Chapter 2
By Crystal
*Screw the disclaimers ^^;;*
The next few days of my journey, I didn't nothing more than stare at the stars at night and nothing more than walk the road to Tokyo. I didn't exactly take the shortest way there. Always trying to delay the inescapable truth. I hated myself for trying to find comfort in a lie. I didn't like what I was doing, but what did I do to change it? Nothing.
Walking all day long wasn't as hard as it seemed. For the first day or two, it was very tiring, but at the third day, I had begun getting use to the long walks I had to do. Even though I had begun getting used to it, I always rested for longer than I should. I did get tired, after all. I was human like everyone.
I had begun to notice that a lot of travelers also took this road. They usually said something like it wasn't because it was long, but it was because it was the best road without robbers. I guess I choose the right road. My mind would often drift to either Kiyosato or I would try to picture the scene where Kiyosato was killed... If it was real at all. Here I go again, denying the fact. Well... Not exactly the fact since I haven't confirmed it, but...
Night fell quickly and once again, I leaned on a tree in a sitting position, wrapping the blanket around me so I wouldn't get hypothermia in the middle of the night. It was freezing cold. Every night, it was like this, I might as well get used to this. I still had about a week of this journey until I get to Kyoto. I took a glance at the stars, thinking again what my mother had told me. Still looking the same. Not exactly pretty.
It was stupid. I was hoping I would see pretty stars, but I was going to find the person who had supposedly killed my fiancée. And you call that a happy thing to do? I was so stupid sometimes. During these few days, I had often wondered how my family was doing. My angelic sister, my adorable brother and my cheerful little friend. Even my father who was rarely home. I wonder how Toshiko and Enishi would be doing without father.
I sighed, if mother hadn't died... If only. If she hadn't died, father would never be going out late at night. I was the one they all depended on, but what happened when I left? Like this time? I had to admit, I was worried. Toshiko and Enishi were both young, and if father didn't stop going out late at night, they would both starve... Or maybe not. Enishi was pretty capable of taking care of himself and Toshiko. I think.
I sighed again, I've been sighing a lot lately. It was late, I should sleep. As I fell asleep, I saw one last image. The first one was Kiyosato smiling his usual smile.
* * * * *
A week and two days has past. I'll be in Kyoto in an hour. It'll be hard finding the Battousai, even though he was probably the only Japanese in Kyoto to have red hair. Kyoto was huge. I should probably start with the most famous places. I haven't written in my journal for two weeks now, it's kind of weird, since back in Edo, I wrote in it almost everyday. But when I was traveling for the past few days, I really had nothing to write about. The only things I did those few days were walking, eating, sleeping... That's about it. I think.
As I was walking on the streets looking at everything, the crowd in front suddenly started whispering to each other and walking to the side of the street. I looked directly in front. Men with uniforms... The Shinsengumi, I think. The group against the Hitokiri Battousai. I walked to the side like all the others and looked at the group passing. After that, this was the first time... The first time I've seen you.
You were looking straight at me and as you saw me looking at you, you quickly turned your head away, averting my eyes. Red hair, cold amber eyes, slash on left cheek. I quickly walked away and hid away from you. A second later, you turned your head to look at where I was, but I was already gone. And you walked away. Should I follow you, or stay where I was? I choose to stay. It was so confusing. You were no older than fifteen, a child, carrying a wakizashi and a katana at the same time. A child, as a hitokiri. As child, as the Hitokiri Battousai. I was surprised.
He might be a child, but I only needed a single glimpse of his eyes to know that he wasn't an ordinary child. A child that has lost his childhood, kind of like me. I always had to take care of my brother and was never 'normal' to other girls. His eyes had told me that he had had more experience in everything than kids his age. A child that lost his childhood wasn't too uncommon, a child that had lots of experience wasn't too uncommon, but what was uncommon... was his eyes. They were truly the eyes of a killer. Eyes colder than steel that seemed to pierce through your soul if you met his eyes with yours.
What I needed to do was watch him from afar. Very far, or else he would probably sense me. I didn't want to be found out. I didn't want to die yet, not until I found out the truth anyhow.
'February 23, 1864
Today, I have finally met the Hitokiri Battousai. He was merely a child wielding a sword. Yet, he looked dangerous. His eyes cold, amber and emotionless. But what the rumours said about his blood coloured hair was wrong. It was a darker shade of red. Kind of pretty, if you ask me. Such unusual hair though. I must be leaving now, I'm tired and I've rented a room in a inn. I'll be following him tomorrow morning.'
I sighed again, closed my journal and rolled open the shoji leading outside to the balcony. Looking up at the shining stars... They kind of looked like they were mocking me. Their eyes twinkling in amusement and they were mocking me. How rude. Mocking me about what? Maybe about thinking about my fiancée's killer for the past hour or two? I don't know, even though I did have to admit. The stars did look lovelier than last nights'. Was mother really right? About the stars unchangingly eternal? Just that your heart decides if it was pretty or not? If she was right, it scared me. I had just met the Battousai, and already, the stars were starting to get beautiful. I must be joking myself.
But, it did make sense. My mother's speaking about the stars, I meant. Sometimes, I wonder if I had become crazy. All I seemed to think of was Kiyosato, the Battousai and the stars. I really should stop thinking and looking at the stars... I really should.
Yet, I stayed there for a long time, gazing up unblinkingly. Really, if someone saw me right now, they would most likely think of me as a nutcase, looking at the stars unmoving for the past ten or twenty minutes. I knew I should stop watching the stars and go to sleep, but I didn't have the heart to tear my eyes away from the stars. They were truly beautiful tonight. Maybe it was the only time they were beautiful for my whole life.
Half of myself says I should stop gazing at the stupid stars and sleep, the other part of me says I should keep gazing at the lovely stars until my eyelids felt heavy. I needed sleep, or else I would be tired tomorrow, but I wanted to stay exactly where I was. It was rare I saw stars so lovely. Perhaps it would be the only time I did. Finally, I had decided I had stared at enough stars for tonight. The stars wouldn't be going anywhere, they would stay for me, would they?
I slipped into my futon and after that, what I found out was, I was staring at the ceiling now instead of the stars. The truth was, I wasn't tired, that's why I couldn't sleep. Staring at the ceiling seemed like a pretty fun idea. I was warm in my futon and if I stepped out, it would take me a while to warm it up again, and the cold wind outside wouldn't help warm me up. I had no idea how I managed to sleep outside all those nights.
Sometimes, I still wonder what life would be if mother hadn't died. We would be having a great family, father, mother, Enishi, Toshiko and I. Maybe along with Kiyosato if we were married. I felt a smile tugging at my lips when I thought of the cute boyish smile Kiyosato would give me when we were little kids. He had it on his face sometimes too, when he did something funny and foolish. Oh I miss him so much!
If only, if only the Hitokiri Battousai never existed. We would all be happy. I would still be in Edo, maybe waiting for Kiyosato to come back from Kyoto to Edo, or maybe he wouldn't have left for the war at all. I certainly wouldn't be at this inn right now staring at the ceiling. Plain white ceiling, not that I minded. Staring at the white ceiling made me think of snow.
I took a deep breath. Thinking of this wouldn't help me at all, in fact, it would make me miserable. I should think of keeping my mind on the mission. To kill the Battousai. But... sometimes, I wonder if I could actually succeed. He seemed like a child. If only he wasn't the Battousai... Or maybe if he only didn't kill Kiyosato.
All I know was, before I fell asleep, thoughts of everything of my whole past popped through my head at least once before I actually felt tired. By the time I fell asleep, I think I have been staring at the ceiling for at least an hour. It felt like an hour anyhow. Yet once I was tired, I couldn't keep my eyes open any longer, not even for another little second. I wanted to take a little peek at the stars before I fell asleep, since I left the balcony shoji opened a bit. I wanted to take a peek, afraid it might not be as pretty tomorrow. I didn't have enough strength though. I was so weak once I was tired...
Tomorrow... Tomorrow... I would follow the Battousai and when the right time comes. I'll kill him. This is my promise to my fiancée. Then I added stubbornly, if Kiyosato is dead, which I highly doubt. I am so stubborn sometimes.
Author's Notes: Whee! Another chapter done. The Difference Between Rain and Tears for chapter 18 is half done. I might not be updating any fics this weekend. I have a new project due for this week, so yeah... Anyhow, I hope all of you enjoyed my first chapter and my first K/T fic.
I thank DiaBLo, Shuro, XenoMark, Yui Shinomori, Tomoe Ayanami and AnimeFreak for reviewing my first chapter. Arigatou!~
By Crystal
*Screw the disclaimers ^^;;*
The next few days of my journey, I didn't nothing more than stare at the stars at night and nothing more than walk the road to Tokyo. I didn't exactly take the shortest way there. Always trying to delay the inescapable truth. I hated myself for trying to find comfort in a lie. I didn't like what I was doing, but what did I do to change it? Nothing.
Walking all day long wasn't as hard as it seemed. For the first day or two, it was very tiring, but at the third day, I had begun getting use to the long walks I had to do. Even though I had begun getting used to it, I always rested for longer than I should. I did get tired, after all. I was human like everyone.
I had begun to notice that a lot of travelers also took this road. They usually said something like it wasn't because it was long, but it was because it was the best road without robbers. I guess I choose the right road. My mind would often drift to either Kiyosato or I would try to picture the scene where Kiyosato was killed... If it was real at all. Here I go again, denying the fact. Well... Not exactly the fact since I haven't confirmed it, but...
Night fell quickly and once again, I leaned on a tree in a sitting position, wrapping the blanket around me so I wouldn't get hypothermia in the middle of the night. It was freezing cold. Every night, it was like this, I might as well get used to this. I still had about a week of this journey until I get to Kyoto. I took a glance at the stars, thinking again what my mother had told me. Still looking the same. Not exactly pretty.
It was stupid. I was hoping I would see pretty stars, but I was going to find the person who had supposedly killed my fiancée. And you call that a happy thing to do? I was so stupid sometimes. During these few days, I had often wondered how my family was doing. My angelic sister, my adorable brother and my cheerful little friend. Even my father who was rarely home. I wonder how Toshiko and Enishi would be doing without father.
I sighed, if mother hadn't died... If only. If she hadn't died, father would never be going out late at night. I was the one they all depended on, but what happened when I left? Like this time? I had to admit, I was worried. Toshiko and Enishi were both young, and if father didn't stop going out late at night, they would both starve... Or maybe not. Enishi was pretty capable of taking care of himself and Toshiko. I think.
I sighed again, I've been sighing a lot lately. It was late, I should sleep. As I fell asleep, I saw one last image. The first one was Kiyosato smiling his usual smile.
* * * * *
A week and two days has past. I'll be in Kyoto in an hour. It'll be hard finding the Battousai, even though he was probably the only Japanese in Kyoto to have red hair. Kyoto was huge. I should probably start with the most famous places. I haven't written in my journal for two weeks now, it's kind of weird, since back in Edo, I wrote in it almost everyday. But when I was traveling for the past few days, I really had nothing to write about. The only things I did those few days were walking, eating, sleeping... That's about it. I think.
As I was walking on the streets looking at everything, the crowd in front suddenly started whispering to each other and walking to the side of the street. I looked directly in front. Men with uniforms... The Shinsengumi, I think. The group against the Hitokiri Battousai. I walked to the side like all the others and looked at the group passing. After that, this was the first time... The first time I've seen you.
You were looking straight at me and as you saw me looking at you, you quickly turned your head away, averting my eyes. Red hair, cold amber eyes, slash on left cheek. I quickly walked away and hid away from you. A second later, you turned your head to look at where I was, but I was already gone. And you walked away. Should I follow you, or stay where I was? I choose to stay. It was so confusing. You were no older than fifteen, a child, carrying a wakizashi and a katana at the same time. A child, as a hitokiri. As child, as the Hitokiri Battousai. I was surprised.
He might be a child, but I only needed a single glimpse of his eyes to know that he wasn't an ordinary child. A child that has lost his childhood, kind of like me. I always had to take care of my brother and was never 'normal' to other girls. His eyes had told me that he had had more experience in everything than kids his age. A child that lost his childhood wasn't too uncommon, a child that had lots of experience wasn't too uncommon, but what was uncommon... was his eyes. They were truly the eyes of a killer. Eyes colder than steel that seemed to pierce through your soul if you met his eyes with yours.
What I needed to do was watch him from afar. Very far, or else he would probably sense me. I didn't want to be found out. I didn't want to die yet, not until I found out the truth anyhow.
'February 23, 1864
Today, I have finally met the Hitokiri Battousai. He was merely a child wielding a sword. Yet, he looked dangerous. His eyes cold, amber and emotionless. But what the rumours said about his blood coloured hair was wrong. It was a darker shade of red. Kind of pretty, if you ask me. Such unusual hair though. I must be leaving now, I'm tired and I've rented a room in a inn. I'll be following him tomorrow morning.'
I sighed again, closed my journal and rolled open the shoji leading outside to the balcony. Looking up at the shining stars... They kind of looked like they were mocking me. Their eyes twinkling in amusement and they were mocking me. How rude. Mocking me about what? Maybe about thinking about my fiancée's killer for the past hour or two? I don't know, even though I did have to admit. The stars did look lovelier than last nights'. Was mother really right? About the stars unchangingly eternal? Just that your heart decides if it was pretty or not? If she was right, it scared me. I had just met the Battousai, and already, the stars were starting to get beautiful. I must be joking myself.
But, it did make sense. My mother's speaking about the stars, I meant. Sometimes, I wonder if I had become crazy. All I seemed to think of was Kiyosato, the Battousai and the stars. I really should stop thinking and looking at the stars... I really should.
Yet, I stayed there for a long time, gazing up unblinkingly. Really, if someone saw me right now, they would most likely think of me as a nutcase, looking at the stars unmoving for the past ten or twenty minutes. I knew I should stop watching the stars and go to sleep, but I didn't have the heart to tear my eyes away from the stars. They were truly beautiful tonight. Maybe it was the only time they were beautiful for my whole life.
Half of myself says I should stop gazing at the stupid stars and sleep, the other part of me says I should keep gazing at the lovely stars until my eyelids felt heavy. I needed sleep, or else I would be tired tomorrow, but I wanted to stay exactly where I was. It was rare I saw stars so lovely. Perhaps it would be the only time I did. Finally, I had decided I had stared at enough stars for tonight. The stars wouldn't be going anywhere, they would stay for me, would they?
I slipped into my futon and after that, what I found out was, I was staring at the ceiling now instead of the stars. The truth was, I wasn't tired, that's why I couldn't sleep. Staring at the ceiling seemed like a pretty fun idea. I was warm in my futon and if I stepped out, it would take me a while to warm it up again, and the cold wind outside wouldn't help warm me up. I had no idea how I managed to sleep outside all those nights.
Sometimes, I still wonder what life would be if mother hadn't died. We would be having a great family, father, mother, Enishi, Toshiko and I. Maybe along with Kiyosato if we were married. I felt a smile tugging at my lips when I thought of the cute boyish smile Kiyosato would give me when we were little kids. He had it on his face sometimes too, when he did something funny and foolish. Oh I miss him so much!
If only, if only the Hitokiri Battousai never existed. We would all be happy. I would still be in Edo, maybe waiting for Kiyosato to come back from Kyoto to Edo, or maybe he wouldn't have left for the war at all. I certainly wouldn't be at this inn right now staring at the ceiling. Plain white ceiling, not that I minded. Staring at the white ceiling made me think of snow.
I took a deep breath. Thinking of this wouldn't help me at all, in fact, it would make me miserable. I should think of keeping my mind on the mission. To kill the Battousai. But... sometimes, I wonder if I could actually succeed. He seemed like a child. If only he wasn't the Battousai... Or maybe if he only didn't kill Kiyosato.
All I know was, before I fell asleep, thoughts of everything of my whole past popped through my head at least once before I actually felt tired. By the time I fell asleep, I think I have been staring at the ceiling for at least an hour. It felt like an hour anyhow. Yet once I was tired, I couldn't keep my eyes open any longer, not even for another little second. I wanted to take a little peek at the stars before I fell asleep, since I left the balcony shoji opened a bit. I wanted to take a peek, afraid it might not be as pretty tomorrow. I didn't have enough strength though. I was so weak once I was tired...
Tomorrow... Tomorrow... I would follow the Battousai and when the right time comes. I'll kill him. This is my promise to my fiancée. Then I added stubbornly, if Kiyosato is dead, which I highly doubt. I am so stubborn sometimes.
Author's Notes: Whee! Another chapter done. The Difference Between Rain and Tears for chapter 18 is half done. I might not be updating any fics this weekend. I have a new project due for this week, so yeah... Anyhow, I hope all of you enjoyed my first chapter and my first K/T fic.
I thank DiaBLo, Shuro, XenoMark, Yui Shinomori, Tomoe Ayanami and AnimeFreak for reviewing my first chapter. Arigatou!~