What do you do
When everything you've been told as truth is lies? And you start to pray for peace, but you have to stop and remember, God is not.
What do you do
When you've suddenly been declared empty..you finally let your guard down and your heart now knows, God is not.
Every possible reaction is impossible. To cry would be crying over something that is not, to anger is becoming angry at something that is not, and to smile or laugh would be a lie, and I can't lie to myself anymore.
So what do you do?
I look at my Bible, the great book of lies, that rests on my desk...calling to me...this is easier than what you are trying to do...so...what do you do?
I have no heart, I have no mind, I have no purpose to live, but what else is there? I look at my surroundings...there are so many people in this world. And I am one of so damn many. I have no purpose, I just simply...am.
I understand the reason for Christianity. It makes people feel good to be able to say, "hey, that guy died just for me...he loves all of us and watches out for all of us and he won't ever leave us." Yeh, it feels good to say that and to truly believe it.
But when you find your sister with a bullet through her head, and when you know the exact reason she did it...well, I had to back up a bit and say, "ok, God, where are you now?"
And I couldn't answer that question. I needed God to answer that question, in a burning bush or something...or maybe just in my heart.
I looked back at my life, looked out the window and saw all the bushes were green. I looked in my heart, but it was still empty.
And I didn't have to ask why. I know why. Because God is not.
My conclusion cost me my boyfriend, my two best friends, and my heart. But I'm still here. And I think I'm better off. Because I'm not serving a lie anymore.
But God was my identity. And if he is not, I am not.
He is not, so I am not. I just don't know where to go from here.
NewYorkBabe
When everything you've been told as truth is lies? And you start to pray for peace, but you have to stop and remember, God is not.
What do you do
When you've suddenly been declared empty..you finally let your guard down and your heart now knows, God is not.
Every possible reaction is impossible. To cry would be crying over something that is not, to anger is becoming angry at something that is not, and to smile or laugh would be a lie, and I can't lie to myself anymore.
So what do you do?
I look at my Bible, the great book of lies, that rests on my desk...calling to me...this is easier than what you are trying to do...so...what do you do?
I have no heart, I have no mind, I have no purpose to live, but what else is there? I look at my surroundings...there are so many people in this world. And I am one of so damn many. I have no purpose, I just simply...am.
I understand the reason for Christianity. It makes people feel good to be able to say, "hey, that guy died just for me...he loves all of us and watches out for all of us and he won't ever leave us." Yeh, it feels good to say that and to truly believe it.
But when you find your sister with a bullet through her head, and when you know the exact reason she did it...well, I had to back up a bit and say, "ok, God, where are you now?"
And I couldn't answer that question. I needed God to answer that question, in a burning bush or something...or maybe just in my heart.
I looked back at my life, looked out the window and saw all the bushes were green. I looked in my heart, but it was still empty.
And I didn't have to ask why. I know why. Because God is not.
My conclusion cost me my boyfriend, my two best friends, and my heart. But I'm still here. And I think I'm better off. Because I'm not serving a lie anymore.
But God was my identity. And if he is not, I am not.
He is not, so I am not. I just don't know where to go from here.
NewYorkBabe