Content warnings: Graphic torture/violence/injury, semi-graphic description of castration, a non-graphic indication of rape, PTSD, suicide attempt.
/
Neyo was leaving Tatooine with Alex and six shinies when an unexpected attack sent their ship hurtling back towards the surface.
It was nightfall. They could barely see well enough to crash land on a sandy plain. They followed procedure, sending their coordinates to the closest cruiser and staying inside the ship- just in case of danger.
It turned out, the threat was more imminent than they thought.
They heard something tear into the hull, the shouts of shinies and blaster fire.
Then, silence.
Heavy footsteps approached the cockpit where Neyo, Alex, and a shiny called Zinc were sealed inside.
"Hide," Neyo told Alex.
When the cockpit door opened, a shadowy figure held out a hand, lifting Zinc off his feet.
"Where is Marshal Commander Neyo?"
Zinc hardly glanced in Neyo's direction, nothing more than a reflex, and a red lightsaber stabbed through his chest.
The shiny dropped to the ground, dead.
In the dimmed emergency lighting, Neyo saw the Zabrak turn to face him.
He pressed the lightsaber against his thigh, momentarily stunning the Commander. The heat of the blade was so hot that it made him feel cold.
Alex shot the Zabrak in the shoulder, but it went unnoticed.
Outstretching a hand, the journalist went careening into the consoles, dropping to the floor in a crumpled heap.
Despite his injured leg struggling to hold his weight, Neyo surged forwards.
With one hand, the Zabrak grabbed his chest plate and launched him downwards, his forehead colliding with the durasteel floor, stealing him from consciousness.
/
He woke up in a dark room.
Four walls, no door. The only light came from the ceiling, a grated shutter allowing daylight to seep inside.
The only way in, and the only way out.
Nothing else but a bucket intended for human waste, judging by its smell.
Neyo had never been captured before, but Alpha had ensured every trooper in the ARC command course knew how to handle situations like this.
He stayed calm and gauged his surroundings. The walls were too smooth to climb, and with his injured leg, it would be impossible to attempt an escape right away. Without his armour or weapons, he was defenceless. Even the waste bucket was bolted to the ground.
He stayed in the cell for three days.
No food, no guards, nothing.
He could only drink when it rained, and water dripped through the grate above him. He had taken off the lower part of his blacks- the only clothes he had woken up in- and used it to soak up the moisture, sucking it out of the material.
It was enough to keep him going, but he was weakening every hour.
He was starting to think that this was the reason he had been taken. To be left in a dark cell to die.
Really, he knew that they wanted to break him down with isolation. Alpha had taught them about this tactic.
So, Neyo sat and tapped his fingers against the floor just to fill the silence with a sound other than his own breathing.
He could see how this could drive people to insanity.
/
On the fourth day of his imprisonment, Neyo was startled out of a semi-conscious doze by the sound of someone dropping from the ceiling.
It was the same person who attacked the ship. A large Dathomirian male with yellow and black markings. There was a double-ended lightsaber on his belt, as well as a flail.
"You have information that is of value to my Master," the Zabrak explained, and Neyo suspected Dooku was involved, "But this is more of a test of my own abilities. I would like to see what it takes to break a clone's spirit, to break its character."
Neyo told him that it would be a waste of his time. He would never tell the darjetti anything.
The Zabrak took the flail of his belt, and accepted the challenge.
/
The beatings went on for over a week.
The Zabrak preferred the flail, though he was inclined to use his fists as well.
A routine was established.
The Sith came down in the morning, gave him a small amount of water (if it hadn't rained in the night) before shackling his wrist to a chain that hung from the ceiling.
He didn't like it when Neyo wriggled around too much as he beat him.
The first few days, Neyo tried to fight him off.
He soon realised that his capturer was an experienced warrior, and if he didn't submit, he was more likely to get seriously wounded. The flail caught him on the cheek once, and made him dizzy for hours.
It was better to just let the Zabrak strike him.
His back was a map of wounds, some superficial whilst others deeper. There was nothing to clean them out with- infection would be the next problem.
When the beating was finally over, Neyo was left curled in a ball, bleeding and bruised.
He'd leave Neyo a piece of stale bread to eat, though with broken teeth, it was easier to just suck on it until it could be swallowed.
On the first day, the pain was tolerable. He could keep quiet.
The second day, he found himself biting into his tongue.
On the third day, he was retreating into a headspace where the pain didn't exist. Alpha had always told them to picture a sunny meadow, where there was no fighting or bloodshed. It worked for a few hours.
By the fourth day, Neyo was no longer able to stay silent through the torture. Choked shouts escaped his mouth whenever the flail made contact with his skin, sobs starting to break through when the darjetti hit the same spot over and over.
Neyo quickly learnt that he thrived off the pain he was inflicting.
The demagolka loved the violence, he loved the power.
/
The days went on, the torture continued.
There wasn't an inch of skin on his back that wasn't a bloody mess. Any sort of movement, even breathing, made agony burn through his body. It was hard to sleep, knowing what morning would bring.
The Zabrak dropped into the cell, and Neyo was surprised to see the flail missing from the Zabrak's belt.
"It broke." The Sith told him, "That weapon was made over three hundred years ago, and it broke."
"I wonder why," Neyo replied, his jaw throbbing. He could constantly taste blood.
The Zabrak looked enraged. He was always so calm during the beatings, but now his nostrils were flaring.
The darjetti outstretched his hand, and Neyo braced himself to be thrown into the wall, but nothing happened.
"You will tell me about the weapon you destroyed."
There was a slight nudge on the shields that Alpha had trained them to form. Neyo remembered Rex shaking in Cody's arms, tears flooding his eyes as he told him what Ventress did; how she tore into his mind on Teth.
"I won't tell you."
He would be putting millions of lives at risk if he breathed a word about that weapon. He pulled every detail about the mission and tucked it safely in the back of his mind, swearing to protect it with his life if he had to.
The Zabrak's brow furrowed, and Neyo felt a sharp pain in his head, his shields struggling to hold up against the dark Force-user.
"Then I will break you."
/
Krell didn't find clones intellectually advanced enough to teach them how the Force worked, but he'd seen what Force-users could do.
Krell could crush an enemy's windpipe in seconds. On Geonosis, Skywalker lifted a destroyed droid factory to free his Padawan. He'd witnessed Rex's panic attacks, not understanding how Ventress had hurt him so badly.
Neyo never quite realised what it felt like- to have somebody forcibly enter his mind.
The Zabrak made sure to make it as painful as possible. Having his mind invaded was like being submerged under cold water, reminding him all too much of almost drowning on Kamino.
His vision blacked out- he couldn't feel his own body. The darjetti tore down every shield in his way, all the barriers that Neyo had meticulously built. He invaded his memories, looking at whatever he pleased.
It was an invasion of privacy similar to that of laying naked on an examination table on Kamino.
Looking for the information demanded by his Master, the Sith searched through his mind, stumbling across memories that Neyo hadn't thought about in a long time.
He found Medonin, or rather what Neyo remembered being left of the city. He could smell the smoke as the Sith dug into what he had painfully kept hidden. He never wanted to be reminded of that place.
"You leave men behind," the Zabrak hissed through his mind.
"You weren't there," Neyo growled back.
He could hear Fireside's voice, as clear as day, "If they burn, we burn with them."
He could see it now. The flames climbed the city walls, Krell ordering them to leave the civilians behind. He saw Fireside, Skipper, Nezz, and Chequer refusing to follow the others, standing their ground. The smoke surrounded them, and they faded from sight.
"You're no better than me. We are both monsters."
He's in my head, Neyo told himsself. He wants to make me mad.
"I'm not a monster."
The Zabrak chuckled, showing every time Neyo had walked past an injured civilian without stopping, the time he told a village chief that they could only aid half of his people, and the others would just have to starve. He showed him ordering the execution of refugees who attacked their camp for food and medical supplies.
Neyo tried to keep control over the rage that was starting to flow through his veins. He'd spent the first year of the war hating himself for hating others- cursing himself for not being able to notice emotions and respond to them as the other clones did.
He saw Stitch hug an injured child once, and Neyo spent all night wondering why he felt the need to do so.
It was like two pieces of a jigsaw that he couldn't put together no matter how many times he turned them around.
"See?" The Zabrak said, "You're just like me. You are filled with hatred."
"Get out of my head!" Neyo shouted. He knew it was his injury as a cadet that made him like this. It was out of his control, and Cody had always told him that.
"I wasn't like this until I became an Apprentice of the Sith," the Zabrak went on, showing Neyo two Zabraks with yellow and black markings. They were fighting in darkness, back-to-back, with a female laugh ringing around them.
"I agreed to be trained, so my brother's life would be spared."
There was an explosion of green light, chanting witches surrounding the Zabrak. Pain split through Neyo's head.
"I woke up, filled with hatred. Just like you."
On the floor of his cell, Neyo was clutching his head, curling inwards. He'd seen enough- it felt like his head was going to explode.
"Do you know what I had to do in order to prove myself?"
The larger Zabrak had his hand wrapped around his brother's neck, ignoring his pleas as he tightened his grip. There was a spine-chilling crack, and the body dropped to the ground.
"You're an animal," Neyo whispered, shivering even though his skin was covered in sweat. "We're not the same."
The Zabrak crouched down, "Not exactly. You still have hope, and you still have your brothers. I don't have anything but anger."
He outstretched his hand again, sinking invisible claws back into Neyo's mind.
"I told you I would break you, and I intend to keep my promise."
/
Neyo's mind consisted of nothing but pain as the Zabrak became an unwelcome but familiar presence in his head.
He showed him visions- at least that's what Neyo figured they were, as they definitely weren't real. He liked to manipulate Neyo's own memories, twisting them in a way to harm anyone he held close to him.
Ponds was on his knees, hands bound behind his back and armour gone. Instead of Aurra Sing and Boba Fett standing over him, it was the Zabrak. With a clean swipe, he was decapitated by a red lightsaber. Ponds' head rolled onto the sand, eyes still open but vacant.
"Stop! Make it stop!" Neyo could hear himself screaming. It all felt too real, he could feel the heat of the sun, the stench of burnt flesh filling the cell.
General Gallia was running through a dark corridor, her blue lightsaber illuminating the fear on her face. Somebody was chasing her. He could feel her heart racing as if it was his own.
Then, she was pulled to a stop. A red lightsaber pierced through her chest from behind, her mouth open wide in a shout for help.
Cody was drowning, unable to keep his head above water. He was begging for Neyo to save him. He eventually got pulled under, succumbing to Kamino's ocean, and disappearing into the dark depths.
"Why are you doing this?!" Neyo screamed, his hair coming out in fistfuls as he tried to physically tear the Zabrak out of his skull.
He heard the Zabrak chuckle, "What's this I've found?"
Neyo's shields failed to hold up as the darjetti ravaged every memory of Alex, from their first meeting to their conversation in the freighter before they were separated.
"No, no!" Neyo shouted, "Stay away from her!"
He saw Alex walking through her apartment. There was somebody behind her; watching her.
"I love the warmth of a female," the Zabrak said softly.
"This isn't real!" Neyo screamed, beating his fists against his head, "Get out! Get out!"
The Zabrak's large body dwarfed Alex on a bed, the roll of his hips giving a clear indication of the horrific act that was occurring.
Alex's eyes were wide, her mouth parted, unable to do anything but remain frozen as the Zabrak used her.
At some point, Neyo's screams cut out.
It was like the battery on his datapad dying when he was halfway through a report, or running out of ammo in the middle of a firefight.
When he woke up, hanging by his wrists with the Sith watching him from across his cell, Neyo opened his mouth, but no words came out.
He was stuck in silence.
The Zabrak took a step closer, the light from above illuminating the object in his hand. Neyo, though exhausted and weak, saw the gigli saw and immediately began kicking.
Medics carried those for emergency amputations in the field. Neyo feared what damage the darjetti intended to cause with it.
"I thought you were dead. You've been unconscious for a while." The Sith said, running the wire through his fingers like it was a piece of yarn as he stepped closer. "I am no longer a servant to Count Dooku, or anybody else. That means I have no use for you."
The little links in the chain glinted in the light, and goosebumps prickled over Neyo's body.
"I told you that I killed my brother to prove myself." The Zabrak explained, "But it wasn't enough to satisfy my Master. I would never be enough."
His vision went white as the Zabrak pulled the wire tight around his most vulnerable appendage.
"Now you'll never be enough either."
Neyo didn't know if he screamed or sobbed. A garbled choking noise escaped his throat, his stomach heaving up its meagre contents.
When his vision returned, still blurry with tears, Neyo saw a smile marking the Zabrak's lips as he stepped back. The saw was in his hands, dripping with scarlet blood. Neyo could feel it trickling down his thighs, hot and steady.
Why have you done this to me?
His ears were ringing- he was sure his breathing was laboured. Was this how he was supposed to die? After training on Kamino, serving as Krell's pawn and fighting a war? This was it?
"I told you, Neyo." The Sith said, "I wanted to break you."
The Sith left his cell as Neyo was blacking out.
/
The last thing Neyo remembered was Quinlan's voice cutting through unconsciousness. The Jedi was promising him that the pain was over, that he was safe.
At first, Neyo thought it was nothing more than another vision.
It wasn't until he was greeted by the bright lights of the medbay, the medics shouting orders over his head, that he realised that the GAR had rescued him.
At the sensation of gloved hands on his skin, causing more pain amongst his injuries, Neyo tried to push the medics away. Having spent so much time in isolation, his only company being a rage-filled Zabrak who intended to harm him, being around other people was overwhelming.
He was pretty sure they sedated him after that.
It was quieter.
He came to slowly, mentally cataloguing his injuries and assessing his pain. His back ached like kriff, there was a throbbing in the back of his skull. He didn't want to think about the damage done to other parts of him.
He could smell bacta, felt it like sludge on his eyelashes. He knew he wasn't in the tank anymore- could feel the crisp sheets beneath him.
It was a nice change from the cold cell.
Around him, monitors beeped steadily.
He could hear someone shuffling on a squeaky plastic chair near his left side, a hand over his that could only be Alex's.
/
"Good to see you, Commander," Stitch said when Neyo was able to open his eyes for longer than a few seconds at a time. "We're glad that General Vos got to you in time."
Cody was there too, his arms crossed over his chest and a serious look on his face.
Stitch went on to say that he had been held prisoner for over three weeks. They also could tell him the name of his assailant- a Sith Apprentice named Savage Opress. He was a new enemy to the Republic.
The wounds to his back were severe, already deeply infected when he arrived. It took several surgeries, skin grafts, and dips in bacta to heal the wounds left behind by the flail.
The other injuries were mostly fractures and an array of bruising- he'd lost seven teeth but they already had a denture model made. The lightsaber wound to his thigh would heal well, so long as he did physiotherapy.
He was more underweight than any clone should be. Even covered in blankets to ward off hypothermia, Neyo could see his hip bones protruding. He felt incredibly weak, a tube feeding necessary nutrients through his nose- straight to his stomach- to nourish him.
They were worried that giving him the chance to eat proper food would end badly.
Stitch continued with his report. Neyo visibly flinched when he said that they had no choice but to completely remove his damaged testicles in surgery, he was in already shock from blood loss before Vos landed his ship in the cruiser.
The medic told him that he would need testosterone shots, a form of hormone replacement therapy. He would still experience a low sex drive, mood swings, and a decrease in muscle mass and body hair.
Neyo didn't know how to feel. Was it even worth living after an injury like that?
Now you'll never be enough either.
"You're very lucky to be alive, Neyo," Cody told him, sounding very much like the overbearing mother hen that he usually was. "But you've got a long recovery ahead of you, vod."
Neyo couldn't reply.
"It's normal to feel like shutting down," Stitch said softly, noticing his silence. "None of us know what this type of mutilation can do to the psyche, but we're all here- if you want to talk about it."
No words came from his mouth.
"Do you want Alex?" Cody offered, knowing that she could ground him.
He didn't really. He didn't want Alex to know what had been done to him, that he wasn't a man anymore.
Neyo nodded anyway. He sure as hell didn't want to be alone.
/
Alex was the one who noticed that he couldn't speak.
She was sat next to him, her palm pressed to his cheek. Her hand was warm, but it only made Neyo think of the demagolka's words.
I love the warmth of a female.
Alex pressed her lips together tightly, tears brimming in her eyes.
"Neyo," she begged, becoming desperate, "Please, say something."
He swallowed, licked his lips, and prepared to pull himself together- just for her, just for a moment.
But it was no use.
Alex's hand fell from his face, "Can you speak?"
He shook his head.
/
They tried everything. Alex tried Kiff, Cody tried Mando, even kriffing Windu tried.
He couldn't speak to anybody.
"Try speaking alone," Stitch told him, looking as calm and passive as ever even though his hands trembled around his datapad. What good was a Marshal Commander who was mute?
The medic left his bedside, drawing the curtain and walking away. Neyo tried to speak to just himself, clenching his fists and trying even the simplest of sentences.
I am CC-8826.
That was all he tried to say.
And he couldn't do it.
Stitch came running back, the monitors blaring as Neyo worked himself into a full-blown panic attack. He was out of bed, tearing the feeding tube out as he wrestled with his fear that he would never be able to speak again, that he would be sent back to Kamino.
There were quick footsteps, voices shouting over each other, and the jab of a needle.
Then, quiet again.
/
'He went in my head.'
Neyo signed in GAR hand signals- the only way he'd been able to communicate besides typing onto a datapad.
'Is that when you lost your voice?'
Cody signed back. Alex was sitting on the other side of the bed, glancing between the two men with barely disguised upset. She didn't know hand signals.
Neyo shrugged. He couldn't really decipher when he realised he couldn't speak. He figured it was from the visions that Opress showed him- the horrific scenes of his loved ones dying around him.
He wasn't ready to tell Cody about that yet, wasn't sure if there were appropriate signals to convey what he had gone through.
/
Neyo was injured and unable to speak, but he wasn't stupid.
He noticed that Cody and Alex were taking shifts, one sitting with him for twelve hours and then swapping with the other one. Even whilst he was asleep, one of them was always there.
The reason behind their constant presence became clear when a medic rushed up to Cody, "She's here, Commander."
Cody sat up a little straighter, the medic hurrying off whilst Neyo looked to his ori'vod for answers. "We figured Nala Se would be coming, as soon as news spread of your situation."
Neyo's heart plummeted to his stomach. He'd spent the better part of four months being poked and prodded by the scientist when he was a cadet; he sure as hell didn't want to extend their time together.
"Don't worry," Cody assured him, noticing his panic at the thought of being taken to her lab. "General Windu won't let her take you anywhere. It's already been decided that you'll return to Coruscant to continue treatment. Nala Se just wants to observe you."
That was hardly better than getting on the next ship to Kamino, but Neyo didn't exactly have much of a choice in the matter.
He was glad that Nala Se allowed Cody to stay as she examined his broken body, treating him like a lab rat. She asked questions that he couldn't answer. Cody spoke on his behalf, as well as he could considering he didn't know all the details himself.
"Your muteness is most interesting," Nala Se commented, like she was criticising an artwork. "I wonder if your ability to speak will return when your injuries heal. It would be such a shame to have to decommission such an exquisite specimen."
Cody kept his mouth closed. Neyo didn't have the option to comment. He knew that at least three clones had been decommissioned after having Siths invade their minds for information.
/
He ended up back on Coruscant after nearly a week in the medbay. Neyo still couldn't talk, but he was able to walk with the support of a medic at his side.
Bacara picked them up, muttering, "Su cuy'gar," and then not looking at Neyo for the rest of the journey back to the barracks.
Every Marshal was on Coruscant, each with varying reactions to Neyo's presence. Bly was cautious, giving him a light pat on the shoulder before conversing quietly with Alex as she started on dinner.
Fox was there too- even though he wasn't a Marshal Commander- and he rushed Neyo, asking for every detail of his imprisonment.
"He can't speak, di'kut."
Cody helped him freshen up, holding him tightly when Neyo saw the state of his body in a mirror for the first time. The scars would fade over time, but the damage was irreversible.
"You're here," Cody told him, kissing his temple, "You're here; that's all that matters."
Alex was plating up the food when they entered the common area, Neyo's portion was smaller than everyone else's so he didn't upset his stomach. They sat down to eat, and Neyo's appetite plummeted, even though it was his favourite meal.
The others tried to make conversation, Bacara and Fox discussing some new Banking Act that had just been brought in. Of course, the conversation got heated, and as their voices rose, so did Neyo's anxiety.
He told himself to stay calm, that their raised voices weren't directed at him, but one slam of Fox's cup against the table did it.
Neyo bolted, slamming his door closed as soon as he was within the safety of his room.
/
The breakdowns continued.
As important as it was for him to get out and about, Neyo couldn't be trusted.
If he felt too out of control, he started throwing punches. Cody's arms were littered with bruises, and every mug in the Marshal Commander barracks was broken. They had to speak in quiet tones and keep movements slow, just to keep the shuk'la clone from lashing out.
He spent more and more time at Alex's apartment, preferring the peace and quiet. He didn't get so overwhelmed there, he didn't feel so pressured to put up a brave face. Teaching her how to converse in hand signals was a nice change from being constantly coddled.
Speech therapy was complicated. He didn't have a labelled condition, so it wasn't strictly treatable with medication. Neyo already felt too numb to the universe to start taking any other drugs anyway.
He learnt how to say names first. Alex's eyes lit up at the sound of her name falling from his trembling lips. It was a massive improvement.
They taught him numbers next- one through ten, and then how to say his CC number. Progress was slow, some days he'd say a hundred words and others he wouldn't be able to say any.
Those were usually the days after nightmares kept him up through the night.
The images Opress showed him would flash through his mind, from Ponds' head getting separated from his body, to Cody drowning in Kamino's water, and always finishing with Alex.
Neyo would wake up, a silent scream stuck in his throat, and sweat plastered to his skin. He would check that Alex was still breathing, go and wash his eyes with hot water, and then sit on the sofa for the rest of the night.
"He's not sleeping," he heard Alex say to Cody one day, looking zombified from the countless nights she would find him awake.
/
"Clear your mind," Gallia instructed, seated opposite Neyo in her private quarters at the Temple. "Focus on your breathing, try to release the tension from your shoulders."
He'd always been opposed to meditation, even though his Jedi Generals stressed its importance and even Alex did it from time to time.
"Talk to me." Gallia said as they settled into a rhythm of slow inhales and exhales. "Tell me about your time as Opress' prisoner. I promise everything you say will stay between us."
He trusted his Jedi, so he told her everything. Not in words, but in a document written like a report. He watched the Jedi read it twice through before deleting the document, keeping her promise.
He left the Jedi Temple feeling a little lighter.
/
They still weren't letting him exercise. Apparently, his weight was still too low to be considered safe. With the lack of testosterone pumping around his body, Neyo could see his body changing. Everything was softer than before.
The dysmorphia was crippling.
The thought of being intimate with Alex, or even being naked in front of her, had his stomach rolling.
Their relationship was suffering.
"I miss the sound of your voice." She admitted to him as they ate dinner in her apartment, her smile falling a little. "I know you're getting better every day, but... I don't know if things will ever be the way they were."
/
Every morning, he returned to his barracks, meekly approaching whoever was there on that day. He needed someone to administer his testosterone shot and treat the wounds that he couldn't reach.
Neyo was deathly still as Fox applied a healing balm to his back. His nerves were damaged, Fox's fingers felt like sharp nails one second and then cotton wool the next.
"I'm sorry," the Commander of the Guard murmured, "You didn't deserve what happened to you."
They often butted heads, so his sympathy came as a surprise.
"Senators Amidala and Chuchi send their regards. They both think highly of you."
The thought of either woman having pity on him made Neyo feel incredibly small.
/
One month after being rescued, Neyo found himself in crisis.
He was pacing the length of Alex's apartment, only partially paying attention to the conversation she was having on her commlink with someone from work.
General Gallia was dead, and Kenobi had regretfully informed him that Opress had been the one to kill her.
Neyo had never cared for any of his Jedi superiors, but Gallia was different. She was attentive to the needs of him and the men, always trying to be better to him than Krell was.
Her death frightened him because of what Opress had shown him. He had foreseen her death. Would the other visions come true too?
After the funeral, the Chancellor had requested to see him privately. It was the first time he'd ventured into the Senate building since going MIA. Everyone stared, he heard the whispers circulating the moment he stepped inside.
He needed to go back to Kamino.
He was a defective clone.
He was a waste of resources.
The meeting with Palpatine only made him feel worse.
"You're such a good soldier, Neyo," the Chancellor said, forgoing his title all together. Blackout was his temporary replacement for now. "It's such a shame that you lost your ability to speak. What did Savage Opress do to you that was so bad?"
Neyo stopped pacing. He ran his hand over his head, feeling the shorter tufts of hair that were still growing back in.
His eyes fell on Alex's pistol, the same one she used on to stop Opress from cutting his leg clean off.
Suddenly, it was like every teaching from the Kaminoans about self-preservation went out the window.
Alex was hardly fast enough to stop him.
As soon as she heard the cocking of her gun, and put the pieces together, she bolted into the lounge, throwing herself at him.
She tackled him to the ground, wrestling the gun out of his grip despite his attempts to break her wrist. Hitting his head with the butt of the pistol, she managed to knock him out.
/
Neyo woke up to Cody looming over his bunk in the barracks, a pissed-off look plastered across his face.
"Don't ever do that again, vod'ika," he hissed, shoving a painkiller into his hand for the headache. "I almost had a kriffing heart attack."
The other Marshal Commanders were silent as he sat with them at breakfast, him being the only one using a spoon to eat pre-cut pieces of toast because they couldn't trust him with a knife and fork.
Cody laid it on thick. Neyo wasn't allowed to be alone, he had to be chaperoned by another Marshal at all times- like he was some sort of baby.
The real blow was that he wasn't allowed to see Alex unless it was in a group setting. According to Cody, she might not be so lucky in fighting him off next time.
/
Neyo made a turning point.
He sat with whatever Marshal he was assigned to and studied the HoloNet for answers. Mutism wasn't a common side effect of trauma, but there were some cases. He worked with the medics, trialling different treatments and therapies.
One of the suggestions was to talk about his experience, as well as he could. In a combination of words and hand signals, he told Cody every detail, just as he did for Gallia.
"The reason he hurt me was so I knew that I will never be enough," Neyo said, tapping the syllables onto his thigh as he spoke, huddled in Cody's bunk.
"Enough for what?" Cody asked quietly, and Neyo shrugged
"Enough for you, or for Alex, or for anyone who counts on me."
"What do you think?" Cody pressed. "Do you think you're enough?"
Neyo shrugged again, less confidently. "I don't know."
"You've always been enough for me, vod'ika."
/
"How are you?" Alex asked over holo, her image flickering every few seconds.
She was in the Outer Rim, working alongside Commander Wolffe in an effort to keep busy whilst on respite from being his full-time carer.
He didn't realise how much she was doing for him. Alex was documenting his calorie intake every day, tracking his speech progression, and exchanging messages with Cody at every hour of the night.
"A little better," he managed to say, tapping out the syllables. "Captain Rex spoke to me. It was nice- speaking to someone who almost understood."
"That's great," Alex smiled brightly. "I'm really proud of you."
That was the last time they spoke before the GAR lost contact with the Wolfpack.
Neyo tried to control his anxiety- communications were always awful in the Outer Rim- but he found it hard to talk whilst worrying.
"Why don't we go and work on the bikes?" Bacara suggested, his babysitter of the day. "Keep your mind busy."
Neyo nodded. He very much liked the suggestion, especially since his friendship with Bacara had taken a hit.
They went down to the workshop late at night, just like old times. Within a couple of hours of making tweaks and adjustments to the new BARC speeders, the two clones were laughing and joking like there was nothing dividing them.
"Shuk'la," a passing clone muttered in 79s.
Before Neyo could even blink, Bacara had pinned the navy officer against the wall. "I'd like to see you hold out against a Sith, or'dinii."
/
They finally let him train again. It felt so good, to let off steam in the ring, even if his body felt different thanks to the decreased muscle mass.
It was one of his favourite days of the year- sparring with his best grapplers in the 91st, and then going to the shooting range with Fox and Stone. They didn't let him practise, but it was enough to just watch them.
"Do you want to get ready to ship out?" Tano asked, bouncing along his side as they walked through the Temple gardens. Windu had given Neyo his spare pass, just so he could enjoy the tranquillity without needing his General there.
"I'm not cleared for the field, kid," he told her, still tapping against his thigh.
"We're not fighting," Tano grinned, "We're going to collect Commander Wolffe and the rest of the pack."
/
Neyo swore that Alex had tears in her eyes when he stepped off the gunship. She was covered in dirt and looked ready to fall asleep whilst standing up, but she looked happier than at any other point over the last few months.
"Nice armour," she teased, running a hand across his chest plate. They never recovered his original set, but Cody had helped him paint a new one.
When they got back to Coruscant, they were intimate for the first time since he had returned.
"Can you keep your eyes closed?" He asked as respectfully as possible. "I don't want you to see... or feel what he did to me. Not yet."
He'd let her see the damage one day, once he accepted that his mutilated body wouldn't change how she felt about him.
/
"You've got it, vod," Bacara encouraged him, leaning against another piece of equipment as Neyo hung from a bar, attempting his first pull-up. "Muscle memory will guide you."
Neyo breathed in and slowly exhaled. Engaging his core, he pulled upwards. He kept going until his chin reached the bar, Bacara was clapping before he even returned to his initial position and dropped to the floor.
"I knew you had it in you."
/
He took a few steps backwards when he started sparring again.
Wolffe got too close, his punches just a fraction harder than they were the day before. Neyo flipped the Wolfpack Commander onto his back with pure adrenaline, and couldn't stop his hands from shaking for the next three days.
"Baby steps," Alex told him, running her fingers through his hair. He could stay for hours like this- his head leaning against her chest just to hear her heartbeat. It was a reassurance. "You're doing fine."
/
It took a long time to get him ready for the field. The physical exams were intense, but the mental evaluation was even more tedious.
He was put through stimulation after stimulation, testing his reactions and rationality. He needed a reference from General Windu, Cody, and the medics. It was a nervous waiting game for his return-to-duty form to be approved by the GAR.
"You're all clear," Allie announced, replacing her now-dead cousin's role as supporting General of the 91st. "It'll be good to see you in action."
Neyo nodded, trying to retain his joy under his professionalism. He couldn't screw up, not after spending so much time off the front lines.
"Ready to watch your six, General."
Alex squealed when he told her, wrapping her arms around her neck so he could spin her around, now able to lift her weight easily again. Cody patted him firmly on the shoulder and murmured a Mandalorian blessing for courage and strength.
Opress had tried to break him, but he hadn't succeeded.
He was a lot of things, but he wasn't shuk'la.
He was enough.