Riley was on her feet. Her legs were shaky, but she managed to walk the distance from the bed to the bathroom. Her head ached a little and was exceptionally nauseas, but for the most part, she wasn't so sore. She clutched at the seam of her gown, not wanting it to fall open before was back under the safety of her covers.
As she was halfway back to bed, there was a knock on her door. That was odd, she didn't expect to have any visitors. Spencer and the hospital staff just entered without warning. "Come in," She said cautiously.
The door opened slowly and Riley was delighted to see who the arrival was this morning. "Aaron," she sighed as he stepped in.
"Hey," He said gently, stepping into the room. He carefully pulled her into a hug. "How are feeling? I was so worried about you."
"I'm alright," She mumbled, leaning on him for a minute. "Just… sick, mostly. I've been throwing up most of the morning."
"Here, let's get you back into bed." He said, keeping an arm around her. Gently, he guided her the rest of the way. "Reid would have a fit if he saw you up like this."
"Thank God he's not here," Riley grumbled. "He'd order the nurses to put a catheter in me so I'd have no excuse to get out of bed."
Hotch laughed, knowing she wasn't exaggerating in the least. As she climbed back into bed, he let her lean on him, and then preceded to pull the blankets back over her. She rested back on her pillow and struggled to catch her breath. A simple journey made her so exhausted. "I don't think I'd feel so bad if I wasn't so sick and tired, not to mention I have to keep getting up because I keep having to use the restroom."
"Well, I may not have gone to med school like you, but my hope would be if your body was more likely to lose the baby, the pregnancy symptoms would be nonexistent. At least to a lesser degree." Hotch said as he sat down, taking the same chair Reid had made camp in all night.
"That's what Spencer, thinks, too." Riley said half-heartedly.
"But not you?" Hotch questioned.
Riley hesitated. Her hand went down to rest on her stomach. Practically flat but for a small fleshy pouch that she couldn't get rid of no matter how many crunches she did. She couldn't help but wonder how this spot would look in a few month's time. Would it be the same… or would it be bigger and rounder with something moving in there. Riley couldn't even imagine what that would feel like.
"I want to," She muttered, her finger's brushing lightly over the fabric of her blanket. "But… old habits die hard. Even after all this time, at grave moments like this… I can't help but expect the worst, especially when it's the last thing I want."
"So…" He said, a smile began to break through his face, "it is true, then? You've changed your mind about this."
Looking over, her eyes met his. They had a new glow in them… one his profiler instincts could never remember seeing before. "Yeah… but now I'm starting to wonder… did I really change my mind at all? Or did the fog just lift?"
Now his grin could not be denied. "I knew that's how you'd feel if you just gave it some time. You were just scared. Fear has a way of controlling a person, especially if it's been the only voice in your head on the subject for such a long time."
"Yeah, and that voice sounds remarkably like my mother." She added. Riley closed her eyes and rested her head back on her pillow. Her head was very clear now, giving her a better perspective of the life around her. "God," She huffed as she looked up again, turning back to her friend. "You know, I walked away from her ten years ago, I never looked back… and yet she's still controlling my life."
"Because you're letting her." Hotch answered. "I know I didn't know your mother that well, but from what I do know, based on my professional skills… your mother is like a cancer. She's nothing but poison to you and, even though you've cut her out and your life has been spared… you're still haunted by the memory of it and afraid it'll come back again. Even when you know there's no chance. She might not be in your life, but you're not free of her."
"That's not my fault!" Riley cried. She was trying not to get upset, but it was difficult. This was a very touchy subject.
"I know that." He assured. "You didn't chose to be born, you didn't chose these parents. You were dealt a bad hand. How you play it, though, is up to you."
"This isn't a poker game, Aaron." Riley grumbled. "This is a lot more serious than that. Maybe I'll never be free of her. Is this even something a person can get over?"
Hotch knew it was. He knew how she could move past this, but until she came to the conclusion on her own, she'd never follow it. "You're the psychiatrist, you tell me."
No one made a worse patient than a doctor. Riley thought for a long time. Had an agent walked into her office with these problems, it would probably be an easy diagnosis. It was hard for a person to see herself under a microscope.
"I don't know," She mumbled, already giving up. "Maybe I'm just too weak to get over it."
"Riley," Hotch said sternly, leaning forward, as if to make their conversation more intimate. More serious. He reached over and took the hand closest to him. "You are not weak. You're a wonderful person. You're smart and funny and loving. You have a good heart and an amazing spirit… that's why I love you. That's why Reid fell in love with you… and that's how we know, how we all know, that you're going to be a good mother. But I don't think you'll ever believe that until you force yourself to let go of this shame. You know what Sean and I went through with our father, so I know how it feels to live with that humiliation. But believe me when I say that life is better when you let that weight go. This isn't a cross you need to bear. If you don't let it go, it is going to eat away at you and you could end up hurting the people you love. That's always been your biggest fear, isn't it?"
It really was… Riley leaned back on her pillow. Aaron had a point, instead of running away from the possibility of hurting the ones she loved, she should try to run towards it and keep it from happening… but how was she supposed to do that?
Hotch could tell she was tired. He didn't want to keep her awake when her body needed all the rest she could get. Besides, he had more pressing matters he needed to get to.
"You've got a lot of time to yourself today, you think about that." Hotch said, squeezing her hand as he stood up. "The answer might not be easy to spot, but obvious things are often too big to see clearly."
"Wait, you just got here!" Riley exclaimed, suddenly realizing how weak and sore she was, her eyes starting to get heavier. "Where are you going?"
"I need to be somewhere right now, but I'll call you later." He said kindly, and with that leaned down to kiss her forehead. A loving gesture he only did for her and his son. "You rest, you need to get your strength back."
Riley muttered with a nod. "Okay."
Hotch gave her hand one more squeeze, ready to head for the door. But he stopped, looking her over… thinking about how far she'd come since they met. He'd known this girl for a very long time. He saw her as a little girl who was too young to see anything but good in the world. He watched her grow from a teenage girl to the woman before him… and she was an incredible woman. He knew she could do this, if she could just see the big picture. And she and Reid and their baby would be better for it.
"Do you remember the day we met?" He asked.
"At your wedding rehearsal?" Riley clarified. "Not really. I mean, I remember seeing you and Hayley… and I remember going down the aisle and I remember the dress I wore at the wedding… and I remember my parents getting into a huge fight at the reception, but other than that."
"No… I mean… the day we really met." He asked. "At your interview?"
At that, she smiled. "How could I forget? I was so nervous that day, thinking how the next hour could make or break my future, which I already felt I'd lost. I was shaking so badly… I ended running into a kid and falling over."
"That's exactly what I mean." He said. "It was obvious you were nervous, you knew there was an all but certain chance you would fail, but you didn't give up. You were your real self, you didn't let fear get in your way… so why are you doing it now?"
There wasn't an exact answer for that… Riley wasn't even sure if there was one.
"Get better," He ordered. "I'll talk to you later… and think about what I said."
"I will," Riley replied, watching him step out. The door slowly swung closed, leaving her alone once again.
She sunk down into the covers, wishing she was at home. It was hard to get comfortable in a bed she wasn't familiar with, especially alone. Remaining on her back as the doctor suggested, Riley rested back on her pillows, letting her body relax and her mind take over.
It was funny how quickly a person's life could change. This time yesterday, she thought she was just suffering from the flu… a stranger knocked her over outside a restaurant one day, and she ended up falling in love with him… one hour long conversation got her into one of the most prestigious schools in the country and saved her from an unbearable future. They were times she was just her own person. No matter what was going on in her life, however happy or scared… she was herself.
But then things changed, and she was suddenly blinded by a shadow of doubt, controlling her every thought and move. She got into Harvard, but tried to sabotage herself by letting her rebellions get in the way. She fell in love with Spencer, but tried to push him away and eventually ran, almost losing him forever. She found she was pregnant and just assumed she, her husband, and their baby would be better off if she terminated… Riley thought she was trying to protect people from herself. Maybe she wasn't… maybe she was just afraid to be happy… but why?
She was so tired, she couldn't keep her eyes open any longer, the quiet of the room soothing her to sleep. Her thoughts blended together as she started to drift off, unable to forget what Hotch had just said. Riley hadn't thought about the day Aaron interviewed her in a long time… but it had been one of the most important days of her life… more important than even she knew…
"I don't know if I can do this." Riley moaned as she stepped off the elevator. Sean Hotchner was right beside her, leading her onto the sixth floor. Two glass doors lead to a very busy office area, swarming with agents. From here, they all looked like men. No surprise, even at the turn of the millennium, the Federal Bureau of the Investigation was still male oriented. The FBI seal was painted in black with the title of the Behavioral Analysis Unit on it. She knew very little about what Sean's brother did, but it was something about human behavior. If Sean didn't openly tell her what it was, Riley could only assume it was something dark and dangerous.
"You are going to do great!" Sean assured, putting his arm around her. He led the girl down the hall, away from the glass doors. "Aaron is very excited about meeting you, I know you'll do fantastic today."
That was easier said then done. Today meant everything. This was what she'd been working towards just about her whole life, this was her ticket to get out of that horrible life, to maybe find a place where her very existence wasn't despised. If this interview didn't go well, Aaron Hotchner wouldn't give her a good recommendation and that was that… her dream would be over before it began."
"You're sure I brought everything I need?" Riley wondered, glancing at the thick pile of binders and papers she'd brought "Transcripts, college essay, references-"
"Riley," Sean urged, giving her a smile. "You need to relax. Look, Aaron can be a bit of a hardass sometimes, but… I know my brother. If you're calm and be yourself, he's going to love you. In fact, you remind me a lot of him when he was your age, I think the two of you are going to get along very well. This interview is a shoe-in. You don't need to worry so much."
"Spoken like a true underachiever," Riley teased. She took a deep breath, anxiety bubbling in her stomach. The sound of the elevator disturbed her and Riley watched as two people got off. An elder man with the demeanor of a professor and a young boy. He looked about her age; a skinny teen with chestnut brown hair and glasses, which he kept adjusting. It subconsciously made Riley adjust hers. These men were nothing important, not to her. Not to today.
Turning back to Sean, she let out a sigh. "I wonder how my parents are doing."
"I'm surprise you care." Sean remarked.
"I don't really, I'm more just hoping they still think I'm at Jeanette's." Riley said, referring to the girl she held a lukewarm friendship with, but a person her parents believed was her absolute best friend. "If they realize you took me to get a college interview… in DC no less-"
"I know, you're dad will string me up… that is if he's not too strung out." Sean spoke very sadly, still mourning the loss of what was once a great friendship. "Have you decided what you're going to do for finances?"
"What can I do?" She shrugged. "The most I can hope for is a partial scholarship, maybe some financial aid… I've been looking into student loans. It's a little complicated, but I can manage it. I'll be weighed down with debt the minute I graduate, but… I think it's a small price to pay for what I'll gain."
Sean had to agree. "I'm going to go see what's taking my idiot brother so long. Are you going to be alright here?"
"Yeah," She nodded, folding her arms. Sean gave her a loving pat on her arm and headed down the hall in search of Aaron Hotchner's office. She suddenly realized just how dry her mouth was, she needed a drink.
The water fountain was occupied as she walked over, waiting patiently as the gangly boy took a long drink. She wasn't sure where his friend went, but the boy was alone now, just like her. Not that it mattered.
As he stood, however, he must have been distracted. He didn't notice her as he turned, smacking right into her. Riley was knocked square off her feet, her papers flying around her, joining his in the downfall. "Oh, geez!" She uttered.
"Oh, I'm sorry," The boy whined. Riley noticed he, too, had fallen to the floor. Well, at least she took him down with her. "I… I didn't see you."
Besides the mess, there was no harm, no foul. "It's alright," She said, brushing it off. She really hated wearing a skirt right now, struggling to squat and keep herself covered. That's all she needed, to give a free peep show to some complete stranger. That was every seventeen year old boy's dream, after all. "Are you hurt?"
He, however, couldn't even look at her. She could see his face turning red behind his glasses, staring directly at the floor. He was so bashful, it was actually kind of cute, Riley noticed. "No… you?"
She smiled, "I'll live, don't worry." She replied with a giggle. Still, he wouldn't look at her, yet Riley found she couldn't take her eyes off him. She was completely hypnotized by this boy. Something about him enchanted her so… yet, she couldn't put her finger on what. He wasn't like any boy she'd ever met before. Maybe it was because this was the first boy she'd ever met who didn't have an understanding of her family history. He was complete stranger.
He seemed to calm down a bit, attempting to look at her. She noticed his eyes landing on her legs. There, they remained, his jaw dropping a bit as he stared. She rolled her eyes with an unbelieving grin. He might be different, but the basic male instincts were the same in all men. No matter what, they were too easily distracted by sex. Riley had a good grasp on psychology… maybe she might make a good therapist.
Her papers gathered, Riley stood and got to her feet. The boy gaped at her for a moment longer before quickly looking to the floor again. "I think I got everything." She said gently. "Are you sure you're alright?"
"Yes," He answered with a nod, grabbing his disheveled pile as he stood. "I'm really sorry."
He hurried away, obviously not wanting to talk. It was a shame, Riley could use someone to chat with for a moment, maybe get her mind off this interview. She watched the boy walk away and couldn't help but notice how awkward he was, like he was uncomfortable in his own skin. He was fidgety and gawky… Riley tried not to laugh, he was just so adorable. And cute, definitely cute. She'd never known anyone like him. Her stomach fluttered with joyful butterflies at just the sight of him. It was weird… it was like something was telling her not to walk away from him. That she would regret it.
Riley was just about to go over and strike up a conversation with him when someone took her arm. "Are you alright?" Sean asked.
"Uh… yeah." She said, turning to face him. Sean had been joined now by another man. It had been eight years, but Riley recognized him as Aaron Hotchner, a man who greatly intimidated her as a young girl. The same was true now.
"Riley, you remember Aaron." He said, indicating the older man wearing a well tailored suit. If Riley didn't know better, she'd never guess these two men were brothers.
"Oh my goodness, I cannot believe this is little Riley Parker." Aaron said with a smile, one she had yet to learn was so rare. "The last time I saw you, you were just a little girl, with wild curly hair and dragging a Raggedy Ann doll around."
"Well, at least she outgrew the doll." Sean teased.
"Ha ha," Riley said, she offered her hand. "Thank you for meeting with me, Agent Hotchner."
"Please, Riley, call me Aaron." He insisted, giving her a shake. "My office is right down here, if you'll follow me. I'm sure you're anxious to get started."
Riley followed the men to the corner, but hung back a moment. She stared down the hall to the unit, her eyes landing on the young boy again. He was speaking to another man now, older, but he had a much more relaxed appearance than his friend. It was a shame… Riley would very much have liked to talk to him.
Just as the boy was turning towards her, she pulled herself out of sight. She didn't want him to think she was stalking him or something. How embarrassing that would be.
"Riley?" Sean asked, a step or two ahead with Aaron. "What are you looking at?"
"Uh… nothing," She answered with a smile. Without further ado, she caught up with the men, heading to Agent Hotchner's office… certain she'd never be lucky enough to see that bewitching boy again.
Back at the station, things were quiet. Reid was hanging onto this bit of faith that he was right, that Garcia would find someone who fit the profile. There had to be someone… there were clues everywhere and if this didn't fit… he couldn't think what would.
Between that and his wife, his nerves were on edge. A cup of coffee in hand, Reid found himself pacing through the precinct, just waiting for news to come… about anything. There was nothing he hated more than waiting. That empty, useless feeling of having nothing but the chance things might work out… or the horrific inevitable would happen.
The others were trying to be just as patient. Morgan attempted to look over the profile, but with Reid's epiphany, it seemed no adjustments needed made. Besides… he didn't particularly have the energy to focus on that right now. That had to be saying something. Too weak to just sit and focus on a simple profile.
Emily, who had nervously kept one eye on him all day since they left the hotel, came to sit beside him She set another cup of her special tea in front of him, sitting down and giving him a worried expression.
"You don't look so good." She whispered.
"Wow, you really suck at this 'I love you' thing." He said, forcing a smile.
She was not in the mood to joke. "I'm serious, Derek. You look awful, I can tell you feel even worse. You're not getting better. Will you please go back to the hotel and rest?"
"I'll rest when the case is over." Morgan informed. "You're injured, that already puts us a man down. And Hotch, God only knows where he's disappeared today. I can't weaken the team even more by taking the day off."
"This is just precaution, I can pick up the slack." Emily said. With that, she writhed and wriggled her arm and slipped the sling off her arm and over her head, tossing it to the side. "That damn thing was getting annoying anyway. I can handle being in the field, you need more rest than I do. Please?"
He was too stubborn to give in. If he couldn't swallow his pride and see a doctor last night, there was no way he was going to rest today. Reaching over, he picked up his tea, taking a small sip, barely needing to swallow. His nausea was too strong to even handle some herbal tea.
"I'll be fine today." He said, forming a lie. "I think I'm getting better, I don't feel so sick today. Don't worry about me."
She held up a threatening finger at him. "Don't you dare tell me not to worry. Just because I can't say it… doesn't mean it's not how I feel."
He grinned. "If you tell me you love me, I'll go back and rest."
She leered at him. "You're going to manipulate me to do something that we both know is best?"
"Get used to it." He teased. "Now if you were to join me in that bed, that would be a different story."
"How about I just kick your ass instead until I beat you into submission?" She asked, leaning in closer to him. They were both starting to forget where they was and if they weren't careful, their relationship was going to be right out in the open.
"I've told you before, Prentiss." He smiled, longing to put his hands on her and pull her onto his lap. "You don't got to beat me to get me to do what you want… you know I love it when you take charge."
She grinned and leaned into kiss him. Just before their lips made contact and their eyes closed, Morgan pushed her away. Emily was bothered a moment until she realized just where they were. "Rossi and JJ are back." He said, leaning back in his chair… like the girl in front of him meant nothing at all.
"We'll continue this later," She said with a wink and got to her feet. "Hey," She cried as the two agents approached them. "How'd it go with the Gereedos'."
"Unfortunately, they weren't willing to help us much." Rossi informed, both annoyed and despondent. "They held a very sour attitude toward our investigation. They're angry no one saved their son, so they're not concerned about saving the others."
"The mother and father have just been officially divorced, it was hard to even get them into the same location." JJ said. "We spent the first twenty minutes listening their arguing and blaming each other over stupid things. No wonder the unsub targeted them."
"We did talk to Eddie's twin brother, though." Added Rossi.
"Did you learn anything from him?" Morgan wondered.
"Yes, we did." He answered. "He's been very sad since he lost his brother, he doesn't understand why he's gone. But he's very excited to be starting his swim classes next week."
At first, it didn't sound like anything. "Wait," Emily muttered, "Swim classes… Eddie drowned… which makes sense if he didn't know how to swim."
Morgan asked, "It would explain why there were no marks on the body. Do you think the unsub knew that when he made him go into the water?"
"If he made him go in at all." JJ pointed out. "I'm starting to wonder if the boys were trying to escape. Each one only got to a certain distance."
"But who got farthest?" Emily questioned.
Rossi thought of that a moment. "I think we can rule out the first two. They were suffocated within a few days, before they reached their destination. Maybe they were just fighting their captor too much. He tried to make them be quiet and went too far."
JJ agreed. "Okay, so the real deaths to focus on are the two drownings and the broken neck… but it doesn't make sense. I can see one boy escaping, but wouldn't the unsub know by now how to stop his victims from getting away?"
"Maybe he has." Morgan said. "We haven't found Peter yet, after all. I think he's been gone the longest."
"Just about." Rossi concurred.
Their discussion came to an end as Garcia rushed over, a triumphant smile on her face. "I hope at some point during every day, you people realize you would be nothing without me."
"Oh my God, you found something?" Emily exclaimed.
"No, no, my ebony haired goddess, not something. Someone," She held out a print out sheet with a distinct picture of a man who's age fit the range of their profile. "I have a suspect."
"Holy crap." Morgan cried, snatching the paper from her.
"Ah! Paper cuts!" Garica exclaimed.
"Sorry, Baby Girl," He muttered, scanning over the paper in shock. "I just… I can't believe the kid was right. Again."
Emily couldn't help but laugh. "I think I'm finally getting used to it."
"Right about what?" JJ wondered.
"Reid came up with a theory that at the same time the boys would be missing, the unsub would have been reported by someone he was close to." Emily revealed.
"I put that into the parameters of my search. It took me a few hours, but it turned up one and one result." She took back the paper from Morgan to show JJ. Rossi and Emily gathered around to see. "Walter Lovejoy, 22-years-old and lives with his sister and her three children. No prior criminal record, is unemployed and living on disability."
"He's so young, how is he disabled?" Emily questioned.
"According to a psychological evaluation given social services, he's mentally unstable. I'm talking coo coo for Cocoa Puffs! He's never even held a job longer than a few weeks, and that includes the two weeks he stopped showing up. I did a little digging and, prepare to be amazed, I discovered his medical history and it says his illness was triggered by a childhood event. Three guesses as to what that traumatization was."
"His twin brother's death?" Rossi asked, a confident twinkle in his eye.
"Right you are, my dear!" Garcia announced. "Walter's twin brother, Willard."
Reid didn't notice the commotion at first, his mind just so preoccupied, it turned sounds of the outside world into white noise. He couldn't ignore, however, his friends gathered on the other side of the room, conversing almost excitedly about something. Setting his empty coffee cup down, he walked over to join them.
"Hey," He said, a bit anxious. "What are you guys talking about?"
"Nothing, just revealing in your brilliance as usual, Sweet Boy." Garcia grinned excitedly.
JJ showed him the print out. "Meet our suspect, Walter Lovejoy."
Quickly, Reid's nimble fingers took the paper, taking only a few seconds to read all the information. "It fits everything… except Walter's not a fraternal twin. He's monozygotic."
"It doesn't mean it's not him." Rossi informed.
Reid thought a moment before nodding. "True, the profile's not always exact. Was he reported missing when Peter disappeared?"
He didn't like the fact that Garcia hesitated. "Well…"
"It can't be him, then!" He cried. Irritated, he set the paper on the desk, knowing they were back to square one.
"He was reported missing at the same time as both Shin Tachibana and Richard Dubois. He returned after six weeks, though."
"It could be when Eddie Gereedo was taken, his sister gave him the benefit of the doubt." Emily voiced.
"He matches everything else about the profile, Reid." Rossi informed, taking the paper to hold it up for him. "You know as well as the rest of us, it's not always cut and dry. I think it's worth going to speak with his sister. Who knows, Walter might even be there."
If he was there, odds were he wasn't the man they were looking for. Still, though, it was worth a shot to speak to the family. Right now, it was the only lead they had.