"I can't believe how much money we've raised."

Niamh glanced at the figure Karina had written down on a piece of paper and was holding out to her. She broke out into a smile and reached over to hug her friend, feeling proud that all of their hard work throughout the day had well and truly paid off and they had raised more than they could have expected, which would go a long way to helping those in need. And now the ladies were left with the job of clearing everything up.

"I can't believe how well behaved everyone was as well," Karina's sister in law, Loren, commented. "Mrs Braverman only managed to make one person cry which I'm certain is a new record for her."

"I was almost victim number two," Karina muttered. "She made a point of telling me that it's a shame that I haven't lost all of my flab since having the baby. I told her Ollie liked my flab 'cause it gave it him something to hold on to when we're having sex but that she probably wouldn't remember what that feels like seeing as she could crack walnuts between those closed legs of hers. I ended the conversation by saying that she's probably got cobwebs down there and it's no wonder her husband is always down at that brothel on the docks."

"You didn't?!" her sister in law clapped gleefully. "Oh Karina, what I'd have given to see her bloody face. Snooty old cow."

"She's vile," Angela, another of the women, tutted. "Not sure why she thinks she can talk to everyone the way she does but she's always been the same. She's how I imagine Marcie to be when she's older. Speaking of, has anyone seen her since that time at yours Karina?"

Niamh cringed as she thought back to that coffee morning when Marcie had made some horrible comments about Niamh's marriage to Alfie and the other women had leapt up to defend her. She felt awful about it because she knew Marcie had been part of their unofficial women's club for years and now she had been missing and potentially wouldn't return. Not that anyone else seemed particularly upset about.

"Saw her in the butchers two days ago," Loren nodded. "She tried to start up a conversation about what happened at the coffee morning and tried to get me on her side. She didn't like it when I reminded her that we'd all choose Niamh over her any day because Niamh's actually nice."

"I don't want anyone taking sides," Niamh mumbled uncomfortably. "Not because of me. I feel bad enough that she's stopped coming to the coffee mornings but I don't expect any of you not to talk to her anymore."

"And that's precisely why most of us aren't talking to her," Angela said. "Marcie's attitude towards you was inexcusable, and if the shoe was on the other foot she would most definitely expect all of us not to talk to you anymore. Which just goes to show that you're far more decent than she'll ever be."

"Decent isn't the word I'd use to describe Niamh," Karina teased, reaching for Niamh's hair and tucking it behind her ear so that the ladies could catch a glimpse of the purple marks that were just visible on the side of her neck.

"Karina!" Niamh blushed, even as she burst out laughing at the salacious expressions on her friends' faces.

"Oh don't be such a bloody prude," Loren scoffed. "If I had a husband who looked like yours I'd always be on my back with my legs open."

"Or on my knees with my mouth open," Angela chortled.

"That's enough of that you filthy lot," Niamh tutted, shaking her head ruefully and grimacing slightly at one of her unwanted bodyguards when he caught her eye and flushed bright red. "I'm going to the toilet and hopefully you'll have learned to behave like decent women by the time I come back."

"She's gone to the toilet to think about Alfie in private!" Loren called out as Niamh was half way out of the door.

Still grinning from the daft antics of her friends, Niamh didn't care to try and argue with the two men who had followed her and gone inside the three block toilets to check for anyone first. Nor did she argue when they told her they would be waiting right outside of the entrance.

Stepping into one of the cubicles, she locked the door and sat down on the table with a sigh of relief as her tired and aching feet thanked her for the momentary reprieve. Slipping down her knickers, her stomach lurched when she saw the dark blood stain there. She felt a strange sadness that she wouldn't have expected and she felt a disappointment that she had never known before. The only thing she could even somewhat liken it to was when she had been five and her waste of a space father had promised to take her to the travelling circus after school. She had waited and waited for him all night to come home, sitting by the window even when her mother and Polly tried to force her into bed, and he never came.

Her eyes started to burn and she wiped tears away angrily before stuffing tissue paper inside of her underwear to make do until she could get home.

Home.

Niamh's heart clenched when she thought about Alfie. He didn't even know she had thought she was pregnant and yet somehow she still felt as though she had disappointed him.

"I don't care if you don't want me to go in there, Joseph Abrams. I need to use the toilet and if I tell Alfie that you stopped me, do you think he'll be happy with you?" she heard Karina's animated voice from outside the entrance. "Yeah, that's what I thought, thank you. Bloody hell, Niamh, those men of yours are a nuisance," Karina muttered as she shuffled into the cubicle next to Niamh's. "I understand why Alfie's feeling so insecure after what happened yesterday with that horrible Sabini fellow but he could have picked men who actually have a little bit of sense in their heads. Fancy trying to stop a woman that they know is clearly not a risk to you or anyone else from carrying out a basic human right."

"I know," Niamh murmured, wiping her face with the back of her hand and yanking up her knickers.

She unlocked the door and was washing her hands when Karina came out of her cubicle and joined her at the sinks. Despite Niamh's silent prayer that Karina wouldn't notice she had been crying, Karina noticed everything and her shrewd eyes narrowed when she looked at Niamh in the mirror.

"So are you gonna tell me then?" Karina said. .

"What?"

"Why your face looks like a smacked arse," Karina muttered. "We've just made so much money today and pissed off Mrs Braverman but you look like you're about to burst into tears at any moment."

And just like that Niamh did burst into tears.

"Oh no," Karina grimaced, taking her into her arms in that motherly way she had about her. "I didn't mean to upset you. Please don't cry."

"It's not you," Niamh sobbed. "I was just… it's nothing… I'm fine and I-"

"Take a deep breath," Karina ordered gently, reaching for some tissue and wiping up Niamh's face as though she was one of her young children. "There you go, let's get that bit of snot off your lip. Much better. Right. Now calmly and slowly try telling me that again."

"It's stupid," Niamh mumbled, shaking her head.

"Niamh, you've met Ollie, right? Yeah. Well, as much as it pains me to admit it, he can be a bit dense sometimes. Do you know when I got pregnant with our first he wouldn't let me have a bath for a week because he was worried the water would get inside of my foof and drown the baby."

Niamh couldn't help but choke out a laugh at that.

"Yeah, ridiculous I know. And that's only one of a number of things," Karina grinned. "But despite the fact he's an idiot sometimes, I love him to death and I don't think he's stupid really, I think he's incredibly sweet. And so I promise you that anything you're gonna tell me won't be anything half as daft as some of the things that come out of my husband's mouth, so go for it, ok?"

Niamh nodded and took a moment to collect herself, dabbing at the odd stray tear that fell and stilling the trembling of her bottom lip, until she was ready to speak without crying again.

"I thought I was pregnant," she whispered, chewing the inside of her cheek and looking down at the cracked tile in between her feet. "I really thought it, but then I came in here and… well, I'm not because my monthly just started."

"Oh Niamh," Karina sighed. "I'm sorry."

"What for? It's ridiculous, Karina. I'm in a toilet with another woman while two bloody men stand outside guarding me like I'm gonna disappear down the plughole all because Alfie's so fucking overly paranoid and I'm crying about a baby that never even ever existed."

"Well it existed in your head," Karina smiled sympathetically. "And that's enough, isn't it? It existed in your head and you'd probably already started thinking about how it looked and whether it was going to be a shit like Alfie and your brothers, or a saint like it's aunty Karina, yeah? And you probably felt excited and nervous and excited again, then it's suddenly taken from you. And that hurts, Niamh. Even if it was only real in your head and nowhere else, it's ok that it hurts."

"It is?"

"It is," Karina nodded, taking Niamh's face in her hands. "And if you need to cry or talk about it any time, you know you can come to me, yeah?"

"Yeah," Niamh smiled then, feeling so glad to have a friend like Karina.

It was funny really because growing up she'd never really had many friends. No one wanted their daughters hanging around with a Shelby and it hadn't really bothered her anyway. After all she had enough siblings to keep her entertained and then when John had kids, first with Martha and then with Esme, that was like gaining not only little playmates but also friends in their mothers too. But she had never had an actual real friend who wasn't family or someone who was just nice to her because of her brothers. She had never had someone like Karina and it was… truly wonderful. It was unconditional kindness and love but it was different than with her siblings. It was almost like they had become sisters by choice and not out of force.

"Do you wanna come back to mine for a cuppa?" Karina suggested. "I'll even ask Ollie's mum to keep hold of the kids a bit longer so we can have some peace and quiet?"

"I'd like that," Niamh nodded, but then she remembered the fuss Alfie had kicked up this morning about her going to the jumble sale. "Then again, I should probably get home. I need to get changed and also I think Alfie would prefer me to be home where his minions can keep me safe from a danger that doesn't exist."

"Bloody men," Karina rolled her eyes. "Well tomorrow you can come and that way you can check with his majesty first, alright? Come on then; let's get out there and make sure no one's robbed off with the money."

Karina always knew how to make Niamh chuckle, and even though she was still upset in that moment she knew that it wouldn't last forever. She and Alfie would have children when the universe decided it was the right time and that was that. Until then, they could just have fun practicing.