It was a relatively normal night at camp half-blood. There were only 9 people left at the campfire, waiting until the last minute possible to leave their respective partners and go to bed, but not everyone there was with a lover.
Leo Valdez stayed at the company of his friends purely because he had nothing else to do. Going back to his cabin meant sleep, which was equivalent to nightmares. Normally he would be at banker 9 finishing a project, or starting one, until he was so tired he'd pass out on the floor only to be found the next day by one of his siblings.
Sadly for the latino Nyssa became tired of finding her brother on self induced comas, so she prohibited him from sleeping in the bunker. Now he has a curfew and Nyssa said she'd personally lock his room every night. Leo knows her well enough to be sure the situation wouldn't be as bad if he told her about his nightmares, but Leo couldn't bring himself to do so.
He'd been having nightmares since he was eight. Multiple foster homes and social workers tried to fix him, but ultimately every psychologist would say he was crazy, killed his mother and his brain was creating hallucinations to deal with the guilt. For a long time he believed in them, too scared to try to use his powers to prove them wrong.
Looking at the bonfire he couldn't help remembering that night, every single detail vivid in his mind, but even so Leo gaslighted himself into thinking dirt face wasn't real, because of that his guilt was all consuming. Whenever something bad happened he'd believe it was carma. The boy deserved every bad thing this wicked world had to offer because he murdered his own mother. If something was good Leo wasn't deserving so he'd run away. Things were bad, but they were simple.
When Leo found out he is a demigod things got complicated, because if Gods exist, monsters do too, which means he didn't invent dirt face. So maybe, just maybe, he is not as wicked as he thought.
The latino only had enough time to decide that he would try to be useful. Hades, he tried so hard not to be a waste of space, but now he isn't useful anymore. The war ended and Gaea got what she deserved. Everyone is happy and in love and he is just… there.
Leo thought that if he killed Gaea things would make sense again, but they don't. Dirt face is real, but he still feels guilt. Leo has friends, but he doesn't feel welcome. Bad things happen. Does he still deserve it? if he doesn't, why did he before?
The nightmares were like that. If he still has them, then he must deserve it. It was his fire that killed Esperanza Valdez. He is the source of his own misery… He wishes he wasn't… But he is.
"We should do this every night." Leo broke the silence. Trying to break his line of thinking as well.
"We do." replied Will Solace.
"Really?" Leo became aware of his surroundings. They were all hugging without leaving any space for God. Jason's and Piper's lips were swollen and Hazel was practically sleeping on Frank's shoulder. "Oh… I see…"
"Come on Leo" Piper noticed his discomfort "You're always welcome." she pushed herself a little to the side, taking a decent distance from Jason "Right guys?"
Everyone mumbles a "yeah" or "sure" while also trying to make Leo comfortable, which only makes things more awkward.
"Hey guys, all cool. it's late anyway."
"No sir." Piper insist "you are our friend, and we want you here"
"Yeah dude! We haven't talked all week." Jason add.
There was an awkward silence where Leo considered the possibility of leaving to have a delightful night of sleep or burying himself alive. digging his own grave never looked more appealing.
"Soooo…" Will started, probably just to break the silence. "Leo, where are you from?" Hot Hephaestus, that was as good as talking about the weather.
"Houston, Texas"
"Holy father! Really?" the blond got excited "I'm from Austin"
"Nice!"
"How come you don't have an accent?"
"Well, foster care took me everywhere so…"
"Wait a sec." Percy interrupts "you were in foster care?" !Mierda! It looks like this will be a shity conversation after all.
"I thought everyone knew that…" to Leo's surprise most of the people present were denying. "I assumed Pipes told everyone or something."
"It never came up." Piper says.
"Right…" It's no big deal, really, other than the fact Leo could have left that part of his life completely behind if only he knew, but it's fine. Totally fine.
"Guess we don't know a lot about you." Percy mumbled, loud enough for everyone to hear.
"Hey dude, that's fine." Leo tried to lighten up the mood "We don't talk that much, there's no way you could've known" it was the wrong thing to say.
"I guess you're right…" he murmured again.
"Why did you end up in foster care?" Will asked, "if you don't mind ensuring, of course."
"this one's cool actually" Leo said "my mom died when i was eight and my dad is… well, you know how he is." to Leo's credit there were a few breathy smiles here and there.
"Didn't you have any family?" Hazel questions without noticing just how personal that is, of course, she knew he had some immediate family. leo wondered how he's supposed to answer that? He's not going to.
"Not all latinos have a huge family, cariño." it wasn't enough to fool the black girl, but to change the subject.
"You had six fosters, right?" Jason looked like he was genuinely trying to remember something.
"No, it was nine, six is how many I ran away from." Leo winks like a bad boy. "And that is why mister Valdez had a spot on the Wilderness school."
"Why'd you run away six times?" Annabeth asked at the same time as Frank's "Wilderness school?" which couldn't be better timing, because if there was something other than his madre marked as a - No, no subject - it was his fosters.
"When did this become a Leo interview?"
"it's just weird how we know so little about you." Nico said to everyone's surprise.
"I'm a private person"
"But we're friends, we should know those things." Percy enters again "gods, I don't even know your birthday!"
"July 7th" Leo said simply. Everyone looked at him in shock. "What?"
"Are you fucking sirius?!!!" Piper shouted.
"Leo! That was last month!!!" Jason also shouted.
"Huh… didn't notice it was August already…" Leo really hadn't.
"Dude! We had a huge party for wisy girl on the 12th" Percy says as if that was a total betrayal.
"Happy Birthday?"
"That's not the problem Leo and you know" Annabeth was holding percy's hand worried, why the Hades he was reacting so bad is unknown "Why didn't you tell us it was your birthday?"
"I don't know. I kinda forgot."
"And why didn't you tell us last year?" Piper questions.
"We were in the middle of a war Pipes" Leo is getting a little heated "July last year i had just sent those two to hell. I wasn't about to make myself a cake!" he heard as soon as he said it.
Just like he imagined the demigods were looking at him in complete disbelief. That's why he never let it get this far. - Smile, crack a joke - he'd already passed that point. Now there's only the people he hurt staring at him.
"Sorry, I shouldn't have said that."
"What do you mean you 'sent' us there?" Annabeth's face was blank as she asked. He hadn't fully realized what he said until this moment. For Gods's sake, how much did they not know about him?
Of course they didn't know it was his fault. had they known he'd already be dead by now.
"It wasn't your fault Leo." Hazel stated again.
"You don't know that." he responded
"Why would it be his fault?" Percy asks, shocked.
"Leo made a bargain with Nemesis" the girl said "he used it to save my and Frank's lives… but it had an unspecified price."
Percy and Annabeth stared at him for a moment before looking at each other to settle their thoughts. Leo couldn't look up, Hades, he felt pathetic, this whole shit show could have been avoided if only he could sleep.
"You've been blaming yourself this whole time?" Now the latino was the one shocked. of all the things he thought Percy Jackson would say that hadn't ever crossed his mind. Hephaestus, straight up murder would make more sense.
"What?"
"You have, haven't you?" his voice was gentle "It wasn't your fault. It was Gaea." those words. It was like an arrow to the heart.
It couldn't all be her fault, could it? had he never done those awful things he blamed himself for? What about the guilt? What about the nightmares? if it wasn't his fault then why was he the one suffering?
"But it couldn't have been all her, right?" Leo was asking much more than what his friends had knowledge of.
"Of course it was." Annabeth answered in all her wisdom "You didn't meant for anyone to get hurt"
What a concept. He didn't mean to, so it wasn't his fault? It's not easy like that. His mama taught him people have to suffer the consequences of their actions so that's what he's been doing for half his life. He ran away. He lied. He stole. He beat people up. He was in gangs. He broke that gods forsaken cocky. He fucking killed his mother.
He 's not innocent and he suffers the consequences.
"If you say so." Leo finally responded.
"I don't think you get it Leo" Percy says "It's not your fault." His expression was genuine and urgent. Leo has no idea why he is so pressed.
"I get it guys, you don't blame me. That 's great." He puts on the biggest smile and makes thumbs up to emphasize just how much he does not blame himself.
An uncomfortable silence fell after that. They were still sitting next to their respective partners so Leo could feel the looks of discomfort they were sending each other. Leo could only look at the fire. Ironic isn't it? The only one who'll never leave him, fire. What a joke.
He really should go now, but he did dig his grave after all, might as well lie in it.
Consequences.
Karma is a bitch.
"So." Started Will. It looks like he is the official icebreaker of the group "Is Leo short for anything?…" he laughed a little just for the absurdity of it all.
"That's a secret I'll never tell"
"On a scale of 1 to 10 how embarrassing is it?"
"A solid 65"
"I feel your pain bro" Percy said "my real name is Perseus."
"But that's the cool kind of weird. Mine is the crusty old kind of weird."
"Dam" there were some laughing "And I thought my mom did me dirty."
Thank gods they didn't press any further.
"So, Leo, why did you run away six times?" Fuck you Annabeth Chase.
"Annabeth!" Piper rebukes. The blond has always been direct but this is a little too much.
"What a way to break the tension." Leo says, trying to break the tension.
"Oh please" the Athena girl starts "We can't pretend like nothing is happening. We as a friend group know nothing of Leo and I just realized that that's because he never answered any of our questions, ever. So I feel like the best option is shock exposure." Annabeth stops her monologue and looks directly into his eyes "So, Leo, why did you run away six times?"
Fuck you Annabeth.
It was almost comical, like in a movie, at one moment everyone was facing the blond and in seconds all the heads turned to stare at Leo, who obviously was sitting directly opposite to her.
"Did you think that maybe I just don't want to talk about that."
"But you should talk about it, so we can help you" she said "Why did you run away six times?"
"You really won't stop hun?"
"Not until I get an answer. Why did you run away six times?"
"This is starting to get annoying."
"Don't try to get off topic. Why did you run away six times?"
"You can be a real bitch sometimes." Percy didn't like that one bit, but Annabeth was determined. She put a hand on Percy's shoulder to keep him in place with a little side smile.
Fuck you Annabeth Chase.
"Why did you run away six times?
"Fuck you."
"Why did you…"
"Holy Fuck! Take a guess!!!" Leo screams "What do you think my answer is gonna be!!! Cause, fun fact, the rumors are true! They do beat the living shit out of us!!!
Fuck you Annabeth Chase!
Fuck you Annabeth Chase!
Fuck you Annabeth Chase!
In the silence that followed only Leo's heavy breathing could be heard. He is so angry he feels his eyes getting wet. How could he? Of all the things that got him to break, someone being annoying is the last he would expect.
They were all in a state of shock. Leo is sure that at some point they asked themselves - what was Leo Valdez's life like? - he is also sure the idea of abusive fosters passed only as an intrusive thought because - how can such a happy boy be so miserable? - that's how it's supposed to look. He doesn't like reminders. No one can help so not constantly making him remember is the least they can offer right?
Now that's all bulshit. Not only did he admit to being a foster kid. He rented about being a messed up foster kid to a bunch of the most clingy demigods in existence
"Happy?" The daughter of Athena didn't answer, she had a kind expression but there was no remorse whatsoever. That made Leo angrier. He was already feeling bad and she was just staring at him with pity. "Do you want me to continue?" Now her expression changed. She's curious.
"You don't have to. But I think we'd all appreciate it."
"Ok. The truth then." They were all staring at him "Just because you have this pathetic need to know everything doesn't make you entitled to my life." She looked surprised, shocked even.
"That's enough Leo" Percy said. "We're all friends here."
"Oh, fuck you too. We had one meaningful conversation since we met, and it was about our mutual ex whom you left on an island to rot." Leo vented "We're not friends. we've never been friends." Percy's face melted a little, like a bit of life had left him.
Fuck, he looks like a puppy in the rain. Leo made Percy Jackson look like a puppy in the rain.
"I'm sorry." He took some time to organize his thoughts "I really am sorry, I didn't mean it." Fuck this is hard "It's just… it's already hard enough to deal with that shit. I don't need you guys to constantly remind me how much of a mess my life is. I finally have time to feel and think since I was eight years old and my brain is a big bla of gaea, fosters, gangs and my mom…"
"Gangs?" Frank murmured confused.
"Please don't." Leo cutts it "Fuck this is hard. You gotta understand that I don't owe you guys anything." Wow, rude. "Tha came out wrong."
"It's ok." Piper said quietly. Leo took the time to look at her. His oldest friend. He didn't tell her those things before, but at that moment he realized if it was going to happen at some point, it would be to her. She'd understand, not in a personal level but she's the one he trusts the most.
"I didn't want you to know, I'm not ready." He was crying, not historically, but the tears fell like rain in the car window. "I just need you guys to understand that… and to not do that." He said looking at Annabeth. At least now she looks guilty.
Leo is tired, of sharing and crying, of that fire… of those people. He just left. No one questioned him for doing so. They probably assumed he'd go to sleep, but he really didn't want to. If he shows up at his cabin Nyssa will lock him up. He will sit on his bed and try very hard not to sleep, but he is tired and he'll give in.
The night won't be peaceful.
So he went to the forest calmly walking towards the bunker. He'd have to deal with his siblings the next day, Hades, his friends too. That's not important now because first he has to deal with himself. Maybe he can talk to Festos, that always helped in the Argos ll, or just cry nonstop. He doesn't trust his state to actually work on something, his mind wouldn't be in it and his eyes are glassy with tears. Worst case scenario a monster would decimate him before he get to the entrance.
Luckily, or not, Leo arrives at the bunker unscathed. He opens the big doors with his fire and enters the quiet space prepared for the worse.
"I knew it." A voice comes from the middle of the room. It was Nyssa. "Jake told me that I should trust you but I knew you'd come here" she sounds smug, proud of being right, but also disappointed at her brother. She gets up from wherever she was sitting and walks towards the boy"You can't just run away from your problems Leo. It makes the people who love worry.
Leo couldn't move. He didn't know she loved him. Of course she is his sister, but the lines of what is and isn't considered family are blurry at camp half-blood, so he just assumed no one there actually viewed him as a brother. He hadn't had a family in so long he couldn't even remember what it was like.
"Sorry." For not going to the cabin like he said he would, for not realizing just how much she cared about him, for not loving her back.
"Leo, is everything all right?" She is in front of him so even with little light it's probable she could see the tears falling quietly. He manages to shake his head. "What happened?" Her hands moved to his shoulder, her brown eyes gazing worried at him. It's funny how she's a year younger than him but still way more mature. Leo realizes he worries about her too, she takes up too much responsibility. Things he should be taking care of as the Hephaestus counselor. He makes her life harder by not ever taking care of himself. Leo failed her.
"I need help." After that he lets the tears freefall. She hugs him and doesn't complain. They stayed like that until Leo's eyes could no longer keep up with his emotions and the night consumed him.