Chapter 2

Anthony felt empty as he stood in front of Miss Edwina. He should feel bad for making her witness his great affection for Miss Sharma, but he could feel nothing.

Love, his mind whispered, not just great affection. He quickly pushed those thoughts to the side, silencing them the same as he had done for weeks now: by picture the aftermath of what such a love could look like. The vacant eyes of his mother still haunted him in his sleep. The 2 empty chairs at the dinner table cruelly mocking him those first few months after that damned bee stung his beloved father. Anthony's swallowed tears and barely suppressed grief constantly bubbling up to the surface, threatening to spill out if he wasn't careful to compose himself. And lately, he had had a hard time of composing himself in more than one way. Miss Sharma had a unique gift of bringing out every emotion possible in him. Happiness, anger, sadness, and lust, all at various points. She had a way of making him feel nostalgic, as if she were the only person who could understand all the pain he had been through and silently coaxed him to come out to other side and be happy again, even carefree. A feeling he had not felt since that dreadful day in the gardens.

That's why Miss Sharma was dangerous, representing the most dangerous feeling of all: hope. Hope that he could be himself, fully and truly, and be loved fiercely with no caveats. He wouldn't allow himself to think of the other word, the one he knew to be true but could not yet accept, not even silently to himself. He shook it off at night like a night terror, his heart stopping at the mere thought of the word. He wrote it up to carnal lusts. Miss Sharma may be considered an "old maid" or "spinster" according to the Ton, but she was undoubtedly the most beautiful woman in London, no matter how much she tried to hide herself. And their sparring stirred something animalistic in him, he always did like a challenge. Lust would fade, he reminded himself over and over. He repeated this lie to himself every night before he would dream of her, every morning when he felt ashamed of such dreams, and every time his heart skipped a beat at the mere mention of her name. But he never quite believed himself.

Nonetheless, he knew what needed to be done now. In the haze of one of his many panics over his feelings for Miss Sharma, he had done the only thing he could think to do. Propose to Miss Edwina, secure the picture perfect viscountess, and put an end once and for all to his infatuation with her sister. This was the key, he was sure. With the heirloom on her finger and the diamond on his arm, his thoughts about Miss Sharma would have to abate. There was no other option. He surely could not have proposed to Miss Sharma after he had made his intentions of courting her sister clear to the Ton and Queen herself. Though he would be lying if he said he hadn't pictured his proposal to her instead. Not in haste outside a carriage after hesitating many times prior and in front of their families, even some lingering ones of the Ton. No, he thought to himself, Ka-Miss Sharma does not care for fuss. Perhaps in the courtyard outside of Aubrey Hall after a light stroll, the smell of fresh cut flowers lingering in the air around them. Or after a secret morning ride together, the ring box waiting for her at the finish line after a suggested race by Anthony.

He would be lying if he said he hadn't pictured her in a wedding dress all week prior to his nuptials. And he would be lying if he said he hadn't regretted ever even thinking of courting Miss Edwina when he saw her walk down the aisle today, a vision in her lilac dress. He could not understand how every man in London wasn't asking for her hand, and the thought made him silently seethe at the idea. He could picture nothing but her in front of him, smiling in a gown, waiting to be his wife. And knowing she could never be his. At that thought, he pondered that perhaps an early death would be a relief. At least he would no longer be plagued with thoughts of her, as he was sure now more than ever, they would never fade. She was imprinted upon him like no other, his twin flame that would never burn out. He ached at the thought of spending his life without her.

There was no way out now. The scandal that would ensue would destroy his family, Miss Edwina and, even worse, Miss Sharma, as well as all her efforts. He admired her. She only ever wanted to ensure her family's future, selfless and brave in her endeavors to do so. Bearing the brunt of the Ton which he knew she quietly despised, all for the sake of Miss Edwina's and Lady Mary's happiness. He needed to fix what he broke and so, he done what he had become so accustomed to doing in the years since his father died. He ignored his instincts to run after Miss Sharma and never let her go, shoving them down into the pit where all his other adolescent hopes and dreams had gone. He straightened up, and answered Miss Edwina in the only way he knew how in that moment. Miss Sharma would have no role in their lives. She was nothing but a thorn to be removed. She would go back to India, and all would be well. They could live a happy, content life together.

He told her with cold detachment in his voice. If he didn't, he feared she would see beneath the facade and would finally see the truth: he was completely and irrevocably in love with Kate Sharma.

Author's Note: Thank you to everyone for reading! I hope you enjoy :) Feel free to leave thoughts/feedback/criticism!