Hotch at last finished Alexa's interview. He'd come down to the break room for a cup of coffee, his mind buzzing with the conversation he'd just had. He knew Reid would be a little bothered that he was getting friendly with this woman, but he couldn't help it. No doubt she was a different person twenty years ago, but today all he could see was a kind, friendly, personable woman… with the most incredible eyes he'd ever seen, that lit up the rare times he'd seen her smile.
Gripping the handle of the carafe, he took a deep breath. He wasn't so sure what it was about this woman, but she was very hypnotizing. He was sure it was nothing. He'd had a long stressful week and he'd finally found a neutral person to talk to, that was all.
"Hello, sir," Garcia said as she stepped in. In her hands she clutched some paper products.
"Garcia," Hotch said, looking up. "Are those searches finished yet?"
She cringed, having almost forgotten she was supposed to be working. She hadn't been to her computer in a half an hour. "I'm not sure sir, I… had something I needed to take care of. I'll find out in a jiffy, sir."
He paused a moment, taking her in with an intense stare. She seemed oddly distracted, even by her standards. "Is there something I should know? Something bother you? Because if there is and your work is being affected, we need to asses this."
"It's nothing, sir," She assured, hurrying over to pitch her trash. "It's done now, anyway. I'll get right back to work."
She went to rush off when the toe of her hot pink heels kicked the small metal trash can. Garcia gasped as the top of the rubbish spilled to the floor. "Oh, dear, I'm sorry."
Kneeling down, Hotch helped her gather up the trash. She tried to rush to keep the evidence hidden, but was frozen as she saw his hand pick up the small box. His eyes routinely looked it over, his whole brain coming to a stop.
At once, his expression changed from stern to surprised. He was just as immobile as Garcia for a moment. After a moment's hesitation, he cleared his throat and shoved the package into the trash with the rest of the garbage.
"I apologize, Garcia," He said after a moment, finishing up the gathering. "I didn't realize it was something so serious."
She wasn't exactly sure how to respond to that. "It's alright, sir," was the most appropriate thing she could think to say.
They got to their feet, both awkwardly brushing themselves off from the dust on the tile floor. Neither were sure how to bring this up. She knew he must have questions, any rational person would. Hotch, with a bit of an embarrassed expression, looked up to meet her eyes. They were caring and sympathetic this time, a side the others so rarely got to see.
"Excuse me for asking, but…" He amazingly gave a small smile. "Are congratulations in order?"
"Oh," Garcia uttered, biting her lip a moment. "uh… sir, that pregnancy test wasn't for me."
"Really?" He asked, suddenly interested. "May I ask who it was for? I don't want to seem rude, but… if it is a member of the team, I need to be informed."
Had it been anyone else, she would have lied. Garcia would have taken the fall and evaluate the damage later. She couldn't be dishonest to her boss, however, it would have serious repercussions. "Well, sir… actually, it's not a member of our team."
Before Hotch could put the pieces together, Emily and Riley came into the break room, both seeming very emotionally exhausted. Instantly, Hotch understood the truth and was completely stunned.
Riley was still trying to gather her composure as she came in. The last thing she needed was for Reid to see her a distraught mess. But then maybe, he'd force her to go to the hotel to rest where she could spend the day contemplating this whole ordeal. Looking up, she spotted Hotch staring at her, his eyes filled with enormous joy and pride.
"You told him!" Riley shrieked in a hiss, looking to Garcia.
"No, I didn't, Sweetie. He saw the box, he figured it out!" She cried.
Hotch stepped over to her. He'd always had a special connection with Riley, it was evident to everyone. He acted around her in a way he never did with the rest of the team, a bond the others never would experience with their chief.
"Are you pregnant?" He asked quietly, a small hopeful smile on his face.
She let out a sigh and grumbled "Yeah."
"That's wonderful!" He exclaimed, pulling her into a hug.
Riley was stiff in his embrace, not wanting to let herself be happy about this. This was awful, she wanted to be as ecstatic and hopeful as everyone else, but something wouldn't let her.
Sensing her discomfort, Hotch pulled away. He looked over her face, not seeing what he usually saw when a woman learned she was expecting. Hayley had cried with joy for an hour, when JJ had revealed it, she was beaming like a star… Riley was the complete opposite. In fact, she looked more like she'd been told she had cancer.
"Are you feeling alright?" He asked, worried.
"I'm fine," She said, with the fakest smile he'd ever seen. "I'm just hungry."
She stepped off to head into the kitchen. Hotch looked to Emily first and then Garcia, their expressions telling him this wasn't good.
"You girls better get back," He informed. "Tell everyone we'll convene in the conference room in fifteen minutes."
"Yes, sir," Emily replied, and they quickly stepped out, leaving their unit chief with the distressed young therapist.
He didn't speak right away. He turned and watched Riley as she spotted a bowl of fruit on the table. She grabbed a shiny red apple from the pile, taking a bite out of it as she leaned on the counter. Her eyes closed a moment as she savored the taste, forgetting her problems for a nanosecond.
"It certainly explains your sudden change in food." Hotch mentioned as he walked over.
"Shut up," Riley moaned. "I don't want to talk about it."
"Wow, those hormones are in full swing already." He teased, grabbing the coffee pot again.
"Enough!" She snarled, glaring at him. "This isn't funny, Aaron, I don't want to think about it right now, so just drop it!"
"Hey," Hotch cried seriously, turning to her. "What's the matter? I know this is scary, but you need to calm down."
"I am so sick of hearing that! Yes, it's scary, I'm scared out of my mind!" Normally, she wouldn't just explode like this, but her nerves were frayed and frazzled, she couldn't keep hold of her emotions. "I can't believe this is happening."
Her hand set her apple on the counter so as to cover her face, hiding her tears. Hotch was shocked, he never saw her like this short of a threat on Reid's life. Abandoning his coffee, he stepped over, putting his arm around her, feeling her whole body trembling.
She didn't want to be touched, though, and inched away from him. Her tears slowed in a moment and pulled her hands away, taking a deep breath. "This is the worst thing that could have happened. The absolute worst."
"I've heard a new baby referred to as a lot of things, but I don't think I've heard a woman in your status say this is the worst thing to happen." He said. "Why are you so upset? Do you think Spencer's going to hate the idea? Does he not want children?"
"No, he does." Riley answered. "And that makes one of us."
He didn't respond immediately, taking a moment to let that sink in. "I thought, after all this time… you're feelings had changed."
She let out a sigh, "For Spencer's sake, I have tried… I have tried to want a child, but… I just can't get over that fear. It's like asking Spencer to get over his fear of the dark. He could work at it all he wants, it just won't ever be so."
She closed her eyes, a few tears making a break for it. Her hand wiped them away, taking in a stuttering breath.
"That's very true, but Reid's been lost in the dark many times, and that didn't stop him from fighting for his life… or yours." He responded in a stern tone, like he were reprimanding his team. "You're just scared you're going to be like your mother."
"I look just like her." She mumbled. "I remember her at 33, and I'm a spitting image… it's not irrational to believe I would become the same person if I had a child."
"So what if you look like her!" He exclaimed. "That doesn't mean anything. Three years ago, we went to Napa to hunt down an unsub. We found his name and tracked him down, only to find he was a registered nurse with a wife and a family of five. An upstanding member of the community. It turned out his estranged identical twin had stolen his identity and was murdering people under his name. Two people who looked exactly alike with completely different personalities."
"That's not the same!" Riley argued. "Children become their parents, and either I'll be a screaming abusive drunk or a lazy dead beat Vicodin addict. Which one do you think Spencer will find hotter?"
He shook his head. "Riley… I didn't know your mother very well, but I did meet her. And I heard plenty of stories from my brother. You are not her. You are not an brainless narcissist who constantly turns the conversation back to herself. You pulled yourself out of a small town to go to an Ivy League school, just like I did. You worked so hard to graduate in two years, despite the pressure coming down on you in the first semester – yeah, you didn't think I knew about that, did you?" He said with a significant look at her shocked expression. "You worked so hard to prove yourself in the FBI, focused countless hours treating your patients and, while your morals didn't toe the line the whole time… you've become one of the most requested and revered psychiatrists in the Bureau. You always put your friends first and you stand by your husband's side through anything, loving him and supporting him… even when he ruins your honeymoon. Trust me… you are not your mother."
Maybe he was right, but Riley couldn't let herself accept this. "Maybe you're right… but is it really fair to take that chance?"
"You know, for someone who's cheated death so many times, you don't have much faith in taking chances." He mentioned, and with that went back to the coffee. "Just think about it for awhile, come to terms with it before you make a decision. You might be surprised what you really want."
"What if what I want is to terminate?" Riley questioned, folding her arms. She watched his reaction, seeing him tense a moment, the carafe poised just short of pouring into his mug.
But, unlike the girls, he went on with his business. "If that's what you really want, it's your decision… but I think you might even surprise yourself."
Riley rolled her eyes, not believing him. Hotch, however knew better. Because had it not been for one provocation, terminating was exactly what her mother would have done.
They were interrupted as Alexa came into the break room. "Sorry, I don't mean to interrupt," She said cautiously, going to the sink. "I just wanted to return your mug."
"Did you finish your tea?" He asked kindly.
"Yes, it hit the spot, thank you." She replied, giving him a smile. Their eyes locked for a moment, which seemed to go on for an eternity, before Alexa stepped away. "I'd better find where my children have gotten to."
"We'll see you later," Hotch called as she walked out. His eyes lingered on her as she departed, waiting until she was out of sight before he finally turned back, lifting his coffee for a sip.
Riley was so amazed, her mouth stood open like a trout. "What was that?" She finally asked with a stunned chortle.
"What?" He asked, uncertain.
"That… little moment you had with her." She explained. Her problem seemed in the back of her mind as she smirked. "The way you looked at her, I've never seen you look at someone like that."
"I was being friendly." He explained. His drink was suddenly the most interesting thing in the room to him.
"Oh, yes, definitely friendly," She nodded. "At least you'd like to be friendly."
He eyed her with disgust as if she were some sleaze ball in an interrogation room, but she wouldn't be intimidated. "Don't deny it, you like her. I've seen the way you've been getting along with her. Except for the fact she's about ten years younger than you, there's really nothing wrong with it… except for the immoral aspects that she's a victim's mother and also the sworn enemy of one of your subordinates."
He shifted uncomfortably, not wanting to admit she might be right. "I don't think you're one to lecture me on the ethics in the workplace, do you?"
"Cheap shot." Riley muttered. "Look, whatever, I've got too much on my plate to worry about this right now. You flirt with her all you want, just don't do it in front of Spencer, he's dealing with enough. Knowing this would just upset him more."
"I am not flirting with her." He answered. "She's a nice woman, that's all. We get along because we're both parents. Something you'll understand very soon."
She inched back at that, her gut twisting uncomfortably. "Don't bet on it."
"Hey," A voice called, startling them. Both turned to see Reid come in, looking concerned. "Am I interrupting something?"
"No," Riley answered at once. "We were finished talking."
"I've been looking for you." He smiled, going over to her. At once he took her in his arms, holding her close to him. "I've been worried about you, I thought you might be throwing up some more."
Riley let out a sigh of content, being held so securely in his embrace. "No… actually I'm not so nauseas at the moment."
"So Garcia's mysterious errand made you feel better?" He asked, pulling away to see her face.
"Uh…" She stuttered. "In a round about way, what have you been up to?"
"Well, Hotch was still talking with Alexa so I sat with the girls until she was finished." He glanced at his boss with a significant look. "I suggested I take them to their father, but they didn't seem too anxious in finding him any time soon."
"From what I learned from the mother, that seems a pretty popular opinion." He agreed. "Everyone's probably waiting in the conference room; we'd better get in there."
"We're right behind you," Reid called as Hotch stepped out. The couple was at last alone. Riley hated this sudden change. The last time they stood like this, they were just a happy husband and wife. There was no impending doom leering down on them… at least, that's how she felt.
He noticed the frightened appearance on her and became very scared. "You look awfully pale… are you sure you're feeling alright?"
"Yeah…" She nodded, trying to relax a bit. "I imagine I look worse than I feel, I, uh…" She reached and claimed her apple again, "I even have a bit of an appetite."
"I'm starting to get concerned about these apples." He joked. He reached to gently stroke her cheek and Riley felt a shiver go through her. She loved this man so much, it ached her to think of a future where he stopped looking at her like that, holding her like this, touching her so lovingly.
"I love you, Spencer," She uttered, fighting back the strong urge to break down in tears.
"I love you, too." He answered, a little startled at her sudden confession. His other hand stole a light stroke along her denim backside, bringing a smile to her colorless and troubled face. "Is something going on? Are you… upset about something?"
"No," She shook her head. "Just felt like saying it."
"I never tire of hearing it." He gave her a soft kiss, pulling another sigh from her. They pulled apart, watching the relaxed and contented smile spread on her face. "Come on… we'd better catch up with the others."
He pulled away and took her hand, leading her from the kitchen. Riley was twisted with guilt. She loved this man so much, they were perfectly happy… just the two of them. What would happen if a third person entered this mix? There was no way to tell.