AN/This was inspired by the song 'Smoke Slow' by Joshua Bassett. I love this song and wanted to write an unrequited love thing inspired by the events in the song. Everyone knows Chandler smokes cigarettes in the show, but the song involves both people smoking so I chose to switch it to weed. I can't imagine Monica ever touching a nicotine cigarette given her feelings about them and though weed is a little out of character too, it's not as big of a leap as nicotine. Plus, this way there's no added complication of his nicotine addiction being revived because I care about his health. Anyway, I hope you enjoy it. :)

Chandler Bing sat on the rooftop of his apartment building, looking out at the sleepless New York city below him. It wasn't uncommon for him to come up here for a moment of peace, especially to avoid the nosey eyes of his friends. Usually, when he came up to the roof, it was to smoke. He'd kept his promise to quit smoking cigarettes, but every once in a while he let himself indulge in smoking weed. He didn't think any of his friends would approve if they knew, but he didn't think it was a big deal. It was only occasionally when something was on his mind. And tonight wasn't any different.

About a year ago, Chandler realized he had feelings for one of his best friends. He hadn't said a word about it to anyone because he knew it could never happen. Monica was someone everyone would consider, out of his league. And they would be right. She was smart, funny, beautiful, strong, everything any guy was looking for. He wouldn't let his feelings for her get in the way of their friendship, it was too important to him. In fact, he thought it was just a crush, a phase that should've ended by now, except it hadn't.

Maybe he was delusional, but he thought she felt the same way sometimes. They would always sit together or playfully tease each other. That was just their dynamic. The way she looked at him felt special and made his stomach flip every time she smiled. There were times when he debated about just telling her and seeing what she thought, but he never did. Keeping all of this to himself was usually easy until recently when Monica had started dating an older man. Richard was everything she was looking for. Mature, kind, probably rich and he wasn't ugly.

He wouldn't call himself a jealous person, especially when he didn't have a real reason to be. Monica wasn't his, she could date whoever she wanted. So no, he wasn't jealous. However, seeing them together, cuddled on the couch gave him a sinking feeling. Every time Monica would look over at him and smile his heart would clench because she somehow made him feel like they were the only ones in the room.

Everyone went to bed when he took his chance to go up to the roof, roll a joint, and lean against the ledge. Chandler was so caught up in his own thoughts that he didn't hear the door close against the pipe he had placed down earlier.

"I thought you quit smoking."

He looked up at Monica, who was now standing in front of him with her arms crossed. For a moment he thought he was about to get lectured about the dangers of smoking when he looked down at the already-lit cigarette. "Uh, it's not nicotine if that makes you feel any better."

It took her a second to understand what he meant, but when she realized, her eyes widened. "Seriously? You know that's illegal, right? Where did you even get that?"

He shrugged, uninterested in her scolding. "I know a guy at work. It just relaxes me sometimes."

Monica watched him put the rolled paper to his lips and inhale. She wasn't sure how to process this new information about one of her best friends. Of course, it wouldn't change anything, it just made her wonder how often he came up here to smoke by himself. Or what would prompt him to turn to drugs to relax when there was nothing he couldn't talk about with the group? Her eyes widened slightly when he held the joint out towards her.

"Would you like some?"

She scoffed at the offer, then moved to stand next to him, her arms still crossed because she was getting cold. "Do you know what kind of effects drugs can have on your health?"

"Depends on the drug," he smiled. Chandler nervously rolled the joint back in forth between his fingers before taking another hit. His eyes fell closed for a moment as he felt like all the worries in the world fell off his shoulders. "You don't have to, I just thought I'd offer," he muttered.

There was a beat of silence where Monica just stared at the city below them. She was hugging her chest since she had forgotten a sweater to protect herself from the autumn weather. It was clear coming here was an impulse. "So, why did you come up here?"

She shrugged, "I don't know. I just wanted space to think about things I guess."

Chandler held the joint between his lips, inhaling deeply then turning away from her as the smoke escaped his mouth. His head was starting to feel lighter and his body relaxed, overall he just felt calmer already. He hummed, looking down at the half-smoked cigarette, "Yeah, me too."

Maybe it was Joey moving out, or there was something going on at work. Whatever was bothering him, he looked like there wasn't a care in the world. Monica envied that feeling. What she wouldn't do to forget the horrible day she had after her parents had found out she was dating Richard. It made it tempting just to take up his offer. She knew Ross had tried it in college, making her wonder if Chandler was the one to introduce it to him. Monica looked down at her feet, mentally kicking herself for even considering this. She contemplated the pros and cons before giving in and asking for a hit.

The smile on his face was almost smug and she wanted to hit him. Monica took the joint from his outreached hand, looking at it with uncertainty.

"It's not dangerous, I promise."

Monica nodded at his reassurance before bringing it to her lips and copying what Chandler had done. At first, she didn't feel any different. All she could focus on was the slight burn in her lungs and the slightly bitter taste. She took another drag because she figured she did it wrong somehow. This time it led to a small coughing fit. She could hear Chandler laughing at her. "What's so funny?"

"Nothing. Just, take your time." Chandler kept his eyes on her as he placed his hand on the ledge next to her, standing only inches from her. It was impossible not to notice that her shampoo smelled like a blend of vanilla and coconut. Or that her eyes were looking at him for guidance. "You're doing fine, don't worry. It'll probably be a few minutes before you feel it."

"Ross is going to kill me," she joked to lighten her mood as she handed it back to him.

"We don't have to tell anyone," Chandler shrugged.

–

It took about five minutes until Chandler heard Monica start mumbling about something. From what he could understand, she was rambling about the difference between poaching and braising. Though it wasn't her usual energetic ranting. Her voice sounded softer and almost slow. It didn't seem like she even realized she was talking, which made him laugh.

Monica noticed that her head felt lighter like she was on a cloud and her eyes were heavy. She shuffled her feet a little, moving closer to him. Monica leaned against his chest, taking a deep breath, she certainly didn't notice how good he smelled. Or that the crew neck he was wearing under his jacket was soft. He was just something stable to lean on, that's it.

They spent time leaning on each other and sharing random secrets. Monica had confessed that she tried to run away in the third grade but only made it a block before walking back. The story had made Chandler chuckle when he imagined a young Monica walking down the road with a backpack. In turn, he told her of the time he danced in his father's vegas show which made her laugh harder. They seemed to talk about everything and also nothing at the same time. Half of it didn't make sense, but they were too high to even notice.

Chandler wanted to keep talking to buy them more time. Being alone with her felt so rare because everyone else was always around. He could feel his heart swell every time she laughed and he made himself believe there was a future with her. It was naive of him to think they could work, but the second he told her about his feelings, he would lose her.

Except, they were already here, standing under the stars and holding each other close. Chandler felt her pulling away when there was a lull in the conversation. He pulled her back to his chest and held the joint up to her. It was over halfway gone by now, but one more hit won't hurt.

Chandler watched her blow the smoke out of her mouth and he reminded himself that they were just friends. That's all they would ever be because Richard was downstairs waiting for her to return to bed. Monica was leaning on him again, tempting him to kiss her. Even though he was right next to her, he would never be as close as he wanted to be.

This started so innocently. He had come for a smoke and she had come for space, but here they were, practically cuddling and sharing stupid stories. They both acted like this was normal. While they were always close and never scared to sit close together, this was different. He couldn't remember a time she complimented his hair with her fingers tangled in it. And he was sure she never stared at his lips when he talked. They were flirting and making believe they were clueless.

The joint was almost gone, but Chandler refused to put out this spark between them. Even though it was getting too late for them to be out, they made a million excuses to stay and talk more. Even though in reality, it didn't matter because they would talk tomorrow anyway, they both knew it wasn't the same as this. Somehow they ended up talking about their ideal date and she was being vague and non-descriptive. All she said was that she liked men with brown hair, someone that brightens her day, and a man with a stable job. If he was being honest, he wasn't sure if she was talking about him or Richard.

Part of him was kicking himself for being so addicted to the illusion of being with her when the more logical side knew she never would be. Being out here with her was like playing with fire. If he got too close to her, he would get burned, but the flame was so bright he felt drawn to it. Chandler knew all they would ever be is just friends. That Richard was waiting downstairs. He knew Monica standing so close that he could feel her breath on his neck was as far as they could go.

Monica noticed the time on her watch and glanced towards the door and he noticed her hesitation. She reached out, grabbing the blunt from his fingers and taking a drag. Chandler smiled slightly, "Take your time while you're mine, and smoke slow."