Rain would have been more poetic today, but instead it was bright and sunny. The air was crisp and the sparkle of the sunshine glittered off the golden leaves of autumn. It was a perfect, beautiful day which made it that much sadder.
Riley made it to the funeral home with JJ and her family. The rest of the team and Elle had already arrived. Many people were coming forward, most that no one on the team remembered or could recognize. They knew Reid well and knew if he had encountered these people, they were not friends of his. Perhaps they were admirers or friends. He did often give lectures at the academy and local universities, not to mention several of his papers had been published. He was by no means an unknown figure.
By request of the family, as everyone was told as they entered, it was to be a closed casket ceremony. It was made explicitly clear that no one was to look inside the coffin. Hotch and Rossi were guarding the door to make sure anyone wishing to give their final goodbyes before reaching the grave sight would not defy the order.
Entering the foyer, Riley broke off on her own. She needed a moment to gather herself. Will Reid was the first to approach her. Without a word, he pulled her into a warm, welcoming hug which she greatly accepted.
"I am so sorry, Mr. Reid." Riley said as he let her go.
"Thank you… and I'm sorry for you." She had to admire him. Riley could tell from the beginning how much he cared about his son. He had been devastated at the hospital, but today he held himself together well. "You were closer to him than I was."
Riley took a deep breath, looking around. "Where's Diana?" she asked. "I know she's not very fond of me, but I'd like to see her just the same."
"Diana's not here." Will said. "Explaining this to her is difficult, it has to be done slowly. And even if I could get her to comprehend… she could never handle her son's funeral."
"Well…" she nodded. "When you do finally tell her… please give her my condolences."
"I will." He replied. "How are you? I'm sure this hasn't been easy for you."
"I'm surviving," she informed. Spencer never believed he looked like his father. And it was true. People did tend to look more like ones they've spent a great deal of time with. But the more time she was around Will Reid, and the more she grew to like him, the more she could see the similarities between Spencer and his father, both physically and personally. "You know… Spencer had your eyes. He never told me that."
"It's possible he never knew." Will explained. "But that's my fault, isn't it?"
"For what it's worth, Mr. Reid," Riley began, "I know I didn't know you well, but I can tell you are a good man… I think if there had been more time… you and your son would have made wonderful friends."
"I'm not so sure about that." Will replied. "Spencer never seemed able to forgive me for what I did."
"Well, Spencer can be stubborn… but I do think he wanted his father just as much as you wanted your son."
Will admired her, giving her a smile. "Thank you, Riley."
They shared another embrace. It was an astounding how two people managed to come together when grieving the loss of a loved one.
Will let her go and Riley moved into the funeral home. She wanted nothing to do with those here. She was here for Spencer only and felt no need to repeat the same conversation every person had at these things. What a wonderful person the deceased was and how he went before his time. It was true to the saying, a person could be the slimmest piece of sludge on the planet and still be remembered as a saint.
She noticed where most of the team had gathered. They had one of the sitting rooms to themselves, all acting awkwardly, like they hardly knew each other. Riley was unenthusiastic to join them in there.
"Riley," a voice said behind her. She turned and saw Hotch, whom she hadn't seen since he drove her and JJ home. He pulled her into a hug, but Riley was unresponsive in it. She didn't want warmth and human comfort, she wanted to remain in a dark room until her life was over.
"Did you want to pay your respects?" Hotch asked. "I'll make sure no one bothers you-"
"No," she said quickly. The last thing she could do right now was be in that room. Knowing a box was separating her from the love of her life. But she wasn't about to divulge this to Aaron, or show she was weak in anyway. With a nod, "I'm tired, I just want to relax with the others until the service starts." And with that hurried into the sitting room.
Hotch watched her take a seat on one of the sofas next to Elle. He wouldn't force her; he understood how hard this must be for her, and it was only going to get harder. He walked over to stand with Rossi before the door of the viewing room.
…
The tension in the room was uncomfortably thick. These people were usually like clock work. Working so many hours with each other had synchronized them so; it was like they knew what the others were thinking. Now one of the pieces had been removed from this machine… and without it, they may not be fixable.
She wasn't the only one in the room noticing the change among them. Will was holding Henry while sitting with JJ on a cushioned bench against the wall. Kevin and Garcia sat side by side on the couch opposite Elle and Riley. Despite their connections, they were not apart of this team. They could appreciate the relationship and maybe understand it, but they couldn't share it. Observing them was like some unique herd on the Discovery Channel.
"What are you staring at?" Garcia snapped at Morgan, who was leaning against the wall, his arms folded over his chest. After always being doused in color, she was almost transparent, head to toe in black. Her hair was pulled back in a bun. The entire ensemble gave her the impression of a frigid school teacher.
"I'm not staring at you," Morgan muttered. "I'm just staring in your direction."
"Well, you can stop," She informed strictly.
Morgan wanted to be upset over Reid, but all he felt was anger. Anger at the kid for dying, anger at Nathan for shooting him, anger at himself for refusing to go with Emily. He did not want to be here. He couldn't look at any of these people and not remember the one that was missing. Unable to stand still any longer, he started pacing the room.
"Morgan, can you please sit down?" JJ asked once her annoyance got the best of her. "You're making me nervous."
"Wow," Morgan muttered, ignoring her request. "Those hormones are getting the best of you, aren't they Jennifer?"
"Just because she wants you to stop circling the room like nervous lap dog, doesn't mean it's because of her hormones." Garcia argued.
JJ yelled at Garcia, "Thanks, but I wasn't talking to you."
"Could we please not fight right now?" Emily muttered. She leaned against the wall, her arms folded. Her attention remained on the floor. She wanted to cry, but wouldn't let herself. She just kept thinking of that poor boy lying there, and she had done nothing to help him. What would he say if he were here now?
"You should just stay out of this, Emily, we weren't talking to you, either." JJ explained heatedly. She hated getting angry like this in front of her child, but her angst was getting the best of her, forcing her to take this out on her friends.
"What gives you the right to tell her what to do?" Garcia demanded. "You're not our mother, JJ, you know?"
"All I asked was for Morgan to sit down! He doesn't have to be a jerk about it!" She yelled in his direction.
"Yeah, why don't you just say what you're really thinking?" Morgan demanded. "You know it should have been me and not Reid."
"Morgan, could you stop being such an ass for a minute!" Emily cried. "Why do you have to make everything so personal!"
"Well, Morgan doesn't brush his guilt aside quiet as easily as you do, Emily." Garcia informed.
"What exactly is that supposed to mean, Penelope?" Emily inquired.
"I think you know what I'm implying," she sneered, glaring at here. "We all heard about what happened when he was shot."
Emily's voice raised to an alarming level. "I don't think you really get to make any kind of judgment. We don't get to hide away in a cave every day. We actually have to interact with people!"
"Oh, my God, shut up all of you!" Riley cried, running out of tolerance. She could take no more, getting to her feet and quickly rushing from the room. The tension and the anger along with the severity of this entire event was just too much to deal with without a little chemical help.
The team stopped their arguing as Riley walked out. "She doesn't have to be so dramatic." Morgan muttered.
"I think she's got the right idea." Elle spoke up, "Maybe I don't have the right to say anything, but you're all acting like children. We're all upset, we're all going to miss Reid. Do you really think yelling at each other and being selfish is going to make it better?"
Elle got up and left as Kevin continued with his own thought, getting to his feet. "She has a point. I've seen this team pull together to face some of the worst things in the existence and now, when you need each other the most, all you want to do is create more misery."
He released Garcia's hand and followed Elle out into the crowd. Will was the only one left. He picked up his son, looking at the others. "He's right," he added. "You should be ashamed of yourselves."
With Henry under his arm, he left the room. The four remained in silence, guilty, unable to even look at each other.
…
Riley flicked the flame of the lighter. Shielding it from the air, she lit her cigarette and took a long drag. The sweet smoke filled her lungs; the nicotine immediately began to soothe her. She had never quit smoking, but since moving in with Spencer, she had cut down a great deal. Now, though, she was in desperate need of a fix. Just something to help her relax and get through this. This certainly would not be her last one of the day, or for awhile.
"I would think a woman as intelligent as you would know better." A man standing a few feet away from her said. It was ten to one; the service would be starting soon. There was no one outside besides herself and this fellow.
Riley exhaled the warm smoke into the air. "A man as old as you should know to mind his own god damn business. What makes you believe I'm intelligent, anyway?" Riley asked.
"I'm pretty good at reading people," he explained.
Riley gave a roll of her eyes; she was not in the mood to have a chat with a stranger. Hopefully, her negative body language would put him off from further conversation. She took another puff on her smoke.
"You're here for the Reid funeral?" he asked.
She gave a disbelieving chortle. "Yeah, you?"
He gave nod. His eyes were focused on her. They had an inquisitive quality about them, but not judgmental. It was like he were studying her, that every movement she made told him a little about herself.
"How did you know the Spencer?" Riley asked. Strangers usually made her so nervous, but even with his constant staring, she couldn't help but feel a bit comforted by his presence. He had a warm quality about him, like you could trust this man with anything you needed to say.
"I knew him from a long time ago." He said. "An old friend. I hadn't seen him in a long time, though. And yourself?"
Her finger flicked off the hanging ash from her cigarette. "I was his girlfriend."
He gave her an expression. Riley was used to this by now. The expression of surprise or bewilderment when they discovered the awkward, gangly, nerdy genius did indeed have a girlfriend. But this look was different. It was a pleased look, like he approved of her.
The old man gave a nod. "Well, in that case, I'm sorry for your loss. If you don't mind, I'd like to pay my respects before the service."
Riley nodded, taking another drag. The man turned and walked towards the door. "It's nice to finally meet you, Dr. Parker." He called.
Shocked, Riley turned around, but before she could inquire further, the man was inside.