JENNIE
"Cheers to being adults."
Rosé grinned, holding up her margarita. Jisoo had just been promoted at work, Rosé was celebrating her sixth wedding anniversary next week, and I was finally settled in after the move.
The three of us hadn't seen each other for a few weeks, so we'd planned a girls' day complete with manis and pedis, a massage, shopping, and now happy hour at my favorite Mexican restaurant.
It was a warm Saturday and we were sitting on the patio, people watching and catching up. Because I hadn't seen Jisoo or Rosé since I'd moved in, they had no idea what had been going on with Lisa. I'd tried to avoid the conversation because I wasn't exactly sure what to tell them about her, especially since I didn't really understand our relationship myself.
"So, how's birthday-sex guy?" Jisoo asked as if she could read my thoughts.
My cheeks warmed. God, what was wrong with me? I was like a teenager being asked about her crush. I decided to go on the defensive and try to play it off.
"Let's just say she was worth the wait." I grinned, hoping they wouldn't want too many details.
"Oh my God! You hooked up?" Jisoo exclaimed, her hand over her mouth.
Rosé had stopped in mid-bite of her taco and was gaping at me. "You guys had sex?" she asked incredulously.
"How did you not tell us this earlier?" Jisoo asked, sipping her margarita.
"It just sort of happened . . ." I trailed off. "A few times."
"Oh my God!" Jisoo said again. A group of people passing by on the street turned to stare at us.
"You're causing a scene," I said in a low voice, raising an eyebrow at her. "Can you stop shouting?"
"I can't believe you're having sex with your landlord," Rosé said, then finally took a bite of her taco.
"Well, it sounds bad when you put it that way." I furrowed my eyebrows. "We're friends. Friends who watch movies and occasionally have sex on the floor of my apartment."
"The floor?" Rosé was laughing now.
"That was just one time." I grinned crookedly at the memory. "The rest of the time, we've made it to a bed."
"Hold on a minute." Jisoo put up a hand. "What do you mean, watch movies? You're actually hanging out? Not just hooking up?"
"Kind of. She's fun." I shrugged. "And her daughter is nice."
Rosé and Jisoo exchanged meaningful looks.
"What?" I asked, finishing my margarita. I hadn't come prepared for the third degree, and it was starting to freak me out. Thankfully, the margaritas were strong.
"The daughter who walked in on you? You all hang out now?"
"Look, it's just friendly. It's not a big deal. We're not dating."
Rosé waved the server over to our table. "We need three more, please." She turned back to me. "This is insane. You never like anyone."
"I don't like her," I said. "I mean, I do, as a friend. But I told her to date other people."
"Jennie!" Jisoo was almost shouting again.
"What?" I asked, exasperated. I didn't like that they were pushing me on this. Two people could hang out and like each other without dating, which was what Lisa and I were doing.
"You finally like someone, and you tell her to date other people?" Rosé asked.
"Look, we said from the beginning that it's just casual. You know me." I accepted another drink from our server gratefully. "I'm not looking for something serious."
Rosé gave me a curious look. "But what do you really want from this?"
What did I want? A few orgasms? I could barely answer that question myself, never mind explain what I was feeling to my friends.
"How'd you get her daughter to like you?" Jisoo raised her eyebrows at me. "Last I heard, she'd chased you out of their house."
"I made them dinner and helped out with this bake sale," I said, taking another large sip of my margarita. "She warmed up to me." I paused. "But she doesn't know her dada and I are hooking up, which might change the way she feels."
Rosé and Jisoo exchanged glances again.
"Can you two please stop doing that?" I asked.
Jisoo put her hand on mine. "I hate to break it to you, Jennie, but it sounds like you and Lisa are dating. Or at the very least, have feelings for each other."
I pulled my hand away and crossed my arms. "Come on, we're just casual."
"It's okay to date someone," Rosé said, leaning on an elbow. "It doesn't have to be scary. It's just what you've been doing. Cooking, watching movies, hanging out. That's all dating is."
Jisoo nodded. "We love you and think you're amazing, and just want you to be happy. And it sounds like Lisa does make you happy. Why not just go for it?"
I'd thought talking to my friends would help clarify things for me, but it had only made everything more complicated. I didn't date people; it just wasn't who I was. I didn't like commitment.
Lisa and I were having fun now, but what would happen a few years down the road when the fun wore off and reality set in? I'd end up just like my sister, in a bitter divorce. She'd been in love once too. She and her ex had seemed like the perfect couple, and now they couldn't even be in the same room together. And our parents didn't have a great relationship, either. After barely tolerating each other for many years, they finally divorced when we were teens.
This was exactly what I'd spent my life trying to avoid. I hated the idea of loving someone, pouring everything into a relationship and then having it all go wrong.
Several margaritas later, Jisoo and I shared a cab home from the restaurant. As I stared out the window, I slipped deep into thought about the situation with Lisa.
"Look, I know this stuff freaks you out, but dating is fun. Seriously, being married is fun." She interrupted my thoughts, patting my shoulder. "Aren't you sick of going out on bad dates and having disappointing sex?"
I shrugged. I hadn't really thought about it before, but after meeting Lisa, the idea of hooking up with someone else held no interest. I knew I was in denial. I liked Lisa, but I didn't know how to navigate this situation. Usually when things got complicated, I checked out. But rather than wanting to avoid her, I found myself wishing I could see her.
When the cab stopped in front of Lisa's house, Jisoo gave me a sympathetic pat on the knee. "I know you'll figure it out." She smiled.
"Thanks, Mom." I laughed, climbing out of the car. I paused and turned back to her. "But seriously, you're the best."
I leaned over the seat to give her a quick hug and watched the cab drive down the block. Once I was inside, I changed into sweatpants and a cozy T-shirt and lay back on my bed.
After a few minutes of deliberation, and a little liquid courage thanks to that last margarita, I decided to text Lisa.
Hey, want to watch a movie at my place?
I paced the apartment, waiting for her response, and glanced out the window. Her bedroom light was on, so that was a good sign. My phone pinged that she'd replied, and I pounced on it.
I'm actually going on a date, with the woman from the bake sale. Maybe tomorrow?
I stared at my phone, my heart pounding inside my chest. I tossed the phone aside and put my hands over my face, falling back onto the bed, almost sick to my stomach at the thought.
What was I doing? This was insane. I was the one who'd encouraged her to go on a date. I had no right to be upset . . . but I was. I didn't want her to date other people, but how could I say that to her? I don't want to be in a relationship, but I also don't want you to start a relationship with anyone else. She'd think I was ridiculous, which I was.
I pulled a pillow over my face and screamed as I tried not to picture Lisa on her date.