Chapter Twenty

The beach was empty, except for a pretty lady standing in shorts and a striped shirt.

She waved at me and I waved back. I sure hoped she didn't think I looked as awful as I felt. When I made it over to her, she whistled.

"Do not tease me, Lisa," I warned. I could feel my cheeks reddening.

"Jennie, I promise you that I wasn't. You look absolutely smashing in that bathing suit."

I looked up and smiled. "Really?"

"Truly. You're gams are astonishing."

Gams? Oh, legs.

"Thank you. You look quite sexy yourself in this," I said as I ran my hands over her chest. She made her striped suit, which reminded me slightly of a prison jumpsuit, look dashing.

"Are you up for a swim?"

I was up for anything. I took her hand and she guided me toward the water. Looking out beyond at the endless sea, I couldn't help but feel foolish for worrying about how I looked. Lisa saw me as a beautiful thing, and I had to say, she could wear anything and I'd still feel the same for her. I realized how my era was so behind in what was truly beautiful.

A swimsuit didn't make a girl pretty in her time. She was attracted to the real me, even though my body was completely covered in this tent, aka suit.

The cold water hit our feet, causing us to scream at the same time. I splashed her with a handful of it, and she glared at me teasingly.

"Oh, you're in for it now, Jennie. I'm going to dunk you." She chased me around until she did dunk me.

We finally got tired of playing with the icy water and landed on the beach shivering.

Lisa pulled a blanket over me and rubbed my arms gently.

"I'm not accustomed to spending time with a woman like you in public."

"What do you mean?" I asked through chattering teeth, trying to ignore the "like you" part.

"What we did last night, and just now, is considered poor manners and low quality. It would make me an improper person. I assure you, Jennie, I am a gentleman," she said quietly. "I feel as if I'm dishonoring my name by being so forward with you."

She had been calling me Jennie for the last hour or so, but I thought nothing of it until then. She had called me Jennie up until we had sex, and I couldn't help but think that being just Jennie now meant she didn't respect me.

Instead of dwelling on it, I tried to find the words to make her feel like the time we spent wasn't making her a horrible person, but I didn't know how to explain it in terms that she would understand. Instead, I just said, "Lisa, compared to men in my time, you're of the highest quality. And you're the only one I have had feelings for."

She blinked.

"You cannot be serious, Jennie. The only one?"

I shrugged. What could I say that would make her believe me?

"I don't exactly get close to anyone. I stay away from relationships like this. I would have never gone to the beach after spending the night with someone." I realized how much of a hussy I was making myself out to be. Lisa must have registered this thought at the same time as I did. It was written all over her face. "I care about you very much, Lisa. You're special to me. You mean more to me than anyone I've ever met."

She nodded and soon after looked away from me and focused her attention on the sea. I was losing her respect. I hated that I was being judged for my past indiscretions. If she was a lady's man, I wouldn't be able to evaluate her life without getting flack for it.

The fact was: I was in love with her now, and I was embarrassed about my past. But how did I tell her that in a way she would truly understand it?

"Please try to understand that it is socially acceptable in my time for a woman to want to have sex with a anyone and not get married right after. Women have certain needs too, not just men." This was going terrific so far, since she didn't even make eye contact with me. I took a deep breath and tried to bury the sarcasm. "Since my dad died, I didn't have a father figure in my life. Gram did her best to teach me about being a woman, but I didn't have a man to fulfill the role of protector. So, when it came to guys, I stayed far away. I pushed myself further and further away from any potential relationships. And I just dated casually. Is this like, a big deal to you?"

For a few seconds, that felt like minutes, she didn't say a word. I looked out at the raging ocean before us, wishing that I could slip my ring on and disappear. This was the most awkward situation I'd ever been in. I felt a tear escape and drop on my hand. I didn't usually cry over boys, but Lisa was making me feel awful.

"I can't pretend I'm something I'm not," I choked out.

She finally looked at me, and I saw a storm in her eyes. "I am not asking that of you, Jennie. I won't make you be someone you're truly not. It's just simply unheard of for such a lady, in high standings, to be…familiar with men in that way."

That hurt. A lot.

"So basically I'm the equivalent of a slut in your eyes?"

All I heard was a deep intake of breath from her and that was it. She didn't deny it. I had only shocked her more.

I got up from the sand and hauled ass away from her, and I didn't look back.

Once back at the hotel, my face was a mess. I could see all the women staring at me as I walked up. I tried to wipe away the tears, but I knew once I cried, my face would turn beat red and it was hard to hide. I finally made it to the room, ripping off the stupid bathing suit and throwing it across the room. It landed with a slap on the wall and slid all the way down to the floor.

I found my clothes and quickly got dressed. I needed to get back home and deal with my own life. This was the exact reason why I didn't let anyone into my life; I would get hurt.

I had a complicated duty now as a preserver, and that meant getting cozy with my subject was the worst idea I had ever had. Just because Lisa was beautiful didn't mean I should have jumped her bones. I should have just done my job and left it at that. But nooo, I had to fall in love with her. Her actions on the beach had me questioning my real feelings for her. Was it really love or infatuation? What was the difference anyway? I couldn't answer that since I had never felt anything for anyone before.

If she had real feelings for me, she wouldn't have ever talked to me in that way. That I do know.

I searched the room for my Gram's ring and realized Lisa had it still.

"Dammit!" I yelled as loud as I could. The truth was, I was upset from my fight with Rose and I came here to see her, hoping it would make me feel better. That plan didn't work because now I felt worse. I tried to run away from my problems, and it did no good.

Lisa had my ticket out of here, and there was no way I would be asking for it back. I lay on the bed and cried. I cried for the girl inside me that made stupid choices. I also cried for the college life I left behind in California. Sometimes I wished that I had just never come home, as awful as that sounded.

I cried until I couldn't stop my eyes from shutting. And then I fell asleep.

"Jennie? Wake up, darling," Lisa's voice pulled me from dreamland. After I had torn apart the room looking for the ring, I laid on the bed. I must have fallen asleep shortly after.

I sat up and rubbed my eyes; they were raw and painful from crying.

"What are you doing here?" I asked harshly.

She looked down at the floor and then back up at me. Guilt crossed her face.

"Were you looking for this?" She held up her pinkie finger and I saw Gram's ring.

Clothes were strewn about the room in a mad disarray. I didn't bother fixing anything that I ruined since I was so pissed. I wanted the ring and I wanted to go home. I never dreamed she wore it into the ocean on her finger. I rolled my eyes.

"Yes. I wanted to go home. I still do," I said simply.

She looked hurt, but I wasn't going to worry about sparing her feelings one bit. She didn't care about sparing mine.

"Listen, I will let you go, if that's really what you want."

"It is."

"Jennie, first let me explain my actions on the beach. Please, I beg of you."

I crossed my arms defiantly and nodded. This had better be good.

"Thank you. First and foremost, I have been with a woman before you. We weren't as intimate as you and I were last night, but we were close. I stopped it before it went too far. I wanted to be with my wife for the first time, not someone I was courting."

I sighed and said, "Well, I'm sorry I was the one who ruined your perfect first time and your image."

She shook her head and cringed a little.

"Well, I'm not sorry it was you. Actually, I'm quite happy that it was. On the beach, I was just trying to explain the feelings of guilt I had. You don't have to understand why I feel that way, I just do."

I bit my tongue, trying to not say something sarcastic. I had an issue with that. I pulled my legs up and closed my eyes. I had to try to understand Lisa's point of view. If I was from her time, I would understand. I knew I would.

I opened my eyes and sat up. She looked so upset, and I could tell she was hurting just from the look on her face. Lisa came from a noble family that honored women and made it their pride to be respectable.

"Lisa, you should have told me to wait. We could have, you know?"

She nodded and met my eyes. "Have you seen yourself? You're gorgeous. When you came here last night, I was in a bad way. I needed to hold you, and I sensed you needed that as well."

"But we didn't have to go so far, especially if you didn't want to. I can wait, you know. I'm not some sex fiend."

She made a face at me. "Sex fiend?"

I sighed. "Yeah, like I have to have it. I could have just kissed a little and let you hold me."

She scooted closer to me on the bed. I could sense that she was trying to go slow with me, not sure whether I was ready for her to touch me. So, I reached out and grabbed her hand.

"I had a bad day yesterday, too. I think I wanted to be held just as much as you did. But when I'm with you, it's not that easy," I explained. "It's like there is an electricity between us. It only intensifies when we kiss, and I couldn't stop myself. When you told me how you felt about me, well, it only made me want it more. I'm sorry for ruining your honorable past." I meant it.

I never meant to come here and screw up Lisa's future. I couldn't help my feelings for her, but I could have not acted on them. I could have just come here and talked to her.

"Jennie, I wanted you just as badly. And let us be clear, you didn't act alone. I'm sorry for making you feel like a horrible woman. You are not what you said on the beach. Please never disrespect yourself again, darling."

I smiled. "I'll try." I could get really used to being called darling. The way it rolled off of her tongue made my heart melt. Lisa may have thought that she had ruined her image by sleeping with me, but she was wrong.

"What do we do now?" she asked.

I thought about it for a moment. We still had all the rest of today to spend together and tomorrow. I could stay until then, but then I would still be hiding from the things I needed to go back to. I still had a life back there, even if I felt like Lisa was pulling me into her. I couldn't escape from the truth.

"I have to go back home, lisa."