Sam applied a second layer of concealer under her eyes. Normally, she wasn't one to wear much make-up. But this week had been rough. She hadn't slept in days. She wanted to. God, she wanted to. But every time she closed her eyes, the Entity returned. It took over her body, made her do things that made her stomach turn. The thoughts she had… It all seemed so real. Especially the dying part.

Sam didn't dare to sleep anymore. The first night after the incident, she went to bed unsuspecting. She had battled great forces before, right? Besides, having nightmares was kind of part of the job.

That night she dreamt about killing every single person in that mountain. One by one, making sure that the threat for her home planet was neutralised. An eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth. Millions of life-forms were dead, thanks to that probe. The mountain was just the beginning. She would make sure that this world would not pose a threat anymore. But right before she succeeded, the dream began again. Thousands of entities destroyed. One command centre that was responsible. They would pay. And then the dream began again.

'Carter! Wake up!' someone shouted in Sam's face. Slowly, the dream faded out. Someone was shaking her vigorously. 'Carter! HEY!' A familiar voice.

'Jack? What are you doing here?' Sam asked as she opened her eyes. Colonel O'Neill sighed in relief. 'Jeez, Carter. You had me scared there for a moment. Look, it's been past eleven. You missed the briefing this morning and no-one could reach you on the phone. I decided to go check on you. And by the looks of it, you needed it. Bad dream?'

'Uh, yeah. Why do you ask?'

'Because you're sweating as if you've run a marathon on Abydos.'

'Oh.' With a trembling hand, Sam wiped the sweat off her forehead. Her body was still full of adrenaline, ready to fight. Did she forget to set an alarm last night? Surely she would hear the phone ring if she was called. Sam was unsure of what to do next. Her body was still trembling. She was wearing her pyjamas, not really appropriate attire when reporting to a superior officer.

O'Neill seemed to realise this fact as well. He cleared his throat and said: 'Well then, I will call General Hammond to tell him that you are awake. Would you… like a ride to the SGC?'

'Thank you, sir, but I'll manage', Sam replied. She needed some time to freshen up first.

—

After that, Sam was too afraid to go back to sleep. She didn't want the Colonel to wake her up every day. And so she found other ways to spend her nights. Usually, she stayed in her lab long after hours. She read some reports she had been meaning to get by. Hell, she even wrote some reports that she had been putting off for weeks.

It was day three now. Or was it day four? Sam couldn't remember. She had just washed off the old layers of make-up in the bathroom sink. One layer of concealer was no longer enough. The second layer was quite visible. She never was the type to learn all the ins and outs of make-up and blending properly. Oh well, today would just be another day spent on research at the base. With any luck, she would be all alone today. But first, breakfast.

Sam sat down in the cafeteria with a small bowl of yoghurt and the Absolute Biggest mug of coffee on the entire base. Last night, she decided that the regular mugs were not enough anymore. So she went on a late night search for a good cup. Good thing she had the key to the base's archives. There she found a cup that was bigger than her head. Just what she was looking for.

Daniel entered the cafeteria just as Sam sat down. He got some pancakes and sat down next to her. 'Good morning, Sam.'

'Good morning, Daniel.'

They sat in silence for a while, both enjoying their breakfast. As Sam lifted the Absolute Biggest mug for a sip of coffee, Daniel said hesitantly: 'You cleaned that… right?'

'Yeah, of course', Sam said, taking a gulp of coffee.

'And you do know what that is, do you?' Daniel continued slowly.

'A Very Big Cup, yeah.'

Daniel looked both worried and as if he was about to burst out laughing. 'Sam, that's the equivalent of a potty.'

'Oh.' Sam paused. 'Well, I cleaned it last night. And we had it in the archives for ages. I'm sure it will be fine.' She took another gulp. Yeah, maybe the coffee did taste a bit strange. Or maybe her head was just a bit lanky. She made a mental note to wash it again after she had finished her coffee.

Daniel shrugged his shoulders and went on with his pancakes. The issue was settled, then. It wasn't long before Colonel O'Neill and Teal'c joined them. They discussed the coming mission and what they were up to during the weekend. It was a slow morning.

Sam got up. 'Anyone want some coffee?' she offered. That got her some worried looks of both the Colonel and Daniel.

'Carter, that's your third cuppa. Maybe you should slow down a bit?' O'Neill said.

'Well actually, it's her fourth,' Daniel added.

Sam looked at her two teammates uneasily. 'Come on guys, I'm fine. My day just started very early.'

The Colonel cleared his throat. 'Are you sure this has nothing to do with that nightmare of yours?' he asked. Sam shot him a warning look. That was not something she wanted to share with the team. Jack knew her long enough to know that.

Not wanting to continue the conversation, Sam took a step towards the door. 'Well anyway, I have to get to work. See you.' She said and she hastily left the cafeteria.

—

Sam's mind was racing. Could she have acted differently? Could she have saved the people, her colleagues? Could she have figured out what the Entity wanted before the trouble began? Oh, she wished she could undo her actions. Make sure to never send that probe to P9C-372. Maybe everyone would have lived. Maybe she would have lived.

Sam tried to write down some of the research she had done that morning, but her hands wouldn't let her. They were trembling. Probably just the coffee, Sam thought. She made a mental note not to drink that much coffee during breakfast again. She sighed. Okay, writing would come later. Maybe there was a report she had not finished yet. Just as she was about to open a drawer to look for them, Jack came in.

'Hi, sir.' Sam hid her hands behind her back, hoping the Colonel wouldn't see them trembling.

'Hey, Sam.' Jack leaned against the doorpost. He looked worried. 'How are you doing?'

A sudden wave of anger and frustration took over Sam. 'I'm fine. But I have already said that this morning.' She could see the surprise on the Colonel's face as she lashed out. Oof. She was out of line.

'Sam…' Jack's voice was soft. 'How many nights?'

Honestly, she didn't know. Three? Four? Or even more? Jack mistook her silence for denial.

'Oh come on, I can see that you're hiding the dark circles under your eyes. You have been drinking more coffee in this past week than you have in your entire life. Heck, the report you handed in last night was full of spelling mistakes. Even I could see that!'

Sam had hoped that her teammates wouldn't notice. But they had. Of course. Softly, Jack picked up her hand. She was still trembling.

'I'm fine', Sam muttered. 'Really.' God, she felt so tired. She longed for her bed. For a good night's sleep. For not having nightmares. Sleep.

'I'll give you two options.' Jack's voice got her back to the here and now. 'You can either go to the infirmary and tell doctor Fraiser about the past week. Or…' He looked at her with a soft smile. 'You can get some sleep here in your quarters. Your choice.'

'Jack, I-'

'Your quarters or doctor Fraiser.'

A pause.

'I will use force if I need to.'

In the end, Sam went with the second option. She felt ashamed. Sleeping during daytime. And at the base! It was humiliating, really. Maybe she could sneak out after an hour or so, when the Colonel wasn't looking.

—

Before Sam's head hit the pillow, she was knocked out cold. Weird, she was back at the base, at the infirmary. And there was the Colonel. And even Daniel was there. She was running away from them, but there was a dead end. And then the Colonel raised his hand device. He shot her. Pain inflicted her body. It was unbearable. The Colonel raised the weapon again. Sam wanted to scream. 'Jack, no!' But it was no use. She didn't control her body anymore. Then, she was shot again. The lights went out. Her body was on fire. Sam felt like she was dying.

And the next moment, the pain ebbed away. She was back in the same room. And so were Jack and Daniel. They were running again. Pain. Fire. Death.

The room. Running. Pain. Death.

Over and over again. It didn't stop. Jack… didn't stop.

There was the room again. Jack was shouting. 'Carter! Wake up!' She couldn't remember the the dream accelerated. She was shot. Dead. Awake again. 'For god's sake, Carter. CARTER!' Shot. Awake. Dead. Shot. More voices. Shot again. Dead. Awake.

Awake. Sam awoke screaming and soaking wet. The Colonel was holding a bucket of water, which he had just emptied on her face. Sam felt like she was crying. Or maybe that was just the water. Maybe it was both. Her heart was pounding in her chest. What had happened? All she could remember was dying over and over again.

Jack sat down on her bed, panting slightly. 'Jesus christ', he muttered to himself. 'You had me scared there for a moment, Sam. I almost called Fraiser.'

'Thank you', Sam said in a soft voice. 'How long did I sleep?'

Jack sighed. 'I wasn't even out of the corridor before you started screaming. Heck, are you okay?'

'Yeah', muttered Sam. She could still see the dream flashing before her eyes. The Colonel killed her. And yet here he was, sitting on the edge of her bed. It felt… strange.

They were silent for a while, both lost in thought. How was she ever going to sleep again?

Finally, Jack spoke. 'Was it that nightmare again?' He asked. Sam nodded.

'Want to talk about it?'

She shook her head. She didn't want the Colonel to think that he was the cause of her nightmares.

Jack sighed. 'Alright, I am going to take a wild guess. So bear with me, okay?' He looked her in the eyes. 'Were your dreams about the Entity?'

Sam didn't respond.

'Okay. And were your dreams about… being shot… by me?' Jack added.

Tears welled up in Sam's eyes. She tried to fight them, but it was no use.

'I see.' Jack picked up her hand. 'I am so sorry, Sam.'

She nodded, still fighting the tears. She didn't want the Colonel to see them, so she decided to just look down.

'No, Sam. Please, look at me. I don't say this often. I am so sorry.' Jack gave her a hug. Sam stiffened. Hugging a senior officer… But he was warm and his hug was comforting. She gave in and hugged him back. Tears were streaming down her face and she let them. They sat there in silence for a while.

Sam began to shiver. She was still soaking wet from the bucket of cold water. She wiped the tears off her face, wiggled free and got out of bed.

After a big breath she said: 'If you don't mind, I will take a shower now, Colonel.' Jack nodded. 'Please, Sam, report to doctor Fraiser. She can help you.'

They were silent for a second. Sam, unsure if she should just go, stood next to the bed. Jack was still sitting down. He was waiting for her answer.

Eventually, Sam nodded. She was so tired. Ready for a real good night's sleep. She would shower and then go on to the infirmary. This couldn't go on any longer. Hopefully Janet would have something to help her.

Jack got up and walked slowly to the door. 'Oh and Carter.' He turned around. 'I am not going to become your next morning alarm. I'm too expensive', he said as he left the room.