Disclaimer: Anything you recognize belongs to the goddess, JKR or the divine Ms Charlotte Bronte. The convoluted plot is mine.
Chapter 5: A Ride in the Country
When Hermione woke up the next morning, the first thing she thought of was that her room at Hogwarts wasn't supposed to look like this…like some throwback to Victorian times. She puzzled over the strange feeling that she wasn't where she ought to be and looked around her several times before the realization of what had happened crashed over her.
She ducked her head back under the covers…chagrined at her outburst the previous night.
"What must he think of me?" She thought anxiously.
As if on cue, there was a knock on the door.
"Jane, dear. Are you quite well?" the gentle voice of Mrs. Fairfax soothed Hermione's nerves somewhat.
"I'm fine, Mrs. Fairfax," Hermione replied as firmly as she could. "Just a little tired."
"I'm not surprised, my dear. You should not have been outside yesterday in such awful weather. It was far too cold for someone as delicate as yourself," the housekeeper returned. "Will you be down for breakfast?"
"Yes, Mrs. Fairfax. Thank you. I won't be long." Hermione listened for the footsteps to recede before getting out of bed. She looked at herself and discovered she had slept in her shift all night long. She smiled as she realized that Severus must have put her to bed that way…like a child who had fallen asleep on the sofa.
"But does he still think of me as only a child?" She wondered as she picked out another plain dress to wear…the shift being hopelessly rumpled.
She looked at her reflection in the mirror over the dresser. She was not that old. Only 27…but she felt so much older…felt so tired sometimes.
"This isn't going to do me a whole lot of good," she whispered, reaching out to touch the mirror. "I have my entire life ahead of me. Am I going to spend it bemoaning the fact that something awful happened to me? I am still here. I am still pretty much the person I used to be. I have friends…good friends who will never have this chance at life that I have."
An image of Ron came to her mind…lopsided grin and warm hugs. She really did miss him.
"I won't let you down either, Ron. I know you wouldn't want me to be this way. But it's been so hard…I just want to forget it ever happened but I know I never will, will I?"
Her reflection did not answer.
She brushed her hair and tried to put it up in a neat bun…but the unruly strands would have none of that. It looked rather spiky but, she sighed, it was probably the best she could do for the time being. Tucking her wand into her pocket, she decided to face the morning…and Severus.
"Come on, Hermione," she whispered to herself as she opened the door and headed towards the dining room. "Let's show some of the famed Gryffindor bravery, shall we?"
Taking several deep breaths to calm herself, Hermione made her way towards a wonderfully inviting smell. She suddenly realized that she was very, very hungry. Entering, she saw that Severus had not come down yet.
"Ah, there you are, Jane. Have a nice hot cup of tea…you look a little pale. Did you not sleep well?" Mrs. Fairfax presented her with a cup full of the fragrant liquid.
Hermione inhaled the vapours and smiled. "I read a little before sleeping."
Mrs. Fairfax made a clucking sound of disapproval. "Now, my dear Jane. You must not tire yourself out. You do not have a robust constitution and I fear that you will do yourself a grave ill if you do not allow yourself time to rest."
"I was only reading…hardly strenuous," Hermione protested mildly.
"And, if I know our dear Jane well enough, she is ever putting her nose into a book," a deep masculine voice made Hermione turn quickly. Severus stood in the doorway, dressed much the same as the day before…somehow managing to find more clothing in black which almost made her giggle.
"Ah, Mr. Rochester, sir. I'd imagine you'd be wanting coffee?" Mrs. Fairfax poured a steaming cup and set it down on the table, opposite Hermione.
He took his seat. "Thank you, Mrs. Fairfax."
Mrs. Fairfax smiled affectionately. "That reminds me…Adele and her nurse sent their regrets but they would not be returning from London until next week at the earliest."
Hermione watched as Severus pondered what to say. "It cannot be helped and I have no need for them at present."
Mrs. Fairfax nodded and returned to the kitchen.
"Can I get you some toast, Hermione?" Severus asked quietly. "You really should eat something."
"I'm starving," Hermione admitted.
Severus proceeded to load her plate with sausages, eggs, toast and strawberry preserves. "You scared me last night."
"I made such a fool of myself. I'm surprised that no one woke up…the spell you cast was perhaps a little stronger than you thought," Hermione replied, wolfing down some sausages and eggs in an attempt to fill the horrible empty feeling inside her.
"You did not make a fool of yourself, Hermione. Have I not told you all along that you cannot repress your anger forever? That it will suddenly spill out of you when you least expect it or least desire it?"
Hermione nodded, unable to speak because of the food in her mouth.
"Besides, I have an idea that should bring the sparkle back into your eyes," he smiled as he started eating himself.
"What's that?" She asked, as soon as she decently could without spluttering food all over the table.
"We are going to go horseback riding and, perhaps, stop at an inn not very far from here. I have already been to the stables this morning and there are several horses of good breeding and temperament. It would do you a world of good to get some fresh air. Not all the problems in the world can be solved by perusing the words of a book," Severus reached over for another slice of toast and spreading it with fresh butter and strawberry preserves.
"How did you know that I love horseback riding?" She asked, sipping at her tea. It wasn't common knowledge and she was certain that she had never mentioned it to him before.
For a moment, he seemed unsure as to what to say. But then he shrugged his shoulders. "What good Englishwoman doesn't like horseback riding? Besides, we may as well enjoy some of our time here."
They ate the rest of their breakfast in companionable silence. Hermione watched him discreetly. He was not a handsome man, really, but he was intriguing…darkly fascinating. She glanced at his hands, now deftly handling a knife and fork with the same quiet dexterity that he handled the various potions ingredients. His mouth was well formed…the lips a little thin. His eyes, now looking at his toast, always seemed to see something more than was actually there.
She loved everything about him…even his nose which, she had to admit, was well beyond anything aquiline.
And his voice…it was like a magical spell in of itself…intoxicating.
Not wanting him to notice her staring at him, she quickly finished everything on her plate and sipped the last of her tea.
"Mrs. Fairfax will be pleased with your appetite this morning, Hermione," he smiled at her as he took a final sip of coffee and stood up.
"I didn't realize how hungry I was until I came down here," she replied, as he came around to help her out of her chair.
"You'll need something warm to wear…it's quite chilly. Mrs. Fairfax will have my head if you catch cold."
Hermione smiled. "You're lucky that she trusts you…it isn't exactly the thing to do in these times."
"What? Not take my governess for a ride in the country?"
"One might think you have designs on your governess," Hermione turned and left the dining room in search of Mrs. Fairfax.
Severus simply stood there, stunned.
Had she just flirted with him?
Thoroughly confused, he walked over to a closet he had discovered earlier and pulled out a riding cloak that seemed to be made of very good quality wool. He was concerned about her…that episode last night, while cathartic, had unnerved him. He didn't want her to think about their unknown enemy or the very slight chance they had of ever returning. He just wanted her to have a day to recover her good spirits and he felt that a ride in the country would do her a world of good.
"Here I am," Hermione stepped into view, wearing a warm wrap and kid leather gloves.
"Let's get out to the stables…there is the little matter of which horse you wish to ride this morning," Severus said regally, as if bestowing a great honour on his former student.
Hermione took his arm and they walked out together to the stables where many horses stamped, whinnied and otherwise made their presence known.
"Do you have a preference?" Severus asked as he walked over to a lovely roan mare and rubbed her nose.
Hermione looked from one horse to another. There were at least seven and each was in prime condition.
"The dappled mare…she looks simply beautiful," Hermione smiled at the placid animal that was munching some hay.
"I'll have one of the stableboys saddle her for you. I will be riding the black stallion from yesterday. Isn't he a noble animal?"
Hermione had to agree. The black stallion snorted impatiently and reared up on his back legs as Severus approached. "We've already been for a quick jaunt," Severus explained quietly before calling a young man, who was cleaning out another stable to saddle up the two horses.
Within a few minutes, they were off.
It had been a long time since Hermione had last ridden and she felt a surge of energy as they galloped along the countryside. It was cold, but not too cold. It was a cloudy day but bright enough for comfort. It was a perfect day for riding.
"If only I could ride like this forever…never stopping," she thought as she raced along. "Riding…with him like this. Like something out of a novel."
And she couldn't help giggling a little over that.
Severus, for his part, kept pace with her…allowing Hermione to ride ahead just a little bit so that he could watch her without fear of her catching him in the act. She looked much more peaceful and her hair had abandoned any notion that it would abide by the strict Victorian style and had slipped from its precarious bun, flowing freely in the wind…shining like burnished bronze. She…was so very beautiful.
"Is it really so wrong for me to love her…desire her…cherish her?" he wondered as he urged his mount after her. "Is it so wrong to hope…that someday…she might feel the same?"
It seemed that they rode on like that forever. As the sun neared its apex, they arrived at a small copse of trees in a large glen. Hermione reined her horse to a stop and dismounted. Severus soon followed her.
"That was wonderful!" She exclaimed as they tied off their horses to one of the trees and left them to graze. Severus reached into one of the saddlebags and pulled out some wine, bread and new cheese that he had taken from the kitchens early that morning.
"They are magnificent animals, aren't they?" Severus asked, walking over to a fallen log and sitting down. Hermione sat next to him, taking off her gloves and tucking them into a pocket of her dress.
"It was very kind of you to take me out like this. I can't tell you how much better it has made me feel," she said shyly.
"I didn't bring glasses. Would you like a sip of wine? It will warm you," Severus offered the small flagon to her. She smiled and, unstopping it, took a small sip.
"It's very good," she said.
He broke off pieces of the bread and cut some slices of cheese with a knife, handing them to her on his handkerchief. She set the wine down on the ground and accepted the meal gratefully.
"The cook gave me a decidedly evil glare when she caught me rummaging through the cellar. I suppose she thought I had evil designs on her cheese," Severus smirked as he ate a slice of the cheese.
Nibbling on the bread, Hermione grinned. "I suppose that would be a bit out of character for Mr. Rochester."
"I'm finding this Rochester character to be more complicated than I thought," Severus sighed dramatically as he reached for the flagon and took a long drink. "Why did he marry Bertha?"
"He loved her…with all the fire and intensity of a first love. However, she was not the one for him. They were too much alike and not enough alike at the same time. That doesn't make much sense…but it is true all the same," Hermione accepted the flagon from Severus and took another small sip.
Above them, the clouds began to darken but neither one paid any attention.
"And…Jane. Why was she the right one for him?"
"She loved him. It did not matter if he were rich or not. It did not matter what his past had been like. It did not matter that he was not handsome in the traditional sense. None of it mattered. They belonged to each other…body and soul. The problem was that he was already married and…"
"And Jane refused to become anything other than a proper wife," Severus finished the sentence.
"To do anything else would be to compromise who she was in order to be what he wanted," Hermione took another sip of the wine to quell the rising feeling of…awareness between them.
The distant booming of thunder went unnoticed and the silence grew into something deeper.
Severus looked at her…she looked uncertain and somewhat fearful. All he wanted to do was take her in his arms and reassure her that his love for her would never allow him to ask of her what this book's character had obviously thought was his right. Perhaps Rochester had justified himself…thought that bringing love to another would somehow make up for stealing her soul and identity.
It was not right. No, it was not right at all. That sort of selfish deception, even with the best of intentions, was still deception and there was no honour in that.
Hermione felt shy and yet exhilarated. She felt the wind moving around them…sighing sadly. She could feel Severus' gaze on her but dared not meet it. What was he thinking? Could he possibly be thinking the same thing that was in her mind…that of touching his lips to hers?
She would not say no. Not to him.
It was odd, when it came right down to it. There were a thousand reasons why she should not love such a man as Severus Snape. Jane would never have ventured near Edward had he a tenth of the darkness in his past that Severus had.
But she was not Jane…and none of those reasons mattered any longer. What was past was past…and that was where it rightfully would remain.
The spattering of cold rain caused both of them to return to the present.
"We had best hurry back to the manor," Severus said, taking Hermione's hand and assisting her towards where the horses were tethered.
Except there was only one.
"Where is my horse?" Hermione cried out as the rain started coming down in earnest, soaking them both.
Severus struggled to free his horse and tried to look through the rain for any sign of the other wayward animal.
"She must have gotten loose!" He shouted…trying to make his voice heard over the thunder. "She has bolted for home! You must ride with me…we can't stay here…the lightning is too dangerous and we are vulnerable."
Hermione nodded, the cold rain chilling her to the bone. Severus put his hands around her waist and helped her onto the stallion. He then got on behind her. Wrapping an arm around her waist protectively and covering her with his cloak, Severus ordered the horse to gallop at full speed.
Through the rain and the thunder and the lightning they raced. Hermione was frightened…lightning reminded her of the curse that had killed Ron. She pressed against the comforting warmth of Severus and held onto that hand tightly.
"We'll be there soon, Hermione," Severus reassured her.
Hermione did not answer. She merely closed her eyes and savoured something she thought she might never experience again.
Feeling every heartbeat of the man she loved.
Feeling the warmth of his body warming her own.
Feeling safe.