JJ stepped into the viewing room. It was the largest room in the home. A couple hundred white folding chairs had been set up in here. Hotch approved her request for a few private moments. Reid and JJ had always had a very special connection. It wasn't on a whim that she made him Henry's godfather. She needed her own time to say goodbye.
The door closed and her eyes traveled all the way to the front of the room. A long white casket with gold handles sat center stage. It seemed appropriate for Reid. After all this time, after everything he'd been through, he was still so innocent. The baby of their extraordinary family.
"Hey," JJ whispered. "It's me…" Just the thought that maybe he were listening was comforting to her, as would be to most people.
She stepped down the aisle towards the coffin. In her hand was a piece of thick shiny paper. "I wish I could have had a real chance to say goodbye…" she didn't want to start crying, not yet. There was a long day ahead of them and had to stay strong. "Everyone misses you… the whole team is just devastated… and Riley… but you don't have to worry about her. Will and I are watching her for you… She's a mess right now, but… she'll be okay. She'll get through this… she'll survive. Riley's strong… which I think you should take a lot of credit for."
She smiled, wondering what his response would be to that. "I would give anything to hear a useless fact right now. About the origin of the modern funeral or ancient Egyptian burial traditions… or interesting facts about toothpaste, I don't care, I just…"
With a deep breath, she held back her tears. "I'm really going to miss you, Spence." She said. "We all will… I'm going to make sure Henry remembers you and how important you were to him, how much you loved him… I hate the fact my baby will never meet you… but it'll know you. I promise."
JJ handled the paper in her hands as she stepped up closer to the casket. She was not supposed to open it. She could be horrified by what she found in there, to have all her good memories of Reid erased by the remains of his body, but she couldn't let him go without taking a piece of her. No one would know. "I keep thinking about… when we first became friends. You took me to the Redskins game… you were so nervous, I don't think you'd ever spent so much time around a girl… That was one of the best days of my life, Spence. It was the first day… since my sister killed herself… that I actually felt… happy…"
A few tears dripped down and she wiped them away. "I've kept the stubs since that game. I have mine and I will keep it forever. I wanted you to have yours… and I don't know what happens after a person dies… I hope wherever you are… it's warm and happy and fun… and you're with the people who love you… and when the rest of us go, you'll be there to meet us… but… I do know that I can send a piece of me with you."
JJ's fingers gripped onto the lid. Gathering all her strength, physical and mental, she lifted the lid. Her eyes grew wide and she gasped, stagnant with shock.
Whatever JJ had been expecting… it was not this.
Without placing the stub inside, she slowly closed the lid. Her shock washed through like the tide, and as it pulled away, JJ was dizzy with confusion… and a little bit of hope.
Without another word, she hurried from the viewing room. At the door, she took one last glance at the casket. She wanted to be happy… but until she knew the truth, she wouldn't let herself believe.
Stepping outside, Hotch and Rossi were absent. Another man stood with his back to her, turning as she closed the door. For a second time in sixty seconds, she was stunned, recognizing the older gentleman immediately.
"Gideon?" JJ inquired, just to be certain.
"Hi, JJ. It's good to see you," he said. "I'm sorry it's under these circumstances."
"Me, too." She replied. "What are you doing here? How did you hear about this?" News traveled fast, but the death of Spencer Reid was not exactly popular news.
"I've kept tabs on the team. I wouldn't miss this," Gideon explained. "I cared very deeply for that boy.
JJ had never been very close to Gideon, but the fact that he had come to her dearest friend's funeral meant the world to her. They instinctively took each other in a hug.
As they let go, JJ asked, "Do the others know you're here?"
"No, I just want to step in and pay my respects. I don't have much time." He indicated the door.
JJ nodded. "Um… you're not supposed to look in the coffin." Now the request made much more sense. "As asked by… the family."
"As I suspected." He retorted, stepping inside.
…
Riley made it back indoors. Everyone was heading in for the service now. The team was scattered around. They were like magnets of the same charge. Being too close created negative energy and forced themselves apart. Garcia had found Kevin, holding her hand supportively. JJ was back standing with her family. She had a bewildered aura about her, perhaps unable to comprehend this was actually happening.
Riley spotted Hotch walking to her. "Are you doing okay?"
"Oh yes, I'm having the time of my life. Can I go home now, please?" Riley muttered, disgruntled.
"It'll be over soon," Hotch assured, putting his arm around her.
She leaned on him, hating that she needed him so badly. "Aaron, it hasn't even started yet."
He squeezed her closer, leading her inside. Riley was grateful; there was no way she could get through this without him, no matter how hesitant she was for human support. She had to admit, it took a lot less energy to accept it than to push it away and prove she was strong on her own.
Everyone took seats inside. Morgan sat beside Elle, who was observing the others in the room. As she spotted someone, she whispered, "Morgan."
He didn't hear her. His attention was a few rows ahead where Emily sat alone. He wanted to talk to her, to remind himself that some things were just as they should be. He wanted to put his arm around her and comfort her while she was upset. And the fact that her black dress was an elegant frock that accentuated her hourglass shape had not gone unnoticed, either.
"Morgan," Elle hissed. As she nudged him, he finally looked to her. Elle pointed casually. "Isn't that Gideon?"
Immediately, he looked in her indicated direction. Sure enough, she was right. Jason Gideon, whom he hadn't seen since his last case with the BAU was standing alone on the side of the room. He was waiting for the group to settle before claiming a seat. The sight of him was a shock, but soon made him feel despondent. Gideon showing up just proved how intense this was.
Riley and Hotch sat close to the front. Rossi was a row behind, sitting next to their preying mantis of a boss, Erin Strauss. Were he not so tormented, the others may have found her presence suspicious.
At last, everyone was seated. The minister lead everyone in prayer, a blessing that Reid's soul would be brought into Light, that the hurt everyone here felt would be healed. He gave a speech, reminding all that life was temporary. It was the memories of a person that mattered, and it was important to try and do good in the world, as Reid had in his short time.
Afterward, the procession headed to the cemetery. The coffin was removed from the hearse by the six pall bearers, those of which were Rossi, Gideon, Will LaMontagne, Kevin, Morgan, and Will Reid.
The truth kept reminding itself over and over in his mind. Like a flashing neon sign, that Reid was in the box he was carrying. It was too much for Morgan to withstand. For the last week, he had tried to remain strong, to act tough, as if this didn't bother him. This was life. You were here one day and you were dead the next. He saw tragedy every day, this was no different. But Morgan couldn't do it anymore. He silently let his tears fall as the men walked the casket to the grave site.
The guests followed behind, many carrying red roses. Hotch walked with Riley, who barely had enough strength to remain on her feet. The rest of the team was right behind them; somehow they subconsciously moved back into the same cluster.
Once the coffin was situated, the men moved back into the crowd. The minister began speaking again. Riley, inconsolable, leaned on Hotch. Silent tears dripped down her face, her hand gripping his as tight as possible, and tried desperately not to think how her love was going to be lowered into the freezing ground. She felt detached from herself, like she were watching this in a movie. Were it a movie, she'd have walked out of the theater by now.
When Morgan stepped away from the coffin, he stood next to Emily. She wiped away a few tears with her handkerchief. Morgan was tired of anger and resentment; it only made him feel worse, he realized, as he put his arm around her. Emily's bitterness from earlier dissolved at his touch, moving into his embrace. His other hand reached to his other side, taking the one of Garcia's that hadn't been claimed by Kevin. She returned it with a warm squeeze. JJ stood a few people away with her family, but Garcia looked over and caught her eye. The look alone was enough of an apology. This was too painful to deal with this alone. The others were right. If they were going to get through this, they needed to share their pain instead of inflicting more.
It was truly happening. This was really goodbye.
As the minister gave one final blessing, the guests began to move forward. Each laid their rose on top of the coffin, saying their final farewell as they walked away. At last, it was just Hotch and Riley.
"Ready?" Hotch asked.
She was still clutching her flower. "Could I just have a minute?" she asked.
"Of course," He replied, a hand on her shoulder. "Take your time."
Hotch went to join the others. Riley was alone with the coffin. She choked back her tears in order to speak. Whether or not he could hear her, she had to say this.
"I'm sorry," she whispered, "I failed… you've saved my life so many times… and the one time you need me to save you… I failed."
She sniffled back her tears, looking around. "I don't know what I'm going to do without you… I feel so lost…"
Her fingers had been playing with the petals of the rose. A few fell onto the ground as she continued. "You meant everything to me, Spencer… you were my whole world… I don't know if I would have changed my mind about a family, but I know without a doubt I wanted to stay with you forever… I wanted us to grow old together… and I should have told you that… More than once."
She took a deep breath and moved closer to the coffin. "Look… I don't know what you were planning with that ring… I mean, I have an idea… but I'm not certain… But if you were planning… what I think you were planning…" She paused, gasping as she fought back the urge to sob. "I just want you to know, I would have said yes."
Riley placed the rose on the very top of the others. She kissed her fingertips and laid them on the smooth white wood. "I love you," she said one last time. Another wave of tears hit her as she walked away, leaving the casket behind her.
…
There was food and drink all around, but Riley didn't feel much like either. The others were sitting at a table; they weren't fighting, but still weren't they're old selves. It was a mystery if they would ever feel the same way again. Riley wasn't interested in sitting with them. They wouldn't want her around anyway. Spencer was gone and they had no obligation to her now. It was better she cut off contact before they got sick of having to deal with her. She went to find a seat alone until she was allowed to go home.
Rossi and Hotch were talking privately. "I spoke to each one of the lookouts. Not one of them spotted Nathan today," Hotch explained. "I'm a little surprised he didn't show."
"I'm not." Rossi said. "I knew he wouldn't. I'm sure he's close by, but he's in hiding for now. He'll stay that way until he's certain Reid's gone."
"That gives us a very small window of time. He'll either disappear or he'll start killing again." Hotch stated.
"Strauss did approve our request. But I think we should wait until everyone is up to speed before we get started. They might be disinclined otherwise." Rossi said.
For the first time that day, Gideon approached Hotch. They greeted each other with a handshake. "I'm glad you could make it, Jason." Hotch said. "You remember David Rossi."
"Of course," Rossi and Gideon shook hands. The two men had met once or twice over the years, but had never worked together. Gideon didn't join the BAU until a few years after Rossi left the first time. It was a shame. The skills and experience between these two men could create a powerful duo for the team.
Hotch lowered his voice as he questioned, "Am I right in assuming you looked into the coffin?"
"Why would you think I'd do that?" Gideon asked with a small smile.
"To confirm what you already know." Hotch stated with one of his own rare smiles. Rossi looked just as pleased.
Riley couldn't sit any longer. She spent her time gathering empty plates and tidying up. She was rearranging cups around the coffee pot, feeling no desire for one herself.
"You do know that's what they pay the caterer's for?" Morgan asked as he came over.
"I can't just sit anymore, I have to do something. I have to keep busy." She explained.
Morgan could understand that. He remembered his mother doing the same thing at his father's funeral. "Hey, I'm sorry we upset you before."
Riley nodded. "I'm sorry I ran out of there, I just couldn't take the tension. You guys are grieving, I get that. I mean… you knew Spencer better than I did."
"Well, I'm not so sure about that," Morgan replied. "We just… don't know how to handle this."
"Anyone can appreciate that." Riley replied. "I mean you guys face death every day, but if you actually think about losing the people you love, putting them in a… you'd never be able to do this job. I admire you guys for that."
"Listen, I want you to know, we are not giving up this case. We are going to catch Nathan." Morgan explained. "Don't worry."
"I'm not worried. I really couldn't care less what he could do to me." Riley said.
"But regardless, we will get him. Even if it takes everything in me… he will pay for this." Morgan had a defiance about him. Riley had heard that Morgan become passionate like this over an unsub, but she had never seen it with her own eyes. She was almost scared of him.
"Good," Riley replied. "If anyone can catch him, it's you guys."
She started to walk away. "Riley," Morgan called.
"Yes?" she asked, turning around.
"You know we're here for you… if you need anything."
"Thank you," she said with appreciation. "But I'm okay. I don't need anyone."
"We all need someone, Parker," Morgan corrected.
Though she disagreed, Riley nodded her head in acknowledgement. Morgan watched her walk away, allowing Emily to sneak up on him.
"Hey…" she said. "I'm calling it a night."
"Let me take you home." Morgan said, turning his attention to her.
"You don't have to. I'm going to walk, it's not far." Emily informed.
"Since when do I only do things because I have to?" Morgan wondered. "If you want to walk, fine, but either way, you're going with me."
Emily smiled, glad her friend cared about her so much. Maybe things would never be the same, but they still had each other. Just because Reid was gone, it didn't change what they had become over the years and it was important none of them forgot that.
Riley was ready to head home, too. She approached JJ and her family. "Ready to go?" JJ asked warmly.
"Yeah, but… I'm going back to my place." She explained.
"Nonsense, you should come with us," JJ argued.
"No, I… I don't want to impose on you guys anymore." Riley said.
"It's not any inconvenience, Riley," corrected Will, "We're happy to have you. You're welcome to stay with us as long as you like."
"Thank you, Will… JJ… but I want to be alone."
"At least let us take you," Will urged. "It's getting dark, you don't want to be walking all over DC at this time of night."
Riley agreed. Will handed a sleepy Henry to his mother and went off to fetch everyone's coats. "He's very chivalrous, that one." Riley admitted.
"He's always been a gentleman." JJ said smiling, adjusting her son in her arms. "There are so few left in the world."
"One less now," Riley muttered, looking away. She spotted Emily and Morgan, their coats on, about to leave, and speaking kindly to the old man who knew her name. "JJ… who is that talking to Morgan and Emily?"
"Oh, him? That's Gideon." JJ replied.
Shocked, "That's Gideon? That's… Jason Gideon?"
"I know, I was just as amazed as you. Come on, I'll introduce you. I know he'd love to meet you."
"That's okay," Riley responded. "We've met."