Jack from the Row

by Jack Saint

Nathan is a fifteen year old teenager, revolted by the world and its justice. Brilliant, intelligent, cold and taciturn, his destiny is turned upside down when he is accidentally recruited by the Third Street Saints, a street gang that preaches for a better world for the Saints Row ghetto. For the best and especially the worst.

3. 1-2 : The third street church

Chapter 2 - The Third Street Church.

September 1995 - Saints Row streets.

While Nathan was still shaking in the backseat and did not understand what was going on, the driver of the car looked totally relaxed, even though he had just killed a man. Nathan was having a hard time coming to his senses and the song on the tape in the car radio suddenly brought him back to what he was experiencing.

"I'm hopeless, they shoulda killed me as a baby

And now they got me trapped in the storm, I'm goin crazy

Forgive me; they wanna see me in my casket

And if I don't kill, I'll be the victim of those bastards

I'm loosin hope, they got me stressin, can the Lord forgive me

Got the spirit of a thug in me".

As he held the steering wheel, the driver hoisted his hand armed with a gun, the magazine of which he let slide to the ground.

- You fucking nuked that son of a bitch," said a young man in his early twenties, a typical African-American.

- Don't worry," the driver replied proudly, and Nathan could only see the purple color of his jacket.

- He won't be bothered anymore! And then the whore, as she flew, was too strong and ...

- DEX! The older man, who had stayed behind near Nathan, cut him off. Have some respect for this woman.

- It's okay, Julius, she worked for the Kings, we don't give a damn.

- No, we don't give a damn, I asked you to be careful!

- Yeah well, you asked us to pick up the other freak too, you had to make a choice," Retorted the driver who answered to the name of Johnny.

- You two are starting to get on my nerves," Julius said.

- Come on, we'll be careful next time, relax. Promised Johnny.

Julius nodded as if he knew that the next time would be exactly like this one, which was already the same as the one before. But he ignored this and turned to Nathan, whose white shirt was stained with blood.

- Are you okay, son? Julius asked him paternally.

- What the hell is your fucking problem ? Nathan repeated, completely confused.

- Hey, we saved you, son of a bitch! Have some respect! Johnny turned around and shouted.

He might have been wearing sunglasses, but this young man of Asian descent, probably Chinese or Korean with a shaggy haircut, was probably not much older than 18 or 19.

- Shut up, Johnny and drive!

- You almost got killed, lucky we came through," Dex said, not without a hint of pride.

- Dex is right, it was a close call," Julius added.

- He shouldn't have gone to the whores either," Johnny scoffed.

- The girl? Nathan asked.

- She was right in the middle, I think she's no longer watertight.

- Johnny, please be respectful, Julius rebuked him. Sorry kid, did you know her?

- No, I didn't, I just had a ten minute chat with her before this guy attacked us.

- Damn, that faggot guy who goes to the whores to talk, Johnny added under Dex's amused and knowing eye.

In shock, Nathan did not even notice that he was being openly mocked. He could hear Julius' voice talking to him, but he could not understand a word that came out of his mouth. He just looked at his shirt, completely ruined by an impressive spurt of blood. He was surprised himself to see his hands completely shaking, and then, feeling the pressure come down all at once, he took his head between his palms and started to sob.

- What the hell was that?

Julius looked at him with a fatherly kindness and put his hand on his back.

- It's okay, kid, we'll get you home, okay?

- Is he seriously crying like a pussy? Johnny asked with a falsely annoyed look.

- You cried like a pussy the first time you killed a guy," Dex said.

- Yeah, but with joy, seeing him bleed to death, it gave me a sick erection.

- Oh yeah? The problem with you Asians is that you can't tell the difference when you're hard, because of your micro penises.

- But shut up, it's because you haven't seen mine!

- Don't go there, you're going to hurt yourself," said Dex, very sure of himself.

- Well, that's okay boys, you can touch each other's dicks later," Julius said. Let's take the kid home and go.

- You're the boss, boss! Johnny replied.

- We'll take you home, Julius said calmly to Nathan, who was wiping the last of his tears with the back of his shirt.

- No, not to my house! Not like this, Nathan panicked.

- Because of your shirt? Johnny! Give him your shirt! Julius ordered.

- What, are you serious?

- Very, stop and give him your shirt.

- What the hell Julius!

- That's an order, Johnny!

Forced to stop the car on the side of the road, Johnny pulled his shirt out from under his jacket. He shoved it into the back of the car with as much ill will as he could muster.

- I sweated like a pig in there, I'm warning you.

- Come on, it's okay, Julius sighed, tired of Johnny's incessant remarks.

Johnny and Nathan had about the same build and the shirt fit the young man well, and contrary to what Johnny had said, it didn't smell particularly bad, it just smelled like cheap men's perfume.

After a few miles, Nathan signaled the car to stop. Mission Beach was one of the most important neighborhoods in the Saints Row district. Over the years, it had become a ghetto, riddled with insecurity and drug trafficking. It had been full of disadvantaged families for years.

- Do you live here? Fuck, it's as bad as my house," Johnny sympathized.

- I'm glad to hear it, Nathan said with some irritation.

The purple car stopped at the end of a street and Nathan got out of the car without turning around. He did not even bother to greet his saviors.

- You're welcome! Johnny said.

Nathan searched his pocket for his cigarettes, but he realized they had been lost in the gunfight. He had no bag either. He shook his head in disbelief and continued on his way. The purple car pulled up alongside him and Julius opened the back window.

- I know how it feels, kid. Trust me, we're all in this together.

- I don't think so, Nathan said, his anger and shame were overwhelming him.

- If you need, let's say you want to live in a better world, maybe I can help you.

- Well, this is not a good start, Nathan said, concentrating on not letting tears fall from his eyes.

- I'm Julius Little, from the Third Street Saints, and no matter what anyone says, I'm trying to make this world a little better. But understand son, in a world rotten with gangs, murder and corruption, words are not enough. I know we're not going to solve everything, but we're trying to give the kids of Saints Row a little hope.

- By shooting random people?

- No, not randomly. It's never random. I'm naive enough to believe that by eliminating the worst parasites, we might have some hope for a slightly better future.

Turning his head, Nathan saw Johnny loudly blowing a bubble of gum.

- I have put Johnny and Dex out of their misery, my goal is to get them involved in something bigger, where they will have a place. I can get you in on that too.

As the young man remained silent, Julius continued to hover his speech.

- Saints Row must not remain in the hands of those who terrorize us. Since the police are not doing anything, we are the ones who will act. Take a moment to think about it, and remember our name, the Third Street Saints. We hang out at the Third Street Church on a regular basis, okay? If you want to be part of the solution, you know where to go. What is your name, boy?

Nathan stopped for a moment, looked Julius straight in the eye and continued on his way.

- Okay, I'll call you boy for the time being, Julius resolved without admitting defeat. See you soon, I'm sure we'll see each other again.

- Ciao, princess! Johnny greeted him by crushing the gas pedal which made a noise of abominable tire squealing before disappearing in a cloud of smoke.

Disturbed, the teenager advanced on the cobblestones while trembling. His neighborhood was like any other. Covered with tags, most of them unreadable, others glorifying past and forgotten gangs. Calls for peace and brotherhood stood next to other tags with racist overtones or calling for the murder of police officers. Two black men were smoking crack without even hiding and did not look up when Nathan passed them. Everything was lost here.

Everything.

The teenager arrived in front of his house. It was a typical American slum house, made of wood, with a stoop, a dilapidated garden and a damaged wooden fence, directly on the street, and stuck to the neighboring houses.

The last few meters to his house seemed like miles to Nathan. He entered discreetly and fell back on the front door.

- Herode, is that you? A female voice asked.

- No, mother, it's me...

- Nathan? What are you doing here? Don't tell me you've been kicked out of boarding school again?

- I told you I was going home this weekend.

- Did you? And when? You've never been able to make a phone call.

Nathan had never felt at home around this mother, whom he knew to be in her way.

- I don't have time to take care of you this weekend, said Tamara, his mother.

- For what it changes...

- If you're not happy, you can go back to boarding school, after all, I'm paying enough for it.

As soon as he got home, he wanted to go back, but still upset by what had happened, the teenager tried to find comfort.

- I got mugged on the way home. I almost got killed.

- Apparently, you got away with it.

- Doesn't that affect you more than that?

- Look, Nathan. I'm working my ass off right now, between my job, the test I'm taking, and your brother. I finally have hope that we're gonna make it, so I don't have time to deal with your feelings. You're doing fine right now, I think, so why are you whining about nothing at all?

- I don't know, probably to make your life miserable, after all, it seems that's what I do every time I say a word.

- If it's to bullshit, indeed, you can shut up.

While Tamara's relationship with her son was almost non-existent, she couldn't bring herself to forget that, despite everything, he was her child.

Tamara was a brilliant woman, very intelligent, but in a moment of weakness, said "yes" one day at the age of 12, to a boy of almost the same age for whom her heart was beating. The one time between her pre-teens was the one too many and Tamara became pregnant, provoking the anger and disappointment of her entourage, who only saw this as the promise of a ruined future. Despite this, her parents refused to allow her to have an abortion and for nine long months Tamara carried the child she hated. One night in July, her child was born and contrary to what she had been told, she did not feel the slightest love for him. He was only the result of her mistake. She quickly abandoned him, entrusting him to whomever she wanted in order to continue her studies and to survive as best she could with a child to support and a fiancé who was in and out of prison for all kinds of trafficking. The child did not get attached to his mother and was moved from family to family so many times that he never found a place anywhere and developed significant behavioral problems. At almost seven years old, he still hadn't spoken a word and his parents thought he was completely retarded. Tamara only discovered later that in fact her son was just like her. Cold, insensitive, but above all, remarkably intelligent, very different from a normal child. But his intelligence had a price, that of being very socially maladjusted, prey to borderline and violent behaviors at a very young age, most of which could have been avoided with a little love and interest.

But being too young, she had neither the desire nor the energy to take care of him, and Nate was placed, far from her and she never fought to get him back. She didn't care for him, never knew if she could love him out of obligation or out of true love, and lived very well that way.

Nate's father had disappeared from the radar a long time ago and his son had little memory of him. He just remembered that one day he disappeared and never reappeared. From his grandparents he understood that his father had received a court order for severe child abuse, but Nathan had completely forgotten about this part of his life. He had a few memories, but he only remembered the good times he had had with his father. Having some semblance of a normal life with a home and two parents, even for just three short years, had taken a considerable toll on the teenager's already fragile mental health.

His mother had rebuilt her life in the meantime, with Herode, a man much older than her, gruff but hard-working. He was rarely at home, working in the oil industry, on oil platforms. He made a good living and had put Tamara out of her misery. He was haughty, smug and had no consideration for his son-in-law, with whom everything always ended in violence and whom he also considered to be a regrettable mistake. He was only involved in one area of concern to him, that of paying for a boarding school for him to be as far away from home as possible. But he sincerely loved Tamara, and although Nathan wasn't sure it was mutual, his mother had accepted this new man into their lives, expanding the family with Oliver, his half-brother born at the end of January 1994.
Oliver lived with his mother, who repeated the same mistakes as with her elder son, but to a lesser extent. She left him for days at a time at the home of caring neighbors and delegated as much as possible the management of this baby she adored but found it difficult to raise alone. For the moment, Tamara and Herode were living far from each other. They had plans to live together with their son as soon as they had the chance and Nathan had never understood why they had not waited until they were settled before having a child. It was probably another unfortunate "accident" that revolted him. Couldn't his mother be a little more careful?

His mother was exhausted between her two children, one a baby and the other in the throes of rebellion, her job as a waitress in a mediocre neighborhood diner, and her studies that she was resuming. With the financial support of her husband, she planned to pursue a career in medicine. It seemed like a crazy plan, but Tamara was determined to make a success of her life. Her strength of character amazed her teenage son, although he regretted that she never used it to invest a little bit in giving him a better life. At least there was still that little brother who was the only family link that gave him some happiness. He deeply loved Oliver, who was almost 13 years younger, and inwardly swore to himself that he would never have the same life as him.

The distance between Tamara and Nathan was so great that he protected himself in a way that horrified his mother, to whom he addressed her in a polite manner, preventing him from being too familiar with her and especially from getting too close emotionally.

- Where is Oliver?

- At Daria's, next door. If you don't know what to do, you can go and get him.

Nathan didn't answer, he would probably go and get his brother, but his mother's attitude irritated him. He was his brother, not his son, and every time he walked into this house he was responsible for it, whether he wanted to or not.

- How are you doing in your classes? Tamara asked, which was the only subject she was interested in her son.

- Yes," he replied, without emotion.

- Have you decided on a major?

- No, I am still hesitating between mathematics, law and politics. All three interest me.

- You are not classy enough for politics.

- I can work at it," Nate replied, lighting a cigarette.

- Who gave you permission to smoke in here? Where do you think you are? Said his mother.

- Doesn't your husband smoke in the house?

- Not at the moment, and it's a good thing you're here, I have something to tell you.

- Who would I be interested in?

Tamara was tired of her son's behavior, even though she was behaving exactly the same way. She noticed bloodstains on her hands.

- Did you get into another fight? But that's not possible, not in your high school?

- Did you even listen to what I told you on the way home? I was mugged!

- Mugged... Of course you were, and of course you had nothing to do with it.

- I was on my way home! I got into a gang fight.

- Didn't I tell you to stay off the streets? What were you doing there?

- You don't have to forbid me anything already and then I wasn't hanging around, I was walking here.

- All this will soon be a bad memory anyway. In a few months, I'll be joining Herode and we won't hear about that horrible area of Saints Row anymore.

- Are you moving?

- Nathan, you didn't think for a second we'd be stuck here much longer. Herode got a job at a refinery. Something stable and financially comfortable enough for me to quit my crappy job and really focus on my project.

- And to pay for your crack?

- Don't talk about what you don't know," Tamara threatened him in a bad tone.

- Are there refineries here?

- In Wisconsin, there are.

- Are you serious? I like this town, I don't want to come to Wisconsin...

- Well, that's good then, since you live at Frat Row Boarding School.

It took Nathan a few seconds to understand what this meant.

- You just said it yourself, you like this city, so be glad you can stay here.

- Alone here? But... Who is going to take care of me?

- Oh please Nate, you're old enough. I was just talking about early adulthood, have you ever heard of it?

- Should I quit school? How am I going to support myself?

- Stop whining, your scholarship will pay for your residency and your education. Just make sure you keep up the good work. And then worst case... I'll leave you the house, you can go to Saints Row High if it doesn't work out in Sunnyvale.
- Oh, yeah? So that as soon as I'm anticipated, you can simply drop me legally. Well done, you won't have to put up with me for long in life, you disgust me.

- Don't be offended. If I had offered you to come and live with us, would you have accepted?

- No, I wouldn't.

- Then there's no need for this discussion. I know that everything has not been easy between us, but at least it's given you a lot of character.

- I'm fifteen years old mother... I know I'm not the ideal son but you can't fucking leave me alone in this shitty city. It's a ghetto here! Word is going to get out that I live alone, they're going to come and strip me down in no time.

- You'll do just fine on your own, I have no doubt about that.

- But you don't give a shit what I say.

- You're incredibly lucky to be able to get an education, I'm just letting you enjoy it.

- It suits you. But it's going to be hard to emancipate me without my father's consent.

- I have his approval.

- You... What? Nathan was surprised.

- I saw him again a short time ago. I had some papers for him to sign about this.

Nathan was shocked and remained silent for a moment.

- Didn't he ask to see me? Nathan dared to say, his voice was full of pain.

- It was very stealthy, you know. I only saw him for ten minutes. He is still in prison, he will be there for at least another four years.

- Did he even check up on me?

- Oh Nate, after what he did to you, did you really want to see him?

- He's still my father...

- Really, don't be disappointed. He hasn't changed, don't expect anything from him.

- Honestly mother... You two never really liked me, did you?

- I'm tired of your whining.

- I don't see why you should be upset. But don't bother making excuses.

- Nathan, this has nothing to do with love or anything. I was too young, you know that. We don't always get our way in life and I'm the first to be sorry. But you're here and healthy, right? That's the most important thing in the end. You're almost an adult now, you'll be resourceful and independent in your life. I admit that I haven't been the best mother in the world with you, but that's the way it is. I will still be your mother no matter what, but I want you to take charge of your life.

- What about Oliver?

- He will come with us, I wasn't going to leave him with you, don't worry.

The young man was as surprised as he was hurt. He already knew that this brother would become a stranger in his life, even though he was the only person for whom he had a deep attachment.

- When would I see him?

- When who?

- Oliver!

- I don't know, when you'll deign to check in on him. But if you're as invested as you are with the rest of the family, he'll forget about you," Tamara said sarcastically.

- Your parents don't like me, what can I do?

- You can do anything. You can do everything.

- I get along very well with my father's mother. I phone her sometimes.

- Of course you do. You're the spitting image of your stupid father, she can only like what she sees.

- I don't know what to say...

- You don't have to say anything. It's none of your business in the end.

- Yeah, you're right, it is none of my business. I wish you all the best with your family.

- Show yourself to be an adult for God's sake, one unhappy experience doesn't mean the end of everything.

- I'm the unhappy experience?

- You're playing with words.

- Okay, that's enough. I need to take a shower.

- Hey, Nathan. I really wish you'd act like a responsible adult and stop being a touchy-feely kid whenever you don't like something.

- Yeah, right, I'll keep that in mind.

Every time he went home, he knew he was going to be disappointed in some way. Rarely did everything go well with his mother, who was never really a mother in his eyes, but this time she had surpassed herself. Nathan entered his room, a cold room without any personality that he had never had time to invest in because he spent so little time here. There were no objects that he cared about, not even the slightest memory of this place. Even the dormitories of the boarding schools seemed more friendly to him than here. After sitting silently on his bed smoking cigarette after cigarette, Nathan went to the bathroom and turned on the shower while still fully dressed. He felt like screaming. The water in the shower turned slightly red. He couldn't take his eyes off the pinkish water that swirled in the siphon. Suddenly he felt good, as if he had been calmed down, he was no longer afraid.

Later in bed Nathan tossed and turned without finding sleep. He thought about Julius, but especially about his speech.
- Change things, he repeated aloud to himself as if to convince himself.

Things had to change, yes. But in Saints Row the gangs reigned supreme and reduced what little hope people had of safety and happiness to nothing. Nathan did not believe in fatality, so Julius' speech made him think. He had always been convinced that he would make it. He was probably right, his remarkable intelligence had already attracted the attention of educational professionals as a child. Tamara had always been told that her son was gifted, but also a complex psychiatric case that should not be taken lightly. He was highly impressionable, edgy, all the time and had a visceral need to please at any cost, even putting himself in age-inappropriate and dangerous situations. He was far too attention-seeking to the point that he behaved like an abused child. She only remembered that he was gifted and pushed him, as any parent would, to study to get a good job that would get him out of this town and make him somebody. But she wanted him to make it on his own, as she had done, through hard work and sacrifice.

But left to his own devices, the lost boy was more likely to be on the streets and never felt safe anywhere, always the easy prey of someone more assertive or influential than him. Nathan already felt that he had done a lot of damage despite his young age and soon he would be alone again, as he had been since the beginning of his short life. Loneliness was destroying him, abandonment was killing him.

It was quite a burden for such a young man to carry.

Especially if there was another solution ... ?