Saoirse looked at herself in the mirror, something she had been trying to do more and more in order to reacquaint herself with how she looked now and to try and accept it as well. The cut on her face was still healing which meant that she couldn't wear makeup yet, but she was starting to feel somewhat optimistic that once she was allowed to cake on plenty of makeup, that she would be able to make it look slightly less terrible than it looked currently. She wouldn't lie to herself and profess that she had come to terms with the way she looked because she still hated to see her reflection. She hated to see her disfigurement and think about how it happened, and she doubted that would ever change. Tommy constantly reminded her that she was beautiful, to him at least, and that her scar was a physical reminder, a badge of honour, of what she had survived. Saoirse felt anything but brave though. She felt scared. Scared that Joe would return for her; scared that she would never feel like herself again. Most of all she was still scared that Tommy would come to his senses and abandon her.

There was a knock at the door and Saoirse let out the anxious breath she had been holding. She smoothed down her skirt and clenched her fists at her sides nervously as she walked down the hallway. Tommy was at work, and Polly and Ada had gone out because they knew that Saoirse had a visitor this morning, and her visitor had arrived. Saoirse hesitated as she reached for the door, her hand was trembling and her heart palpating. She was terrified that the second she opened the door and Mary took one look at her face for the first time, she would be unable to hide her shock and disgust.

"I know you're there, Saoirse," Mary's voice sounded through the door. " And no offence but I'm freezing me tits off out here so can you hurry up and let me in."

Saoirse grinned, she couldn't help it and with one final deep breath she pulled open the door.

"About bloody time," Mary commented, pushing past Saoirse, pausing only briefly to hug her. "I thought you were gonna leave me standing out there for ages. Anyway, I hope the kettle's on cos my throat is dryer than a desert and I made some more lemon cake, just like I promised."

Saoirse's grin faltered momentarily, and she tried not to cry. For just these few seconds, she realised how much she had missed feeling like this; had missed feeling normal. It wasn' that Tommy and Polly and the others didn't act normally around her, but perhaps it was because she caught snippets of their whispered conversations about her when they thought she couldn't hear. However, being with Mary, who was behaving exactly like she always had, felt so different and she liked it.

"What's wrong with you?" Mary frowned, trying her best not to look at Saoirse's face.

Polly had warned her that it was a sight and she had not lied. It had taken everything in Mary not to burst into tears at how unfair it was to see her friend's face marred in such a horrific way, but instead she had put on her usual gobby front and pretended she hadn't even noticed it.

"Nothing," Saoirse shook her head, sniffing delicately.

"Well, do you wanna tell that to your fucking face then? Cos you look like someone's died," Mary muttered. " Right come on, brew time, and then afterwards you can give me the grand tour of this place cos my mum's well jealous I've been in here twice now."

Saoirse laughed for the first time in weeks and without warning threw her arms around Mary, almost knocking her off her feet.

"Thank you," she murmured, refusing to let go and just holding onto Mary a little longer. " Thank you for still being my friend. "

"There's nothing to thank me for," Mary answered, rubbing a hand up and down Saoirse's back soothingly. " But just so you know, I'm sorry that I couldn't have stopped that bastard doing what he did to you, Saoirse. I'm so sorry and I know it doesn't feel it now, but in time he'll be a distant memory that you lock away inside your head because you'll be too happy to care about him."

"I hope you're right," Saoirse pulled away to look at her friend sadly. " I know this thing on my face is never going to go anywhere but all I want is to be happy, Mary."

"And god knows you deserve it," Mary smiled genuinely. " Now no more soppiness from either of us eh? "

"Agreed."

Mary, as it turned out, had a lot of gossip about everyone and insisted on telling Saoirse all of it, even when it was about people she didn't know nor had even heard of before. There was one thing Saoirse wanted to know though.

"Does everyone know? About what happened to me?"

Mary wriggled uncomfortably in her seat, prodding at her half-eaten cake so she wouldn't have to look at Saoirse.

"I take your silence as a yes then?"

"It's not that everyone's been talking about you as such," Mary grimaced, finally meeting Saoirse's waiting gaze. " The thing is, the Peaky Blinders absolutely tore up the streets the night it happened and he had anyone and everyone out looking for Joe. You know what it's like around here, one person knows something and it spreads like wildfire, but all anybody's wondered when they've spoken about you is whether or not you're alright."

What Mary neglected to tell Saoirse about were the comments from small-minded people who were convinced that the girl was now damaged and ruined. Or the people who speculated about her face and told exaggerated stories of an entire side of her face being ruined as though she was the elephant man or something. Those people and their stupid opinions didn't matter but to Saoirse they undoubtedly would.

"Do you think that maybe we could go out?" Saoirse asked suddenly.

"You what?" Mary frowned. " You wanna go out? Where? "

"Just-" Saoirse chewed her lip hesitantly. " I just thought maybe we could go for a walk to the end of the street and back or something? "

"You're sure you wanna do that?" Mary tilted her head in concern. " I just mean if you're not ready then maybe you should wait a little longer. "

Saoirse had decided though she was ready, to try at least. What harm could it do? If she panicked or changed her mind she could come right back to the house, couldn't she? Standing up, she looked Mary in the eye determinedly and smiled.

Saoirse had nodded off on the sofa when Tommy arrived home. She looked so peaceful sleeping and when he bent over to kiss her gently on the forehead she stirred and smiled up at him groggily.

"Hey you," she murmured, sitting up with a yawn. " What time is it?"

"About five," he returned her smile, sitting down beside her and toeing off his shoes. " Good day? "

"Surprisingly, yes. I had a really nice time with Mary and then this afternoon I spent some time with Esme and the baby while the kids were at school. He's teething terribly, poor little mite, so I sat with him in the back garden for a while until it started raining and then we came in and played with those little wooden bricks he likes. And I, uh, I actually went for a walk up the road and back this morning."

Tommy couldn't conceal his shock. His face almost split in two as he beamed at Saoirse who looked almost embarrassed.

"I'm so proud of you, Saoirse," he took her hand and kissed it.

"I only made it as far as Mrs. Ableson's before I came back because I felt panicked that people were looking at me," she admitted with a shrug. " But it felt good to leave these four walls and just see the outside world again. You should have seen Polly's face when she saw me walking down the road. Her mouth was open so wide that she looked like she was catching flies."

Tommy chuckled but he could see that behind Saoirse's teasing front, she still wasn't all that comfortable with having gone out in public, but he was so proud of her nonetheless.

"Anyway, after I came home, I sat down for a minute and well, apparently I fell asleep. And now I feel awful because there's nothing ready for dinner for you, and Polly and Ada are next door at John's," she grimaced.

"That's alright," Tommy held out his arms and waited for Saoirse to lean against him because he knew that if he was to just reach out for her without warning she might involuntarily panic. He smiled to himself when he felt her relax fully against him and he kissed the top of her head. "I'll run down to the chippy in a minute and get us something. I'll even ask for extra scraps for you."

"You're the best, do you know that?" Saoirse looked up at him adoringly. " I love you. "

"I love you too," Tommy murmured, cupping her face so he could kiss her gently.

Tommy pulled back for a moment, trying to gauge Saoirse's reaction and he grinned against her mouth when she kissed him back with fervour. His hands entangled themselves into her hair, which was starting to grow longer again, and when she climbed onto his lap, he had to fight the urge to run his hands down the length of her body. He knew he needed to be patient and let her take the lead.

Saoirse ran her tongue along Tommy's lips, seeking bold entry to deepen their kiss. Her hands held his face and she felt desire pooling in her stomach. She wanted this and maybe she was finally ready to be intimate with the man she loved again. No sooner had that thought crossed her mind though then she felt Tommy's arousal for her against her centre and she scrambled off him hurriedly. Tommy was hot on her heels as she ran to the kitchen and vomited in the sink, retching pitifully until there was nothing left.

"Ssh, it's alright," Tommy murmured, pulling her hair back from her face. " I'm sorry, Saoirse. "

"It's not your fault," she sobbed, turning on the tap so she could get a handful of water to rinse her mouth and wipe her face.

Trembling, she looked at him sadly. She hated herself because she knew Tommy would never hurt her, she knew he was nothing like Joe yet the thought of that was enough to physically make her ill.

"I'm sorry Tommy," she apologised. " You have no idea how much I want to be with you like that, but I just can't do it."

She burst into tears again and Tommy's heart felt like it was breaking into pieces watching her inner turmoil. He wasn't upset or angry with her, but he was angry and upset with the situation; with that disgusting excuse of a human being who had done this to her.

"Come on now, love, it's alright," he pulled her into his arms without asking, and she clutched his shirt desperately, terrified that he would let her go. "You're alright now, I promise."

"I just don't want to feel like this, Tommy," she cried against him. " I just want it to go away. "

"I know you do, love," he swallowed down a choke. "But it'll take time."

"How much time?" she demanded through her tears.

"I don't know," he answered honestly. " But as long as it takes, I'll be here, won't I? "

"Promise you'll never leave me, Tommy. Please promise me."

"I promise, love."

And he meant it with all his heart.