Of all the things Kyo thought he would see at the Kagura Shrine, surely that wasn't one.
The hell…
He quietly moved from the tree he was hiding behind, in the hope to hear better.
Chizuru had requested a meeting with him and Yagami in light of their participation in the upcoming tournament as an official team. Kyo managed to arrive early, for once, hoping to leave sooner that way.
"You know what we want, Kagura-san."
What he'd found there, instead, was the most absurd scene in the history of absurd scenes.
"Of course."
Chizuru Kagura, the serious and quiet leader of the Three Sacred Treasures team, was talking to two men who totally looked like yakuza members.
Kyo bit his lower lip.
Since when was Kagura involved with the Japanese mafia? Did she get a loan from them, and now they were here to get their money back?
…no, that was stupid.
Chizuru was rich. Incredibly rich.
The Kagura Enterprises, her clan's main source of income, had sponsored the tournament multiple times. The shrine was mostly a facade to hide and protect the Orochi seal.
So money was definitely not the issue here.
Maybe she had something they wanted? But what?
Kyo doubted they were interested in the Orochi seal… could they possibly want the Yata Mirror? So, were his and Yagami's treasures also a target now?
That didn't make sense either.
"Here it is, same as always."
Chizuru's words caught his attention, just in time to see her handing a briefcase—that he didn't notice until that moment—to the two men.
Just like in a mafia movie…
One of the two yakuza opened it and thoroughly browsed its contents, then nodded, presumably satisfied with what he saw.
At that point, the other man put his hand under his jacket.
A move that, in movies, would have meant just one thing:
A gun!
Without even thinking, Kyo jumped out of his hiding spot and punched the man, pinning him against the ground.
"THE FUCK ARE YOU—"
The other man tried to intervene but Kyo threatened him by flashing his flames.
"DON'T MOVE!"
"Kyo?!"
The Kusanagi heir turned to look at Chizuru.
"Hey, you okay?"
"What the fuck is happening here? Kagura-san, you better not try to betray us!"
Kyo frowned.
"The hell are you talking—"
"I would never do such a thing, Kuzuryuu-san. And you know it."
Upon hearing those words, the man froze.
"O-of course, Kagura-san. I didn't mean—"
"I called Kyo here, he just… arrived early, for once" the priestess said, placing herself between the three men.
Kyo's eyes widened.
He knew that, despite her polite attitude, Chizuru Kagura wasn't someone you wanted to mess with… but scaring two yakuza mobsters was on a whole different level.
Note to self: do not piss her off anymore.
The yakuza Kyo punched pushed him away and got up. "How can we be sure he won't snitch on us?"
"No worries, he won't talk."
"How do you know—"
"Have I ever broken your trust, Pekoyama-san?"
"N-no, Kagura-san" Pekoyama stuttered. "We know we can trust the Fox."
"The who?"
"Exactly," Chizuru smiled, ignoring Kyo's question. "With the exception of this unfortunate incident, I'd say our meeting has been fruitful as per usual. You have your money."
"And you have our word, everything will be quiet and peaceful, as per usual" the yakuza said, and with one last glare at Kyo, both men left the shrine.
He finally got up and turned to Chizuru.
"Hey, are you okay—"
"...you fucking idiot."
What the hell?!
"Of all the days you could show up early, you chose to do it today? You nearly ruined everything, you damn piece of shit!"
Kyo couldn't believe his eyes and ears: the calm and collected Chizuru Kagura was more furious than he had ever seen her before, which was just as shocking as hearing her swearing like a truck driver. That was the first time he saw her like that in all those years of acquaintance, and lowkey hoped to not repeat the experience.
"L-listen, I just saw that dude searching for something in his pocket and—"
"What, you thought he was going to pick up his gun? Pekoyama is a chainsmoker, he was looking for his cig."
"Uh… w-well, those weren't yakuza, no? I had all the rights to think the worst!"
Chizuru's silence made Kyo believe he'd caught her red-handed.
"Yes, they're yakuza."
He was very wrong.
"But they would never hurt me."
"And how can you be so sure?"
The priestess smirked. "You heard them, they trust the Fox."
"Who the hell is this fox you keep talking about?"
"Just the most famous yakuza boss in the whole of Osaka."
"My bad, I don't keep up with mafia gossip," Kyo snorted. "Anyway, I don't understand how this is in any way related to you."
Chizuru quirked a brow. Kyo waited for an answer, until a thought finally hit him.
"...wait. Are you… are you the Fox?"
Chizuru smiled, giving Kyo the creeps. Without breaking eye contact, she rolled up the sleeves of her cardigan, revealing her fully tattooed arms.
"I bet you never wondered why I always go around with clothes that cover me almost from head to toe, right?"
Kyo gasped.
Chizuru Kagura, the reserved priestess and protector of the Orochi seal, was a yakuza?!
The most famous yakuza boss of the whole Osaka, even?!
"H-how? Since when?!"
"Since always, Kyo."
"B-but the shrine! The Kagura Enterprises! H-how—"
The woman chuckled. "How do you think my clan built its wealth? And the shrine exists just to protect the seal, you know that."
…was it bad that her explanation made sense?
"The fact you and Iori never had any repercussions for your random fights around the city, damaging properties everywhere, should have been a big hint for you, but again…" she sighed. "I guess you never thought about it."
"Now that you mention it…"
Their fights had wound down through the years, but it was true that neither him nor Yagami had ever faced the consequences of their actions. Sometimes Kyo joked about one day finding the police outside his estate, but that never happened and his only explanation for it was that being part of such important clans was a free pass for that. They saved Osaka multiple times from the psycho villain of the day, that had to count for something, right?
Today he discovered he was oh, so wrong.
"So you just… saved our asses by paying other yakuza clans?" Kyo shook his head. "If you're a big scary boss like you said, why the need to use money?"
"Because it's easier to ensure their collaboration that way. It's simple" Chizuru crossed her arms. "I prefer to avoid conflicts unless needed, so by paying them a fee I'm sure they'll help me keep the city safe from yours and Iori's shenanigans."
"Shouldn't you do that with the police?"
"You think there aren't yakuza among them?"
"Uh…"
"Their spies can work from inside, and the rest of the police can be easily bribed. Anyone can be bought at the right price, and if the quiet of their city life can be assured too…"
…that actually made sense—from a yakuza's perspective.
The fact that said yakuza was the woman who had been the leader of their team for years, whose image was of class and wisdom, was an impossible revelation to believe, though.
"Now… what should I do with you?"
Chizuru's words snapped him out of his thoughts.
"W-what do you mean?"
"You almost blew that meeting up, putting me in a risky position," the priestess said, getting closer to him. "You made me look suspicious and untrustworthy."
"But aren't you the most famous yakuza boss of Osaka?"
"That's the point. The other clans would rather keep me as an ally than having me as their enemy. For very good reasons."
That last phrase made Kyo's skin crawl.
Yeah, better be leaving!
"W-well, I'll forget this in two minutes, don't worry, see ya-WHAT THE ACTUAL FLYING FUCK?!"
His escape was immediately stopped by the tip of a katana pointed at his face.
And at the other end of the sword, there was none other than his destined rival, Iori Yagami.
"WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU DOING?!"
But most importantly, who thought that giving him a katana was a good idea?!
As if he wasn't dangerous enough!
"Sorry Kyo, but you're not allowed to leave."
"What are you tal—oh… oh, don't tell me…"
Yagami rolled his sleeves, and sure as hell his arms were also fully tattooed.
"Oh fuck," Kyo whined. "You're a yakuza too."
Iori nodded, pointing his sword against the Kusanagi heir again. "I'm Chizuru's waka-gashira and lover, and I'd do anything for her. Anything."
Something in the red-head's voice told Kyo to avoid his usual snarky comments. He wanted to get out of there alive.
"Now that you know all of this, I can't let you go."
His attention went back to the priestess, whose expression was eerily blank.
"I honestly don't want to kill you, I always try to keep homicide as a last resort," she said, explaining that as if it was normal. "I couldn't do that to your family, I like them. And despite you being so damn annoying, you don't deserve it."
"Ah, thanks?!"
"That doesn't mean I can leave you alone. I'll have to find a different solution."
"Like what? Forcing me to join your clan?"
Chizuru bursted into laughter. "Please, you'd be the worst yakuza mob ever."
"Hey!" Kyo complained, mostly because of his ego being poked at rather than anything else. It's not like he wanted to join the mafia.
"Chi, if I may…"
Yagami spoke, and Kyo's fight-or-flight instinct kicked in: if Iori normally disliked him, he couldn't even imagine what Iori the yakuza could do to him.
The red-head whispered something into Chizuru's ear, and her expression shifted into a smile that promised nothing good.
"I really like Iorin's suggestion," she smiled. Kyo had to suppress the urge of making fun of Yagami's weirdly cute nickname. Instead, he cleared his voice.
"And… and what he's suggesting?"
It didn't come out as calm and steady as he hoped, though.
"You will be our pet."
Kyo blinked.
"Excuse me WHAT? Since when is the yakuza keep human slaves?"
"I said pet, not slave."
"So you want me to dress like a furry and walk me around on a leash? Is this a new fetish or something?"
"Lord, Kyo, I knew you were dumb but this is a new level of idiocy even for you," Yagami sighed. "Also, you know what a furry is…"
"So do you, it seems! Get off your high horse!"
"No one here will ever wear a fursuit," Chizuru spoke up, stopping their bantering, revealing that she also knew furries in the process. "When I say pet, I mean it in a sexual context."
It took Kyo a few seconds to process her explanation.
"WHAT? ARE YOU CRAZY?!"
"You see, me and Iorin have a great sex life—"
"And I didn't want to know that—"
"—but sometimes," she growled, shutting his complaints, "we like to… experiment. And we've never had a third person to play with. Until now."
Kyo shook his head. "Yeah, no, nope. Not gonna happen. You have a whole yakuza clan to ask! They can't even say no!"
"As well as you."
"...ugh."
"I said I don't want to kill you to not hurt your family, but I'll have you sleep with fishes if you push me too much."
And Kyo knew she wasn't joking.
"Also… you're a member of the Three Sacred Treasures," she brushed her hair with her hand. "There's a different kind of connection between us three that we couldn't find anywhere else."
"And you might be dumb, but at least you're pretty."
Kyo looked at Iori in disbelief.
"Did… did you just say I'm pretty?"
"Well, you are."
"I mean, since when do you find me attractive?!"
"I'm bisexual, Kyo. Surprise surprise."
"O-oh," he whispered, only to be struck by another terrifying thought. "W-wait, does that mean I'll have to fuck you too?!"
"Classy as ever," the red-head snorted, "but yeah, if the mood strikes and Chi will let me play with you."
"You can do whatever, Iorin, you know that," she smiled at Yagami, whose only answer was the hottest, horniest hand kiss ever. Kyo kind of felt like a voyeur. And kind of turned on.
"Uh… you guys want me to leave you alone?"
"Quite the opposite," Chizuru murmured; almost purred. "You should join us."
"Uuuh let's pretend I said yes—"
Chizuru smiled at him. "As said, it's not like you have a choice. But I promise you it's a price you'll be very pleased to pay."
It was true that he couldn't refuse, unless he wanted to join the fishes in the ocean wearing cement shoes.
Well…
Suddenly, a threesome with his teammates didn't sound like a terrible option.
"...you promise my family will stay out of this?" Kyo asked.
"You have my word they'll keep living in peace," the priestess nodded. "If anything, your father will be happy to know the feud between Kusanagi and Yagami has finally ended."
"Uh, I didn't think about that."
"We could keep it as it is just to avoid anything suspicious, but… peace seems a better idea now, no?" Iori added, appearing behind him out of nowhere.
"What the hell, are you also a fucking ninja or something? And don't stay so close to me, I can feel your katana against my ass."
Iori just smirked, showing him his sword. "Still in my hand."
Kyo frowned. Then he realized.
"Oh. OH."
"Yeah."
"Fuck."
"Later, Kyo."
Both his teammates—partners? Lovers? Owners?!—smiled at him.
Kyo gulped.
He was fucked.
Literally.
All in all, it wasn't that bad.
Kyo propped himself against the bed's headboard and looked at Iori and Chizuru still asleep, their fully tattooed bodies completely naked aside from the bedsheets barely covering them.
Sex with other two people surely had been… interesting, to say the least.
These two are horny as hell!
He especially didn't expect Chizuru to be this feisty, but then again he didn't expect her to be the head of a yakuza clan, either.
But here we are.
On his left, Iori moved and the bedsheets fell off his body, exposing him almost entirely. Kyo peeked under what was left of the sheet and whistled.
"Well, congrats, Yagami. Guess I can't always win in life."
Seeing Iori naked had been a big shock.
Really big.
Good thing he was focused only on Chizuru…
"Like what you see, Kyo?"
The Kusanagi heir widened his eyes, wishing to be killed in that instant.
"I-It's just… hard to not—oh fuck, wrong wor—OH DAMMIT."
"Hm-mm?" Iori murmured, getting closer to him.
"Hmm what's with all this noise…"
Chizuru also woke up, rolling on her side and facing the two men.
Iori smirked. "Someone here seems to be really curious about my dick."
"WHAT, NO—"
"Oooh, really, Kyo? So Iorin might not be the only bi here!"
"I'm not—WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING?!"
Iori grabbed him by the waist and forced him into a very suggestive and submissive position.
"Eager to try me, Kyo?"
"You wish!"
"Well, a part of you seems to be ready" Chizuru giggled.
Kyo looked down at his dick.
Hard.
You traitor!
"I promise you'll like it," Iori purred, and Kyo felt something poking at his butt. His eyes widened.
"I… I've never been with a man," he whined, earning a kiss from Chizuru.
"Don't worry, Iorin is incredibly gentle when he wants."
Kyo looked at Yagami again.
"A-and you want to be gentle now, right?"
Iori grinned.
"...right?"
Notes:
Spoiler: Iori has been gentle~
So… I had this dumb idea in the back of my mind for ages, prouted by one of many convos I had with Rin (RinoaDestiny). And finally decided to give it a go, I love crack fics and poking fun at Kyo. I can only hope that, if you read this, you'll have a laugh. I personally adore the idea of boss!Chizuru, she would be an amazing (and scary as hell) villain imho. Also the perfect excuse to draw my otp with yakuza tattooes (and as usual, you can see it bigger on AO3 or my twitter), lol.
Also, many many thanks to the lovely illyrilex who took the challenge to be my betareader and and read my dumb stuff (and terrible English). Thank you so much.~
Not many notes needed:
-The Waka-gashira is, as you might have guessed, the oyabun (yakuza boss)'s right hand and the rank directly below him;
-The title comes from an old movie, A fish called Wanda, where there are criminals but not yakuzas. But for some reason the title stuck in my mind, and the alternatives would have been something related to The Godfather or mafia (and as Italian and Sicilian, I do not want to give them space in any shape or form), so I just rolled with it;
-Kuzuryuu and Pekoyama are nods to Dangan Ronpa 2;
-The name Fox is a nod to the Kitsune, the legendary nine tailed fox from the Japanese folklore. I always associated Chizuru to a kitsune, and in an old art from one of those Days of memories games she has one in the background. And kitsunes are also considered protectors of shrines, so...
If you read this far, thank you so much and hope you liked it!
Mana