked at them with so much hatred they decided to leave me alone? Probably.

"We're back…"

"Mikhail. I'm… so glad you're… back… How did it go? Did you… get anything?" The blind student coughed, his back resting against a fake slab on the wall that hided the last couple of grains of rice we had.

Emotion pierced my throat. Vladimir couldn't see it. He couldn't notice that Sasha no longer breathed on my right shoulder, or that Sergei's clothes were filled with his own blood. I broke down and rushed to leave my friends on the floor. I was about to collapse. Since tears had already started welling on my eyes, I grabbed my neck and suffocated myself. I couldn't cry. Not in front of Vladimir. I didn't want him to find out. I couldn't break it down to him. He suffered long enough by enduring the guilt of being dead weight. If I told him Sasha and Sergei were dead, he would die… and I couldn't afford to lose him too.

After leaving my friends next to the opposite wall, resting next to each other, I sat next to Vladimir, placing my head against his. "No luck. I'm two fingers less an ursus. Zima and her group… they're desperate as well."

"But you guys returned. That's a victory in my book."

"Your book sucks, man."

My blind friend chuckled, but he was so weak his laughter turned into coughing. I felt despairing again. "What's wrong?" He noticed.

"…it's so hard to go on…" To go on without Sergei and Sasha. "…I can't see the light in the end of this tunnel. There's just darkness."

"You're my light, Mikhail."

"Oh, shush! I'm vulnerable now, you'll make me cry!"

"Then cry. You've always… been a crybaby. Even when… you first bullied me…"

"Don't talk about that… I always regretted that I threw your notebook away."

"It's okay, Mik. You did it because I still clung to it even though those jerks ruined it inside and out. You did me a favor. You made me look up and see what was in front of me."

"Sasha and Sergei are dead."

"…I know. Even when you're… so hungry… you have no voice left… you guys always made yourselves heard… so that I could… know you're there…"

"It's my fault. I couldn't protect them."

"Don't be… so hard on your… on yourself. What can a weak ass punk… like you even do, huh? Haha… I'm sure… they wouldn't blame you. You saved us."

"…fuck…"

I cried onto his shoulder, unable to take it anymore.

We did horrible things to survive. I am a bully. A lawless school is my domain. I took the last food of some kids' hands and I even killed those who tried stealing from us. I did it all and I would do it again… because, at the end of things, those three would remain by my side. The lovely girl who wore a flower on her blond hair… the gentle boy who gave the best hugs… and the smart bookworm who always told us interesting things. I didn't care what kind of monster I had to become. I would be their shield and their sword.

How full of myself I was! I am a little shit. A pathetic loser who only knew how to prey on the weak. All it took me to break down was some number disadvantage and a party of stronger bullies and two parts of my soul were torn apart forever. Is there even a name to what I am? Can a word express how utterly miserable and insignificant I was?

"…there's… something I read… once…" Vladimir started mumbling, his breathing becoming ragged. I could feel it. His heartbeat… it wasn't right! "It was… about the north… There are great… great soldiers who fight… against the demons… The wendigos… This might be… just a rumor… but they say… they have… a ritual. A ritual… that grants them… great strength."

Vladimir fought to move forward and glance at where I was.

"They… eat… their dead family members… They say… it's… one way to… carry the souls… along with the living…"

"…what are you talking about, Vlad? I-"

"Listen to me!"

How hard had it been for him to yell that one time? I was muted out of shock.

"I… don't have… much time… left on me." Even though his eyes were nothing but rocky malformations, tears ran down his face. "I don't want you to die… so please! Let us become your strength!"

I shouted his name as my best friend breathed his last. My howls mixed in with the others that echoed through the hallway. Then another scream filled the corridor. It was mine, but not my voice. It was an order, not a suggestion.

If I didn't eat… I would die too.

So I-

I opened my eyes and stared at that familiar ceiling. It had been a while since I last was at Rhodes Island's clinic. I still remembered the first time it happened. I had been picked up from the wastelands, where I had been eating animal corpses like a wild beast for two months. My first instinct when I saw another person was to try giving it a good bite! Thankfully, Gavial was there to keep me in check. I'm so glad Hibiscus was unharmed…

After I calmed down… and was given proper restrains… I was informed of my oripathy and I remembered that there were other people who used words to talk. It had been a long time since I used those, so I sounded a bit rough. Sure, it was just two months… but when you had nobody to talk to, seconds turned to minutes, minutes to hours and days… to years. They removed the metal fragment stuck to my shoulder and I was given medical treatment to put my symptoms under control. As soon as I estabilized, Amiya and the Doctor gave me the chance to join the groups of refugees they took to other cities of the Empire… but since I was an Infected, I chose to stay. Besides, I wasn't really thinking of the future ahead of me. All I could do was endure the fight between my grief and my survival instincts.

The first week was the roughest. Seeing other people reminded me so much of them… I was given single room in order to calm down, with regular visits from the medics. Those were dark days. And then, one night that I failed to sleep from the pain, someone knocked on my door.

I breathed slowly as I lowered my gaze. There was someone seating on a chair in front of me. A chill ran down my spine. Her hands were crossed and her foot moved up and down. So that's the sound I had been hearing for a while!

"Yo."

"…yo." I replied, trying to hide the panic from my voice.

"Istina was crying next to your room. The fuck did you do to her?"

I looked for help, but it seemed like Zima had kicked everyone out of the side room. Lovely. That way nobody would hear my screams. I briefly considered saying some bullshit to make her kill me already. She was itching and raring to go anyway.

"Not what you're imagining." I sighed, losing the strength to be insincere. "I'll apologize if that's what you came here for."

"Save it! Your apologies mean crap, Mikhail. Don't pretend like you're a nice guy. You can fool Gummy, you can trick Leto, but we both know exactly the kind of person you are."

"Haha. I ought to disagree. I've become something much worse than you remember."

"Yeah? Then let's hear it!"

"I'm a cannibal."

"Yeah, I knew a loser like you wouldn't amount to mu… … …what?"

"I tore a hole on my friends' chest, pulled their hearts out and ate them." I smiled as I kicked the blankets aside to stand up. "Since then, I've been drawn to human flesh!"

"What the fu-"

I took a step towards her. "Normal food doesn't do it for me anymore, so I just hunger for others like a prowling beast."

Zima shrunk and took a step back.

"You've always thought I was a monster." I pressed her against a wall, grinning like a maniac. "Well I am one now. What are you gonna do, huh?"

I stared into her blue eyes, a hunger suggesting me bloody possibilities.

…how did I fail to notice her shuddering sooner? I had taken things too far, so I backed off.

Zima was known among our peers as the strongest… but when I cornered her, all the she could do was shake in fear of the boy who used to bully her.

I returned to the bed and rubbed my face. "C'mon. Don't make that face, Sonya. You're one of the coolest operators in Rhodes Island now… and I am a loser who made something unforgivable just to scrap by. In a fight, my bets are on you, haha."

She punched my face. Then again. And again.

I grabbed her arms. "No. That's not it! Beat the shit out me with your anger, not your fear!"

"Shut up!" She screamed, freeing herself and continuing the succession of attacks.

The familiar sensation of blood returned to my mouth. A visceral strength took over me and made me tackle Zima. Pinning her against the ground, I hit her with the strength to injure my own fists. She kneed my stomach and shoved me to side.

"What are you doing?! Stop!" A medic yelled when they noticed the ruckus.

After that, Gavial split us apart, knocking me out first with a swipe of her thin tail. Good choice. Rage was already taking over, making my maw shake in anticipation.

I'm not sure how it works, but if I got someone infected because I behaved like a rabid bear… yeah, after that I would stop at nothing to put an end to my life. That's a promise I'm making to myself, okay? This is not something I'm saying due to my traumas. This is a matter of principles. I ruin lives as a hobby, but passing on my oripathy is where I'm drawing a solid line. That's the biggest no-no!

I… have been unable to catch a breather in a while now, huh? I enjoyed the time I spent in the detention office, though not so much the disappointed looks of those whose expectations I betrayed. I was told that Zima was okay and uninfected, which was huge relief, but I was a bit upset she wasn't detained like me. She trashed me far harder than I did her. Whatever. That's probably for the better.

Groaning a complaint, I rested my back against the cold wall. There were some sarkaz mercenaries trapped on other cells, which made for an unsettling ambience, but I didn't worry about them. I worried about Gummy. I worried about Absinthe.

"I'm lucky they are still out in that mission… I won't have to endure heartbreak again so soon… Why did she do it, really?"

Why did Istina came to my room to read that damn passage? Everything fell apart afterwards. I heard the sound of steps approaching. It wasn't Saria. It was the mysterious helmet-wearing Doctor. Dammit. That's another person I didn't want to disappoint. We stayed in silence for a while. The Doctor was a patient person and waited until I was ready to talk.

"I don't think I can stay at Rhodes Island, boss."

"Is it our fault?"

"Hahaha, c'mon, boss. I've been given waaaay more things than I deserve. You placed your trust in me and gave me a chance. I screwed up. I'm not someone you should keep close to you… …I know there are listening devices in the clinic. You heard it, didn't you?"

"…"

"…I had found something that seemed to suppress my dysgeusia: Gummy's cooking. That was my path for salvation… and I was more than willing to hold onto that hope… but… fate works in curious ways. I'm the only person in the entire world that Zima will never ever forgive. It's not possible for things to be solved between us. I had been trying so hard to stay out of her way… but she came to me instead… and now… now I don't have the face to meet Gummy again or ask for her cooking."

"We can still look for other ways to help you. Together."

I covered my mouth and glanced at the cell's corner. I'm such a crybaby. I miss the days when I felt nothing… when I was only a beast in the wilderness… I just ate crap to live to suffer another day. This… torment… I didn't have to endure any of these things back then.

"Look, boss. I am tired of failing others. I failed at protecting my friends and they're now dead. I thought… that if I did those things… I would be able to bring them along with me. Their spirits… or whatever. But Vladimir was wrong. The things I see are not them. It's my guilt, that takes their faces to torture me. When you rescued me and gave me a new home, I was determined to make it work. To show you that I could be something more than just an utter failure. But I can't. I'm a heavy motherfucker who is too flawed to be of any use to anyone. I should just-"

"Mikhail." The Doctor called, crouching next to me. "Everyone loved the video you made with Click. Zima couldn't stop bragging about it in my office."

"…I only did some editing on those shots. It's mostly thanks to Zima's natural awesomeness and Click's pristine recordings." I grumbled while cleaning my face.

"The other day I had a meeting with the instruction personnel. The combat records you produced had tangible effects on the operators' growth."

"…you're just saying that to cheer me up, Doctor. You can't fool me."

"You're so young, Mikhail. You have a long life ahead of yourself… As you know, I suffer from amnesia. In the brief time I've been at Rhodes Island since then, I've seen many people suffer from unspeakable things. I cannot say that I understand your pain… but I'm not going to let you suffer through it alone."

"Water."

"What?"

"I'm dying of thirst over here. If you're going to make me cry, the least you can do is offer me some water!"

The Doctor stood up and clumsily headed out to go find me something to drink. I laughed while watching the boss go. I looked at the ceiling and sighed.

"So you're not giving up on me, huh? God fucking dammit. I would be beyond uncool if I gave up on myself then…"

I'm not an idiot. I know that you guys are just reflections of my guilt. If you were the real ones, you would beat my self-loathing ass and force me to move on… and you would be right. I ate your hearts. You are part of me now. I'm showing you my life… so I should at least try to make something interesting out of it, no?

I want to be of use. I want to repay the Doctor. I want to apologize to Zima. I want to explain things to Gummy. I want to keep hanging around with Zoya. I want to know the truth behind Istina's intentions. I want to finish that book and tell Rosa my thoughts. I still have to poison Leto again with my cooking, haha. I want to keep making combat records for the front line operators. I want to find another weakling and bully them until they become strong and take their anger out on me. I want to train the operators. But to do that I must learn the things I need to teach, so I should aim to become an operator as well. An instructor, like Dobermann. Yeah, I think I can be scary enough to do a good job as an instructor, hehehe… I'll threaten to eat them alive if they don't run faster, hahaha!

What would my codename be? Hmm…

"Hey, boss. How about Carrion? It's a bit macabre, I know, but so am I!"

And that's the tale of how a sad traumatized ursus boy named Mikhail spilt the contents tightly stored in his chest and found a clear goal to guide his life. This was a hard story to study, but it wasn't any easier to write it.

I've skipped many stories from Arknights, which is why I decided to go back to read them. I'd study their tales and their world to make something from it. This is the result of Children of Ursus. Since Carrion is only my OC, he will never be given a portrait or even a reference in the game. Some later event might appear in the future that adds some element that invalidates this little story and there's nothing I can do about it. But hey, if that happens, at least we will be able to enjoy/suffer some more ursus content, right?

This concludes Carrion's background story. You, who have read it to this point, I thank you, but also, I'm sorry for putting you through that.

Have a lovely day!