Riley spun around, "Oh God…" she moaned into her shaking hands. She was hallucinating. She had finally lost her sanity. Or this was some intense conscious nightmare; Riley had read about things like that in med school. An involuntary tactic when the brain couldn't cope with reality, especially the death of a loved one. She whispered to herself, trying to get her mind to see rationally, "This is not happening… this isn't real… it's not real… it's not real…"
"Riley," Reid said softly. He wanted to rush to her and take her in his arms, but he had to take this slow. This would be hard for anyone to understand.
She was trying to calm herself. Spencer was not here. If she could just get her mind to realize this, everything would be fine. "Riley…" he called to her. He sounded so real. This was not fair. She was trying to move on, but her subconscious was forcing her in the same place. How could she ever get over him if her mind wouldn't let her?
"Riley, please look at me." He was demanding, but gentle at the same time.
Slowly, Riley turned and met his eyes again. He looked tired and a little pale, like someone who had just gotten over the flu. But his eyes… those soft hazel eyes that would look at her like she were a goddess… they were as alive and bright as always. He looked like he might start crying, looking her over.
"No…" she whimpered. "You're not real… you're dead…"
"No, I'm not." He said. "I'm sorry. I am so sorry you had to go through this… but I'm back now. Please, just listen to me."
"People don't just come back from the dead." She whispered. A few tears slid down her cheeks and her stomach was churning. There was a clutching pain in her chest like the seams of her heart were ripping. It seemed so real… but she knew it couldn't be. She would love to just give into this fantasy and fall into his arms. But he was dead… he had to be… this couldn't be happening…
He made a step closer to her and that was it. "I'm going to be sick," she cried, running down the hall.
By the time Reid made it to the bathroom, her head was in the toilet vomiting worse than JJ. Immediately, he stepped forward, pulling back the loose bits of hair for her.
"No," she shrugged him away, the last of it spilling from her system. Shaking, her throat dry and scratchy, she got to her feet and made it to the sink, rinsing out the putrid taste in her mouth. Reid stood back and watched. She rinsed at least a dozen times before switching off the water, then grabbed her mouth wash and rinsed with a few slow cap fulls; she was stalling, hoping when she stood back up, her hallucination would have evaporated.
Spitting one more time, Riley wiped her mouth with the back of her hand and stood. she caught his reflection in the mirror. Hallucinations don't have reflections. Carefully she turned around. Riley observed him for several long minutes before she finally found her voice. "You can't be here." She whispered. "This can't be real…"
"I didn't die, Riley." He explained. "You have to believe me… I'm real… trust me."
She had her reservations, but at last moved closer to him. Riley's quivering hand slowly reached towards him, expecting him to disappear as she got closer. The tips of her fingers touched the end of his chestnut brown hair. Just as soft as she recalled. Gaining a bit of bravery, her fingers went further into the strands, like she used to do. Riley watched as his eyes closed and he absorbed the familiar feel of them. He had missed that so much and this was only the tip of the iceberg.
The other hand came up and went through his hair. As Reid opened his eyes, he saw more tears were spilling out. She was coming to terms with this. Her hands left his hair to the sides of his face, cupping his cheeks.
She at last managed that this was true. And with that knowledge, Riley pulled away. Reid felt a shock as one hand slapped him across the cheek with such a force, he almost fell over.
"How could you!" She yelled. "You left me! You abandoned me! You let me believe for almost a month that you were dead!"
It took almost a full minute of yelling before the sting finally subsided. Reid blinked several times trying to get his vision back, the pain was so blinding. He felt his hot cheek, turning to the furious woman before him.
"I'm sorry," he said again. "I deserved that. I know you're angry but please, just listen to me."
"Angry? I am absolutely livid, Spencer!" She could hardly breathe, she was so furious. "How could you do this to me! I thought you loved me!"
"Riley, I do love you. I did this because I love you. You have no idea how much I missed you-"
"Get out." She wouldn't let him finish.
"What?" Reid asked.
"You heard me, get out! Get out of my apartment!"
It was agony to hear her say this, but he wouldn't get into a fight with her. Everything she was feeling was completely understandable and he had to stay calm for her. "Riley… you're angry… you don't mean that."
She came at him and Reid was afraid she was about to slap him again. "Oh yes, I do! You made me say goodbye to you! You made me go to your funeral! I laid a rose on your coffin and thought I lost everything! Do you have any idea what that feels like! You don't put someone through that when you love her, Spencer! Now get out!"
"I'm not leaving." He said evenly. "Not until you at least let me explain."
"No, you lost the right to explain anything to me!" Her hands grabbed him, trying to force him back through the home, but her energy was running low. "I am over you! You mean nothing to me. Nothing!"
She tugged and shoved him again, Reid remained unruffled as he pulled her in his arms; an attempt to get her to calm down. To stop her screaming before the neighbors heard. "Let me go! No, I hate you! Get off me! Get…off…me!"
But it was too much. As Reid pulled her against him, her anger thawed; Riley fell apart in his arms. Her screams turned into a pathetic sobs, unable to utter any comprehendible words. Reid caught her as she collapsed, having no strength to remain on her feet. Reaching down, he scooped her limp, trembling body into his arms, carrying her into the bedroom.
Riley buried her face into the crook of his shoulder as they sat on the bed. Her tears were absorbed by the fabric of his shirt. She kissed his neck over and over. When at last she stopped, she sobbed, nuzzling against his warm flesh, "Oh, Spencer…" Her hand stroked the back of his head. "I can't… I can't believe this… you're alive… you came back to me…"
"I'm so sorry, Riley," he said, holding her as close and as tight as possible. He pressed his lips to her forehead as she continued crying, clutching to him desperately.
They had no idea how much time passed before the initial hysteria died down. Riley sat up, looking over his face. Her hand ran along his sore cheek, "Where have you been?" She sniffled.
"In hiding," he explained. "They said I was dead in order to keep Nathan at bay for awhile. If he thought I were dead, there would be no reason for him to hurt the people I care about… it's given us time to search for him."
"But they haven't caught Nathan yet." Riley didn't understand. "If you came home now… why couldn't you before?"
"I had to heal first." He explained with an apologetic smile. "And the only reason I agreed to it is because I knew everyone I cared about would be safe… especially you."
Riley couldn't think of a response. Her throat felt tight, like a hand was choking her.
Reid continued, further explaining. "If anything ever happened to you… if I lost you… I don't know what I'd do." He pushed back her wild hair, the better to see her face. "I hate that I put you through this…"
"So… you did this, not to save yourself… you did it to save me." She said, avoiding his eyes.
He'd been dreaming of this moment every night since he'd gone into hiding. He wanted to kiss her even more now than when they walked in the first snow. Slowly, his one hand cradling the side of her head, he leaned in to meet her lips with his.
Riley promptly responded, kissing him back. It was tender and soft, but enticing, just as both had remembered. The kind of kiss they should have had on their last day together.
As their lips parted, Riley started crying again. Her arms wrapped around his neck and held him close to her. "I missed you so much." She sobbed again. "I thought my life was over."
Reid let his own tears fall. They disappeared into her curls as he buried his face into her hair. He held her as close as possible, holding her tightly as if to convince both of them this was truly happening.
…
"I can't believe they didn't tell me." Riley said. Reid lay on his side next to her, his arm wrapped over her stomach, adoring her as she ranted. "I can keep a secret. Look at the way we started, that's a great example!"
It was the middle of the night, well after 12. It took a long time for either of them to settle down. Once they did, they were able to relax and get reacquainted. In their bed, they lay together in their stocking feet and spent the rest of the time talking.
"They weren't allowed. The less people who knew, the better." Reid tried to make clear. He leaned in and pressed his lips against the soft flesh of her neck. "I wanted to tell you so badly."
While relishing the feel of his kiss, Riley picked up his hand, entwining his long fingers with hers. "How did you get home, anyway?" she asked.
"Morgan," he explained. "He brought me home this morning and helped me get settled. Actually, I was ready to go home on Tuesday, but we had to figure out how to get you out of the apartment."
"Oh, I see," she said, "So the lecture was just a diversion. That's a shame, because I really enjoyed it."
"You did?" He thought for a moment. "I'll have to remember that next time I'm asked to give one."
Riley felt his other hand reach over and land in its favorite spot on her thigh. She loved the feel of his fingers through her navy blue tights, letting out a contented sigh. They were silent for awhile, just pleased they could be together.
"God, I missed you," She whispered.
"I missed you, too." He replied, reaching up to kiss her temple. Her perfume filled his nose again and he closed his eyes.
She gave another sigh, "You do realize you've poisoned me."
Reid looked at her, confused. "What do you mean?"
"While you were dead, I had a bit of an epiphany. I realized… I was fine before you came along. My life was cold and empty and I was alone. But I was fine because no one could hurt me there. And I was certain that was what I wanted." Her brown eyes moved up to meet his gaze. "When I let you in, you changed everything. You turned my life around. It was warm and happy, I had love and friendship. I felt like my life was worth something… And suddenly I was thrown back into that dark and twisted world. I saw my life without you… it is a horrible place and I do not wish to go there again. Ever."
She rolled onto her side, getting as close to him as possible. She held his face in her hands, all of a sudden so serious. "Look, I am a realist. I understand there are no guarantees in life, especially with your job and both our luck… but please, promise me, to the best of your ability, that you will never leave me again. That we will have a long, happy life and we will grow old together."
That was no problem with him, especially considering how she felt about that a year ago. "I promise." He replied with a smile.
"Okay," she whispered with relief. Closing her eyes as a few tears dropped out. She gave him a quick kiss. Her eyes popped open. "Oh my God, this place is a mess. There is no food here. And laundry! I have to do laundry! We have almost no clean clothes-"
"Riley," Reid urged, taking her hand. "It's late. Don't worry about that right now. Let's just… enjoy tonight… we'll worry about things in the morning."
She sensed something else in that comment. "What do you mean?"
"I'm going to the BAU tomorrow morning with the rest of the team." He admitted. "Nathan is still out there. If he doesn't know I'm alive, he will soon. And that puts everyone in danger again… we have to find him before anyone else gets killed."
Riley was silent for some time. He waited for her to protest, but finally she replied. "I'm going with you."
"I was hoping you'd say that," he said. "I don't know what I'd do without you."
"Hmm, well, I could disappear for three weeks, give you time to figure it out." She muttered.
"Oh, thank you," He replied. "You know what you should do is leave me for seven months. Oh, that's right, you already did that."
"Alright." She snapped, sitting up on her elbow. "Here's an idea. I don't make you feel guilty for this and you are never allowed to mention those seven months for your own selfish purposes again."
Reid smiled. "It's a deal."
"Deal," She agreed. Riley's fingers lingered on his stomach, messing with a button on his shirt. "But it doesn't get you off the hook. Because when you get your strength back, you owe me a lot of hot and dirty sex, Dr. Reid."
"I think I can oblige." He grinned. He leaned upward and brushed her lips with his. "I love you."
"I love you, too." They moved into a kiss; Riley's hand clutched at the fabric of his shirt. Neither one could deny how desperately they wanted to show just how much they loved each other. But it could only be a kiss. As it ended, they moved to hold each other close, both just as pleased to be back in their bed. Riley rested against his chest listening to sound of his heart. Each beat a reminder that he was alive. "Don't you dare leave me again."
"I won't." He assured, holding her close.
Her eyes closed, falling asleep in his arms. She was home.