Hyzz! Back by unpopular demand, here's the second chapter of The Thing! By
the way, Monty Python stuff happens in this chapter, but Shakespeare
doesn't have anything until one of the later chapters.
The Thing: Chapter 2- Purple and the Waves of Stupidity
Purple: Yay! Tenna's dead! Party! Wait, you don't look so happy * to Spooky
*.
Spooky: I miss Tenna. I miss having someone insane enough to talk to me. I
would gine a year's supply of snacks to whoever could at least find out how
she died! And what's with the extremely funky horror of the Spongebob
mask?!?! It won't come off!
Purple: Snacks?! Sign me up!
Spooky: Really?! I'm so happy! * thud * Spooky dies on the floor of a heart
attack, but leaves in the will that if Purple finds out why Tenna died, he
gets a years supply of snacks. Why Spooky couldn't just ask Tenna when they
died, I don't know * spoken in a Gir-like voice *. Remember, this is going
along with the stupidity theme.
In Tenna's Basement.Gir has hooked himself up to the power amplifier
yet again and has sent out mass waves of stupidity throughout the first
floor. ( Of course you know people such as Purple were affected, if you
can read the title of this chapter. Can you? CAN YOU?!?!?!)
Purple: So, Pepito, how do you think Tenna died?
Pepito: She watched the tape that kills you with a bunch of her friends.
Then she saw "the thing" and died a week later. The tape is at "The Killer
Lives Here Inn". Go watch it so you can die too, my father is paying me for
collecting extra souls!
Purple: Okayzz! And since I am under the influence of something that is
making me act very stupid at the moment, and this IS a parody of a horror
movie, WAZZUP!!!!!!!!!!!!
Pepito: WAZZUP!!!!!!!!!
Rest of the kids in Squee's class who are also in the basement: WAZZUP!!!!!
Purple: Hehehe! I should be leaving now! * goes to "The Killer Lives Here
Inn" on "The Island of the Elephant Suicides". *
At the Inn.Ms.Bitters, of course, is at the register.
Ms. Bitters: And what are you bothering me for?
Purple: * still stupid * Um. I want to go to cabin 777 and watch the tape
that kills you.
Ms. Bitters: This will cost you dearly. First you must answer three
questions. 1. What is your name?
Purple: Purple.
Ms. Bitters: 2. What is your quest? Purple: To watch the tape that kills you and then to try to find out a way to stop it before I die too, even though it would have just been easier to destroy the tape since I already know it killed Tenna and I can get the snacks now. Ms. Bitters: 3. If two trains leave Cleveland going in opposite directions, going at 70 miles per hour, how far apart would they be after 2 hours? Purple: What color are the trains? Ms. Bitters: I don't know.AAAAAAHHHHH! * is pulled back into the hellhole that is Pepito's basement. * Pepito: Alright! Thanks Purple! * slips something into Purple's pocket. * Purple: * arrives at cabin 777 just as the sun's light hits a tree's leaves in a way that makes everything in the cabin look red. * Whoa! That tree is turning everything red! It looks like dooky blood! Hehehe! * inserts the tape in the microwave, the sink, the toilet and finally, the VCR. * The tape had the following images, a jack-o-lantern chewing someone's head off, someone sleeping as they read a really boring fanfic, a person hurling their guts out, and Britney Spears stuff. Oh, the horror of the last thing! The musical accompaniment was "Hit Me Baby One More Time". Now you know why they are called horror films! As the tape finishes, the phone rings. Purple: WAZZUP!!!!!! Person on the other end: Hello, Cindy. Purple: Um.. my name is Purple. Person on the other end: Whatever. Anyway, you're going to die in 7 days. I must feed the wall, you know. Purple: Hehehe! You sound wacky! (It's Johnny!): AAAAHHH! I DESPISE THAT WORD! I WILL BE SO HAPPY TO KILL YOU NEXT WEEK! Purple: Why next week? This phone has caller ID, and it says you're right under the floor, Johnny. Johnny: My schedule is busy. You're not the only social maggot who has watched the tape, you know. As for caller ID, I love horror movies, and if caller ID is taking the fun out of the phone part, then I have to terrify others in other ways involving urban legends so someone can make a movie about that! Purple: Someone already did. Urban Legends One and Two. Haven't you seen them? Johnny: Oh. Well, then I want them to make more! * hangs up the phone * As the sun sets behind the dooky blood tree, the waves of stupidity suddenly wear off of Purple and everyone else back at the party, um, funeral. Purple: * stunned* What.. did.. I .. just .. do? Oooo! Susupense! Find out what happens to Purple and all of the other characters of fun insanity in Chapter 3!
Ms. Bitters: 2. What is your quest? Purple: To watch the tape that kills you and then to try to find out a way to stop it before I die too, even though it would have just been easier to destroy the tape since I already know it killed Tenna and I can get the snacks now. Ms. Bitters: 3. If two trains leave Cleveland going in opposite directions, going at 70 miles per hour, how far apart would they be after 2 hours? Purple: What color are the trains? Ms. Bitters: I don't know.AAAAAAHHHHH! * is pulled back into the hellhole that is Pepito's basement. * Pepito: Alright! Thanks Purple! * slips something into Purple's pocket. * Purple: * arrives at cabin 777 just as the sun's light hits a tree's leaves in a way that makes everything in the cabin look red. * Whoa! That tree is turning everything red! It looks like dooky blood! Hehehe! * inserts the tape in the microwave, the sink, the toilet and finally, the VCR. * The tape had the following images, a jack-o-lantern chewing someone's head off, someone sleeping as they read a really boring fanfic, a person hurling their guts out, and Britney Spears stuff. Oh, the horror of the last thing! The musical accompaniment was "Hit Me Baby One More Time". Now you know why they are called horror films! As the tape finishes, the phone rings. Purple: WAZZUP!!!!!! Person on the other end: Hello, Cindy. Purple: Um.. my name is Purple. Person on the other end: Whatever. Anyway, you're going to die in 7 days. I must feed the wall, you know. Purple: Hehehe! You sound wacky! (It's Johnny!): AAAAHHH! I DESPISE THAT WORD! I WILL BE SO HAPPY TO KILL YOU NEXT WEEK! Purple: Why next week? This phone has caller ID, and it says you're right under the floor, Johnny. Johnny: My schedule is busy. You're not the only social maggot who has watched the tape, you know. As for caller ID, I love horror movies, and if caller ID is taking the fun out of the phone part, then I have to terrify others in other ways involving urban legends so someone can make a movie about that! Purple: Someone already did. Urban Legends One and Two. Haven't you seen them? Johnny: Oh. Well, then I want them to make more! * hangs up the phone * As the sun sets behind the dooky blood tree, the waves of stupidity suddenly wear off of Purple and everyone else back at the party, um, funeral. Purple: * stunned* What.. did.. I .. just .. do? Oooo! Susupense! Find out what happens to Purple and all of the other characters of fun insanity in Chapter 3!