Chapter 4: Negotiations
Tucker and Caboose along with also Lupin have Donut surrounded inside the blue base.
Tucker: So, they send a female assassin to try and kill us. Clever, but it won't work. We're immune to your feminine wiles. ...Unless you wanna date one of us.
Donut: Female!? I'm not a girl.
Tucker: Tease.
Lupin: heck even I know that that's actually a guy in pink armor..
Tucker: what the hell makes you think that he's a guy..
Lupin: cuz even sound like a little girl to you..
Donut: I just have, light red armor.
Caboose: How is that pink armor anyway? Looks comfortable...
Donut: At first, I really hated it. But it's kinda grown on me. My old armor used to chafe my thighs somethin' aweful. But the crotch in this pink one is surprisingly roomy!
Tucker: Silence woman!
Jigen and Goemon gotta irritated by the loud ruckus.
Jigen: my god, you keep the noise down!
Goemon: some of us are trying to...
Jigen and Goemon speechless to see Lupin along with blue team interrogating Donut.
Jigen: what the hell is going on here..
Goemon: well this is a bit of an awkward time..
Caboose: other new friends are awake..
Jigen: what the hell is wrong with him..
Tucker: that's good to see you guys are finally awake..
Lupin: well let's just say a lot of things happen while you were asleep..
Jigen: yes a lot of explanation..
Lupin: you go outside take a look at the sky.. while me and my new friends here actually interrogate Mr Pinky..
Donut: hey it's not pink! it's lightish red!
Lupin: yeah sure thing same category..
Jigen: okay then..
Jigen and Goemon went outside of base so have the same reaction as well see that they weren't actually on Earth but we're an alien planet.
Sarge addressing Simmons and Grif.
Sarge: Good Bhudda's noodle, how could this have happened?
Simmons: It's okay sir. It was a strong plan, Grif's just a dumbass.
Grif: Hey, I'm using your cerebral cortex.
Sarge: Settle down, ladies. We need a new strategum, and we need it fast.
Simmons: Donut's sure to crack under the pressure and reveal everything.
Grif: Everything like what, where we keep his tampons?
Sarge: You're right about that, Simmons. The boy doesn't even see the entertainment value in being tortured! Oh these kids today!
Church enters the blue base with Tucker and Lupin waiting for him.
Church: How's it goin', Tucker? We get any useful information outta the prisoner yet?
Tucker: I figured he was here to steal back Lopez, but he won't give us anything... except a list of crock pot recipes. Would that be useful?
Church: Do we have a crock pot?
Lupin: nothing really seen that we didn't get any information out of him.. level so that's well it seems my two friends are also awake.
Church: that's good.. so you still weren't able to get anything out of our pink prisoner, I presume...
Lupin: like I said nothing at all seen that if Caboose would actually have a better chance..
Church: How did you- never mind. Listen, I think I came up with a plan for how we can use Lopez and our new prisoner to get an upper hand on the reds...
Tucker: ...
Church and Tucker: ...
Church: The plan does not involve mayonnaise.
Lupin: serious I don't get the whole thing with mayonnaise..
Church: because you don't need to know..
Camera zips around to another part of the blue base, where Caboose and Donut are.
Caboose: That was fun. Okay, okay, your turn. Truth, or dare.
Donut: Hmmm, truth!
Caboose: Okay. Tell me, all of the red secret plans!
Donut: Ahaw, you tricked me! You blue guys are so smart. Okay, now listen closely. Our biggest secret is-
Church runs up and inhabits Donut.
Donut: Adgibagajabagagagagagagagagagaa!
Church: Caboose! It's me, Church. I possessed this guy so we can... whoo, hey. This pink armor's kinda comfortable. Roomy. What were you two guys talkin' about?
Caboose: Ohouw, nothing.
Church: You wanna braid each other's hair?
Tucker along with the others cresting a hill in the Gulch.
Tucker: Hello inferior red squad!
Church: We would like to talk to you about-
Caboose: Sneak attack!
Jigen: I don't see why I have to drag the two of us into this..
Lupin: I don't know I try to find this kind of funny..
Goemon: always cured humor always find satisfyation..
Lupin: you always have to get so serious to chill out for once in a lifetime..
Church: Shut up you idiot, we're not here to fight. We're here to negotiate.
Caboose: Ahay, sneak negotiation!
Sarge, Grif and Simmons come to the front of the red base.
Sarge: What the- Donut! What is this!?
Tucker: I think he's talking to you.
Church: We, uh I mean they, would like to negotiate a surrender, to us. No to them, no wait nono that's right, to them, to us.
Tucker: Oh, smooth dude.
Lupin: and the three of us are also part of blue team as well from command..
Jigen: why you trying to encourage this..!?
Lupin: hey come, on now at least have some fun for once..
Sarge: what in Sam Hill blue command actually got themselves some reinforcements!?
Simmons: sir this is really bad..
Sarge: I can expect for enemies to actually have reinforcements from command...
Grif: hold on a second to hear from commands why are they wearing some random civilian clothing instead of normal armor that we're wearing..
Sarge: no problem please one of those soldiers to think that there's such civilians, but actually our soldiers disguised as civilians..
Simmons: that sounds like some pretty good logic..
Grif: Wait, if we accept, that means we would have two surrenders, and they would have none. That means we win!
Simmons: Win what?
Grif: I don't know, the war, er something. Right?
Simmons: You're an idiot.
Church: In exchange for not killing us, they, them- we, they would like to, release the robot guy, and me. *exchanges glances with Tucker a couple times* ...the pink guy.
Tucker: Are you becoming retarded?
Simmons: What should we do, sir?
Sarge: I'm torn, between my intense distrust of the blue team, and the need for the plans stored in my favorite robotic creation. No offense, Simmons.
Simmons: Nooone taken, sir. You removed the negative emotional center of my brain, and implanted it in Grif.
Grif: (hopping around behind them) Noh I kin, I just can't take this, we're all gonna die! Wohouw.
Church: I don't think they're going for it.
A shot goes behind Tucker, startling him and Church... wouldn't it startle you?
Tucker: Oh, mother fucker!
Sarge: Nice thinkin' Simmons.
Grif: The humanity!
Church: Alright, they surrender!
Tucker: (arming his weapon) Fuck that, I'm pissed, let's fight.
Lupin: well I didn't really expect this to happen.
Jigen: let me take care of this by actually shooting that gun out of hand.
Jigen got out as trust his revolver and aimed it and shot the weapon out of Simmons hands.
Simmons: oh shit!
Tucker: you're pretty good for a gunslinger..
Jigen: thanks for Soldier such as yourself..
Sarge: damn you do have a pretty good gunslinger..
Grif: you really have gone and pissed him off..
Lupin: nothing we're only here to negotiate or we can kill you..
Sarge: fine then we demand the return of our robot, and our pink private!
Church: Okay, but there's one catch!
Sarge: What in shinola?
Church: Sarge they want you to build two robots for their team. One for each prisoner, that they're releasing.
Simmons: Hey that wasn't part of the deal!
Grif: Why exactly are we negotiating with Donut?
Tucker: Church why do we need two robots?
Church: You know... one for me, and... *under breath* one for Texas.
Tucker: Oh man, don't tell me you're doing this for Tex. You're still in love with her, aren't you.
Lupin: who..?
Tucker: *let's just say she is Church's ex-girlfriend that left him..*
Lupin: *well I certainly seems a bit rough for him..*
Church: Hey get off my back, man. Most dead chicks aren't exactly linin' up to haunt this dirthole. Besides, if I don't get her a body, she's gonna steal mine anyway.
Tucker: Eh, good point.
Church: Bitch.
Sarge: Alright you blue scumsuckers! What robot models did you have in mind?
Church: I guess make 'em just like Lopez! Except, you know, just a shell, no intelligence!
Caboose: These new robots sound much nicer.
Tucker: That's because they sound like you.
Church: Oh and no Spanish! And a bigger switch!
Jigen: wait, what..
Lupin: just ignored and see where this all goes..
Sarge: Okay, we got a deal! Meet us in the center of the canyon at 0600 and we'll make the exchange.
Tucker: Deal!
Church: Okay. I gotta hurry back before Lopez and Sheila suspect anything. Make sure this pink guy doesn't run away when I leave. I mean it. I'll meet you guys back at the base. (leaves Donut's body)
Donut: Huwhuuugaygaayeeeeeee! What the...? Where am I?
Caboose: We were just talking to your friends. But you're going to stay with us now for a while.
Donut: Are we gonna have a sleepover? Because that would be sweet.
Caboose: ...You're a nice lady.
Lupin: he's not a she..
Jigen: seriously just because he wears pink armor doesn't mean he is a girl..
Caboose: how can you be sure if he's actually a guy.. if he is a girl..
Lupin and his gang facepalmed at Caboose stupidity.
Ghostly Church back at the blue base.
Church: Alright guys, I- Sheila? Lopez? What the, why do people keep leaving?
Back to reds and blues.
Sarge: Oh blue team... Before you go, maybe we should talk about optional equipment on your new robots.
Tucker: What optional equipment!?
Sarge: All you said you wanted was a body, we didn't talk about featuuuures.
Tucker: Like what?
Sarge: You know, undercoating, extended warranty, features, man, come on. Like do you want them to be able to use both arms at once?
Tucker: Of course.
Sarge: Asynchronous arm movement isssssss optional!
Tucker: What? Oh man, I told Church they would try to screw us! What about the feet?
Sarge: Did you want feet?
Tucker: Yeah we want feet!
Sarge: Sorry, feet are optional.
Tucker: What's on the bottom of its legs?
Sarge: Legs are optional.
Tucker: Oh man, what a ripoff.
Sarge: Options are optional.
Tucker: What isn't optional?
Sarge: You look like a nice guy, don't worry, we'll work something out. Have you thought about financing? How's yer credit? I can offer you a free set of high quality mud flaps... and a lube job... You won't be disappointed! I've been told my lube jobs are fantastic!
To Be Continued...