Chapter Ten

Instead of going to the new stores, I went to the original shopping stores in town and splurged on a purse, new shoes, and a bunch of updated stuff for the house. I felt it needed some updated items in the kitchen and bathroom. There were paintings for my room and for the kitchen that I found. If I was going to live there, it needed some beauty. It wasn't exactly drab, but the '70s' style was killing me.

Becca was working at the coffee shop today, so I slid inside, avoiding a huge gust of wind and snow. I pulled my scarf off of my neck and hung it on the coatrack. Becca gave me a little wave and I smiled.

"Coffee and a Danish again?" she asked as she pulled her long hair up into a quick bun.

"Yes, please."

She made my coffee and, because it was dead, sat at a table with me. Hanging with Becca was easy. She was a very likable girl.

"So, what's the deal with the library?" she asked abruptly.

"Sorry?"

"Is it ready to go? Do you need help getting it ready?"

I smiled and set my cup down. "It's as ready as it's ever gonna be. I'm just not really thrilled that I have to take care of it. But a promise is a promise."

She shook her head and said, "That's admirable and all, but you have to live your own life too, Jennie. What happens when you finish your schooling? Do you put off your dreams due to a promise?"

I shrugged. "I really don't know. I do know that I promised her that it would be me taking care of it."

Becca's family wasn't really close, not like I was with Gram. Her mom made her life hard, and she was the type of girl who ached to be free of this town and shake off her roots. I was like that too. Yet, now, I was stuck here again; although, I didn't long to leave like I had before.

"Do you have a boyfriend in California?" she asked, changing the subject.

"No. I had guy friends who were more than friends, if you could call it that. But I don't do the whole relationship thing."

She laughed. "What do you have against them?"

That was the thing. I had nothing negative to say about them, really. Relationships were good for some people, just not for me.

"I never wanted to be held down to someone. I would have to graduate and leave them, and I didn't want the complication."

"You just haven't met the right guy is all."

I pondered this for a moment. If I met the one, would I long to be with them all the time? Would it feel similar to what I was feeling for Lisa?

I watched my parents' marriage as a child, and I had nothing bad to say about relationships when it came to my views. There were many happy people around me; I just never wanted to be one of those dependent women. I wanted to be able to travel and see the world. When I put my career in front of everything else, even family, I lost the only family I had. I wasn't around for the past year of her life. Had I known how sick she really was, I would have come home.

The truth was that when I looked back on my schooling, I felt sick. I felt regret for missing Gram's life and for not spending that time with her.

Getting close to someone would mean losing them eventually. And getting close to someone in a book meant I was going crazy. But the more I thought of her the more I longed to know her. The more I longed to do what I tried so hard to prevent in my life: let her in.

"Oh, no." I realized my mistake of saying it out loud and hoped Becca didn't catch it.

"What? Did you meet someone? You did didn't you?"

I shook my head hoping that she would give up and move on. But of course, she didn't. She pressed and pressed until I had no choice but to burst.

"I met someone named Lisa. It's really complicated." My hands clenched the coffee cup, and I hoped she would be satisfied with my answer. Of course she wasn't.

"Oh man. Tell me all about it. I live for hearing this stuff. I can't meet one decent guy in this town. I will live vicariously through you and Lisa."

It was so true. This town held no wonderful catches except for if you were fishing out at the dock. The men here were in love with the sea, and they spent all their time with her.

"Who's Lisa?" Tarryn asked as she came up to us and sat down.

Oh crap. I was in trouble now.

"Lisa is unattainable. It's not really even worth talking about, trust me." Please leave it alone. Please, for the love of God.

"What makes her unattainable? Is she married?"

Of course they weren't going to let it be, were they? No, because that was girls for you. Girls were catty and lived for gossip; trust me I am one. I used to live through my roommates' stories too. But there wasn't anything I could say to them that would make any sense. I couldn't tell them that I met a great lady in a book and couldn't wait to see her again. I'd lose them as friends, and I'm sure Tarryn would move out. No one needed to know my secret. It would be nice to tell someone. I wished I could spill about my travels to meet Lisa and tell them about the book, but I had to stay quiet.

"She's not married. She lives far away. So it won't work out. You know, long distance and all," I said with a shrug.

"That's too bad. Not enough good men around here. Those that are, are already taken or moved away to a warmer climate. Like Florida," Becca said. "I'd love to just make a perfect man and plant him right here in Maine. I think I need to move."

I smiled. Becca deserved a nice guy. I wished I could find someone for her as I could see the loneliness in her from the first time I met her.

"We'll find you someone, Becca," I told her as I patted her hand. "How about you?"

Tarryn made a sour face and shook her head. "I'm good. I don't date. I don't have time for drama."

I heard that.

"Tarryn broke up with her ex, Fisher, last year. She had a ton of drama, that's for sure."

"Don't talk about me like I'm not in the room, Bec. Fisher's mom hated me. So it made the relationship hard."

She rolled her eyes and turned to me.

"Who could dislike you?" I asked seriously.

"I'm not your average girl. I like punk music, and I don't care for snooty adults who try to control their son's every mood. Let's just say I'm a mother's worst nightmare."

I could see that in Tarryn, not the nightmare part, but the part where she didn't like fake people. I could also see that she was delightful, funny, and caring. Any guy would be lucky to have her.

I had so much more work to do back at the library, so I excused myself from the coffee shop and headed back home. Tarryn and Becca had plans with their mom, and that gave me time to delve into the secret room and learn as much as I could about The Librarians' secret lair. In all honesty I did want to go back to Lisa. But after talking to Tarryn and Becca, I wasn't sure if doing that was a good idea. I didn't want to grow attached to her. I needed to focus on my life here.

My grandmother's promise was tying me here, and I needed to cut the ties as soon as I could. If I kept seeing Lisa, I wasn't sure if I would be able to stop. The fact was I was growing some sort of feelings for her. Feelings were bad. They never ended well.

Me and feelings did not mix well together. And that meant I had to stop traveling through the book for good.