True to his word, Reid was trying to get his mind of things. The best thing to do was keep himself glued to the files, scribbling any ideas he had on the white board. Every time he looked away from the words, all he could think about was Riley. He had to force her out of her mind. A difficult task, seeing as how she was always on his mind.
Moving around would be better than sitting. He didn't need to read the folders; they were purely for his distraction. Going to the white board, he grabbed a marker, starting to copy down all the details that stood out in his mind. Some were obvious, others were harder to see, and a few were ones no one else would even think to consider. There had to be a clue somewhere to where this unsub was hiding… and it had to be somewhere with these boys.
A knock on the pillar sounded, but he miss a beat. "What's up?" He asked, scribbling.
"I, uh…" Alexa voiced. "I was wondering if you needed any help."
At that, Reid froze, his hand in the middle of the word playground. He took a hard swallow, his shoulders hunching a bit as he gathered himself and continued. "No… thank you."
"Maybe I could get you some coffee?" She suggested.
"My friend went out to get coffee, so… I'm fine." Reid informed sternly. There was nothing for her here, she needed to leave him alone. He was developing a soft spot for her, but still he wasn't ready to let her infect him. Mainly because it would force him to admit he was wrong.
She had to keep pushing, though. Spencer had to know the truth, had to know that she was sorry for everything she'd done. That she wasn't that person anymore.
"Well… can I please just stay in here? I just… I need a break from everyone and I can't be around those people anymore. I'm hoping if I'm near you, they'll leave me alone."
So she was using him. Two days ago, he'd have taken joy in refusing her this. Today, he took pity on her. "As long as you're quiet. I'm working."
Alexa agreed, quickly taking a seat. Quiet was easier said than done. She watched Spencer at his task. He wrote so fast. His eyes were unfocused, like he wasn't even seeing what he was doing. She stared at him in amazement. "Wow," she whispered.
"What?" Reid asked as he looked over.
She gasped lightly. "I'm sorry… I just… it's truly amazing how you're mind works. You write so fast, you think so fast… I never noticed it before."
"Actually," Reid said, turning to her a bit. He indicated his notes on the board. "This has nothing to do with a person's intelligence. It's called Automatic Writing, it's kind of hypnosis. Our conscious minds can process sixteen bits of information per minute, but our unconscious minds can process eleven million. Writing like this is just a technique of shutting your conscious mind off and relying on your sub conscious. The fact that I can do this isn't a suggestion of intellect, it's discipline. Much like driving or knitting, eventually your mind just directs you without you knowing it. By learning this and relying on Automatic Writing, you can allow yourself to unlock information you may not be aware that you have. With enough practice and training, anyone could learn how to do this. I honestly don't know why more people don't."
With a light chuckle, Alexa shyly smiled. "I think that's the most you've ever said to me. At once."
Embarrassed, Reid turned back to the board. "Yeah, well… it's not important."
"No, it is." Alexa retorted. "You should be proud you know how to do that. I doubt I ever could learn something like that."
Reid shrugged. "My teachers started training me when I was thirteen, it took me until I was about seventeen before I mastered it. Believe me when I say, it's not easy. I've been trying to teach my wife for almost a year now, and… she can barely make sense of what her hand's been scribbling. But she'll get it."
She was about to suggest maybe he should teach her, but decided against it, unsure how he'd respond. She feared he would just get angry. "I don't want to put more pressure on you… but do you have idea where Peter might be?"
"I think by now, he's in Utah," Reid explained at once. Inadvertently, he was letting his guard down. "Our best guess is somewhere close to the Nevada state line, but it's still a vast amount of space, and since all the other boys died different ways, it's hard to narrow down a localized area."
She took a deep breath, willing herself to keep from crying. Alexa asked the one question that meant more to her than anything. "Do you really think Peter is still alive?"
Reid wasn't sure how to answer. It was just a theory. If they hadn't found a body, the chance of that theory being correct was better… but there was still no way to be certain. In times like this, hope could be crippling.
Slowly, Reid took the cap and closed his marker. Setting it on the ledge, he turned to the grieving mother, having the compassion he should have had for her two days ago.
"I think you have reason to believe he is." Reid stated. Inch by inch, he made his way over to her. "I wish I had a better guarantee for you, believe me… there's nothing I hate more than these cases when innocent children are killed. But I promise, we're doing everything we can to find him. If he's still alive, right now… there's no better hope than this team when it comes to bringing him home. We never give up."
Alexa looked up, meeting his warm hazel eyes. "I guess I came to the right place, then."
He should have been more understanding when she showed up. She wasn't trying to hurt him or reopen wounds, she just wanted to find her son. Isn't that what every parent does when they come to the local authorities? They just want their baby.
His baby might only be a few weeks into development, but he understood that more right now than he ever had before.
"I'm sorry about your wife, is she okay?" She asked.
He hadn't realized the others had heard about that. He suspected the rest of the team had been gossiping. "She'll be okay," Reid nodded. "And… well, if she doesn't miscarry before Tuesday morning… the baby should make it to term."
"Oh my God!" Alexa cried, appalled. "Spencer… I am so sorry, what did he do to her?"
"What… no," Reid corrected. "This isn't about your husband… I stopped him before he did anything to hurt her. She was in a car accident last night."
She sighed with relief, but only lightly. "Oh… I hadn't heard. I'm so sorry… I hope she'll be okay."
"Thank you," Reid mumbled. It seemed his subconscious was still in control, leading him to take the seat beside her. "I want to be positive, but… it's hard when I keep thinking of all the bad things that could happen. Bad luck tends to follow us around like a plague… I just wonder if maybe it would be wiser to expect the worst. She'll be devastated enough, if I'm prepared, I can be strong for."
Even in a moment of grief like this, his concern was for her. That was beautiful. Alexa noticed, he seemed to be opening up to her. Perhaps if she reached out to him… he'd finally reach back.
"I take it this pregnancy wasn't something you planned." She mentioned.
That was pretty obvious, after the spectacle from last night. "No… I mean, I've wanted children with her since the beginning… but she had a very abusive childhood, she's never wanted children for fear history would repeat itself. That's understandable, but she has troubling seeing that life will be different… even if she has a better outlook, I can tell she's still terrified."
"Well… that's something about abused people." She replied. "If people beat you up enough, physically or emotionally, eventually that pain becomes a part of your life. You become so twisted, you can't imagine a world without it."
It was interesting hearing Alexa say that. It gave Reid an epiphany. This woman was a part of a whole world that tortured him, a world he was forced into every day. But he at least got break from it. His home wasn't an easy place a lot of the time, but it was his home. There were times he'd had some of his best experiences, happy with his mother. Riley didn't have a home… she had to live in her hell, she never got a break. Life with Reid was the first safe place she ever had… no wonder she didn't want to ruin that.
"Just wait until she's 18 weeks in." Alexa reassured with a small smile. "That's when she'll really start to see things differently."
"What's so special about that?" He wondered.
"That's usually when a first time mother starts to feel the baby move." She explained. "The first time she feels that flutter inside her… nothing in her life will be the same. She will be connected to that baby like nothing else."
"I remember feeling my friend's stomach when she was pregnant." Reid said. "I put my hand on her belly and he kicked me… It just… freaked me out."
"I think you'll feel differently when it's your baby kicking your hand." She said.
Reid was curious, "How did John feel when you were pregnant?"
"Oh," Alexa sighed, backing away a bit. Her eyes looked downward, focused on the table. "Well… he's uh… not the best of examples."
There was an awkward silence between them. Alexa couldn't look at him, but Reid was just the opposite. He watched her with great interest, taking in everything about her. If his twelve year old self could see him now, getting to stare at her all he wanted…
"What?" She finally asked, looking over at him. "If you want me to leave…"
"No, you don't have to." He said. It wasn't uncommon he made people feel uncomfortable under his stare. He wasn't sure what it was that bothered people so. "I was just thinking… I wish we could have talked like this twenty years ago."
She paused, taking a deep breath. "Yeah… imagine how much we could have learned about each other."
"You, uh…" He cleared his throat nervously. "You probably didn't know this, but… I was really in love with you in high school. I thought you were the most beautiful girl in the world."
She blushed a bit, "And now?"
"Well, you are an attractive woman… but as you may have guessed… someone else has taken your place." He grinned, looking away.
Sadly, she bowed her head a bit. "I'm glad… because believe me, I may have been pretty on the outside… but if I was could have been shown on the outside, I'd been hideous. I didn't deserve to have someone like you in love with me."
"Alexa," Reid began.
"No," She held up her hand. She had to say this. He didn't have to forgive her, but that wasn't what this was about. "Spencer… I'm sorry about the way we treated you, you didn't deserve that. I hate myself for what I did to you… for every single second, I'd give anything short of my child to take it back. I was a horrible, horrible person…"
She started crying, trying to look away from him so he wouldn't see. "And look at you… you turned into such an incredible man, you've done so much good for the world. You're so special and we just tried to destroy that… I see bullies all the time today. My daughter is always a target for them and I hate it because I knew I was just like them. I don't know what advice to give her… like those poor boys in Minnesota who killed themselves because of bullying… I knew they did it because of people like me."
At that, she had no more words. Alexa knew she had no right to cry, but the emotions were just too much. All that hatred and remorse blending and boiling over, she didn't have the strength to deal with this.
Surprisingly, she didn't have to. It was a shock when she felt someone move closer to her… tugging at her and pulling him into her arms.
"Alexa…" Reid said as she rested her head on his shoulder. "You were a kid… that doesn't make it right, but… everyone makes stupid mistakes when they're kids. Even me… what's important is how you deal with it now. The fact that you've changed and know what you did was wrong… to me and the other kids you bullied… it proves that truly, you are a good person."
She just kept crying, leaning into his strength as he comforted her. "Do you understand me?" He asked. "Look at me."
Pulling herself up, Alexa met his gaze with puffy cheeks and bloodshot eyes. He gave her smile. "You understand, don't you? You're a good mother and a good person… and I forgive you."
She gasped, "Really?"
"Yeah," He nodded. "I'm sorry I didn't give you the benefit of the doubt in the first place."
"I think that was justified." She consoled. "I should have sought you out years ago to tell you this."
He shook his head, "Alexa, really, it's not necessary. Though it would have been nice if we could have buried the hatchet a long time ago. Knowing this is who you really are, I think you and I could have been really good friends."
"Well… we can be friends now." She insisted. "We can still make up for all the years we've been missing."
Missing… the word struck in Reid's mind. Missing…
Each of the boys were reported missing… long before their bodies were found. There was a large window between the actual disappearance and the discovery of the body, all the deaths happened within twenty four hours of the bodies being discovered… so if they were missing for all that time…
"Oh," Reid sighed, his mind suddenly clear. It was so obvious, why didn't he think of that before?
"What?" Alexa wondered, backing away a bit, disturbed. "What is it?"
He let out a low groan as he backed away. Something made his mind slow down, maybe his lack of sleep, maybe his anxiety, maybe the worry for his wife, but a few moments of distraction proved very essential. "I uh… I'll be back, I have to…"
There wasn't time to finish. Reid rushed out of the conference room in search of Garcia. It took only a moment to find her, sitting with Emily at her laptop, both discussing about anything but the impending case.
"Reid," Emily exclaimed as she stood up, surprised. "What's going on?"
"Where's Morgan?" He asked, exasperated.
"He just called, he got held up at the coffee shop, but he'll be here in a few minutes." She explained. "Why, what's wrong?"
"Nothing, he doesn't need to go over the profile, it's fine." He said. "We just forgot something."
"What is it?" Garcia asked with enthusiasm.
"The unsub doesn't have a criminal record, and he might have a family… but if this guy is a twinless twin, he'll be almost certainly attached to someone to try and fill that void before he started killing. And that means somebody has to know this guy, somebody who is in the dark about these deaths. And if this unsub takes these boys away for weeks or months at a time… someone has to be missing him."
Garcia grinned, putting in a new search, already feeling closer to tracking this killer down. "Your brilliant mastermind strikes again!"
"Let's just hope I'm right," Reid said, exchanging a worried yet hopeful glance with Emily.