A troll, a hag, and a leprechaun walked into a bar.
They all cried out in pain, reaching up to rub at their bruised foreheads.
"Ow," the troll grumbled.
"My head!" the hag screeched.
"That hurt," the leprechaun muttered.
After making sure to carefully duck below the steel bar, they walked into an actual bar. The dimmed lighting within the crowded establishment allowed for their arrival to go unnoticed for a few minutes, and the hag took the opportunity to surreptitiously pickpocket a group of drunk vampires as she passed by.
"Babette, you need to stop stealing," the leprechaun scolded, shooting the hag a look of admonishment. The hag pretended to not have heard him, instead heading towards the counter in the back of the room.
"A flesh whiskey," she announced to the barkeep, sitting down in one of the seats and sliding a few coins across the table. She ran clawed fingers across her scalp in frustration as the troll and the leprechaun sat down on either side of her and ordered their drinks—a stone bourbon and a rainbow rum respectively.
"Do you feel any better now?" the troll asked the hag tentatively.
The hag growled. "No, considering that those two little fat children ate my entire house. I'm homeless now!"
"I'll make sure they're never lucky again," the leprechaun offered.
"I'll chuck rocks at them and burn their skin off," the troll proposed.
The barkeep handed over their drinks, and the hag didn't waste any time before grabbing her whiskey and chugging it down. She slammed her glass down on the table and sighed, glancing at her two companions and saying, "I'd appreciate that very much."
The next day, the headlines of the local newspaper read:
BREAKING: CHILDREN HANSEL AND GRETEL FOUND DEAD WITH BLUNT FORCE TRAUMA AND SKIN PARTIALLY BURNT OFF