Chapter Eighteen

My day was awful, and I refused to let my night be the same. I took Lisa's book upstairs with me and crawled into bed. With or without Tarryn, I was traveling to see her, and I didn't care about any consequences either. I flipped open to the last marked page and felt myself being whisked away from this world and all its drama.

Her eyes were the first thing I saw, so vibrant even in the darkness that they made me literally swoon.

"Jennie, you're here," she whispered before she hugged me to her. Before I could expect it, she kissed me fiercely like I was water and she was dying of thirst. I let her take me away from all my worries as I kissed her back. I didn't know where we were, and I didn't care. I ran my fingers through her curls and down her back. She let out a moan and that was all I could take; I pushed her and she fell back upon a large bed. The room we were in was only lit by the light of a fireplace, making her look so pretty. We were going fast, but I didn't think about it too much. I needed her, and I felt that she needed me just as bad as I straddled her. My hair fell across her face, tickling her. She ran her hands down my back and when they came up, she gripped onto me like she was clinging on for dear life. We were going way past a make-out session in her carriage at this point.

"Jennie," she whispered again, sending shivers through my whole body. "I want to be with you so badly that I'm not sure I can keep going without you. These days spent wondering if you will arrive had me going mad. You nearly gave me a fright appearing out of nowhere like this. But I shan't complain one bit more."

If she was scared, she didn't show it. The reception she gave me was that of hunger, not fear.

I sighed, "I'm so sorry that I can't be with you more, and I wish that I could be. I never know when I'm going to be able to get back here to be with you, and each time I do, I leave even more devastated than the last."

I sat up and looked at her, drinking her in. She was wearing a white shirt, untucked from her pants. The fabric fell loosely around her body.

"Jennie, I must be frank with you about something," she said as I began running my hands along the soft fabric.

"You can tell me anything."

I loved the way she looked at me like I was the first girl she'd ever seen. It made me feel special, like the most beautiful thing in her life.

"I'm not quite sure how to put this," she mumbled as I kissed her neck.

"Am I going too fast? Do you not want to be with me like this?" I sat up fast.

It would be just like me to scare her away by going faster than she was ready for. I didn't want her to think I was some sort of hussy, but I couldn't help my feelings for her. I wanted her to see all of me, and I wasn't scared of spending the night with her. Whether she was or not, was the real question.

She sat up and I slid back onto the bed and off of her. She put her hands on my face, cupping my cheeks.

"Fast might be a good word to describe it, but," she leaned in closer and said, "don't ever think for a moment that I do not want you, Jennie Kim. In fact, I'll have you know, I have never wanted a woman as much as I want you. And there have been others who wanted me to court them, but I never felt for them as I do for you."

"Then what is it?" I asked as I hugged myself, feeling instantly shy.

"Premarital relations are frowned upon in my time."

Shit. Stupid me. I had totally forgotten the rules of dating in this era. Coming here I wanted to get away from my troubles and lose myself in her arms, and I pushed her away instead.

Suddenly, it dawned on me that Lisa was probably a virgin. The way she was studying me didn't give me that vibe though. Surely not the way she kissed me or caressed me; that was the work of someone who knew what she was doing.

I couldn't ask her. I was embarrassed enough that I came here and attacked her like I had.

The way she was looking at me at that moment made me shiver once again, and I leaned forward, enclosing the space between us. Daring her, just to see how far she would go.

"I would never ask you to give up your beliefs, Lisa. I can't deny how I feel about you. I've never felt this way about anyone, ever," I confessed. Saying the words to her was a relief. "I'm sorry for throwing myself at you when you're not ready. I would never want you to do something you weren't ready for."

She closed her eyes as I spoke and licked her lips. Jesus, Mary, and Joseph, she was making this hard for me. As much as I wanted to back away and give her some space to calm down, I couldn't bring myself to do it. She opened her eyes, and I could see a hunger there like I've never seen before. She brought her hand up and put it on my shoulder, drawing light circles all the way down to my hand. She took my hand in her and kissed it.

"I'm yours, Jennie, if you'll have me. I want no other woman but you," she told me before she kissed me gently on the lips. "I want to make you happy in any way that I can."

I wanted to be happy. She made me feel elated and light in her arms, and I didn't want to change that.

As she trailed kisses down my cheek and neck, I let my hands wrap around her. She lifted me from the bed and we stood together, looking at each other like it was the first time. I pulled her shirt over her head and threw it aside. Her glorious body made my heart pound. She was beautiful, especially in the glow of the firelight.

Off came my shirt and gently she tried to take off my bra, but I soon realized she had probably never seen anything like it before. I helped her, and it landed on the floor at my feet.

"What on earth was that?" she asked with a laugh.

"It's called a bra. Trust me it's not as sexy as a corset, but it feels better."

"Everything on you is smashing, Jennie."

She ran her hands over my breasts as if memorizing the very detail of them. I wanted her so bad, but at the same time I didn't want to rush. I wanted to take my time with Lisa. Her light feathery kisses ran from my chest down to my tummy. As she came to the button of my jeans, she looked up at me puzzled. I shrugged.

"May I?"

Hell yes, you may.

I nodded and she ripped the top so hard the button flew off and across the room. A laugh escaped me but stopped when she pulled my jeans down, and she looked up at me. Her serious face didn't betray her. She wanted me, there was no denying it.

How could I have thought differently? My heart knew the truth.

My lace panties were the only thing left on my body. I wanted to rip them off, but Lisa had other plans. She stood and lifted me again, this time, lying me gently onto the bed. I could feel the heat from the fireplace warming my already hot skin.

With a swift movement, I was the only one dressed in the room. Lisa lay atop me and started kissing me gently, teasingly. "Jennie," she whispered, "it's urgent that I confess."

"Anything."

She looked away from me, almost ashamed.

"Hey," I said, lifting her chin. "We all have a first time."

She nodded, confirming my suspicions that she was a virgin.

"It's okay," I told her. "I'm falling for you, Lisa."

"I've already fallen."

There were no questions about me and my first time. No pressure. No feelings of regret.

She leaned down and held me to her. She was this beautiful and she was experiencing her first time with me. I wrapped my legs around her, hooking them behind her back.

"Being with you makes me feel things I've never felt before," she whispered. "I never want you to leave me."

I arched my back as I could feel the rushing heat between us. I didn't want to leave her ever again. I could just slip off my ring and not ever go back. I'd be able to be with her, here, forever. We fell into each other as if time between us didn't matter.

I let her explore my body like I was a land she had never seen before, and I taught her things she probably never knew. We were one, and that was all that mattered for the time being.

After we were finished loving each other, Lisa fell beside me, her breathing labored, and stared at me in awe. Her smile was so large, I wanted to take a picture of it and keep it forever. She was truly happy.

"Are you pleased, Jennie?" she asked.

"Yes, Lisa. Are you kidding? Seeing you happy is all I need right now."

She nodded and closed her eyes. I sat up and took in the beauty of her body in the light of the fire. This Lisa was mine.

But I couldn't have her, could I?

She was mine in my heart, but not really. She had lived her life, and I was only an intruder in her story. I was supposed to be preserving the pages written about her, but instead I was taking her virginity and maybe ruining her future.

"What's wrong, Jennie?" she asked, sitting up.

Tears came to my eyes, and I tried to hide them. Stupid emotions and reality ruined everything.

"Are you upset?"

"No, Lisa. I'm just really happy, and I…I don't want to leave you again," I confessed. "I'm just a visitor in your life, but I want to be more."

She sat up and cradled me in her arms.

"What is stopping you then? Stay with me and never leave. Become my wife, and we'll start a family together. I can and will make you happy, Jennie."

There was no doubt she would make my life good, so what was stopping me from ripping off the ring and staying with her?

I couldn't answer that question. All I knew was I had a foreboding feeling, and I didn't belong in this time with her. I knew that my love for her was real, tangible.

But our love wasn't supposed to happen.

"Let me please you, Jennie. I can take the doubts from your mind," she said as she kissed me. Tears streamed down my face as she pulled me closer to her. "Just give me a chance."

I nodded and fell into her embrace. I lost myself again in her arms. She pulled me into a bliss I had never known. She taught me things about myself that I didn't think possible.

As she fell asleep, I rested my head on her chest. I could feel her breathing slow as she began to drift further and further into dreamland. I looked at the ring on my finger and realized at any moment I could be ripped away from Lisa and the beauty of what we had made here. It was then that I took it off and put it into my pocket.