" Where's Saoirse this morning?" Polly asked, plopping her bag down and unwinding the scarf from around her neck. It was bitterly cold out and the tip of her nose was red. Winter was truly on its way, and the temperature had plummeted over the last few days. There had even been a few small flurries of snow, but luckily it hadn't yet stuck to the ground.

" Ill," Tommy grunted, not looking up from the paper he was reading over.

If someone had asked him, he would have been unable to recite even one of the words on the page because all he could think about was her. Ever since the previous night when he had felt her responding to his kisses and moaning against his mouth, he had been unable to think about anything else at all. To say he wasn't surprised she had phoned in supposedly sick was an understatement. Given the way she fled last night, it was to be completely expected. What had surprised him was that she had not handed in her notice at the same time. Instead, she simply told Arthur that she would be back in a day or two.

" What's wrong with her?" Polly frowned. "Perhaps I'd best go round there and check if she's alright."

" Leave the girl alone," Tommy grumbled.. "Last thing Saoirse needs is you fussing around her when she's ill."

" Well, it's not as though she has anyone else to fuss around her, does she?" Polly pursed her lips.

" You're forgetting the saint that is Joe, are you not?" Tommy's eyes flicked up momentarily.

Polly smirked . It was glaringly obvious to her just how her nephew felt about Saoirse. Tommy thought he could hide it from everyone, and while perhaps the others might be ignorant enough to not cotton on, Polly was shrewd and knew differently. She saw the way he watched Saoirse when she was talking with one of the others; the way his face lit up ever so slightly when he saw her giggling like a schoolgirl with Ada; the way his head would shoot up when he heard someone mention her name. Tommy liked to think his façade was solid, but Polly saw through it all.

" Hmm, the less said about him the better," Polly muttered.

Tommy agreed with that. What he wouldn't give to wipe that poor excuse of a man from the planet, but for now he was stuck trying to pretend that the man's very existence didn't irk him.

" So what's on the agenda for today then?" Polly asked.

" Not much," Tommy muttered. "Got a meeting in town this afternoon and until then I've got a mountain of paperwork that needs signing."

" Aw do you want me to bring out the violins?" Polly smirked.

Tommy glared at her but there wasn't really annoyance behind it. Polly just let out a laugh and was about to head to the kitchen area to make a drink when Ada walked in and headed straight through Tommy's open office door without even knocking.

" Bit early for you to be up and about isn't it?" Tommy shook the match he had just lit his cigarette with until it extinguished. "Thought you'd still be in bed, exhausted from your activities through the night."

"If you're going to be a bastard then maybe I'll leave without telling you the very interesting thing I witnessed last night when I was out in that club in town with Sheila."

" You told me you went to the cinema," Polly put her hands on her hips.

" Oh you can be mad at me later, Pol," Ada waved her off flippantly. "But right now this is important. It's about Saoirse, well, Joe more specifically."

Tommy and Polly's attention was piqued immediately and with a satisfied smirk, Ada pulled up a chair to reveal all.

" So, I was at the bar getting us drinks and after a few minutes I realised that Sheila was missing. Anyway, I glanced around for her and who did I see her with? Yes, Joe. His hands were all over her and when she tried to push him away he grabbed her by the arm and started to drag her off the dance floor. I could tell he was hurting her because she looked to be almost in tears. Anyway, she stomped on his foot and then he smacked her in the mouth and sent her flying across the room."

" Then what happened?" Tommy demanded.

" Some men escorted him outside," she answered. "I took Sheila to the toilet to clean her up and when we left he was nowhere to be seen."

" If he's touched her, I swear to God I'll pull him apart limb by limb," Tommy growled, standing up so suddenly that his chair fell to the floor angrily.

" Tommy, you need to calm down," Polly spoke.

" Touched who?" Ada frowned. "What's going on?"

" I'll explain later, love," Polly patted her on the shoulder reassuringly.

" I need to go round there," Tommy was up and out of his chair, dragging on his jacket.

" Tommy stop," Polly sighed. "Listen to me. If you go round there now, all guns blazing, you're only going to frighten her away and potentially drive her into his arms."

" Polly, no offence but I listened and followed through with this plan of yours when she turned up with a split lip," Tommy narrowed his eyes. "Now, I'm doing it my way."

" Tommy," Polly sighed, knowing that there was no way she was going to get him to see reason. "Just… be careful, ok?"

Saoirse was lying on the couch, her legs dangling over the edge and a cool flannel resting over her eyes. She had not slept a wink all night. Joe had been out when she got back to the flat. He had left a note saying he had nipped out for a few drinks with friends, and she had been glad because it had given her the chance to try and compose herself. She had brushed her teeth four times and scrubbed her body furiously because she was convinced he would be able to smell Tommy on her. But Joe had done nothing more than climb into bed next to her and nuzzle up against her neck before falling asleep quickly. Saoirse had lain in bed all night, listening to the ticking clock and her guilty thoughts. Before she knew it, morning had come and she found herself with the worst headache ever. She thought that she might try and get some rest today but instead she had done nothing but mope about feeling guilty and sorry for herself. Every time she closed her eyes, she had felt Tommy's body against her own and she was disgusted with herself for enjoying the lingering memory of it. She jumped when someone started hammering so hard on the front door that she was surprised it didn't come off its hinges. She sat up and padded down the hallway, grimacing as the thudding did little to ease her throbbing head.

" Alright, keep your hair on, I'm coming," she muttered, unlocking the door.

" Where is he?" Tommy shoved the door open and stepped inside.

" Come in, Tommy, won't you," Saoirse muttered sarcastically as he stomped down the hallway towards the kitchen.

" Where is he?" Tommy growled.

" Who?" Saoirse frowned.

" Joe," Tommy answered, grabbing hold of her and rolling up her sleeves.

" What the bloody hell are you doing?" she yanked her arms out of his grasp.

" If he's laid so much as a single finger on you, I'll kill him," Tommy's eyes were furious.

" Tommy, what the bloody hell are you talking about?"

" Saoirse, I'm not fucking stupid," Tommy spat, grabbing hold of her once more to inspect her for bruises. "You might think you're so clever trying to cover up what he does to you, but I've got proof now that it's not just you."

" Tommy, I really have no idea what you're talking about," Saoirse was exasperated. She batted his hands away and her eyes blazed furiously. "You burst into my home like a fucking madman, rambling nonsense and pawing at me like you own me. Would you kindly explain just what the hell you think is going on?"

" He hasn't hurt you?" Tommy finally realised.

" No," Saoirse shook her head. "And I don't know why you think he would have." Liar.

Tommy took a moment to compose himself, while Saoirse waited with her arms crossed and her eyebrow raised.

" Look I didn't mean to come in here all guns blazing but I was worried about you," he explained calmly. "I think you need to sit down so I can tell you something."

Saoirse eyed him warily, unsure what his game was but she sat down on the worn couch anyway and waited for him to sit at the other end. He pulled out his cigarette carton with a questioning look.

" Go ahead," Saoirse nodded.

Tommy pulled out a cigarette and ran it across his mouth before finding a comfortable place for it to rest. At that most mundane of actions, Saoirse found her stomach clenching of its own accord. She had no idea why, but she always found that action strangely attractive when he did it.

" Ada paid me a visit not long ago," he began.

" And that has what to do with me exactly?"

" Because she came to tell me about an altercation her friend got into with a man in a club last night. An altercation with a man who wouldn't take no for an answer and punched her in the face."

" And you're telling me this why?"

" Because…" Tommy exhaled and cleared his throat. "...the man was Joe."

" You're unbelievable," Saoirse was astounded by his sheer audacity.

" Saoirse, -"

-I can't believe you. Is this because of what happened last night? Is this you trying to convince me that Joe's been hitting other women or that he's even out trying to get in other women's knickers in the hopes that I'll throw myself into your arms and beg for a repeat of last night? What the fuck is your game? Why are you doing this?"

" I'm telling you the fucking truth," Tommy roared. "What have I got to earn from lying to you?"

" I don't know," she answered truthfully. "I don't know why you're doing this."

" I'm not doing anything. I came here because I was worried about you. I came here because I fucking care about you."

" If you cared about me you wouldn't have kissed me last night," Saoirse whispered, a tear dripping down her cheek.

" And if you didn't care about me you wouldn't have kissed me back."

" That's not fair," Saoirse muttered.

" No?" Tommy raised an eyebrow and edged closer to her. "Because if I remember correctly you weren't exactly fighting me off last night which leads me to believe that you wanted it as much as me. And the only reason you ran off was because you were afraid of how you felt."

" That's not true," Saoirse told him without much conviction.

" So, you don't want me to kiss you again?" he murmured, cupping her face and running his thumb along her bottom lip. "Hmm? You're not happy with him Saoirse. You know you're not. I know you're not. Everything might be fine now but that's just how it works. My father was exactly the same. He didn't beat and belittle my mother every day. Not at first anyway. Sometimes it would be weeks in between, and during those in between times he couldn't have been any nicer to her. He was kind and funny and loving. And she always believed that he had changed. But a man that lays his hands on a woman in temper is no man. And he certainly never changes."

" Joe isn't like your father."

" You know that's not true," he said, tracing her cheeks with his thumb; his eyes following the outline of her mouth. "Tell me you don't want me to kiss you, Saoirse."

His face was mere centimetres away from hers. She could feel his smoky breath on her skin; she could feel his warmth. She wanted nothing more than to lean forward and feel his lips against hers. It took every ounce of resolve in her body to push him away.

" No, I don't want this," she lied. Tommy knew she was lying but he didn't press her. "I think you should go."

" If that's what you want."

" It is," she nodded, even as her heart screamed for him to stay.

Standing up, Tommy put his cigarette back in his mouth and straightened the collar of his jacket in an attempt to make himself look and feel unflappable.

" You can lie to yourself, but it will eat you up inside," he said. "I don't proclaim to be a good man, but I would look after you and I would never lay a fucking hand on you that you didn't want me to."

" Yeah, until you grew tired of me and found someone else?" she scoffed.

" If you believe that then you don't know me at all."

" That's the point isn't it," she said sadly. "I don't know you. You're my boss and I thought perhaps my friend. But I see now that even working for you is going to prove impossible."

" What exactly are you saying?" Tommy asked, dread filling him.

" I'm saying that you'll have my letter of resignation on your desk tomorrow," she mumbled, biting her lip, unable to look at him. "I'll work my month's notice and then I'll be gone."

" Saoirse, you don't have to do that."

" I think it's for the best."

As Tommy slammed the door behind him, Saoirse crumbled. She put her face in her hands and cried. She cried out everything; confusion, guilt, worry. Every emotion whirled around her and she didn't know how to cope. She cried and cried until her eyes were puffy and sore. Then she ran herself a bath and slept fitfully until Joe returned home.

" How are you feelin', sweetheart?" he asked as she stood over the stove cooking their dinner, clad in her thick woollen dressing gown and slippers. "You look pale."

" I'm alright," she tried to smile. "Just a little tired still."

" Maybe you should stay home tomorrow?" Joe suggested.

" No, I'm going to go in," she turned off the hob and began serving up their dinner. "Actually, there's something I wanted to speak to you about, to do with work."

" Oh aye?"

" Yeah," she nodded, bringing the plates over to the table and sitting down opposite Joe. "I've decided to hand in my notice."

" What?" Joe frowned. "Why? Has that Shelby bastard done something?"

" No!" she shook her head hurriedly, petrified that Joe somehow knew something. "No, of course not. It's just that I don't really think I'm suited to it there. So I've decided to look for something else."

" I thought you loved it there? You're always goin' on about Arthur this and Polly that. What's changed?"

" Lots of things," Saoirse answered vaguely. "But the longer I'm there, the more I realise it's just not for me. You're not mad, are you? I'm going to work my notice and I'll find another job before then, I'm certain of it."

" Of course you will," Joe smiled, barely unable to contain his delight. He had been on his best behaviour for weeks, but once she was no longer under the Shelbys thumbs, he wouldn't have to try as hard to keep his temper in check. "For what it's worth, love, I think you're making the right decision."

Saoirse nodded and picked at her food aimlessly. She couldn't help but feel that she was making the wrong decision, however it was all but done now and there could be no going back.

" What's wrong love?" Joe breathed against her neck, his hand rubbing in determined circles against her core. He had been trying for the past few minutes and getting nowhere.

" Sorry," she grimaced. "I must just be tired."

She didn't know if Joe believed her or not but he didn't comment further. Instead, he licked at her breasts, swirling his tongue around her nipples while his fingers tried to elicit a reaction from her centre. Saoirse tried hard to keep her fists from clenching at the bedsheets; not with passion but with something close to disgust. She couldn't stand the sensation of his tongue against her skin and she felt herself cringing internally. Suddenly, azure eyes and chiselled cheekbones flashed through her mind and before she could stop herself, she imagined it was Tommy licking her and touching her. Her stomach clenched and she heard Joe groan as he finally felt her moistening for him. Only it wasn't for him, was it? When he slid inside of her, it wasn't him that she imagined bringing her to her climax. It wasn't his name that she almost screamed as she came apart. Tommy. Her heart and her head chanted his name over and over again like a prayer. Afterwards, as she lay listening to the ticking of that clock once again, she bit her lip to stop from crying. She and Joe were just going through some problems but once she was away from Tommy Shelby, they would be able to get through it and be happy again. Wouldn't they? Even as she tried to convince herself of that, her heart felt hollow. Just like everything else in her life.

Climbing out of bed, she tiptoed into the kitchen. As she held the serrated knife in her hands, she felt guilt but also eager anticipation at the same time. She pressed the tip of the cold metal to the skin of her inner forearm and closed her eyes. She gritted her teeth as tears slipped out of the corners of her eyes. She willed herself not to do it. She tried to remind herself that this wouldn't fix anything. But that was a lie. It wouldn't fix the problem, but it would provide her with relief; an outlet for even just a few minutes. She hissed as the metal bit into her skin when she moved the knife across her arm, revelling in the pain it brought. Her heart was thudding wildly as she opened her eyes and watched the crimson blood that oozed out of the wound. And then came the shame; the disgust that she had done this to herself. But sometimes in her head, she was that same young girl living in an orphanage who spent her life trying to hide her feelings from the world. Rolling down the sleeve of her dressing gown, she promised herself that she would never do it again. And in that moment she really meant it. But as she climbed back into bed, she knew that the throbbing of her arm was easier to bear than that of her wounded heart.