Twenty minutes later, Hotch and Morgan were searching through the precinct for a sign of Reid. This time, he'd left both his bag and his cell phone in the conference area and they knew he wouldn't travel too far without at least one of them. He had to be nearby.
After checking most of the floors inside, they thought perhaps he might be outside again. The men journey out there, looking for a trace of him, but there wasn't a soul in sight.
"I just can't believe them." Morgan said as he followed Hotch over to the terrace again. It was empty. "Both of them are so damn stubborn, why the hell can't they just sit down and talk about this."
"If you ask me, maybe it would be better if Riley terminates." Hotch said, turning around, looking for a clue where the young man could be hiding.
"It'll break up their marriage, Hotch." Morgan pointed out. Hotch had noticed the street turned into an alley between the police station and Western Union on the other side. He set off for there and Morgan followed. "How could that possibly be better than having the baby?"
Stopping abruptly, Hotch looked back at Morgan. The saddest expression he could ever remember on his unit chief's usually so impassive face glowed in the light of the street lamp. "Have you ever tried to make a marriage work when neither one can agree? I did and I lost my wife… Riley's parents did and look what it did to her."
With that, he hurried over to the alley. Morgan, who had never been in love before now, couldn't comprehend how devastating that would be. He couldn't decide which was worse, getting divorced or living in a loveless marriage.
But Reid and Riley weren't loveless. They were very much in love. If they could just calm down and discuss this like civilized adults, baby or not, they could work through this. If only they weren't so unbelievably stubborn.
About ten feet away from the alley, they heard a loud crash. The men ran over and, sure enough, there was Reid taking out his frustrations on an innocent garbage can.
"Kid," Morgan called as they approached him cautiously. "You've got to calm down."
"Leave me alone." Reid cried, kicking the can a few more times. One had already been knocked over, spilling out the remnants of the police station's trash. They didn't envy the sanitation engineer who had to clean that up.
"Reid, stop." Hotch ordered. "Just calm down, talk this out with us."
"There's nothing to talk about!" Reid cried, at last stopping his assault and turning to his friends. His clothes were ruffled and sweat was shining all over his face. "The woman I thought loved me doesn't want my child. It is what it is."
"We know you're upset right now," Hotch said, "But losing your temper and blowing up at people is not going to help, it's only going to hurt you. Will you just talk it out with us?"
Reid looked to the cloudy Las Vegas sky, trying to catch his rapid breath, which would not slow down regardless. "I'm too upset to talk right now."
"Just for a few minutes." Morgan urged. "If you do it, and you still don't feel better, I'll go drag Bundle out here, hold his arms behind his back and you can be two for two."
To his surprise, that seemed to ease his frustration a bit. He didn't say a word, but they knew he agreed to talk.
A long silence followed. Reid didn't hit the garbage cans anymore, but started pacing the width of the alley. His hands ran repeatedly through his short chestnut hair, rumpling it more and more with every stroke.
"You know," He finally said, looking to neither of them in particular. "Yesterday morning, I woke up and I was in love… I was happy. There was nothing about my life I wanted to change… and then everything got thrown up in the air. I've never felt so insecure in my job because of today… and now I see, despite everything she said to me… my wife doesn't even love me."
"That is not true, Reid." Hotch argued. He'd been leaning on the brick wall, but stood straight and tall, as if to appear more powerful, and therefore his words should be revered. "She loves you… this isn't about you, this is about her. Her fears, her worries. If she were having anyone else's baby, she wouldn't be this confused… she'd have decided immediately to terminate, not to mention she wouldn't have told anyone. The fact that she can't make up her mind says how much she loves you."
"Yeah, well…" Reid wasn't ready to believe that, even though there was a little part inside that knew it was true. "It doesn't matter how she feels… if she aborts… I don't know if things can ever be the same between us."
Morgan didn't know what to say, how can you convince a man to stay with his wife if he didn't want to, even if they loved each other? Hotch could always be counted upon, though, thank goodness.
He didn't respond right away. This was something Reid didn't know, frankly because Riley didn't know either, or she did and never mentioned it. It wasn't exactly something that would warm the heart of a person.
"Reid… you know, you have a few traits that are similar to Riley's father." He said.
"Yeah, she's told me that." Reid said. "That's probably why she thinks I'll hate her if we have a child."
"That's not why I bring this up." He corrected. Hotch took a few steps closer to him. "I say that because over the years, as little as I knew of the man, I have seen a few things that you reflect about him… probably why Riley was attracted to you in the first place… but today, you showed a side of yourself that was exactly like him. And trust me, it is not flattering."
"What? I yelled at her?" Reid asked, his bitterness and hatred leaking into his voice. Hotch had no right to lecture him. "Because I threatened to leave her?"
"Yes." Hotch unexpectedly answered. "You said the exact same thing to her that her father said to her mother when they had their unexpected pregnancy."
That did it. Reid was suddenly softened, shrinking back as the anger began to ebb away. Hotch was pleased at the reaction, exactly as he wanted, and began to explain.
"I'm sure you know Evan and Mary Ann were teenagers when they got pregnant, almost done with high school. Riley's mother had a lot of problems, her father was an abusive drunk and that filled her with a lot abandonment and rebellious issues. She needed Riley's father in order to feel secure. And he knew that… and he fed on that. Riley may have loved her father, but she doesn't realize what a leech he was… he survived on the misery of others. He was a bully, not unlike John Hillman in there."
"So they got pregnant and… Riley's mother didn't want her?" Reid asked, shuttering at the parallels.
"It's not that she didn't want children, but she wasn't ready for them. She had dreams, she wanted to see the world and have adventures before she settled down. Evan didn't want to leave the town he was comfortable in and knew, if she became a little more confident, she'd leave him behind. And then he'd have no one… at least that's what Sean told me, when we set up Riley's college interview." He explained. "And then she got pregnant. Abortion was a little more taboo then, but it was legal. Mary Ann felt bad about it, but she knew she had to do it if she was going to have the life they wanted… so when Evan threatened to leave her, she was too scared to live without him. She had the baby and… all of a sudden her life was over. She couldn't take that… her resentment manifested and she focused it on the only thing that couldn't fight back."
"Riley," Reid muttered. He paused a moment. He, who was always there to rescue Riley when she was in danger, hated to hear this, wishing he could have saved her then. "But that's her mother's problem, not Riley's."
"Reid, you have a mother." Morgan spoke up. "And I have a mother and Hotch has a mother, all of which love us unconditionally. I know if I'm lost and alone, I always have my mom. I've seen you with yours. Mentally ill, yes, but she adores you. You're her whole world. Riley doesn't have that… can you imagine how empty she must feel, knowing the person who gave her life doesn't even want her?"
"She told her that every day." Added Hotch, "Maybe not in the literal sense all the time, but… with gestures. Yelling at her for things she didn't do, no presents on Christmas, both of them ignored her almost entirely on her birthday… can you imagine how hard that must have been? Knowing your own parents think creating you was a mistake?"
Taking a deep breath, "Okay, I understand all this. But Riley has changed a lot over the years… surely she can see that our baby isn't a mistake. An accident, perhaps, but not a mistake."
"You really don't get it, do you?" Hotch asked. He was suddenly sounding so deflated, like this might be a lost cause. "She knows the baby isn't a mistake… she thinks it'll be a mistake to be a mother. She doesn't want to abort because she doesn't want it. She does want it. She loves it… she loves it so much, she wants to save it from the outcome of having her as a mother."
"So you think if Riley wants to terminate, I should let her?" Reid wondered.
"I'm saying you should talk about it with her." Hotch specified. "She's scared right now, Reid. More scared than she's been in a long time. She feels trapped and out of control… you know what she does when that happens."
He knew exactly what she did. The whole team did, considering they were forced to deal with the aftermath when she left Reid behind.
"She is terrified and confused and very overwhelmed. Riley needs someone who is going to support her. One person who won't tell her that this is wrong… just one person who will listen to her side of the story. That's what you should be doing, because if she doesn't find that soon, she will run. She will go and take care of this herself and by the time you find her, it will be too late. And you'll never be able to go back to what you had."
Reid was ready to lose it, he gripped at his hair, almost furious enough to yank it out. Looking up, he screamed, "What am I supposed to do? Just stand beside her and pretend this isn't killing me?"
"You don't have to pretend, all you have to do is support her." He explained. "You can give her this ultimatum if you want, but Riley is a lot stronger than her mother. If it's what she wants, no one is going to stand in her way."
"The thing is, Reid," Morgan added, "If Riley has to chose, you're not going to get this baby either way. Do you really want to lose her, too?"
He didn't have an answer to that, but it appeared he'd finally been broken. His anger had dissipated and he could finally think with a clear head.
"You consider that on your own for awhile." Hotch said sternly. "You know we'll support you… but make sure you know what you really want when you make this choice."
With that, Hotch turned and headed back to the entrance, not even waiting for Morgan. He caught Reid's eye one more time, raising his eyebrows in a way that said Hotch was right and he agreed. He, too, turned and left the confused young man alone… his perfect world in shambles around him.
She just wanted them to stop fighting. They'd been screaming for hours now, growing steadily louder and meaner. Scared and worried, she'd grabbed her teddy bear and hopped out of bed, hurrying to the only place she felt safe.
Emily buried her face in the soft fur of her bear, her tears dripping down. They hated each other, that's why they were always yelling. There should be something she should be doing to make this better. If her mommy and daddy weren't so busy taking care of her, maybe they would love each other again.
The yelling was getting closer; they must be coming downstairs. Emily curled herself as much into a ball as possible, stifling her heavy breathing so they wouldn't hear. She wished she could tell time, but even if she could, she didn't have a clock nor a watch to tell her how late it was. All she knew was she should be in bed. If Mommy found her in here, she'd be in so much trouble.
Her parents were screaming at each other as they moved past Emily's hiding place. It didn't take long before they moved out of the room. They were name calling and blaming each other, they weren't even trying to use real words. Why couldn't they just talk to each other?
She jumped and shrieked lightly as the front door slammed shut. Emily couldn't stop crying, her bear's fur dampened from her tears. There was silence in the house now. Maybe Mommy and Daddy left her here… since she was the problem.
Muffled footsteps sounded nearby, coming closer to her hiding spot. She pressed herself into the corner, as if it would turn her invisible. They wouldn't find her here.
A light knock on her cabinet sounded as someone called. "Emily."
It was Daddy. She didn't answer, clamping a hand over her mouth so he wouldn't hear her breathing.
"Emily," he said again, followed by a streak of light coming in as the little door opened. Reluctantly, Emily pulled her little head up to look at the concerned face of her father, discovering her crouched in her favorite hiding place. The bottom cabinet of the pantry, where she shoved some of the boxes of freeze dried food aside so as to nestle away from the unpleasantness of the world.
George Prentiss gave his little girl a small smile. "What are you doing in there, young lady?"
"You and Mommy are fighting." She moaned, refusing to move.
"I know, I'm sorry," He said kindly, "but Mommy left for a little while, so everything's fine now. What don't you come out of there?"
"No," She muttered, tears still falling down her face.
"Please?" He begged. "I'm really sad, I could use a hug."
That request, Emily couldn't deny. Her limber five year old body wiggled out of the cabinet into her father's waiting arms. He turned from his squatting position to sit on the floor, pulling his little girl into his lap.
"That's my baby girl." He smiled, pushing back some of her raven hair. She looked a lot like her mother, but he could see some of himself reflected in her. Like his dark hair and bright eyes.
She rested her head on his shoulder, her fingers playing with the paws of her bear. "Why were you and Mommy fighting?"
"Well," George said, holding her close. "It's kind of hard to explain. Daddy and Mommy have some problems… and we're not dealing with them very well."
"I'm sorry," She sniffled.
"Why are you sorry?" George asked, easily lifting her so as to see her face. "Baby Girl, this is not your fault, do you understand? You are nothing but my perfect little girl. The problems Mommy and Daddy have are grown up problems, and kids aren't responsible for what grown ups deal with. Okay?"
She nodded, not so sure she believed him. "Do you still love me?"
"Do we still love you?" He asked. "Of course we love you, you're our baby, Emily. I love you and Mommy loves you and no matter what, we will always love our little girl."
She was too young to understand what he meant by 'no matter what', and because of that, she gave a smile. "Okay. So no more yelling, right?"
He gave a weak smile. "We'll try."
Emily, on the other hand, smiled widely. "Good."
"Good," He cried, his smile getting a bit stronger as he reached in to give her a bunch of sweet kisses that made her giggle. "Now… does Miss Emily know what time it is?"
"Um… time for ice cream?" She asked, hopeful.
"No, it's time to go back to bed." He corrected, unable to help but laugh. Easily, George got himself off the floor. He carried Emily easily in his arms, heading over to the back staircase. "Come on, Princess, I'll read you another story before I tuck you back in."
Emily agreed, chattering happily now with her daddy as they went up to her bedroom. How easily children could forget how things upset them. Adults really could learn from them.
Divorce. Just hearing that word haunted Emily by her own troubled childhood. When her parents were always arguing, and all Emily wanted was for them to be happy. She could never remember her parents being happy together. Her father never seemed to let his marital problems to intercept his time with her until he went away while her mother seemed rather annoyed by everything, having very little time for her young daughter. No wonder Emily was so distant as an adult. As a child, that's all she knew.
Riley was slouched in her passenger seat as low as her seatbelt would allow. Her eyes were covered with her hand. Emily glanced at her, her mind coming back to the moment. Riley was really lost right now and Emily had to do something. Maybe it wouldn't help, but no one would know until she tried.
"I'm sorry," Emily began, looking back out the windshield. "I know you're going through a hard time right now."
"Yeah…" She moaned, pulling her hand away. Her face was covered in streams of tears and they weren't stopping anytime soon. "I'm so confused and the one person I thought I might be able to lean on… I mean, I never expected him to accept what I was thinking… but I thought he'd at least understand."
"He's just upset." Emily made clear. "Riley, he loves you so much. He wants to have a family with you, something I know he never thought of before you came along, let alone wanted. He just can't comprehend what you're feeling… and in that way, you thinking of terminating is like saying you don't love him. I know that's not true, I understand how you're feeling."
"Oh, please." Riley moaned, turning away from her. "How could you possibly know, Emily?"
A long hesitation followed before Emily stated, "I know."
Stunned, Riley turned to Emily, who was staring straight ahead. She couldn't believe it was true for a moment. "Oh my God… when?"
"I was fifteen." Emily enlightened, feeling like crying herself. "I was living in Rome with my mother… I just wanted to be accepted… and you know. You were a teenage girl once… you'll do anything to make it possible."
Riley knew, but had never been so lucky. The daughter of the two town drunks did not get accepted in high school, especially when she came to school with bruises and second hand clothes. Keeping her head down was her choice of action, at least instead of ridicule, she was mostly ignored. Harvard was the only reason she participated in school activities at all, otherwise she would have been a ghost.
However, she agreed and Emily continued. "I didn't know what to do… I had a friend who helped me through it and I was lucky to have him." She decided to omit most of the story, it wasn't any concern of Riley's and Emily wasn't too fanatical on reliving it anyway. "I didn't know what else to do. I couldn't even tell my mom… I had no other options, Riley."
"Emily, it was your choice, you did nothing wrong." Riley assured. "As long as you did it safely."
"I did." She nodded. "It was legal and legitimate… and I can still have children. To me, it didn't matter what anyone else said, it didn't matter that the father abandoned me… I just knew it was what I had to do."
She glanced at Riley, making sure she understood that part of the story. It was crucial. "Look at the life I have now. I have an excellent career… friends who have been more of a family than my blood relatives ever were, with the exception of my father… and an incredible, handsome man who adores me… I know what I did was the right choice. I got a good life out of it and I didn't ruin the lives of those around me. That was my hope when I did it."
Riley didn't seem nearly as upset now, but she eyed Emily with caution. This wasn't an assurance that an abortion was that right thing to do… there was more to this story. Without a word, she waited.
"But…" She said almost in a whisper. Tears were leaking onto her lashes. Emily couldn't look at her friend anymore. Her attention went straight out to the road. Controlling the car forced her to control her emotions, "there are times… every once in awhile… I can't help but think what that baby… my baby… would have become."
"It would be about your age now… come to think of it." She continued, a tear welling right at corner of her eye. "Who knows what kind of life it would have led, what it could have done in the world… I'll never know. I couldn't have had that baby… but a little part of me wishes I could have. Now that I'm older and I don't have many fertile years left… a part of me does regret it."
This was the crucial moment. Slowly, she reached up to dab away the tears with the corner of her sleeve. She pulled up to an intersection, pausing at the stoplight, enabling her to look at Riley. "So that tells me that if I, a young girl who had no other options, feels this way every once in awhile, you will every single day. You will hate yourself if you do this. Maybe not immediately, but soon. That regret will eat you alive… I can't bear to see that happen to you. Not when I know you're fears are completely… wrong."
"They're not wrong!" Riley cried. "My mother once told me the biggest mistake of her life was having a child… what if I felt like that someday."
"You're not your mother." Emily explained. "She had her own problems and I'm sorry you caught up in them. Really, Rye, I am… but don't deprive your life of wonderful experiences because of her."
Her breathing shallow, Riley slumped back in her chair. "Emily… I just don't know… there has to be something wrong with me. Here's this great man who loves me, who wants to have a family with me… you see him… who wouldn't want to have babies with him? Obviously, if I'm constantly trying to smash my biological clock against the wall, there has to be something wrong with me… is it really smart to have a child if I feel like this?"
"You're just afraid." She assured. "You don't have to know right now, you still have about a month to decide. Just… give yourself some time to let it sink in. A week. One week where you don't constantly shove your feelings down, but try to look at this from both points of view. You've been saying you're pregnant, I'm sure you've thought it over and over… have you once thought of yourself as having a baby. Your baby. Have you even tried attaching yourself to the life growing inside you?"
No she hadn't… she was too afraid to.
"I want to hear you say it's your baby." Emily demanded.
"The light's green." Riley muttered.
"I'm not moving until you say it." She ordered. "Say it's your baby. Tell me you're having a baby."
"Emily-"
"Just say it!" She yelled, taking even herself by surprise.
"Fine!" Riley yelled back. "I'm having a baby!"
Now Riley was the one that surprised herself… that came out almost naturally. "It's… it's my baby…"
It didn't fully convince her… but things had changed now.
"There," Emily smiled. "That wasn't so hard, was it?"
Maybe Emily was right. She wasn't making any decisions right now… but maybe Riley needed to think this through a little more, and from varying angles… and not let her fears control her so much.
"I'm not saying I'm going to have it." She affirmed. "But… I'll try getting used to the idea first."
"Good," Emily said, and with that, went to drive out into the intersection.
"Like you said… I have some time."
That was the last thing Riley said… before another vehicle collided into her side of the car.