Part two: Culpability
I sit on my bed staring at the floor, I feel like I'm going to cry at any moment.
My phone hasn't stopped ringing, it's been like this for 2 hours.
[Kurochi]
"Agh..."
I take my phone out of my pocket and see the screen that says "78 missed calls from Natsuki", suddenly I get another call from Natsuki, I don't want to answer, but I should.
I try to speak in the liveliest tone of voice possible.
[Kurochi]
"Hello."
[Natsuki]
"KUROCHI! WHY WEREN'T YOU ANSWERING THE PHONE!?"
[Kurochi]
"I-I..."
[Natsuki]
"Fuck, you had me worried sick, are you okay? Monika told me that out of nowhere you ran off..."
[Natsuki]
"Is everything okay?"
Should I tell her the truth?
[Kurochi]
"Natsuki, I-I..."
I think it would be best if they don't know for now.
[Kurochi]
"Y-Yes, I had to attend to a family emergency, but everything's fine now."
[Natsuki]
"So... Will you come or are you still too busy?"
[Natsuki]
"N-not that I want to see you, it's just to tell the others."
I want to be alone.
[Kurochi]
"I can't, I'm sorry."
[Natsuki]
"I understand..."
[Natsuki]
"Hey, do you know anything about Sayori?"
Shit, I feel my stomach clench.
[Kurochi]
"S-she's not feeling well, she won't be able to go either."
[Natsuki]
"I see."
[Natsuki]
"I guess I'll see you tomorrow."
[Kurochi]
"See you tomorrow, Natsuki."
I hang up the call
Shit, I hope the festival turns out well without us.
I lie back on the bed looking up at the ceiling thinking about what the doctor said... "She was lucky you got there, a few more minutes and I wouldn't have counted her. She's lucky to have a good friend like you."
[Kurochi]
"Lucky to have a good friend like you..."
Why does that sentence hurt me so much?
[Kurochi]
"Good friend like you."
[Kurochi]
"GOOD FRIEND LIKE YOU."
Bullshit, she wouldn't be in this situation if it wasn't for me.
[Kurochi]
"HOW COULD I BE SO BLIND?"
Now we'd all be at the festival eating cupcakes and reading poems if it weren't for me.
How could I let go of my best friend?
What kind of friend am I?
[Kurochi]
"I shouldn't even be able to call myself her friend..."
[Kurochi]
"A real friend would have noticed and helped her."
I burst into tears squeezing my bed cover tightly.
[Kurochi]
"AAAAAAHHHHHHHH!"
I scream from the bottom of my stomach as I toss and turn on the bed and grab my hair tightly, I feel like I could pull it out in one pull.
I shakily get out of bed, tears still running like a waterfall from my eyes to my chin.
I stagger to the bathroom to wash my face.
[Kurochi]
"Sayori..."
I can't think of anything else, the image of her hanging from the ceiling with that noose around her neck drills into my brain and clings tightly to my mind.
I put my hands on the sink, leaning against it.
I stare at the mirror in front of me, it repulses me.
I wet my face, the water is still flowing from the sink, I bring my face close to the falling water and drink some of it.
I turn off the faucet and go back to my room.
[Kurochi]
"I don't want to think anymore."
I take off my school uniform little by little, leaving it lying where it's falling, and lie down on the bed.
I'm exhausted, I just want to sleep, and in the morning Sayori's mother tells me that she's okay, I need to know that she's okay but my mind won't give more for today.
I close my eyes with fear of seeing that image of Sayori again, I stop thinking almost as soon as I close my eyes.
...
[?]
"Kurochi..."
I hear my name in the distance.
[?]
"Kurochi..."
I hear that voice getting closer and closer.
[?]
"KUROCHI."
That voice sounds familiar.
[?]
"KUROCHI!"
I give a little jump in my chair, class is over already?
[Sayori]
"Kurochi! Everyone already left, what are you doing here sleeping?"
[Kurochi]
"Huh?"
[Sayori]
"Are you deaf? Upstairs."
[Kurochi]
"Ugh..."
[Sayori]
"So... Have you already decided which club you'll join?"
[Kurochi]
"I was thinking of, maybe, dropping by the anime club."
[Sayori]
"How boring you are..."
[Sayori]
"How about you better come with me to the literature club?"
[Kurochi]
"Literature? Nah, it doesn't catch my attention, you know?"
[Sayori]
"Awww... Come on, don't be mean!"
[Kurochi]
"What do you want me to do to it? Literature isn't something I'm interested in..."
[Kurochi]
"Besides, why are you so insistent on me joining your club?"
[Sayori]
"Heh heh, I might have told the others that I would bring a new member."
[Kurochi]
"..."
[Kurochi]
"You should ask me first before offering me for your club."
[Sayori]
"Don't be like that! Natsuki made cupcakes, wouldn't you do it for a cupcake?"
[Kurochi]
"Ugh... I can't believe it."
[Kurochi]
"Fine, I'll go for ONE cupcake and that's it."
[Sayori]
"Yey!"
I follow Sayori through the school hallways to a secluded place I won't have been to more than once or twice.
She stops in front of one of the classrooms.
[Sayori]
"Wait here for a second."
She enters the classroom, I hear her talking to other girls but I can't make out what they are saying.
After a few seconds, Sayori comes out of the room and indicates to me, with her arm, to enter with her.
Before entering I let out a heavy sigh and think.
"This is the day I sold my soul for a cupcake."
[Sayori]
"-."
Suddenly everything became a dark void in which there was only her and me.
[Kurochi]
"What?"
[Sayori]
"-."
[Kurochi]
"Sayori, I don't understand anything you're saying."
[Sayori]
"-."
[Kurochi]
"Sayori?"
[Sayori]
"-."
[Kurochi]
"Sayori, that's enough, I don't understand anything you said-"
-BEEP-BEEP-BEEP-BEEP-BEEP-BEEP-BEEP-BEEP-BEEP-BEEP-
I open my eyes, I'm in my room.
[Kurochi]
"What the fuck was that?"