"How you doin?" Sully asked when her and Bosco left the hospital room.
"Fine" Faith replied, "Just wanna get outtah here, I'm sick and tired of hospitals" she smield softly.
Bosco's arm was around her, "What are you two doin' here?" Bosco asked them.
"Shift just ended, we came to see how you guys were, whether you were comin' tonight or not"
"I don't think-"
"I'll go" Faith said quickly. Bosco gave her a dirty look, "What, after a day like this I can't go out and have a beer or two?"
"I just didn't think it was such a great idea, point being you've been through a lot today"
"Boz, I'm fine, we'll just stay for a bit, I need to.. get out and relax, I have a lot on my mind"
"Two beers" he said, looking at her.
"Yes mom" she replied.
Sully turned his head, laughing.
"Now that's a new one, I've heard him called Shit head, Bighead, ignorant.. but not 'mom'"
"Ha ha" Bosco remarked.
"So.. what happened with that fire"
"Not much, everyone got out okay after you left, four brownstones damaged though"
"How's that mother and her kids?"
Sully hesitated, "Upset, they had to take her in to the hospital, she went in to shock and they couldn't bring her around on scene"
"What about the kids?"
"With Child Services right now"
Faith's heart broke. Christmas and they lost everything. A daughter or sister, a house, their faith. They should've noticed it sooner. They should've seen the smoke, or something, they should have been in that house immediately. That little girl would be alive.
"How old was Emily"
"Four and a Half, no sign of a husband either, not that the woman's talking or anything"
"I need a beer" Faith stated, the day taking it's toll on her mind.
"Penny for your thoughts" Sully offered, once the four of them were nursing a beer.
Faith hadn't drank anything yet, she was busy wiping off the perspiration beads from the bottle.
"Yo, Faith" Ty said, from across the table.
Faith looked up, "What?" she asked.
"When you said you needed a beer, I thought you meant to drink, not to play with"
"I'm just thinkin'"
"About?" Sully prodded.
"Nothing much, just today"
There was a loud yell from the bar, and they all looked over to see some of the FDNY sitting at the bar. "I'll be back, gonna go check in on Carlos' hot date" Ty excused himself.
"Carlos got a date?" Bosco asked, unbelieving, "This I gotta see" he got up, "Be back in a bit" he told Faith, squeezing her shoulder.
"So" Sully continued.
"So what?"
"What's on your mind?"
"Ohhh" Faith let out a breath, "Everything.. I just.. do you think we make a difference Sully?" she asked.
"Yes" he replied simply.
"Do we really matter all that much, I mean, if Fate and all is true well... if something's gonna happen, it's gonna happen right?"
Sully paused, "You're having doubts about your job"
"Not doubts.. okay well doubts.. I just don't see how.. how we help, sometimes I feel like we do more damage than anything"
"I've thought about quitting"
"You have?"
"Several times, even the desk lady knows I'll never go through with it. I tried quitting after Davis' dad died, they wouldn't let me" he chuckled.
"Are you glad?"
"Yep. I've come to realise I wouldn't trade this job for the world. Too many things to be proud of. We help people day in and day out, risking our lives every shift, and get next to no pay, but I'm here, I love what I do"
"I've never really thought about it until lately" Faith confessed. "Fred was always pushing me to quit, because of one thing or another, but I kept saying no. Now that I look back, I don't know whether it was because I was just being stubborn or whether I really loved the job"
"What would you do if you quit?"
Faith shrugged, taking down some of her beer. "I dunno"
"There's your answer then" Sully stated, she looked at him oddly. "If you can't picture yourself doing anything else, there's nothing else you'd be happy doing."
Faith sighed.
"You know... Faith has a lot to do with it too" Sully continued. "I stopped believing in God when Davis' dad died too. I figured, if there was a god, how could he let this happen. I hated him for it, hated him for taking away my partner, my best friend and I simply stopped believing. Stopped going to church, stopped asking for help, because I believed he wasn't there. With so much bad in the world, how can there be a god, right?"
Faith stared at him, understanding it all.
"You know when I began believing again?" Sully asked. "I began believing a year after I met Davis. My old pastor was attacked by someone he was trying to help, and that little girl was missing, remember that?"
Faith nodded.
"Ty found her. That was it simply. No one else had found her through the shift, and yet, when we were ready to call it off and head in.. Ty spotted her in the middle of the night down by the river. Down by the River" he repeated. "You know how many assholes are down there? Well Ty just picked her out, a distance away, and I got out of the car to watch and she was just standing there, looking for her mother as though she'd gotten lost in the park. Not a scratch on her. And she was standing in about the only working light. Just.. there. I saw that happen, and suddenly I thought that there could be a god. Ironically Ty Davis had me disbelieve in God, and his son by the same name, got me to believe again. For every bad thing that happens, there's an equally good thing that happens, you just have to find out what it is. We're here for a reason, and bad things will happen, but we help make the good things happen" he finished softly.
Faith could of sworn his eyes had teared. Hers were too. She felt a presence at the table then.
"Did I interupt something?" Bosco asked.
"No" Sully said quickly.
"You won't believe Carlos, man he's such an ass sometimes. You know what he did? He dropped a perfectly good date because she lied about her hair color online, how's that for pathetic?" he asked, putting down a new beer.
He looked at Faith for a moment, then at Sully, "I did interupt something didn't I?" he asked.
"I'm gonna get some air Boz" Faith said, standing up and leaving her almost full beer on the table.
"You want company?" he asked.
"No, I'll be okay, I'm just gonna head around the block, I'll be back."
"Call me, if you need anything" Bosco told her.
"I will" she said, grabbing her coat from the chair and heading for the door.
"What's up with her?" Ty asked, coming over to the table.
Faith felt the cool air against her skin, and it felt good. It didn't feel like winter, didn't feel like just before Christmas. It felt like one of those days where you could see, and know, everything clearly. Just before it all went away again.
So much bad. Tatum dying last month after they'd found her. Her being shot. Her and Bosco being held hostage. Fred driving drunk. The divorce. The custody argument. Today.
She blinked back tears, without realising it she crossed the street, heading for the entrance to a small park. It might've been her imagination, but she could smell burnt wood and plastic in the air. And the chemicals used to put out the fire.
For the seven years she'd worked on the department, she'd seen bad, and worse. She'd seen kids killing kids. More car accidents than you could count. Suicides, attempted suicides. Hostage situations, robberies, robberies with casualties. How many people had died, how many people had been hurt or traumatized? She couldn't count, and yet, they were touching her deeply tonight. She couldn't tell anyone how many domestics her and Bosco had been called to in the past week. Maybe not even the past two days. How many fires they'd responded to, or how many gang wars or assaults. How many homeless people they'd seen. Stolen vehicles and vandilism.
She sat down on a bench, ironically placed there for a child who'd died in the park a few years ago, and cried for them all.
"Fine" Faith replied, "Just wanna get outtah here, I'm sick and tired of hospitals" she smield softly.
Bosco's arm was around her, "What are you two doin' here?" Bosco asked them.
"Shift just ended, we came to see how you guys were, whether you were comin' tonight or not"
"I don't think-"
"I'll go" Faith said quickly. Bosco gave her a dirty look, "What, after a day like this I can't go out and have a beer or two?"
"I just didn't think it was such a great idea, point being you've been through a lot today"
"Boz, I'm fine, we'll just stay for a bit, I need to.. get out and relax, I have a lot on my mind"
"Two beers" he said, looking at her.
"Yes mom" she replied.
Sully turned his head, laughing.
"Now that's a new one, I've heard him called Shit head, Bighead, ignorant.. but not 'mom'"
"Ha ha" Bosco remarked.
"So.. what happened with that fire"
"Not much, everyone got out okay after you left, four brownstones damaged though"
"How's that mother and her kids?"
Sully hesitated, "Upset, they had to take her in to the hospital, she went in to shock and they couldn't bring her around on scene"
"What about the kids?"
"With Child Services right now"
Faith's heart broke. Christmas and they lost everything. A daughter or sister, a house, their faith. They should've noticed it sooner. They should've seen the smoke, or something, they should have been in that house immediately. That little girl would be alive.
"How old was Emily"
"Four and a Half, no sign of a husband either, not that the woman's talking or anything"
"I need a beer" Faith stated, the day taking it's toll on her mind.
"Penny for your thoughts" Sully offered, once the four of them were nursing a beer.
Faith hadn't drank anything yet, she was busy wiping off the perspiration beads from the bottle.
"Yo, Faith" Ty said, from across the table.
Faith looked up, "What?" she asked.
"When you said you needed a beer, I thought you meant to drink, not to play with"
"I'm just thinkin'"
"About?" Sully prodded.
"Nothing much, just today"
There was a loud yell from the bar, and they all looked over to see some of the FDNY sitting at the bar. "I'll be back, gonna go check in on Carlos' hot date" Ty excused himself.
"Carlos got a date?" Bosco asked, unbelieving, "This I gotta see" he got up, "Be back in a bit" he told Faith, squeezing her shoulder.
"So" Sully continued.
"So what?"
"What's on your mind?"
"Ohhh" Faith let out a breath, "Everything.. I just.. do you think we make a difference Sully?" she asked.
"Yes" he replied simply.
"Do we really matter all that much, I mean, if Fate and all is true well... if something's gonna happen, it's gonna happen right?"
Sully paused, "You're having doubts about your job"
"Not doubts.. okay well doubts.. I just don't see how.. how we help, sometimes I feel like we do more damage than anything"
"I've thought about quitting"
"You have?"
"Several times, even the desk lady knows I'll never go through with it. I tried quitting after Davis' dad died, they wouldn't let me" he chuckled.
"Are you glad?"
"Yep. I've come to realise I wouldn't trade this job for the world. Too many things to be proud of. We help people day in and day out, risking our lives every shift, and get next to no pay, but I'm here, I love what I do"
"I've never really thought about it until lately" Faith confessed. "Fred was always pushing me to quit, because of one thing or another, but I kept saying no. Now that I look back, I don't know whether it was because I was just being stubborn or whether I really loved the job"
"What would you do if you quit?"
Faith shrugged, taking down some of her beer. "I dunno"
"There's your answer then" Sully stated, she looked at him oddly. "If you can't picture yourself doing anything else, there's nothing else you'd be happy doing."
Faith sighed.
"You know... Faith has a lot to do with it too" Sully continued. "I stopped believing in God when Davis' dad died too. I figured, if there was a god, how could he let this happen. I hated him for it, hated him for taking away my partner, my best friend and I simply stopped believing. Stopped going to church, stopped asking for help, because I believed he wasn't there. With so much bad in the world, how can there be a god, right?"
Faith stared at him, understanding it all.
"You know when I began believing again?" Sully asked. "I began believing a year after I met Davis. My old pastor was attacked by someone he was trying to help, and that little girl was missing, remember that?"
Faith nodded.
"Ty found her. That was it simply. No one else had found her through the shift, and yet, when we were ready to call it off and head in.. Ty spotted her in the middle of the night down by the river. Down by the River" he repeated. "You know how many assholes are down there? Well Ty just picked her out, a distance away, and I got out of the car to watch and she was just standing there, looking for her mother as though she'd gotten lost in the park. Not a scratch on her. And she was standing in about the only working light. Just.. there. I saw that happen, and suddenly I thought that there could be a god. Ironically Ty Davis had me disbelieve in God, and his son by the same name, got me to believe again. For every bad thing that happens, there's an equally good thing that happens, you just have to find out what it is. We're here for a reason, and bad things will happen, but we help make the good things happen" he finished softly.
Faith could of sworn his eyes had teared. Hers were too. She felt a presence at the table then.
"Did I interupt something?" Bosco asked.
"No" Sully said quickly.
"You won't believe Carlos, man he's such an ass sometimes. You know what he did? He dropped a perfectly good date because she lied about her hair color online, how's that for pathetic?" he asked, putting down a new beer.
He looked at Faith for a moment, then at Sully, "I did interupt something didn't I?" he asked.
"I'm gonna get some air Boz" Faith said, standing up and leaving her almost full beer on the table.
"You want company?" he asked.
"No, I'll be okay, I'm just gonna head around the block, I'll be back."
"Call me, if you need anything" Bosco told her.
"I will" she said, grabbing her coat from the chair and heading for the door.
"What's up with her?" Ty asked, coming over to the table.
Faith felt the cool air against her skin, and it felt good. It didn't feel like winter, didn't feel like just before Christmas. It felt like one of those days where you could see, and know, everything clearly. Just before it all went away again.
So much bad. Tatum dying last month after they'd found her. Her being shot. Her and Bosco being held hostage. Fred driving drunk. The divorce. The custody argument. Today.
She blinked back tears, without realising it she crossed the street, heading for the entrance to a small park. It might've been her imagination, but she could smell burnt wood and plastic in the air. And the chemicals used to put out the fire.
For the seven years she'd worked on the department, she'd seen bad, and worse. She'd seen kids killing kids. More car accidents than you could count. Suicides, attempted suicides. Hostage situations, robberies, robberies with casualties. How many people had died, how many people had been hurt or traumatized? She couldn't count, and yet, they were touching her deeply tonight. She couldn't tell anyone how many domestics her and Bosco had been called to in the past week. Maybe not even the past two days. How many fires they'd responded to, or how many gang wars or assaults. How many homeless people they'd seen. Stolen vehicles and vandilism.
She sat down on a bench, ironically placed there for a child who'd died in the park a few years ago, and cried for them all.