Hotch took a few minutes to calm down. He had to get through the rest of the case without letting this effect him. Easier said than done; he hadn't felt like this in a very long time, only having the memories from long ago.
He couldn't understand what was wrong with him. Dave was right. Alexa was a married woman, he had to be careful. He couldn't just disturb a family, however dysfunctional it seemed. That wasn't right. Imagine how furious he'd be if he learned Hayley had feelings for another man at the end of their marriage.
But he hadn't disturbed this family. All he'd done was offer a grieving mother a shoulder to lean on. He just felt sorry for her. He'd seen so many parents missing a child. Some who were at each others throats and some who found even the smallest bit of strength in each other… but it was almost like John didn't care. Sure, he missed his son, but since giving up hope, he's added that to rest of his life that he's not happy about, finding strength inside a bottle and meaningless sex.
That made Hotch angry, too. He had tried to hurt Riley, whom he loved just as much as he did Jack. The way he handled her was not the work of impulse, but of an expert with a perfected routine. If he'd done it once, he must have done it multiple times. What about those women who didn't have someone come to their rescue?
Knowing he had to get back to work, Hotch tried to focus on something neutral. He breathed slowly as he thought of Jack starting camp in a few weeks. The first time he'd be away from home for more than a night. Hotch was so used to going on trips, he wasn't so sure how to handle his little boy going away while he stayed behind.
That did the trick. A little more emotionally stable now, Hotch turned to leave the conference room… only to find he wasn't alone.
"Alexa!" He exclaimed, seeing the breathtaking blonde woman standing there, watching him. Wait, she wasn't watching him, she was just waiting to speak to him… right?
"I didn't mean to disturb you," She said kindly, stepping further inside. Right, she was just waiting, not wanting to interrupt him. It was silly to think otherwise. "I, uh… I'm looking for my husband and when I asked my in-laws… they said I should speak to you or Spencer. Since Spencer won't even look at me and you at least tolerate me, I'm coming to you."
"I do more than tolerate you," He said with a smile and immediately wished Reid would come and punch some sense into him. "Uh… there's something I need to tell you about your husband. He's been… taken down to the station's lock up."
She didn't seem the least bit surprised about that. "Oh, God, what did he do now?"
This must not be his first offense… probably not even his tenth. Still, Hotch dreaded what her outcome would be. "We caught him assaulting… a young woman."
He left out her identity; she didn't need to know that right now. She was definitely appalled by that, but even then, she didn't appear stunned by this. "I can't believe he would do that… and here of all places. Is she alright?"
Hotch answered, "Yes… we didn't see much, there's little we can do to him, even if she presses charges… but I am wondering if you have any idea if he's done something like this before."
"Well," Alexa thought for a moment. She didn't seem to object in the slightest to reveal this about her husband. "I'm not proud to admit it, but I know John isn't exactly an ideal husband."
"You mean he's been unfaithful?" He wondered.
"Yeah," She said. "I've never said anything to him. I know he's going to do what he wants no matter what, so I turn a blind eye. John can be a very violent person when he gets upset. I don't care so much about myself, he can do what he wants to me, but… my children. I'd be devastated if he hurt my babies."
"So you're not certain if he's assaulted or… raped a woman before?" He questioned.
"If I did, I wouldn't hesitate to tell." She answered truthfully. "I wouldn't put it past him, but I've never heard of such a thing."
"I see," Hotch said. He believed her fully. "I just want to ask you… what places does he typically frequent in the evenings?"
"Well… any bar within a ten mile radius of our home… a strip club he and Jeremy like to go to, I think it's called Lusty Ladies or something, and they gamble at the bigger casinos on the strip, but that's usually only when I… when the paycheck comes in."
Hotch nodded. "Thank you," he smiled.
"Anything to help… I guess I better go… let my husband out of jail." She was trying to put a light spin on things, but it just came out bitter.
"Let him stay down there." Hotch called. Alexa turned back in surprise, looking to him as if he were crazy. "He'll be let out in the morning anyway, don't your waste your money."
Alexa knew John would be furious if he had to stay the night in jail… but she was amused by the idea. "Not that I'll get any sleep, but I could use a night away from him. Thanks,"
She gave him another grateful smile and Hotch was surprised when he returned. Again, she turned to leave. Before he could stop himself, Hotch blurted out, "You should care."
"Excuse me?" She questioned, looking back at him.
"I think it's very admirable that you're so concerned for the safety of your children." He said. "If it came down to me and my son, I would certainly take his place to spare him, so I can relate. But if you're husband is abusing you in any way… you should care. You're worth more than that… and it's a terrible example you're setting for your daughters."
Resentment suddenly rose in her and she turned back to face him. "Who are you to lecture me on how I live my life?"
"Mrs. Hillman, I used to be a prosecutor… and I can't tell you how many cases I worked involving long time wife beaters who went just a little too far one night… and a lot of them left innocent children behind."
"My husband almost never hits me." She answered. "It's only when I really deserve it."
"That's where you're wrong." He exclaimed. "It doesn't matter what you do, you don't deserve to be physically punished. And you know as well as I do when he does that, it's not because you put a toe out of line. Furthermore, maybe he doesn't hit you very often, but emotional and mental abuse is just as bad."
"That…" She pointed her finger at him in fury, her teeth gritted as she kept from yelling. "That's not what's going on, I am not abused, Agent Hotchner."
"He checks your cell phone and reads your email, doesn't he? He's isolated you from your friends, you barely get to see your family and when you do, if he's not with you, he makes sure you don't take the kids so he knows you're coming back. This is why you can't get any time alone because there's no one to watch your kids. He has severe mood swings, he constantly puts you down, and is extremely possessive of you."
Judging by the frightened expression on her face, Hotch knew he was right. "I study human behavior, Mrs. Hillman… and not only can I see abuse, I know it's just going to get worse in time. And then you won't be able to stop him from hurting you… or your children."
"You're just saying this because our fighting is supposedly what made Peter run away!" Alexa yelled, much louder than she should have.
Hotch stared her down for a moment. "I don't for a second blame you for Peter's disappearance. I'm sorry, I can't stand idly by and watch someone fall to danger… especially when she's standing in it willingly. You're a strong woman; you've fought for two months to find your son. A lesser woman would have given up on everything, I've seen it. Peter would most certainly have died, but now we have a chance to save his life. That's because of you. Only a strong woman would be capable of that, and such the same can stand up to her husband and kick him out of her life… that is, of course, if she has any interest in keeping it."
With that, Hotch brushed past her and out of the conference room. Alexa turned and watched him leave. A minute ago she couldn't take her eyes off him, this handsome man with the sweetest smile and spoke to her like her words were the most interesting thing to hear. It had been so long since she'd had a friend, he had been so kind and understanding. Really, he was just observing her, trying to determine what kind of life she was providing for her child.
Or did he really care about her and her children? Because Alexa had to admit… the thought of being rid of John Hillman and his cronies… seemed like a fairy tale, one she could never be a part of.
Meanwhile, Hotch reentered the main squad room, resisting the urge to look back. The others had broken up, either brainstorming where to focus next on their investigation or answering more questions for the police. His only concern was for one person… and her extensive realm of knowledge.
"Garcia," He said, startling her from her diligent work on her computer.
"Yes, sir?" She exclaimed, sitting up.
"I know you're busy, but I need your help." He informed. "Can you run another search while you're working on this one?"
"Is it ruefully unfair that Pluto is no longer a planet?" She asked with a smile. From the sight of his serious expression, he was not in the mood for jokes. She covered herself. "Yes, yes I can."
"I need you to look into John Hillman's financial history. I need you to run his credit card numbers and locations where money was withdrawn, than crosscheck that with unsolved rapes and assaults on the same night those locations."
"Is this about what happened to Riley?" She asked, worried. No surprise, the news had spread to her. The team was pretty good at keeping everyone in the loop, especially nowadays.
"In a sense," He answered. "It needs to be kept quiet, though. Find me when you're done. And don't show it to anyone but me."
"Yes, sir," She called as he stepped away. Immediately, she set to work, wondering what their boss could be suspecting… and knowing his suspicions were usually right.
Riley was making herself a cup of ginger tea. The nausea wasn't so bad right now, but it wouldn't be long before it was back at full strength. She was going to try to ward it off as long as possible.
She'd returned from the restroom just after the team finished the profile. She immediately found Spencer, wondering if he were ready to talk. He, smiling at her like they shared the rarest of secrets, asked her to wait up in the captain's office. That was right where she was headed as soon as her tea was ready.
Hearing more people walk in, Emily and Rossi joined to refill their mugs. She was growing more and more desperate for coffee, trying to ignore the need for it, that little voice telling her it didn't matter if she had a little. But she couldn't… not until she made a decision.
"So how's the mom-to-be feeling?" Rossi asked, giving her a smile.
Riley cringed, gritting her teeth to keep from lashing out at him. He knew exactly what she was doing to her, though the reason for it was unknown. It could be a form of reverse psychology – to indeed convince her that she truly wanted it – or he just got pleasure at of seeing her so frazzled.
"Not a good time, Dave." Emily said, patting Riley on the back. "How are you feeling?"
"If I throw up anymore, I think I can turn it into a circus act." Riley said, staring down into her tea. "I'm supposed to talk to Spencer in a minute… oh, I don't know how he's going to take this… I don't even want to tell him until I know what I'm going to do, but… I really need him right now."
"And he'll be there for you." Emily smiled confidently. "He loves you, he may not like how you feel, but he'll listen. You two will talk this out and… you might be surprise of the results."
"Hmm," She mumbled with a small scowl.
Emily couldn't help but laugh a little. In a few months time, when everything about her life and body change, she would look back at this and wonder why she was so scared.
While Emily was looking over Riley, Rossi was looking over her. He'd always had a soft spot for Emily, who found him easy to open up to. They had a connection, not unlike the one Riley shared with Hotch, or Reid with Gideon for a time. If anyone could get Riley to see the light, it was not Spencer Reid… but the woman before her.
"Listen," Emily said kindly. "You've been cooped up in this precinct all day. You've had to deal with a lot today, including being slobbered on by some disgusting pig as well as finding out your whole life changed."
"Do you have a point, Emily?" Riley groaned, rolling her eyes.
"Well… I'm going to the Gereedo household, to question the parents of the most recent deceased boy." She explained. "You don't have to come in with me to speak with them, but I thought you could use some fresh air, take a ride to mellow out. Would you like to come with me? I'll buy you a late dinner afterward."
She was a bit hungry. "If you don't mind waiting."
"Not at all." Emily assured. "JJ already called the family to expect us in the next couple of hours, so, if you're not done in an hour, I'll just go myself but… I have some time to wait. And I'd like some company on the drive."
"I may need a get away car after this conversation." She said with a smile. "I'll… meet you outside in the next hour?"
"I'll be there." She agreed. Riley felt a bit better, knowing she'd have a chance to go for a drive, clear her head without everyone around her, all with a different opinion and no understanding how she felt. Grabbing her tea, Riley headed off to the captain's office. Emily could only hope this discussion would do more good than harm.
Rossi stepped a bit closer, glancing at Riley's retreating back. "She's really confused right now."
"I know," Emily muttered sadly. "I feel so bad for her… I just hope Reid can help her to understand. She's not doomed to the life her parents gave her… that she could be really, really happy."
"Yeah," Nodded Rossi. He hesitated a moment, trying to grab Emily's gaze. "It seems to me… no matter what others have been through or how others feel… Riley needs to talk to someone who's really been there."
Emily's face went pale for a moment as she turned to Rossi. She looked stunned for a moment, as if angry he brought it up. It was an unspoken subject, something she tried so hard to pretend never happened.
But he was right. If anyone could understand how Riley felt, it wasn't someone who had babies, who may at one time thought about the alternative… but someone who actually chose the option.
With a silent nod, she looked to the older man to agree. It was a wound she wanted desperately to scar over… but Emily could let a little blood spill to spare her troubled friend from the same fate.
Alone in the captain's office, her hands were shaking so bad, she couldn't control the mug of tea. It sat to the side table, rapidly turning cold.
Riley's eyes were glued to the frosted glass of the door, her leg going a mile a minute, unsure what to do with her nervous energy. Any minute he was going to walk in. She wanted him to come so they could get this conversation over with… but then, as soon as he did, she'd have to tell him the truth. She did not want to be responsible for taking this joy away from him.
All too soon, it was upon her. The silhouette appeared on the other side of the door just before it opened, revealing the doctor himself. He spotted her immediately, still beaming with happiness, his eyes glowing with joy. Entering, he closed the door to give them some privacy.
"I'm sorry that took so long," He said, going to sit beside her on the couch. Riley would have preferred he took the chair, but didn't say anything. He pressed a kiss to her lips. "The officers had a lot of questions, mostly on how they were supposed to form a suspect list if the unsub doesn't have a record."
"How are you supposed to do that?" Riley wondered. Despite her brief work with the BAU, the process was still a bit complicated for her. She'd much rather stick to medicine, where problems are a bit more textbook.
"We said mostly likely, which means he may have one or two prior offenses." He said, adjusting himself comfortably beside her. "Though Garcia's taking the brunt of the load, searching through the system for accidental deaths approximately twenty years ago."
"Ironic, isn't it?" Riley wondered, with a crook of a smile. "That boy probably lost his twin right about the time you graduated."
"Amazing how things connect together." Reid said, reaching into his pocket. "I almost forgot… I brought you something."
She watched as Reid pulled out a shiny red apple, just like the ones from the break room. It was such a simple gesture, but said more about his love than even she could describe. "Thank you," She said, tears filling her eyes. "But actually, I'm not very hungry right now."
"Eat it later." He said, pressing a kiss to her cheek.
She nodded, setting the fruit beside her tepid tea. She wished they could just stay like this. Just lean on him while he wrapped here in his arms until she fell asleep. She was feeling pretty tired right now.
"So…" Reid began slowly. He really wasn't sure what to say. This conversation was a first for him. He stated the obvious with a boyish giggle, "We're having a baby."
Riley had a bad jealous streak. She'd been bitterly jealous of Lila Archer. She was jealous when she saw girls flirting or even just eyeing her husband up and down. And, though she'd never admit it, she was envious of Emily, JJ, and Garcia for getting to be with him when she couldn't… but this was the first time she'd ever been jealous of her own husband. He was so happy… why couldn't she feel like that, too?
"I, uh… I'm kind of the last to know about our news, I discovered." Reid said lightly, catching her eye.
Riley was stunned, "Wait, Morgan knows? I didn't tell him."
"I guess Emily did." Reid explained with a shrug. "It doesn't matter, the point is I know and… oh, I can't stop smiling."
"I can see that." Riley answered, her expression light and false. "You look like your jaw is wired that way."
"I can't help it!" He chuckled. "I'm just so happy."
He was starting to notice she, however, wasn't smiling. He could tell everything about how she was feeling from her eyes… those beautiful brown eyes. They weren't sparkling with their usual diamond dust. The flame that normally glowed in them had gone out. They were dark and hollow… like she was dead inside.
It had been a long stressful day, maybe she was just stressed right now, what with everything that had happened. Her whole life was stable this morning and now, it's up in the air. In a few months, their world would change forever. She just needed to relax… who better to do that than he?
"You know," Reid said, taking her hand. "I, um… I'm trying to think about when it… happened… The only time I can think where we might have had a slip up is… that morning."
"Which morning?" Riley asked, her mind not as sharp as his. She was trying to think back, but eight weeks was a long time.
"You remember… that morning, about two months ago." He grinned. At that, he leaned down and kissed her neck lovingly. "I never thought so much good could come out of being late for work."
"Oh," Riley loved the feel of his kisses, but her brain was too congested to enjoy any of life's pleasures right now. "Yeah… that must have been it. You would know better than I would."
"I guess we'll really know once we go to a doctor… but that would be my prediction." He said, smiling again, begging her silently to be happy with him. Why was she so upset? Sure there was a lot to figure out, but it wasn't like they were just dating. They were married and in love and had enough money saved to start a family. Everything was going to be just fine. Better then.
He attempted to assure her just that. "When we're done with this case, I am going to find the best obstetrician in the DC area… the apartment is my big concern right now. By the time the baby comes, I think it'll be about… February. The apartment's much too cold for an infant, we'll have to get a new place before then. I know we were going to wait awhile, but… I think we should think about buying a place."
"Spencer, stop!" Riley exclaimed, holding her hand in front of him as if he wouldn't understand. "This is not what I meant by talking."
Slight aghast, "Okay… what did you want to talk about?"
It had to be obvious. He had to know what this was about, and either he wouldn't let himself think it or he was trying to ignore it. Riley met his eyes, seeing the elation flicker a bit… afraid of what was coming.
She couldn't make herself say it. Needing a deep breath, she turned away, leaning on her knees. She took a minute to calm her nerves, on the verge of losing her temper again, just like she'd done to Emily in the bathroom.
"Riley," Reid said soothingly. She let out a light sob as he put his arm around her. "I know this is a bit of a shock, but… please don't be so upset. This is a lot to handle, but everything is going to be great."
She was getting sick of hearing everyone say that. They had her best interest at heart, yes, but no one was looking at this in her perspective. No one could understand how she felt, none of these people could help her.
"Riley…" Reid said slowly, his hand lightly caressing her back. She wouldn't even look at him, like she was going to stay trapped in her bubble until he went away. "Look at me."
A stubborn woman, few people could make her do something against her will, but Spencer was one of them. Though she didn't want to, she obeyed and sat up, turning to him with tear flowing eyes.
Reid was suddenly frightened as he saw her face. This was a sight he hadn't seen in many years… he'd seen that face in Seattle… she wanted to run. In a metaphorical sense this time.
He had a suspicion, and he had never in his life wanted to be more wrong. "You… you do want the baby? Don't you?"
"It's not about what I want." She explained, looking away. "Would you be angry if you knew I thought about having an abortion?"
Reid's jaw dropped a bit, looking at her in amazement… and hurt. He couldn't speak for several minutes, until he could gather his composure.
It broke her heart to see the tears form in her eyes at that statement. He didn't know what to feel about that. "Tell me… how long did you think about that before you made a decision?"
After a bit of hesitation, Riley answered, "I'm not so sure I've made a decision."
The truth shattered around them like a rock through a stained glass window. Reid was breathing heavy, as if he were about to hyperventilate. The tears were welling in his eyes as he pulled away from her… as if she just told him her love for him had been a lie since the very first moment they kissed.
He got to his feet, pacing a moment as he processed this news. Riley watched him with caution, hating herself more and more. She wasn't worthy to have his baby.
At last, he turned back around. "Riley, you can't do that." He said seriously, almost desperately.
"You can't tell me that." Riley said. "I am so scared and confused right now… I don't need you shoving your ideas down my throat, too."
"I don't know about the others, who I'm assuming you're referring to when you say that, but I have the right to." He said, slightly forceful. "That's my baby in there… we have to make this decision together."
"Not according to US law, we don't!" Riley cried, standing up. "It's my body… I'm the one who gets to make the choice. I didn't say I was going to do it either, because-"
"Good, because you're not doing it!" Reid interrupted.
"Just listen," She said, wanting to explain both sides of this before an argument broke out, about everything JJ had told her, the video she'd seen, how scared she was to fight off John for fear he'd hit her in the stomach… it had to mean something. Maybe he could help her shed some light on it.
"I am listening!" Reid yelled. "And what I'm hearing is the woman I love, the woman I've willingly given up my life for doesn't love me enough to want my child."
"Spencer, that's not true!" Riley cried. She wanted to rush to him and pull him into her arms, but she didn't trust herself. She held back. All she wanted was for them to sit down and talk about this rationally… if anyone could get her to see the light, it was him.
Reid turned, unable to look at her for a moment. He didn't want to break down and cry. He wanted to fall to his knees and beg her not to do this, not to ruin what he knew would be the greatest thing that ever happened to them. He couldn't, however… he was much too stubborn to break down so easily.
"It's not going to happen." Reid said as he turned around. The tears were still there, but his expression was hard and mean. "I know you're scared, but… you will get over that. You are going to have this baby. End of discussion."
She glared at him. "What if I don't want it?"
"Riley, we either have this baby or there won't be a 'we' anymore." He stated plainly.
Her jaw fell to the floor. "Spencer," She wept, tears falling down. "You wouldn't… leave me. We took vows… to be together forever."
"Yeah," Reid said, and with that went to the door. Wrenching it open, "You also took a vow you would never seduce your patients… we know how seriously you take your vows, don't we?"
With that, he slammed the door so forcefully, it vibrated through the frosted glass. Riley stood stunned for a moment unsure what had just happened. How dare he? He was not allowed to use that as in argument… he never had before.
Her temper left behind in the office, Riley hurried after him into the crowded bull pen.
"I cannot believe you just threw that in my face!" Riley screamed at his turned back. Reid stopped in his tracks to listen, as did everyone else in the room, which included the team minus Emily, Alexa, and his two former rivals. "I didn't take advantage of anyone! It took two people to commit that act, Spencer, and one of them was you!"
Reid turned around. His eyes were an inferno, staring at her like he could actually make her burst into flames. "I have always been there for. I've endured so much of your insanity over the years, and I realize I've been far from perfect, but no matter what, I was there. No matter how many times you pushed me away. At first I was strong, but you've broken me down. I'm not so sure I can do it anymore. Everyone has a breaking point, Riley, and I think I've reached it."
"You can't do this to me!" She screamed, crying. "You promised we'd be together forever! That we would grow old together! And you promised me that this wouldn't be a deal breaker!"
"Killing our baby was not in that agreement!" Reid shouted, not even caring who was watching. What anyone was thinking. His rage was so far out of control, he wasn't sure what he might do. He wouldn't hit her, that was at least a given; anything short was anybody's guess.
"So this is it?" Riley demanded. "Either I have this baby against my will or I lose everything."
Reid took a deep breath, growing weary of yelling. "I love you… but I can't be with a woman who aborts my baby… not when I know everything she's certain about is wrong. The decision is up to you."
Furious, her breathing stammered as she walked closer to him. Their eyes locked. It was blatant how much they loved each other, more than anything. They would both die for each other at a moment's notice… but if they couldn't agree on this, making a life work would be impossible.
She let out a deep, stammering breath and shook her head. "You should have just gone to work that morning."
With that, she pushed past him, through the crowd which seemed to part naturally for her, and out to meet Emily at the car. Reid watched her retreat… fairly certain he'd just lost her forever.
"Spence," JJ said cautiously.
"Don't," He said, looking back at his remaining group of friends. "Nothing any of you can say will make this better."
With that, he headed out the same way Riley had gone, though they were sure he wasn't going after her. The team remained clustered together, not wanting to branch off and be dragged into the rumors and gossip that were sure to grow from this. The amused expressions on Jeremy's and Harper's faces made all of them sick. Alexa looked both stunned and empathetic… her heart went out to Reid.
After awhile, the interested crowd began to break off. They needed to get back to work, but the subject of conversation wasn't going to die down easily.
"They're going to get through this right?" Garcia asked, looking around at the others as they gathered together. She'd been so worried about what this would do to her friends and now, after what they'd just seen, she was absolutely petrified.
Garcia wasn't the only one. "Yeah, Baby Girl, don't worry." Morgan said, sounding much more confident than he felt. "It's Reid and Riley… they always make it through, they'll do it again this time."
JJ was much more realistic. "What if they don't?" The other four turned to her, wondering where her sense of hope and confidence was. "I mean, marriages break up for a lot less. This may be something they can't get through."
They had never felt so helpless in their lives. Even when the couple was lost and dying in the woods, they had more to give. But maybe they weren't supposed to help… maybe this was just something the two had to figure out on their own.
"There you are," Emily said as she sat in the SUV parked outside the precinct. "So? Did you talk with Reid?"
"Yep," Riley snapped bitterly as she climbed into the front seat.
"And?" She asked hopeful. "Did you guys talk it out? At least start to?"
"Yeah," She nodded, staring straight out the windshield, her arms folded over her as she slumped in her seat. The tears in her eyes glowed as bright as Vegas itself. "Change of plans… we're going to get a divorce instead."
The chips had hit the fan.